Cat: The Other White Meat...

I knew there was a reason why I've always hated fucking cats. 

It now turns out that your feline pet is a deadly health hazard, a host for a parasite that has the ability to destroy you physically and mentally. Your cat is poisoning you, which, I figure, explains why it is that some people will spend their entire day surfing the web for pictures and videos of cats in "cute" situations or circumstances:

A cat frolicking in a laundry basket.

A cat in a cardigan sweater.

Kittens dressed up as Carmen Miranda.

A cat pouncing on the beam from a flashlight.

It's the cats driving their owners insane with a deadly disease that causes dementia and schizophrenia, and it's called toxoplasma. The "adorable" little animal you've been torturing everyone else in e-mail with is a killer.


Here's how your tabby is killing you by inches by delivering a baneful parasite right into your living room.

Your cat is killing you, and probably everyone else it comes into contact with. Don't worry: it'll soon be covered under Obamacarem, and when some "caring" individual of democratic (small 'd' intentional) political persuasion gets wind of this, there will certainly be a national feline registry, and a ten day waiting with a background check before anyone buys a cat.

When pussies are outlawed, only outlaws will have pussies. Your housecat may have killed more people than my gun (zero), or Ted Kennedy's car (at least one that we know of). We should arrest and summarily convict every cat owner, just on general principles, anyway. They're sick individuals.

It is a common theme over on Instapundit that the solution to the problem of invasive or troublesome species is to simply find a way to eat specific pests. I figure Barack Obama has already tried dog, perhaps he could make an example of a few tomcats, and get the ball rolling. Once the lemming-like mentalities on the Left see their Great Leader eating cat, with a nice arugula-and-organic-goat-cheese salad and a crisp chardonnay, of course, they'll follow suit and the problem will soon work itself out.

 Grimalkin Under Glass, anyone?