Saturday, May 14, 2011

Newt Is In...

(Note: This was originally posted earlier in the week, but Blogger has had some major issues, and the post was lost. I'm re-editing and re-posting it, in case you've missed it).

Finally!! I guess all it took was a solid week of getting ass-rape-quality criticism about staying on the sidelines while Herman Cain pummelled the GOP second and third strings before Newt decided he had better get moving.

I've always liked Newt Gingrich. I've begged on this very page about 10 bazillion times for him to run for President (like anyone cares what I have to say on anything?). In a mano-a-mano debate Obama v. Gingrich, Obama would be sent home in disgrace, and possibly tears, because Gingrich is a lightbulb of intellect whereas Obama is merely a pale shadow.

Gingrich would expose the current occupant of the White House as the ill-informed, bulletproof-stupid democratic party apparatchik that he's always been. There is no speech that Obama could pull out of his teleprompter that could ever repair the damage caused by the vicious verbal beating -- on television -- that can be delivered by Newt Gingrich.
Now that Newt's in it to win it, let's take a good look at what we have to look forward to.

1. Gingrich has more experience, despite having been out of elective politics for the last 12 years, than about 2/3 of the current crop of GOP 'front-runners'. He has the.experience of having been Speaker of the House, and of having actually been in a leadership position in GOP politics. Gingrich knows how the System is supposed to work in Washington, and he'll stress this -- he knows how to get his agenda through the rocks and shoals of Congress -- as his main qualification.

2. Gingrich is a historian, and has a great store of encyclopedic knowledge at his beck-and-call, and with it, he can hammer his GOP primary, and democratic general election, opponents (most of whom, let's be honest, could probably find their own asses with both hands, on a good day). This gives him the ability to put modern events into a historical context, and then better communicate them, and his actions, to the American Public. People who don't study history are doomed to repeat it; which is one reason why the current crop of stone-dead-dumb and sycophantic politicians we currently have got us into our current predicament; they study history either not at all, or in the same way one studies a horoscope.

3. Gingrich is a True Conservative, and when I say that, I don't mean in the Bible-thumping, fire-and-brimstone-vision-of-the-Apocalypse sort of Conservatism, but the sort that recognizes that the job of a Conservative is to preserve the Constitutional framework under which people enjoy their rights, while stressing the reciprocal responsibilities of citizenship that come with them.

4. Gingrich, unlike Obama when he announced his candidacy,  has a record; it's called The Contract With America, and it was one of the most successful legislative agendas put forth by any politician in American history. It reduced spending, reduced deficits, caused Bill Clinton to 'end welfare as we know it', and led to a Republican majority in Congress. There's also an incredibly strong record on National Security and Tax Relief.

That's the good stuff. Here's the bad.

We will now be subjected to blood-curdling howls from both Left and Right about Gingrich's character flaws. The Panty-bunched, Keith-Olbermann Left will resurrect the myth that Gingrich was drummed out of the House of Representatives because of his funky ethics; this is untrue. No matter what (P)MSNBC tells you about the ethics investigation that 'killed' Newt Gingrich, he was only found 'guilty' on exactly ONE charge --out of 84 mostly-made-up charges -- and that was a paperwork screwup that was easily corrected, and in which it was found that the IRS fucked up because it couldn't even read it's own tax code..

From the Panty-bunched God-fearin' Right, we'll hear about what a rat bastard adulterer that Newt is, how he divorced his cancer-stricken wife on her deathbed, the affairs both real and imagined. The people who don't want their children to get Sex Education in the public schools will ensure that the political TV chatter will be about nothing except Newt's (alleged) penchant for parking-lot blowjobs.

Someone should tell these folks about irony, huh? Bill Clinton was a rat bastard adulterer who got blowjobs in the Oval Office, and he was elected twice. People don't care about that shit when they're either getting stupid rich or when they're unemployed. The FreeRepublic 'real' Conservative douchebags can crow all they want about Sex; in this political climate no one cares who or what Newt screwed -- they're too busy worrying about how they got screwed -- by their own government. Prior to 2006 (when most of the seeds of the GOP demise were sown,and the Federal Budget ballooned under GOP auspices) the Right was dominated by complete fucktards that the God-Guns-and-Gays wing of the GOP swore up and down were actual Conservatives, whom they practically begged to get elected.

But apparently, all it takes to be branded a Real Conservative by some of these voters is to go on national TV and call Jesus your favorite political philosopher (as GWB did), or tout the 'Family Values' line...until you get caught groping the Congressional Pages, or soliciting homosexual sex in an airport men's room. After that, they don't give a shit if you don't reform Medicare, don't get Bin Laden, make sure children get groped at the airports, the FBI listens in on your phone calls without cause, and you submit and pass budgets with gaping holes in them. The point being that I tend to regard anything a chest-thumping, self-professed "Real' Conservative says to be about as useful as teats on a bull.

That sort of Conservatives' obsession isn't political Conservatism as an expression of American Values; it's making sure that his religious views make their way into, and become enshrined within, Federal Law. Most Social Conservatives would want the government to put the Ten Commandments on a condom wrapper, if they could make it happen, so why take some of them seriously? They're often very nice people, but typically dumber than a sack of hammers. In an election year in which social conservative issues are likely to be far down on the list of the country's concerns, a Gingrich-type fiscal and constitutionally conservative dude could very well pull in the sought-after 'Independant' vote (i.e. people who are too dumb or disinterested to take sides until the very last second, only to jump on bandwagons, and who usually don't give a shit about Jesus) that drags a GOP majority with it in both 2012, and in the 2014 midterms.

I'm still up there for Herman Cain, though. Newt's got some work to do to get this boy's vote back.

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