I was watching the idiot box today when Noah Wylie (since when does anyone remember Noah Wylie?) comes on for the WWF, and starts talking about Polar Bears. Now, I'm not sure just when Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan started caring about Polar Bears, but I haven't followed wrestling since I was 12...I grew up and discovered girls after that.
Anyways, Noah starts talking about how Polar Bears are dying because of Global Warming. Apparently, Polar Bears need nut-numbing cold in order to survive.They don't know any better. All this warming is so bad that mother bears can't feed their cubs, and so they die. Why is never explained. The gist is that it's a problem with retreating ice and Polar Bears being too stupid to swim, although every David Attenborough documentary I've ever saw shows Polar Bears with Micheal Phelps-like water skills. Maybe Noah doesn't know what he's talking about (See the pictures, do they look like they're drowning?).
Probably not, since two million scientific studies (it seems) say there's more Polar Bears now than there have been in several hundred years, but what the hell do I know? I though tin the world of Global Warming Science, if you had two million studies that all said the same thing, the science was, therefore, settled. I guess that only applies to studies the Warmies conduct and concoct data for, but I digress.
So, there I am, watching a cute-as-a-button Polar Bear Cub (who will one day grow up to be an 800-pound killer, red in tooth and claw, feeding on whale carcasses that no one but the Japanese would want, see above) frolics in the arctic snow, probably already doomed to die a horrid death and seemingly unaware, when I began to think of Charles Darwin.
Just in case you live in a cave, or go to Harvard, Charles Darwin was the author of the Theory of Evolution which states that organisms which best adapt to their environments tend to flourish. And Here's Noah Wylie, and the people in Copenhagen, and Al Gore and the legions of brain-dead college kids and communists-in-sheep's-clothing all trying to conspire to stop a natural process (evolution) in the name of...saving all the other natural processes?
I mean, it's man's special talent to adapt through technology, through the manipulation of his physical environment. That's what's allowed us to survive and inhabit every corner of this planet. In the process, yes, we do some sort of damage to the natural world, but according to Darwin, the natural world (wildlife, plants, bacteria, etc) should adapt in order to survive. Those that adapt will live, and those that don't will go extinct. Extinction is a is part-and-parcel of evolution.
And I thought libs were all great believers in Evolution, so much so that they sue school boards to keep Creationism and Intelligent Design out of classrooms. So, why save Polar Bears if they won't or can't save themselves? And why does Noah Wylie need my money to do this?
Then I was struck by another thought (two in one day? I need to start drinking again); I remember Irving Krystal, the father of modern Conservatism, once said (paraphrasing) that a "Conservative is someone who stands in front of the runaway freight train of progress, yelling "STOP!" The Tree Huggers are trying to stop industrial progress so that they can save polar bears, and snail darters, and spotted owls, and three-toed Cambodian Cockroaches, in defiance of the Theory of Evolution, and asking for money to finance the project, sorta like when some televangelist(in this case, Noah Wylie) tells his flock that God will do the worst and take him if he doesn't raise $3 bazillion dollars for the new Tabernacle-Theme Park-Casino and Bait Shop.
Then I got confused (I don't need to drink for that to happen): Doesn't all of this halting of progress, asking for voluntary contributions to serve a higher purpose sound a lot like conservatism? I mean, would this sorta-kind make them, these self-proclaimed Progressive Liberals, that is...Conservative...in some fashion? I mean, aren't they denying Evolution and adopting the Judeo-Christian view of man as the Steward of All Creation?
I mean, the similarities don't end there, either. Conservatives are always accused of wanting to 'turn back the clock', to some supposed Golden Era which liberals laughingly insist never existed, only how do you explain their own behavior; True Believers in Global Warming theory have to accept two premises:
a) There was a time when the climate of this planet was somehow 'perfect', not too hot, not too cold, and suitable for the flourishing of all life as we currently perceive it. A Golden Era if ever there was one. And...
b) That if we simply arrest and re-direct progress in the proper way (i.e. under oppressive Government direction), mankind can return to that climatic Golden Era.
So, I guess that Noah Wylie and the Wrestling Folks are out there trying to recruit Conservatives and not save Polar Bears after all?
I wonder, if any Tree Huggers out there have ever thought this same way...and had their heads explode.