...the Halloween Edition.
I usually hate Halloween. As a kid, I guess I found it pretty cool -- free candy! -- but as the years passed and I got older, I found the whole idea of dressing up in costumes, partying until I puked, and putting on an extra 15 pounds of Butterfinger fat something not worth the time and effort.
And then there's all the stupid little chores that go with celebrating Halloween -- carving Jack-o-Lanterns, putting up macabre decorations, and the subsequent cleanup after both -- that make this holiday a royal pain in the posterior. I feel the same way about Christmas, on a certain level; I hate putting up Christmas trees, and decorating them, and getting up on ladders to staple strings of lights to the house. I cannot stand life-sized plastic Santas (with reindeer) that light up and have this creepy, Made-in-China sound box that makes Santa's Ho-Ho-Ho! sound like your grandfather suddenly remembering he has a hernia.
Although I must say, I DO enjoy dressing up as Santa for the little kids in my family, and for my cousin's friends, which I have done for many years. Go figure.
Friday, November 01, 2013
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
A Friendly Letter to Evangelical Christians...
Dear Evangelical Douchebags,
This is to inform you that I will no longer defend you in any political arguments that I have with Libtarded Obamabots. You have shown, by your otherwise inexplicable reluctance to vote for Mitt Romney in the last Presidential Election -- probably because Pastor Bob told you he was a Mormon, and thus, the next, best thing to a devil worshiper -- that you are no longer worthy of the effort.
By staying home on Election Day, you allowed the agents of the Anti-Christ (Obama and the democratic party) to win.Your inability to let your good sense override the dictates of your phony-baloney religion has allowed Evil to prosper, and in the process, you have failed in your responsibilities to your country and your fellow Man.
I hope that make-believe God that you grovel and give money to is busy striking your names off the Rapture list as we speak.
I used to defend you, even if I didn't agree with you, to Libtards, but no more. There is no defense for what you have done, and now the rest of us will have to suffer for your "principles". No wonder the Romans wanted you dead.
Please kindly take those Bibles you thump and thrust in people's faces and shove them up your collective ass. Sideways. I hope your rectums bleed from the massive number of papercuts that the book of Revelations alone should inflict.
I hate to have to say this, but Julian Bond was correct -- there is a Taliban Wing in the GOP, and they sat home on Election Day. They have done more damage to this country than the real Taliban ever could.
Fuck You and Have a Nice Day.
Signed,
The Lunatic
This is to inform you that I will no longer defend you in any political arguments that I have with Libtarded Obamabots. You have shown, by your otherwise inexplicable reluctance to vote for Mitt Romney in the last Presidential Election -- probably because Pastor Bob told you he was a Mormon, and thus, the next, best thing to a devil worshiper -- that you are no longer worthy of the effort.
By staying home on Election Day, you allowed the agents of the Anti-Christ (Obama and the democratic party) to win.Your inability to let your good sense override the dictates of your phony-baloney religion has allowed Evil to prosper, and in the process, you have failed in your responsibilities to your country and your fellow Man.
I hope that make-believe God that you grovel and give money to is busy striking your names off the Rapture list as we speak.
I used to defend you, even if I didn't agree with you, to Libtards, but no more. There is no defense for what you have done, and now the rest of us will have to suffer for your "principles". No wonder the Romans wanted you dead.
Please kindly take those Bibles you thump and thrust in people's faces and shove them up your collective ass. Sideways. I hope your rectums bleed from the massive number of papercuts that the book of Revelations alone should inflict.
I hate to have to say this, but Julian Bond was correct -- there is a Taliban Wing in the GOP, and they sat home on Election Day. They have done more damage to this country than the real Taliban ever could.
Fuck You and Have a Nice Day.
Signed,
The Lunatic
Saturday, October 05, 2013
Poor People Suck, Part II...
The Scene: Your Intrepid Lunatic is in the local supermarket, doing his weekly grocery shopping. This mundane and ordinary activity (which he actually enjoys) is interrupted by the arrival of the Scourge of America: the single welfare mother with a brace of obnoxious children, armed with an EBT card. What follows is both disturbing and frightening. It is a microcosm of the future which would make one sick, if one could muster up enough concern to actually give a shit.
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Poor People Suck, Part I...
I was reminded of this truism again yesterday after a trip on a New York City bus.
I needed to get to the Staten Island Ferry yesterday to keep an appointment in Manhattan. The fastest way, actually the ONLY way that doesn't involve calling a taxi, from my home is to take the S61 bus down Victory Boulevard to Bay Street, and thus, to the Ferry. During rush hour, this can take upwards of 40 minutes, but since it was 10:30 a.m. the trip should have been significantly faster for the lighter traffic and relative lack of commuters.
It was not to be...
I needed to get to the Staten Island Ferry yesterday to keep an appointment in Manhattan. The fastest way, actually the ONLY way that doesn't involve calling a taxi, from my home is to take the S61 bus down Victory Boulevard to Bay Street, and thus, to the Ferry. During rush hour, this can take upwards of 40 minutes, but since it was 10:30 a.m. the trip should have been significantly faster for the lighter traffic and relative lack of commuters.
It was not to be...
Monday, September 23, 2013
The Bureaucracy Strikes Back...
Sometimes, you just have to wonder what the fuck it is that we're getting for our tax dollars.
If you live in the State of New Yorkistan, I would say you're getting jack shit. And when I say this, I should clarify:
1. We are NOT getting a government that works smoothly and efficiently.
2. We ARE getting a government which is apparently run by rhesus monkeys who, on a good day, might be able to find their own asses with both hands and a flashlight..
The long, sordid, and all-too-sickening tale of this Lunatics battle with the mindless bureaucracy of the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles seemed to have the proverbial light at the end of that tunnel. But, alas!, the rhesus monkeys have found a way to annoy me yet again.
If you haven't heard this story before, then I suggest that you read this, this, and this, and then you'll be up to speed with this entire tale of woe.
And then you'll probably want to either laugh or vomit. Probably both.
If you live in the State of New Yorkistan, I would say you're getting jack shit. And when I say this, I should clarify:
1. We are NOT getting a government that works smoothly and efficiently.
2. We ARE getting a government which is apparently run by rhesus monkeys who, on a good day, might be able to find their own asses with both hands and a flashlight..
The long, sordid, and all-too-sickening tale of this Lunatics battle with the mindless bureaucracy of the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles seemed to have the proverbial light at the end of that tunnel. But, alas!, the rhesus monkeys have found a way to annoy me yet again.
If you haven't heard this story before, then I suggest that you read this, this, and this, and then you'll be up to speed with this entire tale of woe.
And then you'll probably want to either laugh or vomit. Probably both.
The Lunatic is Back!
A triumphant return, to be certain.
My apologies for being away for so long, but I have been extremely busy this past summer. There's been vacations, there's been career news, bureaucratic stupidity, thrills, spills and douchechills. I'll be telling you all about it all week.
In the meantime, you should probably check out this controversy that's been brewing behind the scenes for over a year now here at the Asylum, where people even crazier than me have been trying to convince me that they suffer from a made-up disease with a fancy name. It's pathetic, but interesting.
I'll be writing all day today, and hope to get something posted this afternoon/evening about all the stuff that happened this summer that I didn't get to comment on. Stay tuned!
Oh, and as always, we appreciate you coming to the Lunatic's Asylum for all of your deranged opinion needs!
My apologies for being away for so long, but I have been extremely busy this past summer. There's been vacations, there's been career news, bureaucratic stupidity, thrills, spills and douchechills. I'll be telling you all about it all week.
In the meantime, you should probably check out this controversy that's been brewing behind the scenes for over a year now here at the Asylum, where people even crazier than me have been trying to convince me that they suffer from a made-up disease with a fancy name. It's pathetic, but interesting.
I'll be writing all day today, and hope to get something posted this afternoon/evening about all the stuff that happened this summer that I didn't get to comment on. Stay tuned!
Oh, and as always, we appreciate you coming to the Lunatic's Asylum for all of your deranged opinion needs!
Friday, August 16, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Profile This...
The Scene: A local coffee shop, this past Thursday morning.
Your favorite Lunatic has just sat down to read the menu, knowing full well that no matter what is on it he will order his "usual" -- two over easy, sausage and bacon, home fries, wheat toast, orange juice and coffee -- when he becomes aware of a conversation at another table not 5 feet away.
"Becomes aware" is a polite way to put it. Actually, the two young men engaged in this conversation (it was more like a monologue with one man haranguing the other who could do little more than shake his head, occasionally mutter "word!", "I heard that!" or "I feel you, Brother!") were speaking loud enough to wake the dead.
It became apparent, from both the tone of the conversation and it's subject matter, that this was done on purpose -- that is to say, that the subject was being brought up loudly and obnoxiously so that others in the coffee shop would be made to feel uncomfortable.
That's because the two men speaking were black, and the majority of the clientele was white.
Your favorite Lunatic has just sat down to read the menu, knowing full well that no matter what is on it he will order his "usual" -- two over easy, sausage and bacon, home fries, wheat toast, orange juice and coffee -- when he becomes aware of a conversation at another table not 5 feet away.
"Becomes aware" is a polite way to put it. Actually, the two young men engaged in this conversation (it was more like a monologue with one man haranguing the other who could do little more than shake his head, occasionally mutter "word!", "I heard that!" or "I feel you, Brother!") were speaking loud enough to wake the dead.
It became apparent, from both the tone of the conversation and it's subject matter, that this was done on purpose -- that is to say, that the subject was being brought up loudly and obnoxiously so that others in the coffee shop would be made to feel uncomfortable.
That's because the two men speaking were black, and the majority of the clientele was white.
Saturday, August 03, 2013
The Great Beatles Blast Disaster...
Before I get to the cause of this incredible agony, I must make it quite clear just how tough and resilient I normally am, just to give you some sort of idea as to just how bad the events of this evening had to have been in order to get me to complain about physical pain.
As an 8-year old, I suffered with an inflamed, on-the-point-of-bursting appendix for a week, and barely whimpered.
As a teenager, I was involved in a fistfight that was so vicious that it resulted in a nose so bloodied that it actually soaked through my clothes to cake upon my skin, and a severe concussion from which I passed out....but only AFTER I had kicked the bejesus out of the other kid, breaking his arm in two places, and fracturing one of his ribs.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
This Just In: Islam is a Violent Criminal Mental Disorder for Retards...
So says a Danish psychiatrist. No shit, Sherlock?
It appears as if this article is mostly a straight translation from the original Danish. The grammar can get a bit rough.
The result of this doctor's research?
Islam demands criminal behavior from it's followers, and then puts them in a peculiar mental state that prevents then from distinguishing right from wrong.
Sort of like Al Sharpton and Je$$e Jackson.
The solution the author advocates?
Stop 'positive discrimination' (i.e. affirmative action) in favor of Muslims, and demand they integrate according to Danish standards.
Say that in this country and a picket line starts to form on your front lawn. I applaud this man for having a set of balls.
It appears as if this article is mostly a straight translation from the original Danish. The grammar can get a bit rough.
The result of this doctor's research?
Islam demands criminal behavior from it's followers, and then puts them in a peculiar mental state that prevents then from distinguishing right from wrong.
Sort of like Al Sharpton and Je$$e Jackson.
The solution the author advocates?
Stop 'positive discrimination' (i.e. affirmative action) in favor of Muslims, and demand they integrate according to Danish standards.
Say that in this country and a picket line starts to form on your front lawn. I applaud this man for having a set of balls.
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