The World is Coming to An End: Film at 11...

I was talking to my friend Mike the other day, and he told me about something that was so uproariously stupid that I feel compelled to write about it, and share it with you all. It's what we do here at the Asylum; point out the stupidity of others and laugh our asses off over it.

Mike, it turns out, has been listening to Evangelical Christian radio. Not because he fears for his immortal soul, or because he believes in an Invisible Man in the Sky Who's All-Knowing and All-Powerful, yet somehow managed to create violent, irrational human beings, the platypus, the camel, and ABBA, but because he finds it so funny.
 
He was telling me about one of these radio Evangelists (you will not get his name here, because this is a seriously dangerous douchebag) who has told his retarded audience that the World Will End by May 31, 2011. I guess if you have any hope of being Raptured to the Right Hand of the Father, you'd best start packing now. Anyways, it appears as if people call this idiot for last-minute advice on all manner of things; people ask if they should take new jobs (the answer: No, dispshit, because the World will explode in a couple of weeks), should they still go ahead with that June wedding they had planned (answer: No dipshit, because the World will explode in a couple of weeks), and, naturally, How Do I Save Myself When the World Explodes in A Couple of Weeks? (answer: Go pray a lot...and send me money, Dipshit).
 
Now, apart from the obvious stupidity of people seeking life-altering guidance from someone who makes his living telling them they'll all be dead unless they pray real hard, the real stupidity lies in the premise that when the World Explodes that anyone is going to be 'saved'.
 
Mankind, in case no one ever told you, is ultimately doomed. Thousands, maybe millions even, of other life forms that have inhabited this planet have all gone extinct at some point in history,and there is no reason not to think that we too, in our turn, will also go the way of the Wooly Mammoth, the Triceratops, or the Dodo Bird. One of the consequences of Life is the Possibility of Extinction. How we ultimately meet our final fate, I think, matters not: the planet could be hit by a comet or asteroid, the Earth's crust might burst asunder under the strain of volcanism or tectonic forces, some minor flu will evolve into a super-strain that kills us all, we'll extinguish life with nuclear war, or our Sun will go nova and bake this tiny planet in an instant. There is little that we can do to stop these things. Our science and our intelligence only takes us so far, and short of Men making the great leap across the Universe to other worlds, we're going to be extinct, and  little to no trace of us will be left.
 
If it makes you feel better to believe that your soul, spirit, ghost, essence, chakra, ki, whatever, will persist after death, then by all means, be my guest. Far be it from me to tell you that I have all the answers, or that you shouldn't believe what you want to believe, but it seems that nowadays everyone is obsessed with the End of Everything.

It's gotten so bad that the History Channel now produces a show called Life After People, which is all about what happens to the world after mankind disappears, which is pretty stupid if you think about it: the History Channel is running a show about a time when History --as we perceive it --comes to an End. Go figure. Then again, it's probably better -- and more topical -- than Ice Road Truckers, or Swamp People. It's certainly more interesting.

Apocalyptic Christianity has become a big business, and is mostly a scam, in my opinion. It's purpose is to frighten people into the fold, and in the process, pry their cash from them. I'm certain when Pastor Asshole- on-the-Radio's prediction fails to come true on June 1st, he'll still be on the air, if only because people are truly dopey, and he has a ready-made excuse for why what he said will happen didn't; God will destroy the World Only When God Sees Fit To, and he cannot be prodded into it before he's ready to by Man, or, he was really just trying to get people to repent and make their peace with God before God really does Her thing with his Chicken Little routine. Or my personal favorite, the one that's supposed to end all debate or stop all questions; God Works in Mysterious Ways. No matter; the Ends justify the Means, especially if the Ends were several million bucks in donations and commercial fees and a higher public profile for Pastor Dickhead, and a few more fannies in the pews. I'm sure that will comfort the people who called off their weddings, or didn't take that lucrative job offer on his advice, to no end.

What people tend to forget is that the Bible was written by people -- and it might not be the best thing to take literally -- because as is often the case, people make mistakes, they misinterpret things, they let their biases creep onto the page, or they have agendas that they're pushing. Lately, there's been much talk about 'Bible Codes' in which it is said that there are coded messages hidden within the text of the biblical passages that can foretell future events, but I believe this about as much as I believe in my Lucky Astrology Mood Watch. The Bible is not the Word of God (beings that do not exist do not leave Words behind); it is a history --and a heavily-biased one, at that -- of the Hebrews and early Christians which seeks to provide a divine justification for what they have done. Mostly that was to kill and disposses Caananites and Phillestines and all the rest, because God 'promised' the land to them. You would think that an All-Powerful, All-Knowing God would just promise them an uninhabited place to live in, seeing as She (if there is a God, it must be a She) had just told them five minutes ago in the desert that Thou Shall Not Kill, Steal, Lie or Covet Your Neighbor's Goods (wouldn't that mean his land, too?), and all that.
 
The New Testament, as we know it today, is very much a political document; it was supposed to authenticate and legitimize Christianity, and thus, give it's great champion, Constantine, the divine cover he needed to explain his otherwise treasonous activities, i.e. leading a civil war and usurping the power of the Emperor of Rome. It had to be compiled and rewritten in such a way as to ensure that Christ could always be seen as the ultimate expression of ancient Hebrew prohpecy concerning a Messiah. The fact that the Christ myth as we know it seems an awful lot like the Roman adaptation and worship of the Persian god Mithras is conveniently forgotten... or mostly unknown.
 
If you're going to depend upon an ancient document, full of 'prophecy' as your guide to the End of theWorld, you could at least pick an ancient document that hasn't been (mis-)translated four billion times from seven thousand languages, and which has not been subjected to the requirements of political and cultural propaganda, I would think. The Bible as predictive tool is useless, in my opinion, because it has been so-obviously manipulated.
 
Another Apocalyptic theme that has gained much popular attention these days is the Mayan Prophecy, in which it is said that the ancient Mayans of Mexico have pinpointed the exact date of the End of the World, supposedly sometime in December of 2012. Which would really suck if a Republican managed to beat Barack Odumbass in November. The 'proof' that theMayan Prophecy will come true is that the Mayan Calendar comes to a complete halt in December 2012. Now, there could be a number of reasons why this should be so that don't necesarily mean Apocalypse; perhaps the astrologers/mathemeticians engaged in the project saw no need to go any further. Perhaps they were tired of making calculations. Maybe, there's another Mayan Calendar that picks up where the last one left off that we haven't found yet?
 
All I know is that people who suposedly had the smarts and the capabilities to accurately predict the future in such fashion should, logically, have been able to foresee their own demise; you would think they would have predicted the arrival of the Spanish...and smallpox. You have to wonder just how accurate and efficacious their predictive powers were if they couldn't even use them to save themselves.

Then there's the Nostradamus Idiots who constantly tell us that their hero has predicted every major event in modern history. The problem with Nostradamus, however, is that we never seem to hear of his 'predictions' until after something has happened. If Nostradamus was of any use, you figure someone would be able to tell you about it beforehand. So, we're told that Nostradamus 'predicted' the rise of Hitler (a claim long since disproven as Nazi propganada), the assassination of JFK, and 9/11, but always the announcement that Nostradamus 'predicted' this, that or the other comes only after the fact. Some prophet. Nostradamus is about as useful as a broken condom, or those Astrologers in your local newspaper. The Champions of Nostradamus will tell you this is because if they told people about one of these traumatic events beforehand, no one would believe them, but this is pure horseshit; I can say to you today that one day someone will have monkeys fly out of their rectum, and it's quite possible, given the vageries of time and history, that it might actually happen. Will I be celebrated as visionary prophet when that day comes? I rather doubt it.  
This, incidentally, is one of the problems with some modern scientific methods, too, like the Theory of Evolution; given a time scale of billions of years, and pure random chance, literally anything is possible. It doesn't make it true.
 
Still, I find it fascinating to watch people knowingly worry themselves stupid about something they have absolutely no control over. If the world comes to an End (as it surely must) just what, if anything, do you, the individual, expect to be able to do about it? Will you, personally, deflect that asteroid headed our way? Will you be able to keep the Earth's magnetic poles from shifting? Can you identify and find a cure for that Super-Virus that's out there waiting to kill us all? Probably not. And your government will probably be unable to do much of anything, either, and certainly not your Church; religions usually get people to do things which only benefit the religion, as an institution.
 
As for me, I keep a six-pack of Heineken's in the fridge, so that when the fateful day finally arrives, I can sit on the front porch with my Holocaust Heinies, and watch the fireworks, secure in the knowledge that when it's all over, one way or another, I will at least not have to pay another goddamned credit card bill, or scratch an income tax check, or sit through another Barack Obama use-lots-of-words-to-say-absolutely-nothing speech.
 
The Apocalypse, you see, isn't all bad news.

Still Think Communism Is a Good Idea, Only Poorly Executed?

One would think that if there was anything a Communist wouldn't be short of, it would be a healthy supply of bullshit.

Acute fertilizer shortage in North Korea.

You know you live in a...ahem...shithole...when the trade in human excrement becomes the next "get-rich-quick" scheme, and a positive economic boon.

Why, it appears that North Korean Scientific Socialism worked so gosh-darn well, that it couldn't even produce enough bullshit for it's own needs, and so had to import the stuff.

"The lack of fertiliser has become acute since South Korea stopped annual shipments of rice and fertiliser to North Korea in 2008, amid worsening relations."

I see an opportunity for President Obama to erase the deficit here. Get him and his teleprompter on Air Force One right now, destination: Pyongyang. One Obama Tour-de-Force-of-Bullshit speech ought to have North Koreans bogged down in all the fertilizer their black little hearts could desire. Send Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid over, as well, and we'd corner the market.

On the list of things North Korea is Also Short Of (after Democracy, Human Rights, Medicine, Food, Toilet Paper, Clean Water), we find some rather strange commodities: skinny jeans, porn, and who woulda thunk it; fucking Ramen Noodles. I smell economic opportunities a-plenty here! Or was that just the aroma of the first shipment from my brand-new North Korean fertilizer factory...the place we used to call "the Bathroom"?

Here's an idea: as an exercise in goodwill this Holiday Season, I would like every American to take a copious dump in an envelope, and mail it to your nearest North Korean Embassy. No diarrhea, please, just solid waste. Consider it your contribution to World Peace. Perhaps we could even tie this voluntary donation of Good Ol' American Scatological Matter to North Korea's quest for nuclear weapons? A Turds for Nukes Program?

We could send Jimmy Carter over there to work out the details. With any luck, he'll stay.

"Sociopath Is Too Nice a Word To Describe Obama..."

Jews are finally catching on...and they're pissed off. It's almost as if Obama has decided that it's his job to reconcile the West with Islam, and if that means the Jews must pay the price for reconciliation, then so be it.

Actually, if you look closely at Obama's efforts (such as they are) with the Muslim world, there's a much deeper dynamic at work. Today he might launch Predator drones to kill Al'Qaeda and Taliban dudes, and then Tomorrow, he'll be doing all he can to assure us that all those Pakistani truck bombers are just lone nuts, probably all hopped up on Sarah Palin's books, and pissed off about Wall Street regulatory reform.

It's almost as if he's saying "Listen, guys...I really don't want to shoot missiles at you, and I'm giving you all the cover I possibly can. Can't you just meet me halfway?" I've seen this sort of behavior myself...in myself. It's a mixture of Passive-Aggressive behavior, denial, and excusing away the bad behavior of others. Obama seems to be under the impression that "someday" the Muslim world will see that he's right, and then, by golly!, they'll just be begging to be his buddy!

That they haven't done so yet is simply a matter of them finding their inner-courage, or perhaps it's just a matter of patience. After all, such smart and well-adjusted people surely will see the logic and benefits of what he's offering. But just in case they begin to think they can take him for granted, he'll shower them with high explosives...just a nudge to get off the stick. In the meantime, if they somehow manage to nuke Tel Aviv, it's probably just part of the process they'll need to endure before they're "ready" -- Obama will just "be there" when they finally get around to realizing how much they "need" him. And of course, they'll never return his phone calls, but that's only because they're busy working out their issues.

This is a mentality born of arrogance, ignorance, and the inability to face reality. I certainly hope Israel is not depending on this President to defend it. They'll be sorely disappointed.

(H/T FiveFeetofFury)

Why The Liberal View of How the World Views Us, is Seriously Wrong...

I'm writing this in response to what passes for Foreign Policy in the Time of Obama. It's hard to know where, exactly, to begin. I guess I could speak to the stagnation, if not collapse, of the Old Trans-Atlantic alliances in which Obama curries the favor of France and Germany (so that they'll appear to do more in Afghanistan), but snubs Britain (who has been there since Day One, and in Iraq, too), even going as far as to send the British PM home with Consolation Prizes that wouldn't make the First-Loser's Cut on Jeopardy.

Or, I might be start with Israel, where it's apparently Obama Admin boilerplate that The Joos simply must conspire in their own demise if the so-called Peace Process isn't to be exposed as the sham that it always was. The Peace Process (or rather the Process of having a Process) has become a goal in itself. It seems that the ultimate purpose of this mystical Peace Process in the last 30 years has been more a means by which American Presidents can garner the favor of People Who Shouldn't Really Count, at the expense of The People We Can Really Count Upon. The latest brouhaha over some Israelis wanting to add second bedrooms, or perhaps redo the kitchen, is ridiculous. Especially when the Other Side in this Dispute keeps as it's base negotiating position that Israel in general, and the Jews in particular, shouldn't exist -- and they're entitled to do the exterminating as both a religious and political imperative.

How about that lovely little hatchet job the Obamatards did on Hamid Karzai? I have no love for the man, either, but he is Our Bastard Child. The Master Plan for Afghanistan seems to be something like this:

1. Talk tough in front of the Teleprompter and TV Cameras about how you're "Fightin' the Extremists".

2. Blame George Bush.

3. Apply some Rah-Rah Bullshit, mention Bin Laden a few times, and let everyone know he's still out there. And that George Bush and John McCain still haven't gotten him,

4. Ignore the requests and requirements of the Generals who will actually fight the war, send just enough troops to appear to be doing something -- but not enough to finish the job before your previously-announced, 2011 pull-out date. Launch a few missiles from some drones. Make certain you've dithered over even this watered-down strategy for six months, and claim it as an example of Obama's "superior and reasoned response to the problems of terrorism".

5 Fuck Hamid Karzai in the rear on our way out, so that once we're gone, he can have a full-fledged civil war on his hands, returning Afghanistan to it's natural, pristine state of multi-cornered, multi-ethnic fighting, with a dash of poisonous religious undertones provided by a Taliban that managed to survives all that War-on-Terror-in-Name-Only Stuff. Democracy will have been strangled in the cradle in Afghanistan (not that it would have had much of a chance to begin with), but that's okay, because you can always...

6. Blame George Bush.

As for the rest of the planet, it seems the Obamatard Foreign Policy revolves around three central tenets:

1. Apologize for being the United States, and all that entails,

2. Beg the rest of the World to Love Us. And their incentive to do so will not be because we're a beacon for Freedom, the ultimate Hope of Mankind, it'll be because we're willing to change to suit their wants and tastes.

3. Get the photos of Obama surrounded by Foreign Leaders at the Sham Summit Meeting, which results in an International Treaty that Does Nothing, but which makes him look all Presidential and Important and Relevant in that dramatic Great-Man-of-History-Way that Stalin had down to a tee.

This is wrong. Americans should never apologize, for anything, and American Presidents should not behave this way just to get their faces and exaggerated claims of their greatness into the History Books. Because, to be honest, it's not Americans who have the problem in terms of being liked and being important, it's the Rest of the World that does. Specifically, it has do with them Wanting to Be America, but failing miserably. The World has an inferiority complex; every culture, every nation, secretly longs to have what America has, to be what America IS. They may not want what we have to the same extent that we have it (granted, a 24-hr , Drive-through window at KFC, Jersey Shore and Top Chef may be going a bit too far), but they want it all the same.

I've been all over the world, traveling on vacations or business. I have been acquainted with many people from many foreign nations and cultures. They're pretty much all assholes. I'm sure they say the same thing about me. I don't claim any specific expertise on this subject, but it seems to me (I'm generalizing, yes) that We spend far too much time trying to Please and Understand Those Assholes -- as if we are somehow, mystically responsible for making "the first move" in the process of creating the Kumbaya Planet. Perhaps it's time The Other Assholes made an effort to Please and Understand US.

I don't mean to say that The Others aren't entitled to their opinions and feelings (unless they're Arabs, in which case their opinions don't count because they're prejudiced by a belief in a child-molesting murderer who says God gave his people special permission to kill, rape, rob and enslave those who don't believe in him, too), what I'm saying is that it's not necessary for us to compromise our beliefs and principles, to change who we are, just to satisfy them. Because it's often not worth the effort.

Also, because History (the very subject President Douchebag and most Liberals seem allergic to)shows that when the compromise is all one way, someone's getting screwed.

Either we are a country which honors it's founding principles by standing up for and promoting them, by finishing the tasks and challenges we set before ourselves, that is Proud of Who We Are, or we're the New Canada -- and our overarching goal is to simply be the Most Popular Girl on Campus. Not surprisingly, the Most Popular Girl On Campus often happens to be a whore who's popularity is usually based upon the fact that she will do The Things the Other Girls Won't. Her popularity is derived from her willingness to give her honor and self-respect away, often for nothing more than the appearance of being liked. She is never respected, no matter how many football players she takes on.

We are not a nation of Whores -- except for our Political Class -- and when President Bambi bows before dictators, half-heartedly fights wars he's put an expiration date on, signs meaningless scraps of paper just to give the appearance of having done something dramatic and effective, and abandons, insults and undercuts our allies -- just so our enemies might like us a little bit more -- he's doing far more damage to the United States, and imperilling our lives.

Our Enemies don't want to find reasons to Like Us; they just want us Dead. If they can't have that, they're willing to settle for the next-best-thing -- An America which will drop to it's knees and be their bitch, substituting self-worth for the appearance of approval.

I personally could give a shit if the Chinese, Russians, Iranians and Belgians approve of Me. They are cultures which are already on their way down the toilet -- between the imbalance in Chinese population caused by the One Child Policy, The State-sanctioned Criminality of Moscow, the stagnation of a culture run by Religious Fanatics with an Apocalyptic Worldview, or the declining birthrates of a Hedonistic Society which is Importing it's own Demographic Doom from amongst it's enemies -- they will not survive in their current form, and their futures are very bleak, indeed.

Why seek approval from the Doomed, the Criminal, and Impenetrably Stupid? Especially when they're marching towards the Oblivion they've created for themselves with their eyes wide open? Fuck 'em, I say. We're their ultimate salvation (and I don't mean that in the religious sense) and part of the process of making them see this is not to change in order to curry their favor; doing this simply means we're adopting their manners and customs and modes of thought -- the very things which are destroying them in the first place -- for very shallow reasons. There's no return on investment in acting that way.

President Odickhead will be very rudely reminded of that fact sometime in the near future, when all of his careful "engagement" of Iran results in a mushroom cloud over Tel Aviv, and a resurgent Taliban is shipping terrorists and Anthrax into Atlanta.

Building the Myth of the "Great Man" Of History, Part 2...

On the news that Syria has just given Hezbollah Scud missiles capable of hitting Tel-Aviv with a nuclear warhead;

The Obama administration has told us since it's inception that Syria is an important player, I believe the phrase is "potential ally", in the elusive quest for "Middle East Peace". The theory is that if we just "engage" Syria, and apply "diplomatic pressure" upon them, Syria will stop arming and aiding Hezbollah, and will also aid the United States in the fight against Al'Qaeda in Iraq, since many AII terrorists are operating from across the Syrian border.

To this end, the Obamatards sent John Kerry to Syria two weeks ago to "voice long-running concerns" with what passes for the leadership of Syria, and there's supposed to be a new ambassador to Syria to be named shortly, a symbol of America's willingness to go the extra mile in the name of "Peace".

Okay, a couple of things about all of this:

Why is Syria is still on the map? This is one aspect of the War on Terror that has always troubled me greatly. Of course, I say the same thing about all Muslim countries. It has been my contention since September 12, that the only way to put an end to the problem of Islamic Terrorism is to make sure there were a lot of dead Islamics, and that the United States should not limit the (armed) scope of it's War on Terror to simply those terrorists groups we currently have in our sights (Taliban, Al'Qaeda and it's off-shoots), but to every terrorist group within range of American power, anywhere.

Syria is a major supporter of terrorist groups. It has provided shelter for terrorists who have killed American troops in Iraq. It serves as a base of operations and safe-haven for Hezbollah in it's fight against Israel. It has now given Hezbollah long-range ballistic missiles; These missiles will soon be paired to an Iranian nuclear weapon (since Hezbollah is a fully-owned subsidiary of Iran) and what happens next is not difficult to foresee.

But that's okay: Obama sent a man who's only talent is for marrying the widows of even richer men to "strongly" voice our concerns, and to beg Assad to be a pal. The price of "engaging" Syria, is going to be a lot of dead Jews so that The Won can appear to be fighting terrorists without actually fighting Islam. The two are one in the same, and the sooner the American ruling asses....errr...classes, realize this, the sooner we can get onto the real strategy that will ensure that another 9/11 never happens; inflicting unspeakable and immeasurable suffering upon Muslims.

Obama doesn't realize this -- because he hasn't studied any history that doesn't begin and end with black people and their grievances -- but the nature of the foe we're fighting today in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria, is the same as it was in 1941-45. The Nazis and the Japanese were fanatics, convinced of their racial and cultural superiority, determined to rule the planet, and willing to fight to the very last man. He apparently doesn't know about Kamikazes and Waffen SS, about the ruthless and pitiless determination, the racial hatreds (the only racial hatred he knows about is the stuff he didn't hear Reverend Wright talk about for 20 years), the barbarity, displayed by both in battle...and even more so against non-combatants who either just happened to be in the way, belonged to categories of "inferior beings", or who had the temerity to protest against their treatment by their conquerors.

In the end, it required the destruction of both Germany and Japan to end that conflict. By gruesome and bloody combat on the ground, relentless carpet and fire bombing, the strangulation of blockade, and a couple of atomic bombs. Both nations, and the criminal leadership that ran it all, were brought to heel. But in the meantime, the cumulative effects of all that bombing, all that starvation, all those soldiers who didn't come back to the Ancestral Rice Farm because of American firepower ruthlessly-applied, had it's effect upon the German and Japanese people and economy. They tired of war, they ran out of supplies, their morale was sapped, they hadn't the means or the heart to continue the fight, and they became committed to maintaining peace after the hostilities were over -- because the experience of war had been too terrible to ever suffer again.

That stuff works. It worked when Genghis Khan tossed plague-infected bodies over city walls, and when Scipio Africanus sowed Carthage with salt. People who have been on the receiving end of that sort of thing pretty much learn the lesson "don't screw with those guys again".

But no, we'd rather "Engage" Syria. I'm not sure what the purpose of doing so ultimately is. It's not as if Syria has anything we want, and I wouldn't consider Assad the most trustworthy person on the planet, considering that we're trying to cultivate him for the purposes of promoting peace while he arms and protects terrorists. No amount of playing nice with Syria, I believe, is going to encourage Assad to stop.

The attempt will be made, however, because Obama must be seen as a figure who managed to do what no one else, no Bush, Clinton, Reagan, Carter, no American President, has ever done: made a Middle-Eastern Dictator see the error of his ways without a shitload of high-explosives. It will be a triumph of Smart Diplomacy applied by the Smartest Man Ever over the Neanderthal method of Brute Force, and it will be a glorious achievement in the annals of Statesmanship.

Because the New York Times will say so. That's what it's all about; getting the Times to call you One of the Greats.

If I'm an Israeli General this morning, my job is probably figuring out how destroy the Syrian Air Force on the ground as a prelude to locating and bombing the bejesus out of some mobile SCUD launchers. And that's after I've already been kept awake nights for the past year by the problem of how to defend against, or pre-emptively strike at, an Iranian nuke.

Again, if I'm that General, I'd be in my Prime Minister's office right now begging to be given The Order, and screw what Obama has to say about anything. Obama is a strutting peacock, nothing without a staged event in front of a hand-picked and fanatically loyal audience and a teleprompter filled with someone else's words, and his opinion or wishes when the subject is the survival of the Jewish State is irrelevant. Besides, the worst you can expect in retaliation for daring to disrupt his carefully-thought-out plan of cultivating dictators who support terrorists is that John Kerry will show up to waggle his finger at you and talk out of his ass.

That's a trade I'd be willing to make.

Of Skinned Knees and Nuclear Fallout...

Mark Steyn is especially trenchant this day. Here is his column on the inability of the Safety Nazis who increasingly control our lives to see the Bigger Picture.