Arguing With Idiots...Or Liberals...

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The Fifteen Biggest Bullshitters In America Today...

I believe it was the late George Carlin who once said, paraphrasing, that the biggest industry in America was the production, packaging, marketing and distribution of Bullshit.

Sometimes, when you look at the blasted heath that was once the landscape of this Great Nation, and you think about how it all devolved to deposit us at our current state of affairs, it's difficult not to agree with that cynical sentiment. You need look no further than the corridors of power in America for proof of this maxim:

President Obama is a bullshit artist.

Most members of Congress are bullshit artists.

Local governments are overflowing with bullshit artists, from the execrable personage of Mayor Michael Bloomdouche...errr...Bloomberg...of my great city of New York, to the "Honorable" Jerry Brown, governor of a bankrupt California which is rapidly becoming Mexico, only with indoor plumbing and food.

Totalitarianism Comes To America...

Bearing yesterday's shocking and somewhat mystifying Supreme Court decision on ObamaCare in mind, it has become apparent that our government -- at all levels, county, state, and all three federal branches -- is atrociously out of control.

Without getting too far into the weeds on the 2,400-page (and counting) Affordable Care Act (because I'm not a lawyer, thankfully) the gist of the 6-3 decision is this:

Congress has the constitutional authority to impose any tax that it sees fit, for any reason, whatsoever, despite the fact that a) The Bill itself was passed in anything BUT a Constitutional manner, and b) the Obamatard lawyers did everything in their power to portray the costs of the Individual Mandate as anything BUT a tax. Somehow six Justices sat there and listened to months of "it's not a tax, really, and we don't want to make the argument that it is" and came to the conclusion that it was up to them to make up their own arguments in favor of calling it a tax.

Too Smart for His Own Good?

Three anonymous (probably Leftard) 'experts' subject President Obama to a thorough examination -- without meeting him -- and form the following diagnosis:he's a complex dude, and that's why we don't understand just how absolutely fucking incomprehensibly awesome he really is.

Let's get this out of the way: I like Barack Obama, The Man, not Barack Obama the Jumpshot-in-Chief. I think he is genuinely smart in that Ivory Tower, bookish sort of way which makes for interesting cocktail party conversation, but which usually doesn't work when applied to practical problems. I'd like to spend an afternoon with him over a couple of beers and a ballgame, or maybe an evening of poker, cigars and dirty jokes. Hell, he can fuck my sister, I admire him so much.

It takes a great man to be this utterly clueless and still get elected to the highest office in the land. I'd like to know his secrets to success.

But, there's something about Obama that just doesn't compute, and as we used to say in my old systems programming days, if it doesn't add up, then you've fucked up. There's something missing, a key variable, a lack of data, some error that must account for the gap between the Hope and Result.

So, I've done my own evaluation of Barack Obama -- debugging, as it were, the Man's code -- and since I'm not a psychiatrist, haven't read any of his three, five, seven, whatever, biographies, don't parse his speeches looking for flashes rhetorical brilliance, I don't faint at the mere sight of him, or read any of his policy papers, I figure this makes me just as qualified to evaluate the President from a distance and with no direct input as three so-called psychiatric experts who apparently are incapable of speaking in coherent sentences.

I don't believe that Barack Obama ever expected to win the election in 2008.

I believe this, without proof or first-hand evidence -- but that didn't stop Millbank's Experts, did it? -- that B.O. was just as convinced as every other Flapping Rectum in the summer of 2008 that Hillary Clinton had the democratic nomination all but stolen, and that his job in that case was to remind the Clinton Wing of the democratic party that the Moonbat Left was still there and had stuff to say (It may have been stupid stuff, but it still needed to be said), and they would not be silent while a candidate they saw as fundamentally the same as McCain took her premature victory lap and coasted into a uncontested November win.

Obama was probably content to play Clinton's Ralph Nader, and then try again another day.

But then the Economy hitthe skids. The Stock Market crashed. The Housing Market was imploding. The country was still embroiled in two wars that appeared to be becoming social laboratories and Straw Men for Left and Right to argue over rather than actually WIN. People began to worry, they began to panic, and when they examined their choices come November 2008, they found two people who were indistinguishable in their 'maintain the status quo' politicking, and some dude who gave good speech and managed to make 'more of the same' even more unappealing.

So, they voted for Barry. Whether this was the desperation of Hope, or the desire for Change, matters not: if Obama had one thing in his favor it was that he wasn't an aging Cold Warrior who couldn't stay on the same side of the political street for three minutes, or an opportunistic hellion in a Black Crusty Pantsuit who was going to have her Presidency run -- and probably ruined -- by her horndog husband. Obama was seen as alien to the viper pit of Washington politics that had caused the multiple messes we were in. That was enough for a good many folks.

So there he was, actually winning. The problem was, I think, that since he hadn't expected to win, he had no plan for what do next.

This became evident almost immediately with the Stimulus Plan. it wasn't an economic plan as much as it was a wish-list of ridiculous projects and pet peeves compiled by Congressional Democrats. The only thing "shovel ready" about that plan was The Plan Itself. It's not surprising that it failed because it wasn't really intended to do anything beyond ensuring that certain democratic (small 'd' intentional) party allies and constituencies were fully funded before the money well-and-truly ran out.

The next clue was ObamaCare. In the midst of an economic crisis, Obama puts forth a brand-spankin' new entitlement program, and then leaves the details to Congress again. He then spends 15 months -- the first third of his Presidency, in effect -- trying to sell a plan that he can't explain, can't describe the need for, and can't justify at a time when people are losing their jobs left and right. A year after it's been passed he still can't explain it, and the more we learn of it as the days unwind, the less we like it. Nancy Pelosi wasn't just being coy when she said "We have to pass it to find out what's in it"; none of the people who allegedly put it together even KNEW what they had wrought, and what they did know of it was sure to be political suicide (see 2010 midterms). That's why the thing was cobbled together in secrecy, funded up-front, and passed almost in the dead of night with the hope that it would eventually just be too complex -- and embeded -- to kill at a later date.

The next indication that Barack Obama wasn't prepared for this job was the enormous amount of time he spent complaining about having to do it. I was especially shocked to listen to President-Elect Obama take daily questions from the Press on this or that subject, and alternately expound a load of fertilizer where he thought it would do him good, and then gently remind the Press that he wasn't President yet when a question was inconvenient. Later, the criticism becomes too great and mean-spirited, everything was George Bush's fault, it's racism and he inherited every problem and they couldn't all be fixed overnight(this is true, but it's not as if he didn't know about the pile of horse dung that is Washington and American Politics; but he did, after all, lobby for the job and should have known), and this led to the next clue:

The amount of time Barack Obama has spent in the last two years NOT being President of the United States.He's on vacation every few weeks. He's delegated a shitload of authority and responsibility to 'czars' and 'Blue Ribbon Panels', he's taking "Date Nights" with the Missus, taking the kids to Hawaii, playing as much golf as possible. When catastrophe strikes, and the Gulf Coast is poisoned by a massive oil spill, Obama goes on vacation, but promises to file a lawsuit when he comes back. He starts a war by committee, so that England and France can fight Khadaffi to the last American on behalf of their oil supplies, and then tries to back away from ownership of it. This as American forces are already fighting on behalf of the  Europeans in Afghanistan and Iraq. Our foreign policy leadership has been turned over to the U.N., the Arab League, and the European Union.

But the Biggest Clue about about how clueless Barack Obama is in the selection of his advisers; he went back into the Clinton Administration to find a good number of them. Nothing says 'Change' like a return of the legions of Clinton Zombies who had served so well that Al Gore couldn't even win his OWN STATE in a time of peace and prosperity, and was reduced to trying to sue his way into the White House.

Leon Pannetta, Rahn Emannuel, Eric Holder, and if that's not frightening enough, there's a cavalcade of democratic party stars rumored to be waiting in the wings, whispering this or that piece of sage advice, or angling for jobs: Jimmy Carter, Jamie Gorelick, Donna Brazille, Joe "The Raging Dumbass" Biden. Some change.

Whatever economic plan Obama and his team managed to write on the back of a cocktail napkin and presented as a serious solution to our economic woes sounds as if it came right out of a Soviet Three Year Plan, one that college students are obliged to read about in their textbooks: massive government 'investment' in Green Energy -- an industry which has, to date, not delivered a single result to ever match it's claims -- a return of FDR's Public Works Programs, Nationalization of the Banks and selected (union-dominated) Industries on a scale, and in such brazen fashion, that it would have made the Nazis blush with envy.

Change? We're trying the same things that have been tried in various countries since the 1930's; they didn't work then, they sure as hell won't work now. We're being lectured to on Capitalism by the Chinese and Russians, for Christ's sake! I'm sure everyone in the White House has read Das Kapital, but has anyone there read The Wealth of Nations?

Don't even get me started on how it is that Candidate Obama and President Obama are polar opposites on Gitmo Detainees, The Surge, Raising Debt Ceilings, Bush Tax Cuts (he's now changed positions on these, by my count, three times), talking about ending two wars, but then starting a third, etc, etc. I guess it's easy to criticize when you're ignorant of reality than it is when you're in full possession of the facts -- or at least when you're trying to get someones job, only to find out it's not all it's cracked up to be. In the end, it looks as if you're making it up as you go along, flying by the seat of your pants, confused, uncertain, disinterested.


This guy always seems to be two or three steps behind the curve on everything. Everything comes as a surprise, every issue or crisis is one that is unforeseen, and is preceded or followed with the adjective 'unexpectedly!'. He doesn't know what to do about Egypt. He doesn't know what to do about Libya. He doesn't realize that governments don't run economies, businesses do. He doesn't know what to do about much of anything, and when he tries to explain what action he does/doesn't take, no one buys it. We see right through it all.

Too smart for his own good? A complex thinker? Not by half. Barack Obama would have made a good insurance salesman. There's no shame in that; the world needs insurance salesmen. But a deep thinker? a Complex personality? A mathematician's ability to juggle variables in his head? On what fucking planet?

What Barack Obama is -- to use a poker analogy --  is a guy who's had his bluff called when he's short-stacked, and has but one option left: to go All In; he talked the talk, so the American people gave him an opportunity to walk the walk, and then it became apparent that Obama WAS, indeed, nothing but talk, and even then, he was given the benefit of the doubt seeing as how he was walking into a gigantic mess; maybe,some hoped, he would grow into the job?

No such luck. If anything, Barack Obama has shrunk while in the job, which is a pity almost beyond words. It was a task that he was not prepared for. Attempts to spin Obama's deer-in-the-headlights performance by resort to the well-worn political columnist's trick of "he's too smart for most people to understand", "he's too complex", "it's bad communications", "he's a deep thinker" are outright distortions of the truth, and that a newspaper columnist should have the audacity to promote such distortions as serious reportage/editorial is an absolute outrage.
Before firing Dana Millbank, his bosses should kick his ass for being a dipshit.

Dana Millbank's job is to present the facts; not trot out the shop-worn "He's too smart for us" bullshit in an attempt to explain away or paper over what is, already, a failed Presidency. We've been there and done that with other political figures; Hillary Clinton and Jimmy Carter, for example, and it wasn't true then, either. What makes anyone think the third time's a charm?

This Is Why No One Reads Wonkette Anymore...

A few weeks ago, I got an mini-avalanche of traffic from Wonkette readers, who apparently arrived because they were looking for pictures of drunken leprechauns. Presumably they needed them to make fun of the proverbial inebriated Irishmen on St. Patrick's Day, and couldn't find their crayons. Now, they make fun of a three-year old with Down's Syndrome just because they happen to viscerally hate his mother. And why do they hate his mother? Because she happens to hold different political and social views than the oh-so-sophisticated Wonkette legion.

They can't stop her, so they might as well attack her children. That's on Page 3 of Alinsky's Rules for Radicals, you know.

By the way, these people tend to call themselves "Liberals", but there's very little of the Liberal in them.

Now, I'm no angel, here. I regularly write stuff that's just as vile and which could be considered hateful, unless you have half a brain and a sense of humor, but in my defense Muslims AREN'T regular human beings; they're some sort of inbred mutant strain that diddles livestock and which blows themselves up because God said they should, so that doesn't count. But, I can at least say I've never attacked a child ( parents: hell yes!) just to make what's basically a very stupid political point, i.e. that Sarah Palin, by her very existence, is an affront to everything a committed feminist stands for -- mostly because she's the most glaring and obvious example of just how wrong boilerplate feminism truly IS. Whenever I write something nasty, I do try to at least follow a very simple philosophy:


a. There must be some point that I'm trying to make. It might not be a very good point, granted, and I might not even communicate my point very well, but then again, I'm not one of the oldest political websites on the 'net that still retains a pretense as being THE trendsetter in regards to all things Left-leaning. I don't even claim to be the guy who knows everything about everything and everyone that's anyone. I don't worship at the altar of political power, and I simply do not drool over the thought that I might see and gossip about the really sexy libtard junior Congresscritter from California's 405th District who has a really highly-developed sense of metrosexual fashion. That stuff ain't important, which is probably why fewer and fewer people read Wonkette every day.


b. I don't claim to be, nor do I aspire to be, a professional journalist; I don't own a set of kneepads, never learned to cover my teeth when performing acts of gratuitous fellatio upon the rich and powerful denizens of Washington, D.C., and I didn't spend a shitload of Mommy and Daddy's money on a J-school degree which turns out to be about as useful as one of those "Be a Certified Gun Repair Technician!" certificate courses one used to see advertised on the inside of matchbook covers. I would rather be labeled a Sex Offender, Child Molester, Mass Murderer or Enron Executive than to be considered a journalist. It's a profession which has been so thoroughly discredited that I'd wager that Barehanded-Septic-Tank-Cleaner probably evokes an image of far greater prestige and respect amongst most people. I'm simply a crazy dude with a variety of axes to grind, determined to use my First Amendment Rights before people like the social-climbing-libtard-prostitutes of Wonkette conspire with their democratic (small 'd' intentional) party johns to take them away from me.


c. I wouldn't even make fun of Nancy Pelosi's retarded children (I'm sure she must have many), a person who actually HAS done serious and long-lasting harm to this country (unlikeTrig Palin), and she's perhaps the second-worst person on Planet Earth, First Place being occupied by a three-way tie of Hillary Clinton, Ryan Seacrest, and Kathy Griffin (each perhaps a harbinger of Antichrist?), and all four just nudging that Ama-doo-dad feller into a solid third place. There's no reason to go there, anyway: Nancy, Hillary, or Sarah are all adults, capable of defending themselves and answering their critics, even the unreasonably insane ones -- like me. Attacking children is a really douchey thing to do, and with Sarah Palin, it's become the Libtard's sport of choice. First it was Bristol, then Willow, and now, Trig. At what point does it stop? At what point do you believe you've exposed your pettiness and stupidity enough, and whatever sense of shame you still have left -- finally --kicks in?

I know, I know...If you let something akin to a sense of decency kick in, you'd never get invited to another smart cocktail-cocaine-and-forced-anal-sex party in Georgetown.


As for the author of that piece (my guess is that he learned and honed his fine journalistic skills upon only the very best gas station washroom walls), the fact that he -- after the fact, and after the outrage -- retroactively adds an inadequate apology at the top of the post, cuts no ice. The post, after all, is still there for everyone to view. Frankly, it's probably still there because without the outrage it's caused no one with two braincells to rub together would visit Wonkette anymore. If anyone over there had any class whatsoever, they'd take it down, but alas, they haven't seen traffic like this in years. A dilemma if ever there was one.

Some of the comments to this article were, if you can believe it, far more vile than the post itself.

There's talk going about the 'net about a boycott of Wonkette's sponsors (that would probably be Massengill Disposable Douches, SuperFlow Do-it-yourself Home Enema kits, and Sunstroker 2000: The Solar-powered Men's Masturbation Aid for a Greener Planet!), but I've never been a big fan of boycotts. Mostly because they're stupid, and never hurt the people they're intended to. The good people at ToadinMyHole.com (THE Homosexual Dating Service for the discerning anonymous Interstate restroom sex aficionado) or the Craig's List Adult Services Page aren't responsible for what Wonkette decides to publish, or even has a say over what is published -- the asswipes at Wonkette would scream from the rooftops about censorship if a sponsor ever demanded editorial say-so, even if Wonkette.com does sometimes, hypocritically, scream even louder for the censoring of it's political opponents -- so why should those people, with no connection other than an advertising stake, be unfairly punished?


Don't boycott the sponsors; just stop reading Wonkette. And yeah, I've 'fallen into the trap' of reposting their stupidity while imploring you to avoid it, but this is about something more important than whether or not Wonkette gets a few more readers.


It's about people who would, and do, happily echo the Left's oft-repeated mantra that, for example, a Paul Ryan Budget Plan would cause children with Down's Syndrome to have to 'fend for themselves' taking a position on one hand of standing as the defender of the weak and helpless -- to score cheap political points -- while on the other hand viciously attacking a child with Down's Syndrome -- to score cheap political points.

Wonkette claims that it's a humor site, but it's difficult to see anything funny about any of this. If anything, it's extremely educational: you now know, if you didn't know before, what the self-proclaimed, self-assured, oh-so-fashionable, self-selected 'Liberal' elite really thinks and how it behaves, despite a pretense of intellect and sophistication, or claim to the higher moral ground in all things.

Some Predictions for 2011...

I normally don't do this, but someone asked for it. His name and address will be withheld for his own personal safety. I'm not Nostradamus, and come to think of it, he was an Asshole: if his "predictions" are so damned good, how come they only make sense AFTER something happens? What kind of useless power is that?

Anyways, here's some things that I can see happening in America in the year 2011;

1. Hillary Clinton quits as Secretary of State, and announces her candidacy for President in 2012. She will talk up a heady Far-Left agenda in an attempt to outflank Obama with the disaffected pseudo-revolutionaries, aging hippies, and welfare queens of the New Left. This new-and-more-Lefty Hillary will be in marked contrast to the woman who spent the four years prior to 2008 positioning herself as a moderate, and has changed positions more often than Bill and Monica did. This transparently dishonest charade will go completely unremarked upon by anyone at (P)MSNBC. No one will call her a "quitter" for leaving the Senate, or abandoning her post as Secretary of State, because only Republican Woman ever quit to take better jobs and more money. When a Libtard does it, it's all in the name of Public Service, which somehow always means you leave Public Service with a really big bank account. The only thing worse than a Hilliary Clinton victory in 2012 will be the sight of Bill doing the pimp-walk back into the White House.

2. Mitt Romney will become the GOP front-runner for President in 2012 in the early polling, but will eventually be defeated in his quest to become Leader of the Free World because no one will vote for him in the Bible belt, where being a Mormon is synonymous with "Devil Worshiper" and "Baby Rapist", and only slightly better than "Catholic". This will leave the GOP hard-pressed to find a decent candidate that doesn't creep people out, have a secret pedophile past, bore them to death with invocations of the deity, or talk like a Tea-partier-but-possess-a-democrats-record. Which means that Mike Huckabee somehow sticks around far longer than he has any right to expect to bore the bejesus out of us with all his Jesus talk, and somehow manages to wrangle a VP slot from whatever hybrid Country Club-Inbred Redneck republican candidate the Tea Party happens to choose for them.

3. Michelle Obama finally fesses up, and reveals a secret so shocking that you will be amazed that it was successfully kept for all these years; she is actually a post-op transsexual, and used to play power forward at an NCAA Division I school that actually made it to the Sweet Sixteen, but was ultimately defeated by (who else?) Duke; a game in which she scored 12 points, and had 4 rebounds, coming in off the bench, but ultimately, fouled out, her sharp elbows more curse than aid that day. President Obama, stunned by the news, deals with this mighty personal blow by taking yet another vacation, this time to do some soul-searching and to re-evaluate his life, in Jamaica, Amsterdam, Las Vegas and Tierra Del Fuego. Upon his return, he and Michelle reconcile their differences over a game of HORSE in the Rose Garden.

4. Sarah Palin does what every woman does at least once in her life, given the opportunity. She entices the "return to the 1950's" wing of the Republican party right down to the very last second in 2011, showing a flash of political leg here, heaving a breathless, bosomy rhetorical sigh there, winking at the True Believers, batting her Conservative eyelashes at the Falling-All-Over-Themselves-Just-to-Be-Close-To-Her. She'll take their money. She'll drink in their adoration. She'll laugh at their stupid jokes, and playfully giggle at their innuendo, or perhaps, give a speech that gently caresses the back of their hands, before quickly withdrawing her lightest, gossamer touch. When the date is over, as they're standing on the front porch in that moonlit-awkward moment, she'll give them a handshake goodnight, trot out the old I-had-a-great-time-don't-call-me-I'll-call-you-quickly-duck-inside-slam-the-door-routine, and avoid those disappointed Conservatives at the Malt Shop for the rest of the school year. That's right, Sarah Palin eventually turns out to be a political cocktease, because she can't win, and hell, there's more money to be made soaking the rubes and getting free publicity out of your fertility.

5. Senator John McCain suffers a debilitating stroke or heart attack, and must step down from his by-now-largely-ceremonial post as Senator from Arizona. In the ensuing special election, McCain is ultimately succeeded by the GEICO Gecko, who has now also become the Official State Bird of Arizona (conservative commentators will remark that such things must be expected in a state populated by a growing number of Alzheimer's cases and illegal aliens who can't read the English ballots, and consequently, have no fucking clue just what they're voting for in the first place). The U.S. Senate will honor McCain with a Minute of Anti-Aircraft-Fire-and-Loud-Voices-Screaming-In-Vietnamese on the Senate Floor. In addition, Congress will authorize the John McCain Memorial Border Gate, a cardboard door mounted upon a single, rusty hinge, placed at a strategic gap in the Border Fence that will be opened or closed on alternate days in recognition of the Senator's principled stand on the issue of illegal immigration, and of his Herculean efforts to secure America's borders. *

6. Osama Bin Laden will make an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. having been granted the necessary travel and work visas by the Obama Administration. After yukking it up with Jay for an evening, bin Laden will be invited to the White House where President Obama will apologize profusely about all those close-call Predator strikes, and promises that it won't happen again if only Al'Qaeda pinkie-swears not to be mean to us anymore. Bin Laden agrees, but the deal is suddenly called off when Joe Biden spills his soup in Bin Laden's lap, and steals the cherry off his Parfait Desert, when no one is looking. The next day, there is a mushroom cloud billowing over Los Angeles, and President Obama will take great decisive action by going on vacation after this exhausting round of successful negotiations, which Chris Matthews will call "the greatest feat of American diplomacy, evah!" just as the fallout begins to descend on the east side of the Rockies.

7. Someone will, finally, shoot Rep. Anthony Weiner (Douche - NY) and Senator Charles Schumer (Dingbat - NY), two of the most annoying people to ever walk the face of the Earth. Schumer will survive the assassination attempt, if only because the .38 caliber bullet fired from a range of seven feet did not possess the power to actually penetrate his thick skull, and bulletproof inanity. Weiner, however, will not fare so well; his killer knew enough to shoot Weiner in the ass -- which was closer to his brain -- and after 72 hours of being kept alive by various machines, a little-known provision of ObamaCare kicks in, in which Weiner's plug must be pulled, his friends and family mercilessly teased by hospital staff, his organs harvested and auctioned to the highest (foreign) bidder, and his remains cremated and sold to be used as an additive to kitty litter. By such methods, American health care is kept as affordable and efficient as ever, and the populace is reassured that there is, indeed, Cosmic Justice.**

8. President Obama will return from a minimum of five vacations this year. It will be remarked that Air Force One works harder than he does, and the person who makes that remark will be shouted down by the media for being the absolute worst of racists. Two days later, Al Sharpton will remark that White People want to burn Black Babies in the Womb, and Infect the Black Elderly with Ebola , and he'll be applauded by the same media for his superior"Social Conscience", and actually taken seriously.

9. Nancy Pelosi will finally have that exorcism that she's been putting off for the last three decades. In the process, we will find out that the woman who became Speaker of the House and ran roughshod over the Constitutional Process, was actually a demon named Larry from the 345th layer of the Abyss, who has no idea how it was that he came to be entwined with the soul of Pelosi, as he thought he was catching a train to Scarsdale. In an exclusive interview with People magazine, Larry will tell the harrowing tale of being trapped inside such an unattractive body, but lift your spirits with his "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade..." philosophy, which he discovered when he came to painful terms with his imprisonment; If you're going to be stuck inside a cast-iron bitch with a black soul that frightens even the demonspawn, you might as well make the best of it. He takes credit for the devious manner in ObamaCare was passed, and the $14 trillion National Debt. Larry will later be the hands-down winner of the Hellspawn Award, given in recognition of great contributions to Earthly Chaos and Black-hearted Evil, and personally decorated for his actions by Satan himself. Of course, Larry will be wearing Chanel on the Big Evening, and simply can't wait for the Joan Rivers Red Carpet interview.

10. Vice President Joe Biden will have emergency surgery to remove a small fragment of brain lodged in his skull. In a daring, never-before-tried medical procedure (paid for by the Gold-plated private medical insurance that all members of the Executive Branch were given for free under Obamacare), doctors will try to perform the first Anoencephaloplasty, in which they will try to save the brain fragment by implanting it in Biden's rectum. They decide this risky maneuver is the safest and most logical thing to do, seeing as how Biden's head is already firmly ensconced within his asshole. The operation will be a success, and Biden will have finally learned his alphabets, and to tie his shoes. These accomplishments make him the hands-on favorite to win the democratic nomination for 2012. As the Vice President convalesces, President Obama takes a quick trip to Rio De Janiero for Mardi Gras, and then plays a month of golf in Scotland.

* = we here at the Asylum certainly do not wish any misfortune upon Senator McCain.

** = we here at the Asylum certainly do wish the worst-possible misfortunes upon Rep. Weiner and Sen. Schumer, we're just not advocating that someone actually take any action in that regard, nor that anyone should take it upon themselves to go hunting for these men.

Still Think Communism Is a Good Idea, Only Poorly Executed?

One would think that if there was anything a Communist wouldn't be short of, it would be a healthy supply of bullshit.

Acute fertilizer shortage in North Korea.

You know you live in a...ahem...shithole...when the trade in human excrement becomes the next "get-rich-quick" scheme, and a positive economic boon.

Why, it appears that North Korean Scientific Socialism worked so gosh-darn well, that it couldn't even produce enough bullshit for it's own needs, and so had to import the stuff.

"The lack of fertiliser has become acute since South Korea stopped annual shipments of rice and fertiliser to North Korea in 2008, amid worsening relations."

I see an opportunity for President Obama to erase the deficit here. Get him and his teleprompter on Air Force One right now, destination: Pyongyang. One Obama Tour-de-Force-of-Bullshit speech ought to have North Koreans bogged down in all the fertilizer their black little hearts could desire. Send Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid over, as well, and we'd corner the market.

On the list of things North Korea is Also Short Of (after Democracy, Human Rights, Medicine, Food, Toilet Paper, Clean Water), we find some rather strange commodities: skinny jeans, porn, and who woulda thunk it; fucking Ramen Noodles. I smell economic opportunities a-plenty here! Or was that just the aroma of the first shipment from my brand-new North Korean fertilizer factory...the place we used to call "the Bathroom"?

Here's an idea: as an exercise in goodwill this Holiday Season, I would like every American to take a copious dump in an envelope, and mail it to your nearest North Korean Embassy. No diarrhea, please, just solid waste. Consider it your contribution to World Peace. Perhaps we could even tie this voluntary donation of Good Ol' American Scatological Matter to North Korea's quest for nuclear weapons? A Turds for Nukes Program?

We could send Jimmy Carter over there to work out the details. With any luck, he'll stay.

With Luck, We Won't Be Seeing THIS Anymore...

Nancy Pelosi's Daily Routine...

Oh, I'm sorry -- I meant Adolph Hitler's daily routine. I can't figure out how it is that I keep confusing the two...

As an interesting way to amuse yourself, as you read that article replace "Hitler" with "Pelosi" and "Nazi" with "democrat" (small 'd' intentional), and have yourself a laugh.

Right up until you begin to realize that you actually can imagine Nancy Pelosi and democrats operating in exactly that fashion...

Of Forests and Trees...

Pelosi says: Unemployment checks are good for the Economy.

November cannot get here fast enough. The thought that someone has actually voted for this turdcutter...repeatedly...boggles the mind. Everytime this woman shows herself in public...and speaks...I'm convinced that she makes the case for forced sterilization, and that we should start with the entire state of California (then start on New York).

"Let Them Eat Crack..."

At first, I thought this was a porn reference, but no. It's a very illustrative and poignant look into the mind of a demented leftist, and what happens when several issues come together at a central point in such a way as to oblige them to reconcile several opposing arguments into something appearing to be a reasonable argument, all while pandering to several constituencies at once.

In this case, the demented leftist is Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and modern-day Marie Antionette. The several converging issues are Illegal Immigration, Border Security, Law Enforcement and Drug Addiction. Since Nancy doesn't want to lose the Illegal Immigrant vote she can't come out in favor of Border enforcement or rounding up illegals for deportation. Since she doesn't want to lose the votes (and ability to funnel cash to) the entire cottage industry of inner-city "treatment" facilities, she's doesn't want to talk up the law enforcement side of the issue too much (after all, drug addicts and the people who love them are a core democratic party constituency).

Since she can't talk about Law and Order without alienating the Victim of _______ Constituency, she carefully makes it clear that addiction has no personal responsibility component, and is quite clearly, a core service which government, at all levels, should provide for those poor unfortunates who didn't realize heroin was bad for you.

Eventually, once you read between the lines (and the lies), you get something like this:

We're supposed to let the drugs come into the country, let people get addicted, and THEN deal with the consequences afterwards. Because it's cheaper that way. In between the arrival of said drugs and said consequences, that many people will die, crime rates will soar, billions of dollars will be lost, and civil society will inch closer to total disintegration, seems to bother Her Heinous not one fucking whit.

But it'll be cheaper than closing the border or enforcing the law. And it won't make Mexicans feel uncomfortable. Does she really think this way? Does she really think...at all?

How is it possible that someone this fucking dimwitted was able to become the Speaker of the House of Representatives, and what does that say about the people who voted to send her there?

Professor Hanson: California's Present is Everyone Else's Future...

This man is a national treasure.

Money quote:

"...Note — Barbara Boxer is a particularly unfortunate sort of politician, combining arrogance (remember her much publicized slapdown of a general and African-American businessman) with a loud sort of ignorance. (A diversity note: Three of the most powerful women in the world that have a lot to do with running the U.S. are multimillionaire, doctrinaire liberals, who at one time lived within about 50 miles of each other in San Francisco — Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, and Barbara Boxer.)..."

"So, How Would You Fix It, Then?"

One of the more common retorts to my caustic bullshit that finds it's way into my mailbox are of the "You know how to complain and criticize, but what would you do/suggest as a solution to the "problems" you bitch about...?" sort.

It's a fair question, and unlike The President, Nancy or Harry, I'm willing to answer all fair, and pertinent, questions -- even the ones with gratuitous insults and four-letter words in them. So, here's the bargain; I'll deign to answer your questions about just how We Might Fix Things, in great detail, and then you can decide for yourself if I'm just some loud mouth or if I'm actually on to something.

If you have a question of burning national import that you'd like to hear an opinion on, then drop an e-mail, and The Lunatic will be more than happy to give you his Psychiatrist-approved solutions, right here on this page. Our specially-trained, highly-motivated and SSRI-addicted crew of Asylum Elves are standing by to take your questions, right now!

The Road to Hell...

..is paved with good intentions.

This is an old expression which found it's way back into my diseased head last night, with regards to the "Health" "Care" "Debate". I'm cynical by nature; life has taught me to be so, and it's probably at the root of much of my resistance to ObamaCare. Experience has indicated that whenever someone says "this is for your own good", it usually isn't, and it also teaches that when you lock a herd of politicians together in a room with a common goal, you usually get something other than a solution to the original problem. A camel, they say, is a horse designed by a committee.

Or at least the Senate.

I've been thinking that the democrat's relentless drive to pass a piece of shit healthcare bill that no one can afford must be part of some long-planned-sinister-Socialist Plot to Destroy America. I came to that conclusion because the visible signs indicate it; the dems seem ready to commit political suicide for this, acting contrary to public opinion, and they seem singularly devoted to the cause, almost to the point of monomania. Japanese Kamikazes weren't this committed. Compared to Nancy Pelosi in her quest to ruin the American Healthcare System, Mohammed Atta was a pussy.

But then, I had a moment of clarity (I was taking a dump), and another angle entered my thoughts. What if, let's say, the democrats actually were trying to accomplish something for the common good? What if they actually did have the best interests of the American people at heart?

Well, if you viewed the whole thing from that angle, then some of this controversy begins to make some sense.

There are, perhaps, some democrats who are so dedicated to the idea that they're actually doing some good, that they may be unable to realize what harm they might actually inflict as a consequence. Perhaps all that's needed, instead of all this acrimony, is a clearer explanation of what they intend to do, how they intend to do it, with a mind towards keeping the gap between good intentions and good results as narrow as possible.

I mean, it could be possible, right?

Then, as I was flushing, the idea faded. The Idea was forced from my head by the harsh sound of the water rushing, and in a perfect metaphor timed exquisitely to my actions, just as a turd circled the bowl, my idea also began it's epic journey into an unknown oblivion. Just as it had arrived, upon wings of gossamer as it were, The Idea suddenly flitted away out the bathroom window and into the cold, dark, Staten Island night.

Because reality came crashing back into my thoughts.

If this was really a "health" "care" "bill" it wouldn't contain provisions making the federal government (and one Bank in North Dakota) the only entities able to issue student loans in America.

If it were it truly intended to improve the nation's health, there wouldn't be provisions for allowing illegal immigrants to stay in the country illegally...and take advantage of ObamaCare.

Money for elective abortions doesn't seem to be promoting anyone's health, to me.

Any "Health" "Care" "Reform" wouldn't include provisions that the Federal Government could force you to buy insurance, nor would it tax those who already have insurance to pay for the medical care of the people who would still be breaking the law by refusing to buy the insurance they were commanded to buy.

It wouldn't remove half-a-trillion bucks from the current medical system (Medicare) and use it to start a brand-spankin' new bureaucracy that basically duplicates Medicare, only more expensively and with the ability to kill the elderly off with rationing.

The bill wouldn't add 30 million people to the insurance rolls, and then add no doctors,, nurses and other practitioners. It wouldn't punish doctors financially and legally just for being physicians. It would pay them fair market price for their services.

It wouldn't collect ten years of taxes, but then only provide six years of service. This one is the dead giveaway; even if the democrats lose power in future elections, they will still have created and funded the embryo bureaucracies which will have to be established, and which are necessary to an even more expansive program rearing it's ugly head in the future.

A "Health" "Care" "Reform" bill that raises taxes on Social Security and then extends additional taxes on everything from pacemakers to colostomy bags, can't be about anyone's health.

If the thing has to be passed in the dark of night by a clearly Unconstitutional Parliamentary maneuver, then it simply can't be any good. If the President of the United States can talk about it for 16 months and still not convince the majority of Americans of it's efficacy (and remember, a considerable number of these are people who consider Girls Next Door to be highbrow entertainment) , it can't be any good at all. If the Speaker of the House can play games wherein one day there's a bill to vote upon, the next day there isn't, and the following day she can get something signed into law without a vote ever being held, then it simply can't be beneficial or legal.

I have absolutely no doubt that there are a few - a few - democrats who believe with every fibre of their being that ObamaCare is the Best Thing Ever. They believe that decent society demands this kind of sweeping "reform", and that without it, we're sentencing millions of our brothers and sisters to unspeakable torment and deprivation. For those democrats, the one's too stupid to see beyond their own sanctimony and emotion, this is really all about Doing the Right Thing, and no measure of argument will ever convince them otherwise.

The True Believers can never be un-convinced by appeal to logic. Those people really are under the impression that they are bringing a positive boon to mankind. We should understand their motives are pure...and then shoot them before they breed further.

But, the rest can't be that blindly altruistic, nor even that smart. The addition of millions of lines of crap to the bill that have nothing at all to do with who gets an operation and how much it should cost, have attached their personal agendas to this bill, and are trying to achieve by graft what they could not achieve at the ballot box, or by law; they are out to control as many aspects of your life as they possibly can, for their own ends and enrichment. Even where the bill WAS changed because of the outright graft included in it (the infamous Louisana Purchase, the Cornhusker Kickback, Gator Aid, etc) the solution was not to admit to the sin and remove it from the package -- but to extend the same bribes to every Senator and State.

That's how libtards work; instead of decrying and abolishing bad behavior, they simply institutionalize and normalize it as that becomes necessary. What the hell does any of that have to do with anyone's health?

I've wavered between the ideas that Barack Obama is either stupid or arrogant, but I've changed my mind. The old Sean Hannity formulation that Obama is a unreformed Marxist Douchebag is closer to the truth, but is far too simple. It doesn't allow for the sublime absurdity of what's happening. Barack Obama is not motivated by the exercise of power, like most Marxists. Nor is he driven by an ideological perogative. Hell, he's not even motivated by concern for his fellow human beings. He is motivated by the force of Ego. This isn't about curing anyone's AIDS or making certain grandma gets that double-bypass; it's about the Annals of History, and Barack Obama's place within them. Barack Obama will never appear on Mount Rushmore; Mount Everest would still be too small to accommodate the proper commemoration he believes he'll be entitled to.

It's all about him, you see. And he has a sycophantic bunch of retards so infected by hypocrisy and political correctness (The United States Congress and the democratic party) that they'll give him those three pages in the Great History Book in the Sky, next to the other great men of the Leftist pantheon -- Mao, Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, Castro, Guevara, et. al -- even if it means destroying the greatest country ever created by men, and taxing the Middle Class right into penury. He is their God, and they are his Church. He's bigger than Buddah, Jesus, Mohammed and Zeus all rolled up into one, they think.

Because the ideal that Barack Obama is a "transformative figure" must be upheld over all other considerations. After all, he's black you know. In the world of libtards these things carry far more weight than any actual achievement or ability, because they still believe that America is a racist country, and so the elevation of a black man to the highest office is an event on par with the Second Coming. Therefore, whatever Obama desires, it cannot be denied.

This about allowing Obama to control your life; the system will affect what you eat, your activities, your treatment options, what medicines are available to you, and how much money you'll have left after the massive taxes required to pay for it. It's not about your health -- it's about limiting your choices until you are forced by law and process of elimination to accept the activities and mindsets that libtards consider to be the proper ones. They're out to control your behavior, against your will, and intrude upon every aspect of your life.

They want the Power of God, and Obama is the God they want. Obamacare is simply his Ten (Thousand) Commandments.

State of Confusion...

Charlie Rangel. David Paterson. And now, you can add Eric Massa to that short and disgusting list.

A tax-cheating Tax Writer, a corrupt governor who followed another corrupt governor, and an alleged homosexual harasser. This is the cream of the New York Democratic Party.

When it was republicans, and it was Duke Cunningham (bribe taker) , Tom DeLay (perennial line-walker), Mark Foley (alleged pedophile) and Larry Craig (Airport Men's Room Lothario), there was no talk of "leave of absences", no stepping aside so as not to "become a distraction to my party" or feeble defenses like "I just used salty language"; the talk was all about resignations. Those men, when caught with their hands in the cookie jar, or in lesser and various states of inflagrante delicto, were hounded out of office. Mostly by their fellow republicans amidst the high-pitched keening of their democratic counterparts who were outraged, outraged I tell you!, at their stunning lack of propriety and inexcusable corruption.

So much so that they became poster children for the 2008 anti-republican Congressional races that created Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who vowed to "drain the swamp" and run the Most Ethical Congress in the History of the Universe.

Unless, of course, that meant she had to prosecute democrats for ethical and legal lapses. Republicans at first covered for Craig and Foley in order to keep their votes in the last days of the Profligate Republican Congress, but eventually the more reasonable and responsible voices within the party talked them out of that shameful convention. With ObamaCare on the block, and Nancy needing every last vote, and every last avenue for back-room deal-making, Charlie Rangel doesn't have to resign; he's granted a "leave of absence".

Robert Packwood was hounded from office over his sexual improprieties, and serial sexual harassment of female staffers. A "victory" that democrats still revel in to this day. They took great delight in exposing Craig's and Foley's alleged homosexual peccadilloes and alleged pedophilia, but they'll eventually circle the wagons for Massa -- there's gay sexual predators and then there's Our Gay Sexual Predators, apparently. The jury is still out on this one, but don't discount Nancy's ability to delay investigation of Massa long enough to get his vote on ObamaCare. Massa will stay for as long as she can possibly manage.

As for David Paterson, well, the mind is just baffled. Siccing the State Police on the ex-girlfriend of your homeboy to keep her from getting restraining order against him is pretty low. Now Paterson is accused of accepting "illict gifts" (i.e. bribes), and there have also been rumors of sexual misconduct on his part. Rod Blagoevich is facing federal prosecutors for simply talking about potential corruption, it seems, and David Paterson isn't for his actual corruption.

These three men are simply the boils. The pustules that arise when the disease begins to manifest itself. They are the indication that something is wrong with the Body Politic in New York State. When you add the most visible signs of these three to the other symptoms, the raging itch (Chuck Schumer), the Dizziness (Kirsten Gillibrand), the nausea (Louise Slaughter), the bad smell (Adolphus Towns), the constipation (Sheldon Silver), the loss of bladder control (Anthony Weiner), and you don't need to be a physician to diagnose the problem; They're all democrats, and democrats infest this state from top to bottom.

Tammany Hall didn't disappear: it simply took a long vacation. The Party that once boasted Daniel Patrick Moynahan, now boasts Spitzer, Rangel, Massa and Paterson.

The usual remedy, a good shot of GOP anti-biotic, could have been the best and least painful treatment, but the New York GOP is in disarray. It's i the position of being unable to choose between execution by firing squad, hanging or being crushed under heavy stones. There is, for all intents and purposes, NO GOP AT ALL in New York State. It's been destroyed from within in pointless battles between fiscal and social conservatives, and the regional cronyism that sees candidates elevated for election based solely on "who they know". It's a party that nominates a Rick Lazio or a Dede Scozzafazza over coffee in which less than a dozen GOP bigwigs were ever assembled.

The last batch of republicans of note in this state included Guiliani, D'Amato, Molinari, and Pataki. Can you begin to realize how long ago it was that those were household names? The current version of a successful republican is Micheal Bloomberg, and I wouldn't follow him into my own house; for him, "republican" was simply the easiest label to buy.

The New York GOP is spent. The new generation of democratic party politicians is like a strain of penicillin-resistant syphilis. The GOP can't mount any sort of a comeback when it's ranks are depleted and what remains behind is a mix of hapless dolts, electoral punching bags, and stock jokes. New York State may be lost, except for one joker in the deck; the Tea Party.

Right now, it looks as if the combination of public outrage (not in New York City, of course. Here, the recipient class will fight for Rangel and Paterson to the last because of the color of their skin), exposure and the need to clean out what is so obviously a filthy pigsty in Albany and Washington, might do half the job of cleaning up New York. The other half will have to be done by responsible citizens who are motivated to kick these assholes to the curb. The GOP can't do it; but the Tea Party might.

I'm almost embarrassed to say "I'm from New York", but I'm holding a slight glimmer of hope that there is a critical mass of corruption and stupidity that has been reached that be transformed into a movement of holding our politicians responsible, and firing the worst of the lot.

Another One Bites the Dust...

And this Kennedy didn't even need to get shot first, although rumor has it that his brand of "shooting" has little to do with guns, if you get my drift...

By my count, that's about 10 major democrats (from both houses) who have decided to either resign, retire, or who have basically decided to not run for re-election in the last few months, not including two who simply dropped dead. Those were Edward Kennedy (who defied medical impossibility like the Lyin' of the Senate that he was, and grew a brain tumor in what appeared to be an empty skull) and John Murtha, who died from complications during a routine gallbladder operation that was (allegedly) botched so badly that you'd almost think it was paid for by the government...Oh, wait, Congresscritters have a great healthcare plan paid for by the taxpayer, don't they?

Good thing there's no tort reform in all that Health Care talk, and Abscam Johnny's family will be able to sue like a motherfucker. Boy, talk about a cheap way to avoid an ethics probe!

Still, there's a few more I'd like to show the door. I don't see why Harry, Nancy, Blanche Lincoln, Charlie Rangel, Barney Fwank, Mary Landrieu, Ben Nelson, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, Anthony Weiner, Patrick Leahy, Bernie Sanders, John Kerry, Kirsten Gillibrand, Chucky Schumer, Maurice Hinchey should be so shy about beating a hasty retreat before they're embarassed anymore in public ....They should all get out now and beat the traffic in November.

Last week, The President vowed that he would "fight" and reassured his disciples that "I don't quit", but it appears as if his fellow travelers can't wait to throw in the towel themselves. In numbers that begin to stagger the mind. Why, even Arlen Specter, the newly-minted democrat was thinking of changing parties again, I hear -- but the American Asshole Sniffer Party told him to pike off --- they would rather have Khalid Sheik Mohammed on thier ticket.

At this rate, it's not difficult to begin to imagine somewhere near half of the democratic Congressional incumbancy could possibly take a powder before the mid-terms, if things continue this way. Frankly, I wouldn't mind if a near-equal number of republican incumbents followed them. At least then the Hallowed Halls of Congress might begin to smell somewhat cleaner just before that crisp, autumnal breeze blows through them and banishes the awful odor of Imperious Doofus right out of the drapery with a new generation of (we can hope!) principled politicians.

(The REAL) Text of the State of the Union Speech...

I have been fortunate enough to have had one of the first drafts of the President's speech placed in my possession by a mysterious stranger. How this person came into a copy of the original speech is unknown (He said the less I knew, the safer I would be...)and my benefactor went so far as to wear a disguise in order to protect his identity, and arrange for the transfer to take place in an isolated, wooded copse in rural West Virginia (Hey, isn't that redundant?), far from prying eyes. The man seemed nervous, frightened even, as if his very life were in danger. When I finally arrived back at Lunatic Central several hours later, and broke the waxen seal on the envelope containing this most-secret document, I finally knew why.

The Speech was something the Light Bringer might certainly kill to keep secret. I expect his Hippie Death Squads to kick in my door at any moment, now. But, the record must be clear, the Speech -- as it was meant to be delivered, before the Presidential Speechwriters and Spin Doctors talked him into the more measured and meaningless language he will use tonight -- must be shared with the rest of the world. By the time you finish this, I may have disappeared.

[Enter, Stage Right. Pause, pretending to acknowledge several Members of Congress. Nod to the idiots Biden and Pelosi. Wait for phony applause to subside, and the stooges to be seated]

Tonight, I wish to address all of you ungrateful peasants, you rotten bastards, you sorry excuses for humanity who are not worthy to lick my spittle...

[Lift chin in confident-yet-defiant manner, turn head left]

One year ago I, the Savior of the Universe, took control of a country in ruins; the economic system was on the brink of a catastrophe that is beyond the comprehension of mere mortals. The Nation was entangled in two simultaneous wars of choice, fighting enemies who's only crime was to innocently expect us to treat them as equals, and who's methods are simply misunderstood by those without the empathy and superior intellect of people like myself. Our Civil Liberties were threatened by other's stubborn refusal to extend them to non-citizens who have merely been accused on the basis of hundreds or even thousands of less-than-reliable eyewitnesses, but not properly convicted in a court of law, of attempted mass murder, destruction of property and Acts of War, acts of so-called "terrorism", which only exists as a product of Dick Cheney's evil imagination. I inherited all of these problems, and much more; in fact, every President going back to Washington -- the slave owner -- has contributed to this mess which I must now clean up, single-handed, without any help from you lesser clumps of DNA.

[Pause, wait for Nancy Pelosi to finish her seal clap, put the vacant stare back on her face, turn head right]

My Apostles and I are committed to saving the country from the misguided efforts of the Majority to impose their will upon Us. It is a well-known fact that The Majority in America is incapable of forming independent thoughts. It is a great mass of mindless sheep who simply wait for someone to tell them what to do, how to think, and how to act. Evil men like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity have put dangerous thoughts into their heads; they have poisoned their minds so that they rebel against the Great Gifts of HopeandChange that I, the Anointed One, was specifically sent to bestow upon you. You have sinned in the eyes of God, that is to say, Me.

This Majority is to be opposed at all costs; it is the embodiment of evil. They are the descendants of the White, bourgeois Middle-Class, slave-owning establishment. They profess superstitious beliefs in deities, spirits, Capitalism and The Law. It is a dangerous thing which tries to disguise itself; It calls itself "Independent Voter" and "Moderate", and all the while, it seeks to engage in Counter-revolutionary activities; it stockpiles dangerous weapons and votes against my hand-picked lackeys.

[Pause while someone replaces the duct tape over Joe Biden's mouth. Emphasize next passage with Twin-Open-Hand Chops]

It has come to Our attention that this Misguided, Sinful, Insignificant Majority has sinned against our August Personage; [Face Camera, Adopt Negro Preacher Tone] it has voted republican, not one...not twice... but three times. This, despite the effort I made getting up off the Presidential couch to travel to places like Trenton, Boston, Richmond and the other disgusting places where you revolting little turds live. You were told WHO and WHAT to vote for, and you didn't listen. You believe you have Free Will. You Believe that you have something called "rights", which properly only belong to Muslim Terrorists and Black Panthers standing outside polling stations with weapons. You believe you are entitled to "own things" and keep your "own money", which is all, rightfully, the property of the government, that is to say, ME. They are mistaken; their property and wealth exist soley to be distributed as I see fit to the huddled masses with their Pants on the Ground, and to the Undocumented Workers.

[Pause, wait for commotion caused by Union Workers specifically bribed with free donuts and whiskey, Welfare mothers bussed in from eleven different states for Malt Liquor and a pack of Kools each, and trained to boo and hiss on cue to cease. Strike Stalin-esque-looking-to-the-sky pose]

To those who have not accepted me as their personal Lord and Savior, I say this: I shall try -- one last time -- to reconcile you and bring you within the fold. I will accede to one of your paltry demands, as a show of both good faith and of my infinite mercy and goodwill, and I restrain federal discretionary spending for the next three years. It amounts to little more than loose change, but it is symbolic of our Love and Sacrifice on your behalf. You will now show the proper respect and reciprocate; there will be no more criticism. There will be no more of this voting for evil republicans. There will be no more of this disgusting Tea Bagging. For these these things are the mark of deviants. Deviants will be destroyed; we've done it to Joe the Plumber, Sarah Palin and Wall Street Bankers -- we can do it to anyone we wish, anytime we wish. The Revolution will continue, as we see fit. Those who repent now may be forgiven their Treason and Unorthodoxy, perhaps.

[Applause from democrats while Republicans are led out in chains by members of the Congressional Black Caucus for summary execution]

The Revolution began One Year Ago. It must continue. There must be Obamacare, there must be higher taxes, there must be more terrorism, there must be economic upheaval, and great suffering, and you will endure it silently and willingly while your betters direct and control your lives for your own good. We protect you; left to your own devices, most of you would stick hat pins in your own eyeballs. You do not need to know why we will do these things; you need simply to obey, and to remember that it is for your benefit. That is what you were created for; to obey my commands and accede to my whims, and not to ask questions or criticize Me.

If you do not get back in line, if you do not remember your place, if you do not follow me willingly and blindly -- even unto poverty and death while waiting for aspirin in a government-run hospital -- then you are a racist. Good Night, and Obama Bless America.

[Assume commander-in-chief pose while Biden, Pelosi and Reid lead the masses in the Upraised-Arm salute]

Douchebag of the Week (1/25/10): Howard Dean...

Howard Dean is pretty much a douchebag every day, and such an easy target. If we had an award for Daily Douchebag then he'd almost certainly be the unassailable, world-record holder (with Al Gore nipping at his heels, naturally), but Howard's been particularly extra-specially douche-y this past week.

Dean is the titular head of the democratic party (which is better than his last job: Governor of Vermont, which is like being President of the Glee Club), a man who finds himself in an indefensible position nowadays; his party is pushing some extremely unpalatable policies, what with preparing to destroy the American medical system and insurance industry, treating terrorists as if they were wayward teenagers defacing public property with graffiti, distributing more money than can possibly be printed to democratic-party patronage groups (and Congressional districts that don't exist) under the guise of Economic Stimulus, the Nazi-like take over of both heavy industry and the banks. What makes this all more frightening than it already is, is that even with control of the Congress and White House not only can his democratic party not even enact their own agenda, but the endless drama without resolution actually has an effect on the country; everyone is left hanging. The inertia is beginning to affect whatever hopes for economic recovery we may have had before the election of Barack Obama.

Small business does not hire because it's waiting to see if the government socializes health care first. The banks want to pay back their TARP money, but the government makes them hold onto the payments. The Mortgage Folks are being told to continue the practice of handing out risky mortgages to politically-favored groups, while the government tells them they need to adopt stricter standards. Wall Street gets pounded from the White House and Congress every day, but who do you think generates the economic activity that Washington taxes? People need jobs, and we were told that the Stimulus would provide those, but no one lifts a finger to get all that "money to repair our infrastructure" moving because it's not supposed to be given out until near the midterms or until 2012 -- in other words, not until disbursement becomes politically advantageous for the democrats. We're all in a state of suspension, and that's when we're not simply disgusted by all the other stuff the democratic party is advocating.

So, what did the voters of New Jersey, Virginia and Massachusetts do when they had elections for governor and Senate? They voted for republicans, naturally. Republicans may have been the witless boobs who were "in charge" when the financial system tanked, but you could at least count on them to do something, and more, something that made sense. The American people are tired of Hope and Change, after realizing that it wasn't exactly the Hope and Change they were promised and the same cast of characters seems to be involved still.

When people need jobs to keep the roof over their head and food in their belly, they aren't inclined to view the dangers of Climate change, Cap-and-Trade, and whether or not 30 million illegal immigrants get health insurance as a priority. Unfortunately for Dean and his band of democrats, they don't share the same priorities as the rest of us. Worse, even when it is made painfully evident that their priorities aren't shared -- by Tea Parties, raucous Town Hall Meetings, three elections in which safe democratic seats and offices went to the republican --, they (democrats) still insist on hammering away at the same "solutions" with no better results.

Even with unassailable majorities in both Houses, neither Pelosi nor Reid can pass a damned thing that won't come back to bite them both on the ass in 10 months. They keep generating much drama, and many headlines, and lots of paper...for nothing. To actually achieve anything is to put them on the unemployment line, and they know it. There's no 'reform' of anything. There's no new New Deal. There's nothing coming out of Congress except democrats...they keep 'retiring' before they get the beating of their lives in November. In the meantime, the American people wait with a growing sense of unease for help. The democratic party is too absorbed with the Dog-and-Pony Show that it has initiated for political purposes, and is too committed to it's internal ideological battles, to actually provide anything useful at all.

And there is poor Howard; having to put the best face on things, and failing miserably. (See video) Taken apart by Chris Matthews, no less, while stubbornly arguing -- against all logic -- that Scott Brown and Chris Christie and the Dude In Virgina were not a harbinger of democratic disaster to come, but rather a rejection of individual democrats and not the irrational and dangerous policies pursued by the democratic majority, or even of Barack Obama himself.

Yes, Howard, you tried to brazen it out, but it was just too weak an argument to withstand even The most cursory examination. For being such a lying sack of shit, you Howard Dean, are our Douchebag of the Week.

(H/T to Flopping Aces)

The Long March Begins...

The Long March, for those who don't study history, refers to the retreat of the Chinese Communists of Mao Tse Tung into the hinterlands of China to escape the pressure of both the Chinese Nationalist regime of Chiang Kai Shek, and the Japanese Army (the conflicts between Japan and China in those days are the origin of the Second World War in Asia). Moving tens of thousands of people thousands of miles, many dying in terrible misery along the way, Mao led his people to a remote region where they could regroup, rearm, make a marriage of convenience with Chiang against the Japanese in order to buy some time to indoctrinate a new generation of communists and, ultimately, wait out the larger conflict between Chiang and the Emperor in relative safety... only to emerge after the War to sweep across China and grab power in a revolution.

History, they say, always repeats itself, and if it doesn't always repeat itself literally, you can always try to find two situations and make at least a rhetorical comparison. Today, we're seeing the beginning of Barack Obama's own Long March. It begins here, with Obama's admission to having made "mistakes" and losing his personal touch with the American people.

The next step in the rehabilitation of the Obama Aura comes from Lanny Davis, Bill Clinton's attack poodle, who writes in the Wall Street Journal that the defeat of Martha Coakley, Creigh Deeds and Jon Corzine in three bellwether elections is not so much a repudiation of Obama and his policies, as it is a reaction to a certain segment of the democratic party. In other words, Lanny blames the hippies, and to a certain extent he's gotten that right. You'll notice that Lanny is still pushing ObamaCare as a good thing: a mere reform for a broken system, instead of calling it what it is: a load of crap that destroys basic liberties and the national economy. These people continue to recycle the same argument: "Communism is a good thing, we just haven't found the right communists yet...". Says Lanny:

"...The Democrats have a simple message on health care that has still not really gotten through: If our bill passes, you never have to worry about getting, or losing, health insurance for the rest of your life. How is it that so few people have heard that message?..."

Translation: The message is fine, the messengers need to be shot.

The more militant 60's retreads in the Congress, starting with Reid and Pelosi, have decided that right now is the time to ram through every 'reform' and 'program' they've dreamed about since Woodstock. Having mistaken their own electoral victories in Congress in 2006 (victories based in large part on the ineffectual and often criminal nature of their predecessors, not because of any ideological affinity) and the elevation of a black man to the Presidency in 2008 as signs that the 60's vision, the promise of the Great Society and "I-have-a-dream" have finally come to be, they're out to ensure they can set that vision in stone in much the same way FDR's neo-communist New Deal was.

It would work, they believe, if only they didn't have such ineffectual spokespeople like Coakley, Corzine and Deeds, and if the foot soldiers were sufficiently revolutionary enough to make the great personal sacrifices required to see it through, sacrifices they themselves, naturally, will never have to make. The problem is Obama, and Reid, and Pelosi, and their sycophants; they haven't gotten it through their thick skulls that what they advocate is a crock of shit that no one in their right mind wants to buy. They are delusional. When you have delusional people living in the past at the forefront of your movement, don't be surprised when it's "message" is rejected. If you are surprised at the results of Tuesday night, then you yourself are delusional.

But even more than this residue of 1960's idealism, delusion and stupidity, the reason why Obama must pivot, must reorient and reinvent his Presidency right now is because he's finally learned that he's not God. He can be forgiven for thinking he was, because the Press and the Cult of Personality nature of the democratic party made him believe he was. Then again, I don't think this man ever expected to be elected in the first place, and was genuinely shocked when it happened, and decided that a little opportunism would do just the trick; use the goodwill and good fortune he garnered to finally implement what had certainly been advocated by every liberal since Marx. Why shouldn't he get away with it? He got away with Reverend Right, Bill Ayers, Chicago Machine Politics and a See-through resume. No longer: even Chris Matthews has lost that tingly feeling.

Barack Obama has finally learned that he isn't immortal, and that he needs to listen. Before Tuesday, he could count upon a compliant press and a residual distaste for his political opposition to obscure the truth of events. No more. We're about to see Obama retreat into the wilderness for a while, waiting for the brouhaha over Scott Brown to fade a bit, and then he'll reemerge as Obama the Centrist; exactly what he lied about being when he ran for office. We'll see many a liberal policy fall by the wayside, and many a supporter tossed under the bus (Obama's really good at that), probably beginning with Rahm Emmanuel (the Trotsky of the Obama Administration). When you've won the Revolution, who needs revolutionaries? When you're about to lose the Counter-Revolution, you sacrifice the former revolutionaries publicly. We'll hear more about "bi-partisanship", and republicans can expect a few more invitations to the White House, and maybe get a few of their pet projects into a smaller version ObamaCare, just for appearances sake.

But don't be fooled: Obama/Reid/Pelosi are still the same people, driven by the same ideology as they were before. The leopard never changes his spots, and the process of the Long March is always the same; escape to regroup, purge the more dangerous or useless elements from the movement, train the next legion of stupid people, then reemerge under a slightly different banner to carry on "the struggle". It's all about buying time.

Don't believe a word of what you hear for the next nine months. It's all part of the strategy to get you to buy another dollop of dogshit disguised as diamonds. The goal of impregnating the American system and Society with dangerous and expensive liberal institutions that cannot easily be destroyed or voted down will continue apace; the language will just be less harsh, less combative, the reasoning behind them less ideologically-charged, there will be less name-calling and demonization of the opposition... until the time is right to try it all again.

Update: They didn't even wait a week. Healthcare is still not dead.

Strategic Overreach and Martha Coakley...

In June of 1942, Admiral Chuichi Nagumo was the commander of one of the most powerful fleets to have ever sailed the Pacific Ocean. His ships had initiated a war with the attack on Pearl Harbor in December, 1941, and then had gone on a rampage across the Pacific and Indian Oceans that had virtually swept the seas clean of American, British, Dutch and Australian warships. His aircraft carriers were stocked with the best planes and pilots in the world, second- to-none at the their deadly business of raining high explosives down on their targets, or shooting the enemy out of the skies.

Nagumo's First Air Fleet was perhaps the most brutal killing instrument devised by man up to that time. It was a precision instrument of national policy.

And then came the Battle of Midway. In a span of five minutes the heart was torn out of Nagumo's fleet; his carriers were destroyed, his pilots blown up or left to drown in the Pacific when their planes ran out of fuel. The best aircrews in the world were atomized when their ships exploded. Brilliant commanders and junior officers often chose suicide -- going down with their ships -- rather than face the humiliation of defeat, depriving their country of highly-skilled and motivated men who could have helped their country recover from such a defeat. The Japanese Navy which had been so brutally, ruthlessly efficient, was now overtaken by a sense of panic, shame and loss from which it never recovered. The Battle of Midway is, rightly, considered one of the turning points of the Second World War, right up there with Stalingrad and Alamein.

The reason why the United States Navy was able to catch Nagumo's ships with their collective pants down are generally recognized as the American ability to read Japanese communications (Admiral Nimitz was forewarned of the Japanese plan), but an incredible amount of luck made it possible for American dive bombers to arrive over the Japanese fleet at precisely the right time; between air strikes with their decks crowded with aircraft, their munitions haphazardly stacked out in the open, and just at the moment when the Japanese fighters that would have defended their ships were at the wave tops chasing the last of the all-but-slaughtered American torpedo planes.

But the true reason why Nagumo lost that battle begins 2,500 miles away in Tokyo, where his superior, the brilliant Admiral Isoroku Yammamoto planned the invasion of Midway Island, and the destruction of the remnants of American Naval power in the Pacific. Yammamoto planted the seeds of defeat, which Nagumo then had to cultivate, by giving him two contradictory missions; the first, was to find the American Fleet and destroy it, the Second was to provide support for an invasion of Midway Island. One mission required him to have complete freedom of movement, the other tied him to a particular location on a particular schedule. When events unfolded that made Nagumo believe that he could not keep to his schedule, or when circumstance had conspired to present him with problems for which had no contingencies for, he hesitated. He over-thought his predicament and his options. He tried to kill two birds with one stone, and wound up hitting neither. Deprived of information and orders, hamstrung by radio silence, unable to contact his higher headquarters for assistance, and lacking the skills and mindset to improvise a new strategy on the spot, Nagumo guessed at what was the best option available to him...and lost the battle.

Nagumo's defeat was ultimately the result of Strategic Overreach; the Japanese had finally pushed out too far and aimed for a target that had they even succeeded in taking (Midway Island), would have been of little use to them without a corresponding defeat of American sea power. They had failed of their strategic objective (destroying the American Navy) by placing equal importance on an administrative one (keeping the invasion schedule) . Midway would have ultimately been yet one more diffusion of effort in a war that saw the Japanese diffuse many efforts across hundreds of tiny islands where men died horribly from starvation before they ever even saw an enemy soldier. We Americans celebrate the bloody battles of the Pacific War, like Iwo Jima and Okinawa, we celebrate the bravery of the Americans who stormed ashore and fought tenacious foes willing to die and who would not surrender, and rightly so. But the truth of the Second World War in the Asian-Pacific Theatre was that almost 2./3 of the Japanese Army stationed from Korea to Indonesia, never saw an enemy soldier, ever. When the war finally ended, most Japanese soldiers had never even fired a shot at anyone.

What ultimately doomed Japan was the idea behind it's basic strategic concept for the war; Japan, being the weaker power, believed that if it could quickly overcome it's opponents in a swift and decisive manner, the shock of defeat, the very awe that such a rapid conquest would inspire in it's enemies, would make them recognize the superiority of the Japanese fighting man and realize the futility of resistance against such an invincible force. Having been sufficiently beaten and cowed by an obviously-superior enemy, and convinced of the hopelessness of their cause, the Allies were then to -- logically -- surrender to Japan.

And that was the Japanese way for the remainder of the war: they would always just need "One Great Victory", and the Americans would quit. When that failed, then all that was needed was to make the Americans thoroughly sick and tired of the bloody effort required to dig the Japanese out of every cave and jungle. When that failed, the Japanese turned to suicide attacks, aiming airplanes, boats and even their own bodies at the enemy and committing glorious (if futile) suicide.

Every attempt to bring about "the One Great Victory" caused the Japanese to reach further and further beyond their capabilities, often in a state of panic, rushing to create the circumstances that would deprive the enemy of the will to fight. Every kamikaze simply made the Americans that much more determined to win the war, not because they were afraid of the Japanese and frightened by the prospect of continuous, bloody battle to the death, but because killing Japanese -- depriving them of the weapons of war, destroying their bases and stockpiles of equipment, ruining their industry - brought the end of the war one inch closer with every dead man.

The Japanese sin was to not recognize defeat and reformulate their strategy, but to redouble their losing efforts. The results of those misguided attempts to tilt at windmills was a pair of mushroom clouds over Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and even then there were those who would not surrender, even going as far as to attempt a coup against their Emperor, just to keep fighting for reasons that are seemingly stupid to us.

There is something of the Battle of Midway in the special election which will take place today in Massachusetts. The democratic party, like Admiral Nagumo, has contradictory missions: it must keep it's 60th Senate vote to pass health care nationalization plans that the public so obviously does not want, and keep[ itself in power. It has ignored the wishes of the public on the Stimulus Bill, the Omnibus (Porkulus) Bill, the GM and Chrysler Bailouts, Cap-and-Trade policies, and so many other issues that one can only surmise that they are willingly blind to the realities of American life and politics. They are simply pushing an agenda at all costs, like the Japanese Generals and Admirals who kept searching for their "Last Great Battle".

Today, Martha Coakley will most likely play the part of Admiral Nagumo. Today, if Scott Brown wins this special election, it will be, like Midway, a turning point in a war. The Democratic party has engaged in a bit of Strategic Overreach when it comes to carfting a bureaucracy to deliver eye drops and band aids to it's favored 'victim' groups; Scott Brown just might be the dive bomber who arrives at just the right time to turn the tide. And just like Admiral Nagumo, Martha Coakley's destruction will have been engineered a thousand miles away in Washington, D.C., where she has been nailed to an inflexible plan by the clueless Harry Reid, and finding the same inability to improvise for her own protection. Be certain that Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama will redouble their losing efforts, should Coakley lose today, just like the Japanese of yore. If they lose today, much like the Japanese Navy at Midway, expect a sense of panic and loss to overcome them from which they will never recover.

It is the same exact mindset at work.

There will be metaphorical mushroom clouds over Boston this evening, but this will indicate a bit of salvation rather than total destruction; they will be a sign that the people of the Massachusetts have awakened from a long slumber, and did what neither Admirals Yammamoto or Nagumo could not do; change the plan in mid-stream and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.

And that's a good thing.