Sorry, But Leslie Marshall Did Not Leave Her Tits Here...

This is to the anonymous doofus who keeps typing “Leslie Marshall Tits” into a search engine…every day for the last ten days, by the look of it…and somehow, keeps arriving at this blog, only to be disappointed:


a. Give it up, already. I too would like to see Leslie Marshall’s knockers, but alas, she’s yet to accidentally-on-purpose hit me up with a Twitter sext, and I doubt that's ever going to happen.

b. You will not find Leslie Marshall’s hooters here. I have no pictures of them, and I have never even made as much as a passing reference to Leslie Marshall’s Bra Buddies on this blog in the last seven-plus years…until now. If, by some strange chance, I ever did manage to acquire a photograph of Leslie's cans, you'll be the first to know (even before Brietbart), and then you can Grease the Pelican all you want to it, promise.

c. You would think that after being directed here at least 10 times, and upon arrival, finding absolutely no evidence of Leslie Marshall’s Rib Balloons, you might give up this Quixotic quest of yours and find something more worthwhile to do with your time…like maybe take up a search for Maureen Dowd’s snatch(apparently no one else has found that in about 25 years or so, to judge from her demeanor).

d. By the way, I happen to know that you’re the same dude who’s been searching here for ‘S.E. Cupp in a bikini”. Dude, I admire your taste in ladies, but really, how many times does it take until the message gets through? You’re not going to find what you’re looking for here.

e. Get some fucking help, you degenerate. One might get the idea that you're masturbating to the entire FoxNews female contributor line up.

Oh, and while we're on the topic of degenerates; it seems my peeps in the Middle East are back again in force, because the top search terms that led you to this blog this past month are “Pakistani Ass Sex”, and our perennial favorites 'Donkey Sexe’ or 'Donkeye Rape' (those are not typos: it’s how our masturbating bestiality aficionados in the Middle East manage to spoof the Islamic internet filters. And these people built nuclear weapons?).


Now, I’ve remarked on this phenomenon before, but what’s really disturbing is that it has persisted for over a year now. There’s an awful lot of horny Pakis out there, huh? What’s the matter bub? I know; it gets bitterly cold and lonely in those caves up in the Northwest Territories, or maybe it’s become unbearably hot and sticky in your cell at Gitmo, and you’re just up for a shag – but not the usual kind, because your five wives haven’t, as Howard Stern used to say “Shaved That Thang” since Allah was in knee socks – and maybe release has become problematic without all those turn-on barnyard sounds, or maybe you and the boys in Sana’a have simply worn out the local goats, but you won’t find donkey rape videos here, either.

If there’s anything more disgusting than the thought of Muslims, then its Muslims looking to rub one out over one of those shows you see in Tijuana on Spring Break. Note to Rep. Peter King: next time you hold hearings on the causes of terrorism and ‘radicalization’, you might want to line up a panel of psychiatrists to explain the Muslim penchant for sick sexual fetishes that involve animals.

You people are sick, you know that?

I Wish These Guys Would Stop (Allegedly) Stealing My Stuff...

Now I know who all the people who find this site through Semrush and Whorush and simple Google Searches are: They appear to be mostly Bloggers -- who get paid while I don't -- who may be stealing my stuff. I ain't got no proof, but I got a laundry list of coinkydinks.

I wrote this three days ago. The only difference is that, true to the Ur-Conservative principle of discussing matters of money before all else, some people are starting to ask the additional question of who's paying for the new conflict in Libya. I'm seeing many of the same points being made by other bloggers and columnists long after I made them.

This is the second time (I believe that) I've noticed another blogger basically posting something I've already written which happens to coincide with a flurry of Semrush and Whorush hits (in case you don't know, Whorush and Semrush are companies which rank blog/websites by various traffic factors in order to let advertisers know which sites may be the best advertising investments for them. It can also, if you really think about it, be used to gauge the relative anonymity of those blogs/webpages so that if you were so inclined, you can rip them off and still have a plausible defense for it: I couldn't have stolen his work, Your Honor. Look: Semrush says that hardly anyone ever visits his site, and it's highly unlikely I -- a Professional Writer, as opposed to the Plaintiff, who could hardly write a Thank You Note -- would have come across such an obscure author, even by accident!

If a blog has a sizable following and a great number of visitors, then you can't steal their posts very easily because there are simply too many eyeballs, and the chance that the same pair of eyeballs catches the same, or near-same, post on another blog increases. If not, then apparently, it's fair game, and really, who's to know? It's just weird that I wrote something about polar bears once, and then S.E. Cupp wrote the same things ten months later, almost word-for-word, and now I ask ten questions about Libya, and a bunch of other people write basically the same crap that I did, and they all got paid.

Now, I really can't accuse anyone of much of anything based upon such flimsy evidence, but it does make me somewhat suspicious. It's also possible that two people working in complete ignorance of one another can manage to come up with the same ideas, so whatthe fuck do I I know? But this is starting to get spooky.

UPDATE: Edited to remove someone's name that I put in there by mistake. I meant to identify another author/blogger, but got confused. Sorry!

Hey, S.E. Cupp: I Already Wrote This!

Dear S.E. Cupp: if you've lifted one my posts, then you owe me. Since it's Christmas, I'd like you to arrive at my doorstep, in a bikini, with a bottle of something good, and a fistful of $100 bills. We'll find a hot tub later, Sugarshorts.

Now, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, because I have no proof of anything untoward. But when I read Cupp's Opinion piece in the NY Daily News this morning, I had a feeling of deja vu. I wrote the almost exact same post back in January! It's possible that two people might have the same exact idea eleven months apart, but it's kinda spooky, dont'cha think? Then again, great minds thinking alike and all that.

You be the judge. Here's mine.

l'll be waiting for your call, S.E., you sexy beast.

UPDATE: Updated the link.