Friday, May 20, 2011

Good Lord, Make it Stop!

Just what we all needed: a John Edwards Sex Tape.

Don't politicians nowadays know about YouTube? The proliferation of recording devices? The predatory nature of the Press?

It's almost as if they want to be caught. Whether it's Ah-nuld, Johnny-the-Breck-Girl, the Clintoid, or French Communist Doofuses who believe 'Solidarity with the Masses' means attacking the Chambermaid with an elephantine boner.

I'm not going to go into the pathology which makes some men especially prone to fall into this trap. Let's just say that at it's basest level, it's a combination of ego, stupidity and poor impulse control. What really gets me about these guys,though, is that they never seem to find an attractive Sperm Receptacle.

Ah-nuld's mistress is even less attractive than his Maria Shriver.

I  once saw Monica Lewinsky on the streets of Manhattan and I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick. Hell, I'd think twice about even letting her blow me, and might seriously consider charging her for the privilege.

Not that Elizabeth Edwards was going to win any beauty contests (the woman was an absolute, ladder-climbing shrew, disregarding the beatification that took place in the press and liberal circles --sorry, that's redundant -- on the occasion of her death), but Rielle Hunter's no prize, either. You might, if it was close to closing time -- and you were drunk enough -- enlist her aid for a Knee-Knocker in a doorway someplace, but to keep her around as your On-Call Concubine? Unthinkable.

And what's with the video camera? What possesses a man to do the Horizontal Mambo with a chick and then record it for posterity? Especially when you're running for the Highest Office in the land, and susceptible to blackmail, or electoral disaster, should that stuff ever become public? How do you  have the balls to stand before the American Public and, maybe, say that you will Stand Up To Ahmadinijad, or Al'Qeda, when there's a tape of you floating around in which you're performing the act of cunnilingus (allegedly)?

And, naturally, it's somehow HER fault the damned thing exists in the first place. What an Asshole.

Then again, the current generation of American Political Leadership (three lies for the price of one) is perhaps the poorest crop...ever. They unfailingly display a lack of discipline, notoriously-poor judgement, a curiously-detached view of the world, a clueless unconnectedness with the Public and their views and ideals, and in the case of whom they choose to stick it to when no one's watching (they think) extremely poor taste in bunkmates. They posses these dubious qualities almost to a man.

In the case of Edwards, we dodged a bullet. I had once thought it impossible to have found a worse candidate for the Office of The President than Edwards, until Barack Obama came along, but I get the distinct impression that Obama, at least, can keep it in his pants (although, I have the sinking feeling that one day I'm sure to have been proven wrong on this).But then again, Barry is probably deathly afraid of Michelle and wouldn't dare.

Wouldn't you be?

The mistake these men all make, other than the decision to engage in adulterous affairs, is simply to hop on the first vagina that makes itself available. Expediency takes precedence over propriety, discretion, and even quality. Busy Men simply have no time to vet their concubines properly. Busy Men with giant egos and a sense of entitlement, hardly bother to make the effort at all. This is one of those instances where discretion is the better part of valor, but if you're going to do it anyway, at least kick the tires, first.

I was finally convinced that the Bad Dream that was John Edwards had, mercifully, gone away. Unfortunately, I discounted the ability of the (below-) average American Politician to be that indiscreet, and that arrogant as to believe that no one will ever find out about what complete scumbags most of them are. But now, Edwards has gone and done the impossible, and lowered my already-low opinion of politicians.

It's bad enough to be an adulterer; it's far worse to be one who leaves evidence of his adultery behind. That tells me you either want to be caught, or simply don't give a shit if you are. I can't decide which quality would have been potentially more dangerous in a President of the United States.

No comments: