Saturday, September 25, 2010

We Dodged A Bullet....

John Kerry is a waste of DNA.

The American Public is too stupid to understand the issues that confront them, says Kerry.

Say what you will about the American People, Senator: they were at least smart enough to keep you and your Two-timing Poodle Boy from the White House. I guess you're still bitter about that, or maybe it's just that Ter-ay-zuh hasn't stopped hounding you to get back all her inherited millions that you squandered in the attempt.

It must be difficult living with a wealthy drunk who is capable of kicking your ass, and who probably reminds you of your failings and shortcomings as a man on a daily basis.

But really, must you take your sense of frustration, the knowledge your personal inadequacies, the sting of your failures, out on us? We're not to blame: in the great choice between Giant Douche and Turd sandwich, we opted for Turd Sandwich (he, at least, didn't insult our intelligence, or try to dodge taxes on his foreign-built luxury yacht) , and frankly, some of us would dearly love for him make a triumphal return, given the current state of affairs and personalities.

Get over it, already: you lost to a man your party insists was a mouth-breathing doofus, and in retrospect, he looks more and more like a gold-plated Pericles in comparison to you and your lot with every passing day.

As an aside, I would like to encourage the Press in this country to stop talking to John Kerry, about anything. He's about as interesting as a piece of dry toast, and just slightly less-useful than mammary glands on a bull. He never has anything worthy of note to say, and his sort of condescending, old-New England money patronizing gives most people the piles.

Bedbug Problem Now Officially Upgraded to Crisis!

This changes everything;

Bedbugs found at Bloomingdales.

Some predictions:

Expect the rich folk to scoff at the treehuggers, whom they formerly loved so much, and demand that Congress allow the reintroduction of DDT in order to drive the vermin from their homes to protect their precious minks and Versace clothes!

Expect to see a lot of stories in the media soon about domestics being discriminated against because of their race and/or immigration status, as the oh-so-sensitive Upper East Side Twits starts firing the cheap, illegal labor that brought this plague into their expensive homes, and which may bring them great social embarrassment.

Expect the words "Guaranteed Bedbug Free" to start popping up in tony department and furniture stores in the very near future.

Expect landfills to start filling up with old mattresses and clothes, leading to the next ecological disaster to be milked for billions by the usual crew.

Remember: nothing is ever a problem until Rich Liberals are directly affected...and then it becomes a crisis demanding swift action!

You People Are Sick...

I really must thank Blogger. For while getting money that you've earned for posting Blogads may be a task on par with the Labors of Hercules, they at least have provided me with a nifty set of webtools that have provided several hours of unbridled entertainment.

I think I've mentioned this before: Blogger now provides some web analysis tools for it's bloggers that allows them access to certain kinds of information about their readers/visitors. So, I can tell where a visitor to this website comes from (country of origin), how they got here (search engine, crosslink from another website), and what search terms they used to eventually get here.

This information more than makes up in entertainment value whatever cash Blogger still owes me, but makes impossible to collect; keep it! I haven't laughed this hard or this much in years, and the laughter probably has a better therapeutic value than all the cash in the world! I've also puked more than any anorexic ever could, and have shed a pound or two.

Screw Jenny Craig; if you want to shed some pounds, checkout what some excuses for human beings are doing on the internet!

Some of this is just plain disturbing. Having access to some of this information makes me wonder about the future of the human race, and quite frankly, about whether or not this planet would be better off without us, or at least a few selected segments of the population.

The militant tree huggers just might be on to something...

To illustrate: the top search term (what you type into Google or Bing that might point you to this page) seems to be "donkeysexe". Let me assure you; this is not a typo. At first, I thought it might have been, but it isn't because it occurs far too often for it be an accident. Then I dug a little deeper (yeah, the thought of digging deeper into the realm of "donkeysexe" scared me, too), and what do you think I found?

The majority of the people who search the web for "donkeysexe" and arrive at this page come from...wait for it...the Middle East. Except for that truly disturbed person in Lichtenstein, and the obviously-undersexed asshole in Medicine Hat, the majority of the donkeysexe requests came from Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Dubai, and Turkey. The reason it's spelled the way it is, is probably because the Islamic censors in those countries have filtered the probably-more-accurate term "donkeysex", and the addition of the extra "e" spoofs the filters.

Now, having used the term at least 10 times in this screed, I can most likely expect far more visits from members of the "Pro-Human/Burro Relationships Community".

I wasn't even going to type the term in myself, just to see what this was all about, because, quite frankly, Ive heard the tales of drunken Spring Break vacations in Tijuana, and I don't want to know anything more.

I found this phenomenon both fascinating and disgusting. Fascinating because I have long believed that part of the problem of Islamic terrorism was to be found in sexual problems and dysfunction, and this pretty much proves it,to me at least. It's disgusting in the sense that we have perhaps millions of Islamic douchebags running around with a penchant for bestiality.

The next item on the agenda of "You people are sick" is the search terms "epiduo and low sex drive/low testosterone".

I have written about Epiduo in my Bad Medicine series. It is a skin cream used to treat severe acne. Apparently, it also takes the lead out of your pencil, steals the wind from your sails, and knocks the starch out of your collar. Actually, I don't know if it really does, I just wanted to string together a few metaphors that described impotence.

Anyways, this whole association brought a thought into my head (where it quickly died of loneliness); I cannot, for the life of me, remember seeing anyone walking about lately with the sort of severe acne that was pretty common when I was a kid. I mean, I don't see anyone with that horrific red-purple moon cratering that one of my generation associates with acne. Not a single "Pizza Face". Haven't seen one in years, that I can remember.

One reason may be that because of medications like Epiduo millions have been spared that kind of scarring. But now, come to think of it, the association of acne medication and low sex drive probably contains a far better explanation: there might still be millions of people with acne, but they can't procreate as easily as they used to. Bad Acne is being slowly bred out of the population! Talk about good news/bad news: you're face is now fit to be seen in public, but your pelvis bazooka is on the fritz! Personally, I'd keep the acne, if only to make sure my Wedding Tackle was in proper working order, and besides, women today practically throw pussy at anything with a heartbeat 24 hours a day.

Another disturbing trend: the number of people who have nothing better to do with their lives than to type "douchebag" into a search engine. Several score of you each week, by the look of things. Unfortunately, I'm going to attract this type of person to this site if only because that happens to be one of my favorite derogatory terms, but I would suggest that those of you who find this wildly entertaining perhaps should seek professional help.

You certainly are not going to get any tips about how to recover that feminine sense of "freshness" (wtf, are we talking about a salad or your crotch?) here.

Which brings us to our last "most unusual" search term. For the life of me, I can't figure out how this applies to this website, because I don't think I've ever covered the subject in nearly seven years of blogging. That term is: caught jerking off. Someone is typing that into Google or, and arriving here. Several times a day. I think they're leaving sadly disappointed.

I didn't want to, but the opportunity to gain yet another insight into how fucked up people are led me to do a cursory investigation of this topic, and the revelation was disgusting enough to cause my testicles to retract into my chest cavity (waiting for that one to show up in the report next week), as if they were desperately seeking emergency shelter from some great, impending doom.

Apparently, this is a Gay Thing. Gay Men all over the planet are seeking videos in which someone is caught Greasing the Pelican in a public setting, and deriving sexual pleasure from both the act, and the disgust/shame created when they're caught by their unsuspecting witnesses/victims. Personally, I don't see the appeal of Choking the Chicken in your cubicle, Working The Wang on public transport, or standing behind some Dude on line in a McDonald's somewhere with your John Thomas in hand, just praying that these activities will be caught on closed-circuit video, to be dispatched for the deviant entertainment of others across the World-Wide-Web.

If I caught you doing anything like that near me, I'd fucking kill you on the spot. And there isn't a court in the land, I think, that would convict me. Except maybe in San Francisco.

It is difficult to form a positive opinion of one's fellow beings when confronted by documentary evidence of just how truly sick some of you are.

But I have to admit, it's funny as hell.

Friday, September 24, 2010

The End of Cedar Grove...

Andrea Peyser in the NY Post talks about a little Staten Island community that has finally been destroyed by the Parks Department and City Government.

I know Cedar Grove. It's within walking distance of my home, and I've been there on numerous occasions over the last 30 years. It's a nice place, in fact, it's a great place. Or at least it was. It's also an example of what happens when private citizens are allowed to do things that City Government normally considers it's private domain -- except that in the case of Cedar Grove, everything actually worked.

The beach was clean. The water was clean. The houses were kept in good repair, and the landscape in good order.

Meanwhile, on the "government-owned" land on either side of Cedar Grove, there's nothing but filth...assuming you can even see the filth for the decades of overgrowth, litter, illegally-dumped garbage, dead-formerly-rabid-animals, abandoned buildings, abandoned cars, and the remains of who-knows-how-many potential Mob victims who simply "disappeared" one day.

That's probably why Cedar Grove has to go; it makes government look bad. It serves as a positive example to anyone who might have ideas about limiting the power and scope of government. It's a visible symbol that government cannot do everything, and that what it can do, it does ineptly and super-expensively, if it deigns to do it at all. And of course, this is New York City --- there has to be some money and graft involved in this decision somewhere along the line. The Parks Department can talk all it wants about "Public Access" to the beach; I'm promising you that sometime in the very near future that plan will be scrapped because of "budget constraints" or some such bullshit, and a shitload of "beachfront" cookie-cutter condos will be built on the site...courtesy of the well-connected real estate developers who will somehow manage to buy the property from a cash-strapped City for a ridiculously-low price.

Even in a down economy, where many people are defaulting on mortgages and lending is tighter than a virgin's ass, someone has probably figured out a way to make money on a real-estate deal in New York City. I wouldn't be surprised to find those future beachfront condos sold to the Upper East Side douchebags who find it inconvenient to go the Hamptons or Bar Harbor every single summer weekend, or worse, have the money, but not the social connections to even enter that world. Their shame at being rejected by their social betters must be assuaged by tossing working-class people out of their summer, and in some cases, only, homes.

We need more housing development and parks on this already over-crowded island like we need herpes. There's already nearly 500,000 of us crammed into a 12-by-7-mile-island, and we don't need anymore people here. Especially not the rich, snobby type. And we have more parkland here between the Gateway National Recreational Area, Egbertville Ravine, and the Greenbelt than some STATES (approximately 20% of the land on Staten Island is beach, parkland, or Federally-protected marshland/forest/wildlife refuges). If you like the Great Outdoors, fuck Central Park -- come here and ride your fucking HORSE through the fucking WOODS (you can still do that here!).

So, hard-working, good people, who have poured their love and sweat into their community have to be evicted to provide the nuveau riche with an imitation Myrtle Beach, and allow the politicos to pocket some more money from the real estate developers.

It's a crying shame. When I was a kid on this Island, you could go camping at Camp Pouch (owned by the Boy Scouts, now it too is up for sale), skate on Walker Pond in the winter (three blocks from my ancestral home), walk the forest trails that follow the base of Todt Hill, fish from the piers, and spend a day at the beach without worrying about stepping on used needles, or dodging the latest four-ton bit of rusting steel dislodged from a Chinese container ship entering New York Harbor. The marshlands along Great Kills beach didn't catch fire every year in a spectacular display that rivals any Californian wildfire.

This island has been ruined by the abject neglect, or greed, of our City Government. Our institutions are openly pissed upon. We're the butt of jokes in the media. Our neighborhoods are being destroyed by illegal immigration. Developers working hand-in-hand with City government -- which regards Staten Islanders alternately as provincial hicks or just the 20% of the City Tax base that can be safely shit upon -- have conspired to ruin a great place. The loss of Cedar Grove is just the latest blow to an island that is rapidly losing it's unique character.

The City should have learned a lesson after last spring's protests about a mosque being built in Midland Beach; there's only so much more we're going to take.

But I guess the City government is too busy salivating over all the money it thinks it's going to get by destroying an awesome neighborhood to think about that.

Reason #6,741 Why Your President is An Asshole...

Obama to U.N.: Fight Poverty with Prosperity.

No shit? Really? Thank you, Captain Obvious!

Fifty-three percent of the American electorate should be taken out and sterilized with a rusty farm implement, sans anesthetic, this day This is the fucking genius they've put in charge of this country. You all must be so proud.

It would be lovely if Mr. Obama were speaking from personal experience about Prosperity, but alas, he's talking out of both sides of his mouth and rectum, simultaneously.

This is a man who's never held a real job. His entire existence has been financed by someone else, in one way or another. His domestic economic policies -- which can be best described as "take every dollar you can find, steal, extort, print or invent, and then spend it six times" has hardly done much for the cause of Prosperity in this country. It's kind of arrogant of a man who understands nothing about the roots of true prosperity (personal freedoms and capitalism) to be preaching and lecturing to others about how to best achieve it.

As Obama put it "we're changing the way we do busness" by which he meant we'll soon be hanging out the 'Out-of-Business' sign, due in large part to his policies -- nationalize the banks, turn formerly-profitable enterprises over to the unions, assert government control over the insurance industry, tax everything within an inch of it's life, obtain control over your citizen's bodies, borrow as much money as you can from China and then lavish it upon the non-productive, who will do nothing but buy junk food and drugs, and vote democrat with it. In fact, if I were one of those dickheads at the U.N. that had to listen to this steaming pile, I'd be taking careful notes, but only for this reason: I'd listen to everything Obama had to say with the intention of doing the complete opposite once I got home.

Then again, the article did show he at least understands one aspect of capitalism:

Obama urged supporters, who paid as much as $15,200 to have their pictures taken with him, not to give up, despite recent polls showing potential big Republican gains in November.

Some idiots who have more money than brains paid fifteen-grand for a picture of himself shaking hands with perhaps the biggest dick in the universe.


Of School Buses and Dimwits...

There's a lot of stuff going on here on Staten Island involving school buses. The Department of Education (that's three lies for the price of one) is refusing to provide school bus service for 7th and 8th graders here on the island, a service that has been around for years.

The Educrats claim this is a cost-savings measure; local parents call it "bullshit". The parents do so because the DOE won't answer their questions, won't provide any information, and after two lawsuits, even the judge is beginning to ask just what the fuck the DOE is talking about.

Now, I don't have any kids (that I know of -- wink, wink) attending public school here in New Yorkistan. So, this shouldn't matter to me. But, it does, mostly because my nephew is one of the kids affected (more on this in a second), and because, well, any opportunity to piss on City Government and Mayor Doomberg is just too good to pass up.

My nephew is 11, going on 12. The school he attends is something like 3 miles (as the crow flies) from his house. Without a school bus, Mikey is forced to take a round-about route to get there: he walks 5 blocks (that's half-a mile) to the local train station, and after taking the train for 3 stops, walks another 5 or 6 blocks to school (taking the City bus is an adventure: The "Long" route requires 2 buses, and the "Short" route, 3. Suffice to say, you could walk the 3 miles on one leg and get there faster than if you took the City bus). Both ends of that walk require him to cross streets that simply were not designed for the traffic they now carry (most streets in this borough follow the same path as they did in Revolutionary War times), and the average Staten Island driver resembles a kamikaze pilot on speed -- with the added benefit that most can be counted upon to be texting, yacking on the cell phone, shaving, putting their makeup on, or wiping up the Starbuck's spill in their lap, anything other than paying attention to the road.

I would hazard to guess that your average Staten Island driver learned to operate a motor vehicle at a Demolition Derby school, and presumes that it is his/her God-given right to do 80 in a 35 zone -- in reverse and blindfolded -- if they goddamned well please. Crossing a street on this island is like taking your life into your own hands; these assholes all ride around in SUVs and actually try to panic pedestrians into crossing before the light changes, or they have to suffer the inconvenience of waiting another 3 minutes to make that all-important left turn that only takes them to the next red light.

Pedestrians? You get points for hitting those, right? Red lights? Those only apply to everyone else on the road. Turning lanes? What the hell is a turning lane? Even the sidewalks are often unsafe, as it's not unknown for drivers stuck behind one another on narrow roads to turn them into impromptu, personal express lanes. Provided there even IS a sidewalk -- in some neighborhoods, sidewalks are like woolly mammoths; no one's ever seen one, but you remember someone once told you they existed.

This is life in the Forgotten Borough of New Yorkistan, c. 2010.

The DOE isn't interested in saving money, but they can't go out and say what their real concern is.

Staten Island's White Middleschoolers get bus service, but the rest of the kids in the city --The Diversity -- does not.

Typically, this is because the Diversity lives in places where there is adequate public transportation, and where there's also more schools. This isn't the case on Staten Island, so it's not unusual for a Middleschooler to have to have a commute that rivals his parent's.

When the DOE Dingbat said, "Times are tough..." that is bureaucratic crapspeak for "Bend over and take it, Whitey". The fact that none of the DOE doofuses involved in this fiasco can tell you exactly why they're doing this, or how they arrived at the decision to do it, tells you all you need to know:

It's all about race.

When it doesn't make sense, when no one can offer a logical explanation, when someone cites cost when the agency in question wastes more money keeping hundred of teachers in Rubber Rooms, often for a decade or more, you can rest assured that we're not talking about a policy based upon logic or economy.

Someone must have gotten her panties in a bunch to discover that somewhere in New York City, white kids were getting chauffeured to school, and it rankled. Why, that's not fair to all the kids who have to walk three blocks to go to school! It's yet another example of institutional racism!

And so now a couple thousand schoolkids will have to dodge traffic, along streets that might not have sidewalks, prowled by idiots who know where the accelerator is, but treat the brake pedal as an afterthought, to get to a school that's further away from home than most of their parent's jobs. And some of them are going to get KILLED doing it. I can promise you that, because people being struck by cars is the second-leading cause of death on this island (right after Mob-Style execution).

If you want to know just how much about race it is, read some of the comments to this article left by the dimwit Libtards who signed in to tease the White Guys, and actually accuse those who oppose the removal of service of being racists!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I'm So Glad You've Wasted Your Parent's Money...

A new wave of hate mail came in this morning. A small army of college students (they must be college students, because the e-mail addresses all contained a .edu suffix) wrote to call me the usual laundry list of nasty names, and to look down their oh-so-superior noses at my shameless, out-dated, bourgeois attitudes about everything from Illegal Immigration to the Heartbreak of Psoriasis.

There's a general consensus amongst these Complete-Strangers-I've-Never-Met that I must be a fat, rich, Conservative, Christian hater, so lacking in basic human compassion and "awareness" (whatever the fuck that means), that I can spew forth the most vile and venomous hatred imaginable -- and that I'm probably getting fatter and richer while doing it. I know your "Professor" probably put you up to it, if only because your missives were all eerily similar; there's no way you came up with this utter bullshit on your own.

What can I say? You've caught me out! You're all so fucking clever! Boy, I wish I had gone to college and got me some of them kinna smarts! But, in my defense, please allow me to offer the following explanation for my disgusting misdeeds, so that you may better understand me and the great pain my privileged lifestyle causes. It is the burden of this incredible wealth that makes me such an asshole, you see.

You see, I awake every day at about 11:00 a.m. I do this because, well, I don't need to work, what with my enormous stake in all those child-labor-intensive tennis shoe factories in India. And the Chinese Recycled Puppy Organ factories (the ones my brokers got me into. That IPO just took off, dude!), which enables me to draw the most incredible dividends without having to lift a finger. Earning wealth? Why, I'm stealing so much wealth from the Deserving Poor, that I no longer need The-Job-I-Used-to-Get-Paid-Six-Figures-For-But-Which-Now-Belongs-To-Some-Douche-in-Hong-Kong-Who-Gets-Paid-15-cents-a-Week.

I make the Catholic Church, AIG, and Haliburton all seem like penny-ante operations!

Once I count up the overnight receipts, I get into my $3,000 Armani jogging suit (only fine South-African-Baby-Skin for me!), and take the gold-plated elevator down the 11 stories to the ground floor. I step gingerly out the front door, taking nary a step before I'm certain my Filipino Umbrella Boy is there to protect me from the deadly rays of the Sun. I walk down the flight of stairs at my front door (Whew! Four steps! I simply MUST put in an escalator), and gingerly step over the bodies of the thirty-or-forty people who died there overnight for lack of health insurance, ready to step into my sparkling, fossil-fuel-gulping stretch SUV.

I'm told it gets something like 4-feet to the gallon, highway

My transgendered-half-Haitian-half-Nicaraguan-three-quarters-Tibetan chauffeur, whom I beat three times a week, and pay 17-cents a month, opens the door for me before taking me for my morning constitutional to the local Starbucks -- four blocks away. However, because I fervently wish to destroy the planet with Carbon Dioxide, I instruct the driver to take me on a quick jaunt through Philadelphia. There, I make certain that I stick my middle finger out of the back window and laugh at "the working poor", who's only job seems to be collecting aluminum cans out of other people's trash cans, or fashioning crackpipes out of common household materials.

Still, it's an honest day's work, I'm sure.

I send Driver into the Starbucks, and he returns a short time later with my Double-Latte-Triple- Caramel-Mochiatta-with-extra-whipped-cream, only to have him make me box his ears because he's forgotten the 4 pounds of Madeleines that I will stuff down my gullet this afternoon while I lay in my hammock, and the Two One-Quarter-Liberian-Three-Fifths-Azerbaijani-One-Seventh Thai girls I keep on staff fan me with oversized-ostrich feathers, and feed me peeled grapes and Beluga. Naturally, when I've had enough of that, I will of course rape them and dispose of the bodies, knowing that if the police come looking for me, I can simply buy my way out at trial.

Done it at least a dozen times, you know.

When we arrive home, I find 10 more dead bodies on the croquet lawn -- probably illegal aliens seeking landscaping jobs -- three having apparently kicked the bucket giving birth to crack babies. No matter; when Manuel, the humpbacked four-sixths-Cree-Indian-two-one-hundredths-Mexican-eleven-twelfths-Pacific-Islander-groundskeeper-that-I-pay-no-Social-Security-taxes-on is released from his damp-and-darkened basement lodgings, he will simply clean them up with the rest, or I will sell his children into slavery.

I then spend the late afternoon at the pool, where my yacht "Mother Gaia's Twat" is tied up. Wait, did I say "pool"? Sorry, I meant my private inland sea that I created by the simple expedient of digging a large hole in front of my palatial, beach-front estate, and then sending Mamaluccaboboday, the one-fifth-Kalahari-Bushman-two-fifths-Iranian-seventeen-forty-seconds Cambodian, who makes $5 a year, in my private jet to the North Pole to kill polar bears with an RPG launcher and a dull butter knife so that the ocean levels rise just enough to fill it.

For shits and giggles, I instruct the crew (32 of them, all of Yemeni-Maori-Eskimo descent) to put the pedal-to-the-metal, sending all six of the 13,000 horsepower engines into overdrive to send my 132' dinghy crashing over the salty waves at a brisk 7 knots-at-32-gallons-of-diesel-fuel-a-second, while I sip Muay Thais out of Blood-Diamond-encrusted goblets -- a personal gift from Ken Lay before he passed on. If we're lucky, we run over an Atlantic fur seal or twelve during our circuit, and I have the pelts fashioned into pocket handkerchiefs with which to blow my nose. Once.

Alas, evening falls, and I must retire to the main dining room -- which has more incandescent light bulbs than the Las Vegas strip -- to dine upon a succulent feast of Dolphin, Spotted Owls, and Siberian Tiger, prepared for me by my three-quarters-Korean-one-half-Hungarian-five-ninths-Cuban chef, who spoon-feeds me every last morsel, and then lets me shit in his hands and thanks me for the privilege. I check the stock quotes (made another 5-mil off the Laotian Embryonic-Stem-Cells-for-food Program, today -- thanks for the tip, Bill Clinton!), and then watch the O'Reilly Factor during my evening Shiatsu. I am now ready to retire to my luxurious Super-King-Sized-stuffed-kitten-fur bed -- complete with a canopy with pictures of Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Bernie Madoff and Adolf Hitler, all of them my childhood heroes, emblazoned upon it -- visions of dollar signs and starving Sub-Saharan waifs dancing behind my eyelids, a smile upon my lips.

And so ends another productive day of Raping the Earth for Personal Profit.

However, the drudgery only begins anew the following morning. Oh, the horror of this dull routine! And look at this financial news: Kazakh Sex Slaves down another 4 points this morning! However do they expect me to pay for ObamaCare and still have fresh ostrich eggs for breakfast every morning at this rate?

It's no wonder I'm such a miserable bastard...

Well kids, there you have it. I know Professor Dickhead, who found this site quite by accident, and only turned you on to it as a valuable lesson in the fine art of Hurling-Invective-At-Strangers-Safe-Behind-The-Anonymity-of-the-Net-as-Political-Discourse-Project for your Toilet Training 201 course, but really, is this how you think? Or rather, is it how you're told to think by an aging hippie who didn't have the talent for a real job?

Monday, September 20, 2010

That Didn't Take Very Long, Did It?

In response to this post, I got the usual diatribe about the difference between "REAL Conservatives" and RINOs ("Republican-in-name-only"). The writer, who was such a cowardly little bastard that he/she responded Anonymously (they all do, you know), made reference to my oft-repeated opinion that, for some, "conservatism" means only holding to a very narrow interpretation of Scripture-approved axioms, particularly when it comes to the topic of homosexuals.

I needed to be taken to the woodshed and educated on just why this small-but-vocal wing of the republican party was right. They always are, you know (smell that? It was sarcasm).

"God Hates Fags" this brave Bible Warrior assures me, making certain that I got the message by conveying it in bold italics with seven exclamation points, and two useless verses of Scripture to back it up (one predictable mental defect in these people is that they can always be counted upon to quote a verse which is often totally divorced from the topic at hand, and presented to you as unshakable truth. It's almost as if by reciting the Good Book word-for-word, in any context, the argument is supposed to be over, and they've won it, you fucking Heathen!).

God doesn't "Hate Fags" if only because:

a. God doesn't exist.

b. If She did exist, then you would have to admit that she created Fags, and in Her image, too. She also created people who can decide that blowing up supermarkets and turning passenger planes into WMD's is legitimate political discourse. She's created headhunters, child molesters, robber barons and Nazis, too. The idea that God is a benevolent force that can do no wrong and is possessed of an infinite ability to love is belied by the fact that She also created Ebola, Cancer, Malaria, and bears some moral responsibility for the "Jersey Shore". God as the ultimate force for good and justice in the universe is a human invention. An omnipotent and omniscient God devoted to the cause of good would not have produced the world we live in, with war, the more disgusting aspects of human nature, disease, natural disasters, and the often-contradictory and violent natures of our religion and politics.

And the idea that God gave Man free will to disobey Her by conscious action is one that has long outlived it's usefulness. Manipulating guilt is one of the tools used Communists and Socialists to come to power and excuse the worst of abuses, you know.

The God of the Old Testament (you know, the one that flooded the planet, destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, tormented Job, and tried to keep Adam and Eve from gaining wisdom?) bears no resemblance to the God of the New Testament. That Old God was all "Thou shall not" this and "I will smite thee" that, and the New-and-Improved version was all "turn the other cheek and love they neighbor". Either God mellowed, someone is laboring under some serious misunderstandings, or the whole thing is being made up as we go along, and fags are (one of many groups) suffering for it.

c. Someone has to enforce the unwritten "No White After Labor Day" rule.

Spare me, please.

There are no more "real conservatives", and the word -- much like it's counterpart "liberal" -- no longer means what it once did. In the past, a conservative was one who espoused Classically Liberal ideals about personal freedom and the role of government in securing innate human rights. Now the term has been hijacked to encompass a movement which is less dedicated to personal rights as much as it is to imposing it's own belief system upon others for it's own (mental) comfort.

These people are the "Base" of the modern Right, much like the libertines and welfare queens are the base of the Modern Left, and they're angry about Tea Parties and such. While they most certainly agree with the anti-Tax/Anti-corruption thrust of the Tea Party, they often can't square that with their requirement that everyone think and behave and believe as they do. Muslims claim that there will be no peace on the earth until the four corners of the world are under the thumb of the Caliphate, and so do the Christian FundaMENTALists; they just happen to think their version of the Caliphate is better. Both are aiming at the same goal (imposing their worldview on a great mass of people who don't agree with it),only by different means: the Islamofascists use violence, the Pantybunched Right uses electoral politics.

And when neither gets it's way, they throw a tantrum.

The Tea Parties and Anti-incumbent movements aren't about conservative and liberal, and certainly not about God; they are about what is Right and Legal, and what the proper relationship between citizen and government is. The second you inject God -- and what you arrogantly believe She thinks -- into the conversation, you've lost the battle because it's really all about we mortal men. This movement respects God, but doesn't look to Her for all it's answers, and that drives you absolutely batshit insane. You're afraid that any movement which does not kiss your ass, or play by your rules, is one that will ultimately displace or perhaps even destroy you.

So much so that you can write "God Hates Fags" and not notice the logical contradictions between that statement and the very religious beliefs you claim to espouse.

What's Wrong With The Establishment?

The Closet Conservative asks "WTF is Going On With Krauthammer"?

Here's your answer:

People like Rove, Krauthammer and Peggy Noonan (who all swore that Obama was a moderate, or would be reined in by the realities of governance) are really no different than the "liberals" ("libertines") they rail against.

They went to the same schools, have similar backgrounds and experiences, attend the same cocktail parties, belong to the same Country Clubs, have the same friends, and the same thought process; Their hope is that all the problems of this country can be solved by throwing someone else's money at them -- only a "conservative" believes he can do it cheaper so as to provide a moral basis under which he may keep more of his own. Liberals hide their own miserly ways by transferring responsibility for paying for anything by evoking the collective (i.e. "The Government", "Society", etc.).

The major differences revolve around their own peculiar mental constipations; the Libtards still find the struggle for Socialism to be a romantic pastime, the Old Guard R's are still fighting the Cold War. One side wants to relive the Age of Aquarius, the other pines for a lost vision of an America that never really existed except in a Norman Rockwell painting. Both are out to tell you how you should live, and how you may thank them for overpaying for the privilege of their enlightened guidance.

Both Establishment Republican and Democrat are deathly afraid of the prospect of having to work for a living like everyone else, or worse, of being in a position where they will have to actually live with the consequences of all the things they've advocated (or legislatively enacted) for everyone else. That's when they aren't in mortal fear of being exposed (and prosecuted) for the retarded crooks most of them truly are.

In between this Scylla and Charybdis is the greater mass of the American public which is tired of being lectured to and robbed blind by both sides. Sarah Palin is not so much a leader of this force as much she is an opportunist; She has identified the need this mass has for a visible face, and taken advantage of it. I don't dislike her -- I used to cream, figuratively, over her -- but now I wouldn't follow her through my own front door, even if I agree with her 90% of the time. Her "success" is less about HER (and her supposed political skills) and more about US.

Voting anti -establishment pisses these folks off because the party apparatus has much (other-people's) money invested in them. The purpose of getting elected has become an exercise not so much in responsible governance, but in how to use the levers of power to dole out patronage, or to try to enact policies that will affect the actions and behaviors of the masses in a way that's favorable to oneself and his confederates. And shareholders (i.e. campaign contributors).

A few loose threads:

* On John McCain: he lost because he was a Bad Candidate who couldn't beat an empty suit that gave Good Speeches. When McCain should have shown Leadership, he opted for Drama instead, before pulling a reverse-Kerry on TARP ("I voted against it before I voted for it"). Palin was not going to "save" him, and her only contribution was to make McCain look like an idiot for choosing someone so obviously Not-Ready-for-Primetime. Not that this mattered so much to the Other Side, did it? McCain made the choice easy with his scattershot theatrics and inability to adequately identify and explain the problems of the day in way that gave him an aura of command.

John McCain looked like a doddering, clueless old man, and so he stampeded the independents into Barack Obama's camp. They took a flier on "Hope!" instead of "Duh!"

* I loved GWB, but he was only elected because he uttered "Jesus is my favorite political philosopher", and then re-elected because the thought of another 9/11 with Kerry/Edwards in charge was too terrible to contemplate. If Bush -- father and son -- was a "real" conservative, you'd never know it.

* On the term "RINO": It refers specifically in "conservative" circles to people who don't espouse the complete "God-Guns-and-Gays" agenda of the Pantybunched Right. Rudy Guiliani was far more conservative than both Bushes put together, and he could never make it through a Republican presidential primary. You can be a fiscally-responsible, law-and-order, pro-growth republican, but if you don't promise to frogmarch gays to the ovens, execute the abortionists and put prayer back in the public schools, then you're a RINO.

But now the people WANT an Army of Guilianis, and this frightens the Establishment on both sides. They're not inclined to vote social issues right now, and this threatens Rove's/Kruathammer's/Noonan's ricebowl, as well as discrediting the Religious Right/Recipient-Class Left coalitions that these people have spent the last 30 years assembling, talking up -- and milking for a living.