On Morons and Elections, Part I....

I had pretty much decided some time ago to no longer devote time to this blog. I have so many other things to worry about, after all. I need time to work; I have a sick girlfriend who requires a great deal of care; I wasn't making much money with the damned thing, and so it became a pointless exercise in shouting in the wilderness that returned nothing for the energy devoted to it.

I was resigned to turning out the lights and locking the doors, leaving this little patch of cyberspace in much the same state as a Pharaoh's tomb, which is to say, something left undisturbed for centuries until some douchebag with too much curiosity and time on his hands might accidentally find it to plunder it's dank, musty mysteries as he saw fit.

But there's another election coming, and with elections, you can always count upon three things happening:

1. The morons come out of the woodwork.

2. The morons need to be put in their place.

3. I am, by nature, unable to resist putting morons in their place.

215 Reasons Why Liberals Suck...

My, but we're approaching rarefied air, here! Who would have thought that when this list first began, we had but 50 piffling reasons why Liberals suck? If anything, the continued existence of this list and it's prolific expansion are testimony to the continued powers of super-human suckitude possessed by the modern Progtard!

They should be proud.

Actually, they should be shot, but that's against the law, unfortunately.

Once again, I cannot claim credit for all of these; I have simply collected them from all over the place, and present them here for your reading pleasure.

160 Reasons Why Liberals Suck...

The Hits just keep on comin'!

It has been a very long time since this list began with merely 50 Reasons Why Liberals Suck, and the passage of time has simply allowed the modern liberal (small 'l' intentional) to continue to demonstrate the very special species of brain injury that underlies their philosophical and ideological outlook on all things.

You can read the last iteration of this series, 145 Reasons Why Liberals Suck, here.

In the meantime, enjoy this expanded list and take a moment to have some pity upon the poor souls who...I hesitate to say "think"...in this fashion. And then realize that these assholes, at present, hold many positions of responsibility in the Modern World, and see if you can figure out just why it is that things seem so ingloriously fucked up.

And then get angry...

145 Reasons Why Liberals Suck...

My, how far we have come! It seems like only yesterday (I believe it was 2003) when this meme began here on this site with a short list of 50 Reasons Why Liberals Suck, and the last decade has proven -- once again -- that liberalism (small 'l' intentional) is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Like AIDS.

This new fusillade of anti-Libtard observations was prompted by a website (which shall remain nameless, because it's a virtual internet sewer of stupidity) that re-posted one of the earlier iterations of it without my permission nor a back-link, violating, at the very least, internet etiquette rules, which resulted in my mailbox being jammed with angry and derisive e-mails from people who are happy to tell you that while they appreciate and wish to defend Free Speech, what I've posted equates to a permission slip for any crackpot to kill a liberal on sight, and as such, should be condemned as Hate Speech for having the potential to incite violence.

You can read the last iteration of this list here. For now, the new-and-improved list has been bolstered by the addition of 20 new maxims about liberals and their wrong-headed policies. Without further ado, here are 145 reasons Why Liberals Suck.

The Circular Firing Squad...

Darwin was wrong.

The idea that living organisms evolve in order to take advantage of the circumstances of their environment, and adapt to changing conditions in order to assure the survival of the species, is belied by the existence of a certain subsection of the American electorate which is apparently so stupid and so stubborn that they are doing everything in their power to ensure their own disappearance.

And in the process, make life hell for everyone else.

This strange creature, which seemingly has embraced suicide as a strategy, is a certain brand of person who goes by a most deceptive, inaccurate, and self-bestowed appellation.

They call themselves "True Conservatives".

The GROFT Principle...

Back in the days when I was a young computer operator, I had a supervisor who, for lack of a better term, was a southern redneck. I mean a real hillbilly plowboy, a tobacco-chewin’, country-music singin’, flannel-wearin’, swaggerin’ farmboy from the inbred regions of South Carolina (which covers about 96% of the state). Why, he was so Southern he pissed moonshine and crapped fried chicken.

But that’s beside the point. In retrospect, nearly 30 years later he turns out to have been one of the smartest people I have ever met. He typically would use a colorful turn of phrase to get a point across (“Why, that boy looks as nervous as a whore in church…”, “That generator ain’t turnin’ out enough power to pull a greasy string from a whore’s ass…”. Harry was obsessed with whores, but this was how he talked), but that was only ever a means to an end. He knew that if you wanted people to remember something, you had to give it them in a way that they would remember it -- so that it would stick.

A Friendly Letter to Evangelical Christians...

Dear Evangelical Douchebags,

This is to inform you that I will no longer defend you in any political arguments that I have with Libtarded Obamabots. You have shown, by your otherwise inexplicable reluctance to vote for Mitt Romney in the last Presidential Election -- probably because Pastor Bob told you he was a Mormon, and thus, the next, best thing to a devil worshiper -- that you are no longer worthy of the effort.

By staying home on Election Day, you allowed the agents of the Anti-Christ (Obama and the democratic party) to win.Your inability to let your good sense override the dictates of your phony-baloney religion has allowed Evil to prosper, and in the process, you have failed in your responsibilities to your country and your fellow Man.

I hope that make-believe God that you grovel and give money to is busy striking your names off the Rapture list as we speak.

I used to defend you, even if I didn't agree with you, to Libtards, but no more. There is no defense for what you have done, and now the rest of us will have to suffer for your "principles". No wonder the Romans wanted you dead.

Please kindly take those Bibles you thump and thrust in people's faces and shove them up your collective ass. Sideways. I hope your rectums bleed from the massive number of papercuts that the book of Revelations alone should inflict.

I hate to have to say this, but Julian Bond was correct -- there is a Taliban Wing in the GOP, and they sat home on Election Day. They have done more damage to this country than the real Taliban ever could.

Fuck You and Have a Nice Day.

Signed,

The Lunatic

The Bureaucracy Strikes Back...

Sometimes, you just have to wonder what the fuck it is that we're getting for our tax dollars.

If you live in the State of New Yorkistan, I would say you're getting jack shit. And when I say this, I should clarify:

1. We are NOT getting a government that works smoothly and efficiently.

2. We ARE getting a government which is apparently run by rhesus monkeys who, on a good day, might be able to find their own asses with both hands and a flashlight..

The long, sordid, and all-too-sickening tale of this Lunatics battle with the mindless bureaucracy of the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles seemed to have the proverbial light at the end of that tunnel. But, alas!, the rhesus monkeys have found a way to annoy me yet again.

If you haven't heard this story before, then I suggest that you read this, this, and this, and then you'll be up to speed with this entire tale of woe.

And then you'll probably want to either laugh or vomit. Probably both.

Just Sayin'...

Profile This...

The Scene: A local coffee shop, this past Thursday morning.

Your favorite Lunatic has just sat down to read the menu, knowing full well that no matter what is on it he will order his "usual" -- two over easy, sausage and bacon, home fries, wheat toast, orange juice and coffee -- when he becomes aware of a conversation at another table not 5 feet away.

"Becomes aware" is a polite way to put it. Actually, the two young men engaged in this conversation (it was more like a monologue with one man haranguing the other who could do little more than shake his head, occasionally mutter "word!", "I heard that!" or "I feel you, Brother!") were speaking loud enough to wake the dead.

It became apparent, from both the tone of the conversation and it's subject matter, that this was done on purpose -- that is to say, that the subject was being brought up loudly and obnoxiously so that others in the coffee shop would be made to feel uncomfortable.

That's because the two men speaking were black, and the majority of the clientele was white.

And An Internet Meme Is Born...

Great article on the decline of Detroit by Mark Steyn.

People Are Effin' Stupid...

You know, I've always held a notion that you can learn a lot about human nature sometimes by just sitting back and watching how people behave from a distance.

Then again, you could also find yourself scratching your head wondering how it was we managed to climb down out of the trees and invent frozen pizza and thermonuclear warheads when you actually stop to consider what most people are doing.

It's incredible that we have survived as a species.

Weiner, Spitzer..There's a Blowjob Joke in There, Somewhere...

I would like to post an open letter to the voters of New York City.

I'm quite worried that many of you will do something so unthinkable, so mind-bogglingly stupid, so counter to your own interests, and actually take seriously the candidacy for public office (or should we say Orifice?) of one Anthony Weiner, infamous Twitter Dick Pic distributor, and one Elliot Spitzer, notorious Sex-with-a-hooker-while-wearing-black-socks aficionado.

The Jihadis Are After Me...

There has been an increase in traffic to this website from a particular Arab website.

I figure I can expect either a lawsuit or a letter bomb just about any day, now. I seem to have caught the attention of some official-sounding Arab organization, and it appears as if they have been searching this site for the term, of all things, donkey sex, in all it's permutations. Among other things.

Which tells me that whoever is doing the searching is probably in Pakistan,or a Pakistani living in the US, because according to Google the only country that routinely registers more online search engine requests for donkey sex than Mexico, is Pakistan. They're also Number One in gay porn and rape video.

But that's only because they can't be Numero Uno in economic productivity, production of Nobel Prize Winners, or Personal Hygiene, and mainly because Cricket -- the only thing they are good at, besides exploding -- is gayer than Ru Paul.

So, I can expect a cease-and-desist order or a visit from an "Imam" pretending to be reasonable, I figure, real soon.

The group doing the snooping, from the limited research I've done, is some sort of Pan-Arab clusterfuck of the sort that has been championed by the likes of Abdel Nasser and Saddam Hussein, which is to say a Pan-Arab-Ba'athist-Nazi sort of coalition of disaffected camel fuckers from every corner of the Islamic shithole states. Given this sort of pedigree and this sort of membership, I'm confident that any assassination attempt will fail utterly if only because the car bomber sent to do me in will accidentally set himself off prematurely as he performs his final rite of ritual masturbation leading up to the "Allahu Akbar!" moment.

In which case, he'll still get 72 virgins, only they'll all look like Danny DeVito, and have at least one chipped tooth apiece (think about it, Men).

Come and get me, you sheepshagging wife-beaters! I'll be more than happy to fuck you up if you show your faces around here. Mohammed Atta couldn't kill me with a 757 and that was your first string.

Random Thought for Today...

I'm thinking President Obama is in Africa this week just waiting for Nelson Mandela to die, so that he can be photographed as being "Johnny on the Spot", ala Je$$e Jack$on, re: MLK.

In other words, Obama is there to wave the bloody shirt and assume the mantle of  Universal Uber Black Icon just as soon as Nelson gives up the ghost.

This explains a few things....especially why this "official visit"  seems to be going on forever.

That is how desperate Barack Obama has become to establish some sort of "Legacy": he's willing to waste $100 million to travel halfway around the world and hover over Mandela's deathbed like a fucking vulture. For....?

Oh, right: so someone can snap that dramatic picture (we can only hope it's black and white, because that makes it ever so much more 'dramatic') of Obama paying homage to the Great Man of History while simultaneously picking up his fallen mantle. If they can get Winnie Mandela to even be within seventeen feet of Odoofus (dare we dream? Perhaps actual physical contact between the two?), it's an even better image.

Maybe Morgan Freeman can reprise his typical "Magic Negro" role in the film version?

Otherwise, one wonders why Obama didn't just mail the usual ironclad-claptrap-semi-retarded speeches in? It's not like he's had anything to actually say to these folks that he hasn't already worn our ears out with, is it?

Japan Needs Another Nuking, Methinks...

Apparently, two were not enough.

Now, I don't mean to pick on the Japanese. I have spent a great deal of time with many Japanese people (I once worked for two Japanese companies) and have found the majority to be regular Joes and Janes, and only a few would be what one could charitably call "eccentric" on one end of the scale, and "full-blown, wild-hair-up-their-asses insane" at the other extreme.

And let's face it; you have to admire a country that has soldiered on successfully in the wake of multiple earthquakes, tsunamis, utter defeat in war, and Lord only knows how many visits from Godzilla and Gamera.

Between the B-29's, Pacific Plate, atomic radiation-produced freaks of nature and at least one visit from the Top Gear guys, Tokyo has probably suffered more and worse disasters than the Carter and Obama Administrations, combined.

However, in recent years, it seems the Japanese have collectively gone batshit insane.when it comes to the subject of sex. And one need no more proof of this than a quick thought about the newest sexual fetish to strike the Land of the Rising Sun.

Eyeball licking.

Well, What Did You Think Would Happen?

Liberals' issue with the Patriot Act and the other extraordinary police powers given to the Executive Branch in the direct aftermath of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks was NEVER about Civil Liberties, Freedom, or the even the Constitutionality of it all. Despite the lip service they paid to such concepts back when.

It was always that those powers were going to be given to the likes of a Bible-thumping, anti-abortionist, right wing, gay-hating, dumb-as-dogsqueeze George W. Bush, and his would-be Reichsfuhrer, John Ashcroft, first.

Oh, I imagine that this whole regime of Orwellian surveillance could be worse:

The American People could have been really stupid and elected Hillary Clinton. Can you imagine what She and Bill would have done with this sort of power?

Of Bicycles and Horny Moose...

Two totally unrelated stories that I will quickly...ummm...relate...for you by the time this is finished.

Really, I promise!

The first story has to do with the rank stupidity of government here in New Yorkistan. Our Reichsfuhrer...err, Mayor, Michael Bloomdouche...errm...Bloomberg is known to be a freak when it comes to bicycles. In fact, Mayor Mind-Everyone's-Business is a freak, period, but that is beside the point.

Lunatic: 1, Bureaucracy: 0

Oh, happy day! It has finally happened! I have finally been able to prove to the knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing,  unionized high school dropouts at the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles that I, your humble correspondent, do exist!

I have just received my brand, spankin' new New York State Photo identification card. The one I've been seeking like it was the Holy Fuckin' Grail for five years now. If you're not familiar with my trials and tribulations on this subject, you can read about them here and here.

I'll wait until you're up to speed....

Arguing With Idiots...Or Liberals...

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