Friday, June 10, 2011

Weiner Steps on the Weiner...

You knew this was coming. It was unavoidable.

Police question 17-yr old girl who had contact with Weiner.

Gonna resign now, Douchebag, before the cops haul your ass off to jail?

In one of those delicious ironies, as Ipost this, I'm watching Special Report with Bret Baier on Fox, and Kirsten Powers, an ex-girlfriend of Anthony Weiner who's part of Bret's panel this evening, has just been asked to comment on this tidbit. She dodged it nicely,but you could see that she wanted to go home and scrub thoroughly with Brillo.

(H/T JammieWearingFool)

More King Hearings on the Jihadi Mindset...

Rep. King to hold hearings on Muslim radicalization within the American prison system.

All you have to do is to come and ask me all about the problem, and we can save everyone a lot of time, and effort, and taxpayer money. But I guess that would mean that a few politicos would be denied face time on television, and the opportunity to pretend as if they’re working, so that’s why it’ll never happen. Here’s all you need to know about the problem of Islamic Terrorism:

1. Muslims are a naturally-violent people. It comes from living in a desert where resources are scarce. They have a long history of horrific violence towards one another and outsiders, and an intimate relationship with murder and killing -- and that was BEFORE they married this murderous instinct to a made-up-by-a-child-molesting-douchebag-sorry-ass excuse for a religion.. Mohammed was like that guy at the end of the bar who’s always saying “Wouldn’t it great, if…”, and then actually went out and did it.

Mohammed is Norm from Cheers… only with a work ethic.

People who take their philosophy and direction from Norm-like figures are people simply too stupid and dangerous to be left alive.

2. Most Muslims are little better than inbred baboons who are incapable of understanding the most basic of concepts required to turn them into good little citizens of the world who might be expected to respect the rights and beliefs of others. In a perfect world we’d have nothing to do with them at all, and we could all go back to that blessed state of ignorance that existed before September 11, confident that the sandy little bastards are of no more account than a hangnail. Left to their own devices they can’t even get a liquid substance which naturally percolates UP out of the ground without our money, expertise or technology. In some parts of the world, they’re even incapable of growing food for themselves. Certainly not the best examples of the Human Genome.

And thanks to generations of cousin marriage these mental deficiencies – a casual relationship with murder, the cultural inferiority complex, the inability to think for themselves, Desert Nomad ideals regarding the Right Makes Right dialectic –  are now permanently part of the Muslim’s DNA. Allowing it all to creep into the Western gene pool is sort of like deliberately infecting everyone you know with Ebola.

3. The only scientific or social advances to have originated in the Muslim world over the last 700 years have been the invention of the suicide belt packed with nails, the IED, the RPG ambush, and the creation of a systematic etiquette surrounding bestiality. Islam is simply a system whereby the worst excesses of Human Nature are given a normative or even heroic value, so long as one can torture scripture to justify one’s actions and the violence is directed against the enemies of Islam, real or imagined.

The average Muslim is a vandal, a rapist, a thief, a liar, a slave master-in-training, convinced that he is destined to rule the world, and that all who oppose him will either be dead by his hand or his rightful slave when Islam finally creates the world-wide Caliphate. He creates nothing of value, and seeks to appropriate, by force or threat, that which belongs to others, and calls it God’s Just Reward. His religion and his culture encourage him to behave this way.

4. The Muslim mindset is firmly ensconced in the 7th Century, and nothing short of a massive high-explosive enema is ever going to jolt them into the Modern World. Instead of ‘Bringing Democracy’ to the Middle East – where that word has no meaning, and no Muslim knows just what freedom is, or what it’s good for – we should have just kicked ass, left a smoking wasteland and poisoned landscape behind us, and left these lunatics to scrabble for survival, fighting one another over thistles and mud puddles.

5. As a means of stopping the disease that is Islam from spreading any further, might I suggest that we employ two very simple and effective countermeasures; stop importing these douchebags and start killing them on the battlefields of the Middle East in great numbers. They won’t assimilate, because God says they can’t, they aren’t ‘jealous of our freedoms’, and they can’t be reformed so long as they’re attached to their religion. We’re only allowing the disease to spread by giving Islam the opportunity to find fertile ground amongst our disaffected and criminal classes, and we’re ensuring that there will be another generation of inbred violent retards willing and able to take up the jihad because the penalties for an act of war upon the West seem to be massive doses of foreign aid, McDonald’s, new school buildings and the introduction of penicillin, and not the annihilation of life, property or culture.

If the Islamic world had the means and opportunity to do to us what we can do to it, they wouldn’t hesitate to do it. We’ve been pussyfooting around this fact for a decade now.

Islam is like a weed: it must either be pulled up from the root, or it must be killed before it strangles the life out of everything that grows around it. Holding hearings on the ‘root causes’ of Islamic Extremism is important, yes, but if it doesn’t lead to the right conclusion (we’re in fight to the death with an enemy who will not surrender unless beaten within an inch of his life) then this is all theatre which serves no good purpose.

The solution to the problem of Islamic terrorism is to apply the lessons we once learned fighting other foes motivated by a caustic ideology or religious imperative:

Remember what we did to Nazi Germany?

Remember what we did to Imperial Japan?

While trying to learn as much as possible about our enemies' motivations is important, it's also important to remember that fanaticism is difficult to overcome without doing great violence to others, and in a way that makes it unmistakably clear that the fanatics are simply on the wrong track. Until someone is suffering inhuman pain or misery they will NEVER stop to question the validity of the cultural imperative that has driven them to start this war.

This is unfortunate, yes, but sadly necessary. Until the Average Jihadi in the Street is convinced that he cannot win, that his methods are next to useless, that his experience has no answer to the misery about him, that his institutions are unequal to the task of carrying on the fight or worthy of his continuing loyalty, this conflict will continue. Only the total defeat and collapse of the Islamic regimes across the Middle East will ever begin to bring the possibility of peace.

And you can forget about all that stuff happening in Egypt, Libya, Syria and Yemen right now: that's not the long-anticipated liberation of the Arab Mindset. These people may be screeching 'Democracy' but not in the way we understand it; they aren't reform-minded individualists who seek a pluralistic society and free-market economy, they are rioting in the streets for the shortsighted goal of obtaining the right to have a choice in which kleptomaniac Fundamentalist Douchebag gets to oppress them and lead them to greater poverty of mind, pocket and spirit.

We need Congressional Hearings to figure this out?

To paraphrase an infamous Christian:

"Kill them all (or at least as many as we need to), and then let God sort them out..."

This is What Recovery Looks Like...

Obama Demonstrates Reverse Midas Touch, and Turns Everything into Shit.

Boy, I'm sure these folks are happy to be a knock-on recipient of that durned Stimulus Bill! This gives new meaning to the term "Trickle Down Economics", huh?

Newt, We Barely Knew Ye…

Boy, am I ever disappointed today. My cherished dream of watching Newt Gingrich wipe the floor with Barack Obama in a Presidential Debate just went down in flames with the resignation of just about all of Newt’s campaign staff.

I’ve been beating the drum for Newt since Christ was in short pants and knee socks, thinking that he was something that America needed – a right wing intellectual who understood the nuts and bolts of government and who also possessed the historical frame of reference I believe all good leaders should have, but I have finally come to the painful conclusion that a Gingrich Presidency would probably be nearly as bad as the Obama one has been. Primarily because Newt is a procrastinator.

We already have a President who looks like he doesn't want to do the job.

I should have first recognized this when Gingrich took so long to finally announce his candidacy (like maybe six years?). I then should have realized that not only does Newt live and die by the maxim “don’t do tomorrow what you can leave until next month”, but that he’s also somewhat tone deaf: a Mediterranean vacation, a cruise no less, when you have the opportunity to start making your case to the public while The President is down? Romney can’t pay crowds to show up at his events, and Pawlenty is making the case that Brand X Dishwashing Liquid is every bit as good as your brand…so long as you don’t mind warts and chemical burns.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know: it’s still early. And besides, Sarah Palin’s “I’m Not Running” tour is, to quote the flapping rectums on television “sucking all the oxygen out of the Republican race”, so sitting on the sidelines for now may be a good strategy and all that bullshit, but let’s face it: Newt shot himself in the foot the day he called Paul Ryan’s Medicare reforms “right wing socialism”, and despite the fact that he’s right, the majority of the GOP voters (if not it’s elected officials) just doesn’t give a shit; they’re just in love with the idea that someone is ‘taking on’ an entitlement, and who gives a crap if it actually fixes anything? It sounds good.

You have to be a complete douche to screw something like this up, and under these circumstances. Barring some sort of miracle, Obama ain’t getting re-elected and the current crop of GOP ‘front-runners’ leaves much to be desired, in my estimation. Romney changes positions more often than I change my shorts, and being a Mormon could never garner the brain-dead Evangelical vote. Pawlenty is about as interesting as sawdust, and leaves one with the impression that he might be the result of some genetic experiment intended to discover the origin of the Boring and Numbnuts Genes. Herman Cain, bless him, is a nice man with some good ideas, but I’ve now seen him flounder about 30 times when asked a non-financial question that doesn’t seem to require a great deal of depth of thinking.

Michelle Bachmann simply weirds me out; it’s that staring thing she does, and it detracts from the fact that she is a smart-as-a-whip and attractive woman. Rick Santorum would be a fine candidate…if it were still 1948, or if women still wore hoopskirts. Sarah Palin’s I-don’t-know-if-I’m-in-or-if-I’m-out-you-betcha routine is starting to wear my patience thin, and I seriously tired of her months ago just from sheer overexposure. Right now, I wouldn’t follow Sarah Palin through my own front door. She appears to be doing what she does for the money, which is all well-and-fine, so far as that goes, but she’s not a viable candidate.

Right now, if you ran the numbers, Prostate Cancer is probably more popular than Barack Obama. A retarded German Sheepdog with a speech impediment and ties to several Neo-Nazi and Organized Crime groups could clean Obama’s clock. Even better, he’s going to be challenged from within his own party (you think Hillary Clinton is giving up that easily?) for the 2012 nomination. It’s almost gotten to the point where all anyone has to do to win the presidential election is to simply point to Obama and say “Really? Haven’t we had enough of this shit?” and practically coast to victory.

And all Newt had to do was to appear engaged, put Mitt Romney in his place, and shout ‘ObamaCare!” at the proper moments, but this wasn’t on his agenda, I guess.

It’s too bad.

So, now I will have to find another vessel in which to place my enthusiasm. This is going to be difficult because despite what the pundits say, the current crop of ‘professional’ GOP’ers on the slate may all be capable of beating Obama, but I find them most of them to be…what’s the word I’m looking for?...oh, right: assholes.

Worse, they’re the kind of assholes that snake-handling-Baptist rednecks like, which makes just about all of them persona non grata in my book. You should never, ever overestimate the taste or intelligence of someone who finds NASCAR entertaining, and who comes from a place where Crystal Meth and Keystone Light are the recreational substances of choice. Unfortunately the GOP has been wedded to a Southern Strategy since Nixon, and old habits are hard to break. So long as this is the case, we’ll continue to get GOP candidates who can quote Corinthians, but who don’t see a ‘reform’ of Medicare or Social Security as nothing more than keeping socialism on life support.

You could have done it, Newt. It didn’t look all that hard from here. But I guess work is not your thing, huh?

The Sexiest Woman in America...

…just would have to be a fictional television character. By the way, that photo is obviously Photoshopped and I didn’t do it: I simply found it on the web.

Flo the Progressive Insurance chick is, without a doubt, the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen. This is both exciting and a crying shame…and maybe a little disturbing, too.

Maybe it’s just me, but there’s something about that perky, quirky babe in her 1960’s up do, and 1950’s eye makeup, but if you’re a red-blooded ‘merican male, after a while you start to wonder just what is underneath that hospital-white apron and the ‘tricked-out nametag’, and what the Unicorns and Glitter girl just might be like in the sack.

And herein...ahem... lay (sorry) the genius behind Flo: She’s cute. She’s lovable. She’s so goddamned girly. And a far cry from what's available to the Average American Male.

It’s a pity that in Modern America most women fall into a category somewhere between ‘rabid piranha’ and ‘wounded wolverine with cramps’. Nearly fifty years of feminism has made your average babe about as approachable as a bear trap with a hair trigger. Women today are nasty. They are suspicious. They have a chip on their shoulder that causes a good many to consider anything with a beard and testicles to be a rape just waiting to happen. Where feminism hasn’t destroyed the natural affinity between Men and Women, it has fed the Modern Female with a great deal of other nonsense with which to clutter their brains; a Woman, they say, can do anything a Man can do, only better. And maybe this is true under certain circumstances, unless, of course, it requires brute strength, an ability to whizz standing up, or squashing spiders. It has also created a mindset wherein Men are often seen as dangerous, unnecessary, or, at best, an accessory.

Feminism has also dictated that wherever possible a woman should feign to think and behave as Men do, which is kind of a screwy idea since no Woman can think and behave as a Man does, if only for the simple fact that they’re not Men. Instead, women get their ideas of how they believe Men Think and Behave from the worst possible sources – the media, some book written by a half-baked therapist, or Cosmo, and until recently, Oprah. Nothing like getting advice on how to act like a Dude from another Chick. This has produced what I like to privately call “The Bruno”; a woman who goes out of her way to behave in a most unladylike manner, usually laboring under the deluded belief that she's ‘liberating’ herself. This sort of woman is combative, she uses foul language casually, has tattoos, tells dirty jokes that might even make me blush; she probably takes up a trade that once was the sole domain of Men (usually something to do with power tools, because they are a symbol of masculinity, and in a pinch, vibrate a lot).

Bruno doesn’t want you to come near her. You can tell from her demeanor, and the puss on her face that could curdle used motor oil. She bares her fangs and threatens to kick your ass if you do come near her, and if she decides that she will, indeed, have you, she reserves the right to be the aggressor. She's learned the Art of Wooing Men from watching re-runs of Oz. If you ever try to turn the tables on her, or can't figure out her convoluted system of when to treat her like a woman, and when to treat her as whatever the fuck she wants to be treated like at this very second, she gets pissed and tells you to fuck off.

That’s when you don't find one from the other end of the spectrum: the complete, sperm-burping sluts who never met an STD they didn’t enjoy passing on, usually out of spite or stupidity.

Flo, on the other hand, seems infinitely approachable. She seems friendly. She’s so naturally feminine. If you aren’t turned on by that then there’s something wrong with you, Homeboy.

But, alas, Flo isn’t real. She’s the invention of an advertising agency and a rather talented comedic actress. I’m almost positive that a ‘real’ Flo must exist somewhere in America (there had to be a role model, after all), but I have yet to find her. This is the greatest tragedy of all…for Men all over America.

If there were a million Flo’s, there’d be a million more happily married couples, I should think.

Why, if Anthony Weiner had had a Flo to go home to he wouldn’t have to momentarily stop rubbing one out to type “Baby, that feels sooooo good…” into his Blackberry, and trying exceptionally hard (shit,I had to go there, didn't I?) to make it sound convincing, and perhaps never daring to put his Congressional career at risk. If Arnold had a Flo to go home to, he wouldn’t be banging hideously ugly domestics…or hideously ugly Kennedys (sorry, that’s redundant), either, for that matter.

And before someone (usually some frigid, trailer-trash, diesel-dyke-bitch with a Community College Sociology Degree) starts accusing me of harboring some sick male fantasy of wanting to return to the ghastly days of the pre-sexual revolution, when Women were mere kitchen slaves and baby-makers, mere objects to be put upon a pedestal and fawned upon, I want you to think about just how liberated Flo truly is:

She has an important job. One, incidentally, she seems to enjoy immensely, and one in which she appears to have a great deal of responsibility. One gets the impression that Flo runs the entire operation there at the Progressive Store, and in some of the commercials she’s seen training her male colleagues in the in’s-and-out’s of the insurance business (oops, shouldn’t say ‘in-and-out’ in reference to Flo, someone might get the wrong idea), and sometimes giving them orders and directions. She’s obviously the leader of All Things Progressive Store.

Flo dances to the beat of her own drummer. She can be flighty, but is always serious about the business of insurance. She’s funny and witty, and in her own way, as sharp as a tack. She appears to be one of those ‘people persons’ I keep hearing about but never seem to actually encounter. Flo talks to everyone in the same friendly and helpful manner, regardless of race or sex. She doesn’t seem to notice such petty distinctions in any way whatsoever. Flo is never judgmental, she’s never harsh, and you can never imagine a four-letter invective flying out of her mouth.

One almost believes that Flo never uses a bathroom; when she has to answer Nature’s Call, you imagine a flock of snow-white doves and little pink elves descending from the skies to take it away for her.She's sweet, she's pure, you could never in a million years attribute anything dirty, unseemly, or disgusting to her.

But Flo has a rebellious side, too, you know; She knows and loves her motorcycles (she rides a 950 V-twin, in case you’ve forgotten), and yet somehow she always manages to pull that helmet off with her exquisite and meticulous hairstyle completely unruffled, with nary a bug in her teeth, her make-up undisturbed, and her virgin-white apron showing proudly beneath her leather jacket.

Flo is simply an awesome chick, in all respects. If all THAT isn’t the true Feminist Ideal – without the perpetual and figurative water retention – then I don’t know just what the fuck is. No man in his right mind would even dream of cheating on Flo. If there were more Flos, there'd probably be fewer homosexuals, too, and if not, then they could at least share eyeshadow.

You can keep your Miss Americas; you can have your surgically-enhanced “Real Housewives”; you can forget every Supermodel (except Kathy Ireland or Brooklyn Decker, maybe?) that has ever graced the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Editions, and I’ll take Flo over them every goddamned time, hand’s down, and twice on Sundays.

One of these days, when the Japanese finally perfect the Companion Robot, they could do far worse than to use Flo as their template and then mass produce the shit out of the sucker. The American Market for a robot that’s based upon a facsimile of a fictional woman that is far more appealing than most real live ones is a guaranteed money maker.

It might even save the Japanese economy.

You couldn’t produce a Flo Robot in this country, primarily because the Indian and Chinese Engineers we’d have to import know jack shit about Sex and girls, but mostly because the mere suggestion of it would send some Femzilla into a hissy fit for the ages (mostly out of jealousy), complete with lawsuits, boycotts, crying, and the withholding of sex….from someone….assuming someone would want any from a woman like that.

I’d like to see that potential Feminazi Champion hop right up on her Menstrual Cycle and challenge Flo to a bike race, if only to see Flo leave the bitch in the dust.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

The Sorry Tale of Anthony Weiner…

The most aptly-named man in Washington, D.C. finally admitted to what the even the dumbest amongst us already knew, yesterday, and made a crying spectacle of himself on national television. Anthony Weiner did, indeed, shoot little beefcake photos of himself all over the internet to various women (he says six, but that’s probably no closer to the truth than his insistence that he was ‘hacked’ by right-wing hit squads was). He also admits to some telephonic heavy breathing, which is a vision that has firmly burnt itself into my mind's eye, much to my distress.

The entire apology/self-crucifixion production became surreal when Andrew Breitbart , the man accused of being Weiner’s ersatz hacker just happened to be in the neighborhood, and at the behest of the drooling press took over the event, demanding an apology while informing us that he has even more pictures of Weiner in even more compromising positions. This suggestion makes me fervently hope that my infected mind’s eye will do me a great favor and go blind before those are ever released.

There’s much talk amongst the flapping rectum class on television about Weiner’s ‘political future’. Only in America, and most annoyingly, only in New York, could a Congressman so obviously mislead the public, dissemble so unbelievably brazenly about the facts of his misdeeds, make a public penance in which he has to follow the man who’s been wrongly accused of wronging him, still consider it possible to have a career. Only in New York could such a man, who has a Congressional Ethics hearing or two in his future, probably an irate wife who can’t wait to rape him in the divorce trial (if she doesn’t divorce him after this, even if there’s no actual sex involved, she’s a retard), be considered worthy of having a Political Future.

Sadly, Congressdouche Weiner stands a better than even-money chance of being re-elected as things are now, barring some new revelation that one of his phone/e-mail playmates was underage, or a foreign spy. If it should turn out that one of Weiner’s phone friends was another man, the people of his district – where IQ is measured by that quaint expression ‘room temperature’; after all, they’ve already voted for the most insufferable asshole I’ve ever seen in my entire life six times, so they must be the cream of the crop, stupid-wise – even that wouldn’t stop them from voting for Congressman Chronic Online Masturbator.

Some would see it as an opportunity to vote for the first apparently bi-sexual member of Congress (so far as we know). That’s how liberal they are; voting for Weiner is a badge of courage.

Besides, here in New York we’ve come to expect that out elected officials are criminals, serial adulterers, or sexual deviants, vis-à-vis Rudy Giuliani, Eliot Spitzer, David Paterson, Eric Massa, Chris Lee, and now Anthony Weiner.

Hell, Charlie Rangel never met a tax he didn't write the regs for that he wouldn’t happily dodge, and he’s still in office.

I watched this sorry spectacle yesterday, and wanted to puke. The first vomit-inducing portion was the part where Weiner said “I will not resign”, which I thought was absolutely outrageous. Just a few weeks ago, a New York Republican (Chris Lee) resigned from office after being caught doing the same exact thing that Weiner has done, and there was no week-and-a-half of lying involved, there were no false accusations against a journalist, there wasn’t a ten day ordeal of press conferences where we’re arguing over the meaning of ‘certitude’, and the man in the crosshairs flounders in lawyerly language like Shelley Winters floundered in the flooded ballroom of the Poseidon Adventure.

The second thing that made me want to expel my lunch at terminal velocity was the use of the word ‘apology’. Weiner said ‘apologize’ or ‘I apologize’ what seemed to me to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 times. He apologized to his wife, his family, his staff, his ’constituents’ (i.e. the brain-dead legion that would have pulled the lever for him so as to keep the hot-and-cold running food stamps and Section-8 housing flowing, unless he’d admitted to child rape or tossing puppies into a wood chipper), Andrew Breitbart, but at no time did it ever appear to me to be sincere. Perhaps that’s because I have an instinctual dislike for Weiner that rivals the hatred between cats and dogs, or maybe it’s a by-product from having to listen to him lie out of both sides of his mouth, and his rectum, simultaneously, on ever subject under the Sun for a decade-plus.

Weiner claims to take ‘responsibility’ – another word he used profusely and unbelievably -- for what he’s done, but he truly hasn’t. Had Weiner a responsible bone(r) in his body, he would have resigned yesterday. That’s what responsible, truly sorry people do. Then again, he’s a democrat, so there you go; democrats are neither responsible, nor hardly ever sorry about anything.

Anthony Weiner didn’t ‘apologize’ profusely yesterday because he’s genuinely sorry. He’s apologizing and paying lip-service to accepting responsibility because he’s been caught. He’s apologizing because he got caught in such a stupid way, doing such a stupid thing. He’s apologizing because it’s part of a ’damage control’ operation, and the public relations experts told him that it’s time to come clean and at least appear to be contrite (note, however, that Weiner only ‘comes clean’ after irrefutable evidence is suggested of his guilt. Without it, he would have continued this charade for years to come). That series of apologies you saw yesterday was not of a penitent man, baring his soul to the world, begging forgiveness.

That was a man who’s come home drunk at three in the morning, smelling of perfume, lipstick smeared on his collar, and the used condom still stuck in his zipper, begging his wife to unlock the door, pleading ‘Honey, can't we talk this over?’.

Men, as a rule, do things because they can, or because they want to. Scale Everest, split atoms, fly to the Moon, or fuck the secretary with the big tits, and many of them never actually stop to consider the implications or consequences of their actions, especially where the sex drive and ego are concerned. We are biologically hard-wired to take risks, to ignore doubts and fears, and screw everything that moves. Nature made us this way, and it’s only a very smart or dedicated man who is able to control his baser urges.

When you look like Anthony Weiner, the very poster child for birth control, and have the arrogance that comes with power and the fawning adulation of the press – perhaps the laziest and dumbest class of people yet discovered -- that intelligence and dedication quickly flies right out the window. Add the possibility of sex to ego and poor impulse control, and you’re headed for disaster. Facilitate the roller-coaster-to-Hell with a medium that provides (some think) a measure of anonymity and distance, and you’re talking a sure-fire atomic explosion of stupidity.

Weiner’s first mistake was to get full of himself. His second mistake was to fail to engage his critical thinking skills (being a liberal democrat, we may question as to whether he possesses any). His third mistake was to choose mediums where the possibility of getting caught was somewhat remote (although, as we all know, nothing is private in Cyberspace, and even phone bills can be quite instructive). His fourth mistake was to make a habit of it. The final mistake was to believe that he could scrub the record clean, after the fact, brazenly lie about the entire…ahem…affair…and then, after the dust settles, continue life much as he did before, maybe taking a few extra precautions but not much more.

I can promise you: even after being put in a delicate, to say the least, position by the initial discovery of Weiner’s underpants pictures, Weiner would have gone right back to Greasing the Pelican and sending dick pictures online just as soon as decently possible. It’s a compulsion; a mere routine, it all becomes a part of Life, just like the morning commute, the tuna-salad-on-whole-wheat for lunch everyday, the three-martinis after work, the evening newscast, and brushing your teeth before bed.

No, Anthony Weiner was never sorry enough to realize just what he was doing and then stop doing it; he’s only sorry that we found out what he does with his Blackberry, and the thought that the public might believe he’s Yankin’ his Crank While Texting finally got that long-forgotten-and-suppressed shame reflex to kick in.

So, what’s next for Congresscritter Weiner? Well, to judge from past sex scandals (this may be the first where no actual sex, only the suggestion of it, took place. See how the Internet and social networking are changing our lives? When a politician says “I did not have sex with that woman…” and a computer is involved, you can actually half-way believe him! Weiner might give a whole new meaning to the term ‘Palm Pilot’.), the step after admission is usually, and oh-so-painfully-predictably rehab.

Congressman Weiner may be the first famous (or is it now infamous?) Internet Sex Addict. When Weiner makes that announcement -- I'm a sex addict -- his wife will be standing right next to him (somehow, the wives must always be seen as standing by their man, even when their man is a complete douchebag. Although her absence yesterday was telling); there will be the usual rigmarole about personal reflection, ‘my Faith in God’, and ‘coming to terms with the realization that I have a problem’, but dickhead still won’t resign, naturally.

There is a Congressional Ethics Committee investigation coming. Considering that democrats usually don’t find anything wrong with deviant behavior by one of their members, it’s merely a formality. It’s a kabuki play intended to lull the public into the false belief that, indeed, Congress can be trusted to police itself, which is complete and utter bullshit given the history of Congressional Ethics Investigations of the last 40 years. Weiner will receive but a light tap upon both wrists and told to sin no more. If they’re smart, they’ll take his Blackberry and Smartphone away, and cancel his subscription to AOL (people still have those?).

Despite all the public mea culpa, despite the coming-soon orgy of putting all his psychoses on public display, despite all the talk about ‘responsibility’, deep down in what passes for his black soul Anthony Weiner still thinks he’s done nothing wrong. He still believes he’s a victim…of something…but not of hubris or stupidity. Somewhere in his tiny little mind, he still feels justified in what he has done, and can’t believe people would make such a big deal out of such a little thing (I mean the scandal, not his Little Thing, per se). He’s wrong.

We’re the victims here. A sitting Congresscritter making a casual mistake with his send options on Twitter has just told everyone in the Solar System that he’s dumber than dogshit, and ripe for blackmail. He’s just told the American public that far from his usual insistence that he’s ‘fighting for the common folk’ he’s instead spending a great deal of time taking pictures of himself in the buff, e-mailing them hither-and-yon, hitting up women half his age. His subsequent actions – trying to delete the incriminating photographs, inventing a weak conspiracy theory cover story out of whole cloth, accusing an innocent man of potential criminality, stonewalling, misleading the public and press, lying to his wife, and the Staff or other members of Congress who may have defended him – show the character, or rather, lack thereof, of the man. If he’s capable of lying about this, what else has Anthony Weiner lied about? If he’s capable of going to these extreme lengths to avoid having the truth come out, what does that say about the benefits or veracity of anything he’s ever voted on?

And finally, his Twitter Bunnies are going to be exposed to public scrutiny. Two already have. I wonder if either will make an attempt to find Monica Lewinski and ask her how her career and life have gone after she was identified as the paramour of a once-powerful man. Everywhere she goes, men probably ask her to do her famous ‘Cigar Trick’, and automatically assume she’s up for a little ‘Executive Action’ at a moment’s notice. Monica had at least one saving grace in her favor: the Internet was in its infancy, and public memory is often short. For these women, once they’re publicly identified, Weiner’s Weiner will be permanently stapled to every job application they ever fill in.

They might as well have actually done the deed for real, because for all intents and purposes Anthony Weiner has shackled each with a permanent, electronic, Pearl Necklace.

And the Happiest Man in the World Today is Arnold Schwarzenegger, because Anthony Weiner just took the spotlight off of him, at least for the foreseeable future.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don't...

I have to admit that even I, someone who normally doesn't care what people might think of me for speaking my mind, am often hesitant to wade into this subject. But it unfortunately will not go away, and the subject requires -- for good or ill -- a deeper dialogue. Really, what it requires more than anything, is a closer scrutiny of some of its more vocal advocates and their underlying motivations -- or at least an examination of their pathology. Someone is going to be offended by this post, but there are larger issues beyond just mere offense in this debate.

Cornell West says Obama isn't Black Enough.

I stopped listening to Cornell West...oh...about five seconds after I first heard him speak some 30-odd years ago. It wasn't worth the effort, because the man is a one-trick pony and his solitary schtick is "White people suck and they owe me" which, you have to admit, is probably great for selling books or getting yourself on television, but as a philosophy or governing principle by which to live your life leaves an awful lot to be desired.

What, pray tell, would Professor West ever do if all this imaginary racism he sees dried up? What would one do with all that free time? Considering that Professor West is dumber than a sack of dog crap and probably too set in his ways to change careers, I can imagine he'd find some new target for all his old stupidity. He’d maybe just find a new target for all of his old nonsense and take up anti-Semitism as a full-time job. Same Full-Strength Bullshit, Brand New Package. I can just see the new-and-improved Cornell West Show already:

"The Jews suck and they owe me".

It worked for Al Sharpton, you know.

And if the inhabitants of Jesse Jackson's Hymietown should ever cough up a few bucks, it'll be on to "Native Americans suck, and they own casinos; someone give me some free poker chips and comp me a t-bone!"

It doesn't seem to matter just who sucks in Professor West's worldview, just as long as someone pays him for either pointing it out, or better yet, just to shut him up and make him go away. I'm sure that according to the Good Professor that Ronald Reagan sucked, so too George Bush (both of them). I'm petty confident that if you searched West's writings and rantings, you'd find that Bill Clinton must have sucked at some time, as well (that's when Monica wasn't sucking, of course -- anyone remember the first First Black President?), Jimmy Carter was probably a Plantation-owning Cracker, LBJ the next best thing to Massah. So why shouldn't Barack Obama, in his own way, suck, as well? The hatred stems not so much from the Man, as it does from West's requirement that Black America must always have an adversary. You would think that with the elevation of Obama to the White House (that name is raaaaacist!) a Brother could get paid to shut up and go away, already!

Because that’s how you score brownie points with a Cornell West: you pay him to go away.

I believe the real underlying motivation behind West's criticism of Obama, not to mention that of a slew of other prominent African-Americans, is the subject of Reparations for Slavery. Professor West, and a great many others, can never come out and say as much because if they did they would subject themselves to increased scrutiny, and a ton of criticism and approbation (which should only be reserved for White People in his little universe) that will ultimately cause them to fail in their quest. The virulent emotional aspects of their arguments will always be overcome by the disinfectant of open debate. If that debate truly begins, the logical and reasonable case for Reparations (are there any?) runs into the foes it cannot defeat: facts, logic, legalities, the Constitution. The Cornell Wests of the world know this to be true in the same way they know that 100 follows 99, but actual success on this front is not the important part; the truly vital component of this debate is that it should continue strictly for it's own sake, because this is how people like Cornell West earn their livings. If the Blue-Eyed Devils ever actually paid up, then Cornell West might have to find himself a real job.

Many subjects in modern American Life are handled in exactly the same fashion. Cornell West has a vested interest in stirring up racial animosity and extorting other people's money in the same way that the Feminists have a vested interest in insisting that a 5' 2" 105-pound woman makes an excellent firefighter, infantryman, or high-steel worker. The Poverty Lobby has an interest in keeping people poor by denigrating the value of work, or by encouraging dependency, otherwise tens of thousands of government workers (an oxymoron) would have to compete for salaries in the private sector, and find themselves at a distinct disadvantage. The money, the fame, the attention, the political clout, comes not from achieving measurable success or proving theory to be correct, but from continuing to excuse and justify failure. Success, then, becomes a matter of how long you can continue to beat the same dead horses and still make a buck out of it.

Remember the heady days of post-election 2008, when your television screens were full of people all hopped up on Hopenchange, and pumped by Yes We Can? Remember the subtexts of the Obama Victory Orgy:

"Barack Obama is gonna pay my mortgage and put gas in my car!"

"Finally, we have someone who will pay attention to the African-American community in the White House!"

"Barack Obama will heal the racial divide in this country"

"Barack Obama is gonna spread the wealth around."

Until, of course, he does no such thing, and the folks who made some of these comments, or wrote the Tingle-up-the-leg-inducing speeches, realize that the Reality of Obama is nothing like the Promise of Obama.
Really, how do you 'heal the racial divide' when you're called 'unauthentically black' by the likes of Cornell West? Doesn't that tell you that even people who make their living railing against the evils of racism truly have no desire to see it ever go away?

Let's put this on the table: I dislike Barack Obama. I don't dislike him because I think he's a bad man, I just think he conned his way into Office and had nary a clue, nor workable solutions, for the problems this country faces. He didn't create the mess we're in, but he hasn't done much more than to ensure that which was knee deep has at least now reached our collective waistline. The first indications that Barack Obama was not prepared for this job (and let's be fair: who the hell is under such circumstances?) were his practice of announcing broad policy goals and then leaving others (lots of others) to hammer out the often-competing-and-contradictory details -- that's how we got a 2,000 page healthcare bill that no one, still, has read -- and all the time he spent in his first two years avoiding the job as if it came with a case of full-blown AIDS. Obama can do (often bad) ideas, he just lousy at execution (unless you’re Osama Bin Laden).

That's how you get Stimulus that hasn't stimulated anything, and for which the only thing 'shovel ready' was the Stimulus Plan itself. Obama’s policies are how you got nationalized banks and automobile companies, and a 9-plus–percent-and-persistent unemployment rate. You get $5 trillion in new debt in just two years, and a Federal Reserve that’s just printing cash like Monopoly Money. A devalued dollar, falling exports; the only thing that’s rising these days seems to be people’s bile. Not to mention that we seem to have a President who's always someplace else when there's an oil spill or plague of tornados, who doesn't do the Presidential Inspection-and-Sympathy Tour in the Aftermat. He, rightfully, deserves some criticism.

But not of this kind, nor this vicious. And the criticism from some quarters has little to do with real problems or solutions, and everything to do with who gets what, and when the hell is it coming? Cornell West can't say this, but you just KNOW he's thinking it every time he opens his piehole.

Barack Obama is caught in a classic "Damned if you Do and Damned if You Don't" dilemma. The expression comes from the days of the Salem Witch trials, when a bunch of insane religious zealots (sorry, that’s redundant) started killing each other because God told them to, I guess. It's funny how God keeps telling people to kill each other despite all that crap about "Thou shall not kill...", but that's beside the point. One of the ways one could supposedly tell whether the accused was truly a witch was to bind her up in a burlap sack, suitably stuffed with stones, and then toss her into a pond. If she floated, she was a witch, and therefore, to be burned at the stake or hung. If she didn't, well, you get the idea...

President Frequent-Flyer-Miles is in sort of the same shoes. If he openly espouses a program of Reparations (a popular idea for some in the dingbat wing of the Civil Rights Peanut Gallery), then he's unelectable in 2012, or probably ever again, and then truly cements his place in History as an even worse President than Jimmy Carter. If Obama plots a more moderate, deliberate, incremental course, then he's a traitor to his race (the Black one, not the White One, curiously enough), a foot-dragger who alienates the voters he needs to stay in power, who will then stay home in huge numbers two Novembers from now.

One could make the argument that Obama has already begun the process of paying Reparations, but for political purposes he just can't call it Reparations.Then again, some people are too dumb to notice that which is right in front of their nose unless it itches or causes them physical pain. Reparations are where you find them, though you sometimes have to look a little harder than you normally would. The reason why Obama's Reparations-in-Effect-Without-the-Name are so hard to discern is because the policies often have secondary political motivations that can't be openly discussed without giving the game away, and since President Obama seems to have so little personal, hands-on time invested in his own ‘policies’, he probably doesn't even realize it himself.

Cash for Clunkers? A form of Reparations, with the added benefit that the secondary market in used car parts is destroyed, thus forcing people to buy government-owned GM's new 'green vehicles' when they can't keep Old Paint on the road any longer. Good for ‘The Poor’ who may have never owned a New Car before in their lives (amazing, our ‘Poor’ have privately-owned automobiles, even if they are secondhand ones!) and keeps the Watermelon Environmentalists (Green on the Outside, Red on the Inside) happy…or at least quiet, since most environMENTALists can never be happy short of every human being on Planet Earth dying.

Tax credit for first-time home buyers in a down housing market with a glut of inventory and impossible credit requirements? Reparations -- with the added benefit that millions that missed the days of easy-credit, no-money-down, no-points, government-insured home loans get one last bite at the apple...before they eventually default, too (which makes them eligible for the next program, see below). By then, it's hoped, the problem – millions of more people with upside-down mortgages, demanding relief -- will have been dumped back into some Republican's lap, and the Democrats have a campaign issue for 2016.

Mortgage renegotiation schemes that are intended to wear the banks out with legal fees until they just give the damned house away because it's cheaper than paying lawyers? Reparations. And by the way, if you signed a contract without first reading it, obtaining professional legal advice, or without realizing that something is fishy when a bank wants to give you $250,000 to buy more house than you can afford when you only make $40,000 a year, you aren't a 'victim of predatory lenders', you're a fucking idiot.

ObamaCare? Reparations, with the bonus that it will probably kill enough (elderly) people at the upper end so as to fund itself at the lower, and make democratic party voters for life out of millions of illegal immigrants when Amnesty (disguised as Comprehensive Immigration reform) finally passes. If you think the entry-level job market is tough for African-American males now, just wait until 12-15 million illegal border-crossers can now work legally while continuing to undercut wages, and get taxpayer-funded open-heart surgery, to boot.

"Investments" in Education? Reparations. Because after all, everyone deserves a worthless grammar school education, and then a High School Diploma you can’t even read, followed by a free bachelor's degree in Gender Studies, Ebonics, Lesbian Latina Dwarf Literature, Medieval Plumbing, Gay Astrophysics, Holistic Basket Weaving, Conflict Resolution, Environmentally-safe Gun Repair, and World Peace from only the finest Community Colleges, as these are the real jobs of the 21st Century, and it keeps the Teacher's Unions, College Professors, and Professional Grievance Mongers who are the Democratic party elite happy, too.

Green Energy Jobs? Reparations -- only in a more subtle form: the idea is to dispose of excess wealth, resources, and labor without actually increasing anyone's standard of living. If we can't all be made equally rich, we'll at least all be made equally poor. One might as well bake millions of loaves of bread and then run them over with a steam roller, catch herring by the billions only to dump them back into the sea, or build one million skyscrapers and then set fire to them, for all the good Green Energy does.

And every Obama Policy seems to have this duality about it. It’s why the man can never explain just what any particular policy is supposed to achieve, and why every few weeks he has to go to some staged event before a hand-picked crowd (probably all given free drinks beforehand) to pound his Bully Pulpit over, and over, and over, and over; Obama talking to autoworkers in Peoria. Obama talking to firefighters in Cleveland. Obama talking to teachers in East Woody-Buttfuck. The speech is always the same one; only the Potemkin Village ever changes.

The problem for people like West is that such policies don't put cash directly into someone's hand -- definitely not his -- so that they are made obvious, and they often have benefits for other groups which either cannot be avoided, or which were deliberately intended for political purposes. West's beef is that he believes that having achieved the highest office in the land, a Black President should be A BLACK PRESIDENT, and screw everyone else, and that Barack Obama should cease to be that which he is: a politician.

And when Obama doesn't come through in the manner in which the Cornell Wests expect -- Obama doesn't sign checks, he doesn't rail against the "injustice and inequality of the system" even when it isn't there, he doesn't attack the "White Power Structure" directly and forcefully, he isn't acting overtly "Black" enough to suit West's tastes -- then there must be something wrong. And, naturally, because people like West still live in the 1950's and haven't realized this is the 21st century where reality reigns supreme and the romantic notions of class and race struggle have largely been thrown back onto the dustheap of history where they belong, it must be because Barack Obama is a either a puppet of Wall Street, or a self-hating House Negro.

West’s rhetoric is straight out of the 50’s and 60’s, maybe because that’s where his head is too. Well, at least that’s where his head is when it isn’t firmly-and-smugly lodged up his own ass.

The Pot calls the Kettle Un-Black -- for lack of a check -- and then demands to be taken seriously? And that's before we even get into West's seriously-flawed and antiquated brand of politics (we'll leave that discussion for another day, perhaps?).

The problem with Barack Obama, from West's pint of view, is that he isn't handing out money on street corners while we still have some left to hand out, and the hand outs that are being given aren't being given directly and solely to African-American recipients in an openly brazen fashion . There's no "In Your Face!" factor like you would expect a real and open program of Reparations to contain.

No Cash and No Flash.

I'm quite possibly being a bit harsh on the Professor, and maybe simplifying what to him (because he's a doofus) is a subtly more complex question, I may be ascribing motivations to him that I can only tenuously prove, at best, but I don't think I'm being unfair. I figure that when a man starts throwing out insults and making arguments that can't stand up to the least bit of scrutiny then there must be questions of money, prestige, or influence, at stake. I learned this in my first week on Wall Street. The first rule of Management is "Never be in the room when a decision is made", and the second one was always "When it doesn't make any sense, find out who's getting/not getting paid."

As to the question of Reparations; no one is getting any from me, if I can help it. My family came here at the turn of the last century -- after Abolition and Reconstruction -- we didn't come here on the Mayflower, we never owned a plantation, we never owned a slave, thank you very much. I don't believe in the silly leftist idea that guilt spans both generations and racial lines. So far as I'm concerned, I owe no one anything. The Past is the Past, and if you're still angry at having once had to sit at the back of the bus, then I cordially invite you to come to the front ...and stand with the rest of us.

I distrust the words and question the motivations of people like Cornell West who have milked these often-painful issues like a prized dairy cow to make themselves rich, famous and influential without improving the lives of anyone they claim to be helping in any measurable way. Cornell West is a load of hot air with a PhD.