Obama "First Time" Ad Not Only Stupid; It Was a Rip Off...

...from Vladimir fuckin' Putin, no less!

You weep for the future when you realize that this ad is targeted at young adults, who apparently can’t think for themselves, or be motivated to do anything unless it includes a certain amount of salaciousness.

And we wonder why 50% of them can’t find a job after graduating college? Maybe because some are fucking dolts who don’t have a thought that isn’t in some way connected to their genitalia, and they take their politics from a third-rate actress with obvious brain damage.

Youth is wasted on the Young.

If So, Can We Send Some to Afghanistan?

New scientific research aims to answer the most important question in the Universe:

Would Neanderthal Man Kick the Living Shit Out of a Modern Human?

I remember having similar debates as a child of about 10, regarding my favorite comic book superheroes.

It's good to know that in this day and age of broke-ass Western Governments, someone managed to scrape up a few dollars to study this issue, and came to this, ironclad conclusion:

It Depends.

We at least got Tang out of the Apollo program.

From the "Psychiatry is Bullshit" Files...

Yesterday, as is my wont, I was watching television, when there happened to be a little program on the Learning Channel entitled Searching for Sanity. The premise of the show was that 10 strangers, five with diagnosed mental disorders, could be forced to live together for a week or something, given a bunch of onerous tasks to be completed as a team, all the while under the observation of a team of "psychiatric experts" who are kept in the dark about all the stranger's mental conditions.

The challenge was for the Psych Team to be able to pick out the head cases based on their activities and reactions. The Pshrinks were being tested to see if they could accurately distinguish the Moon-Howlers from the 'Normal' folks, and if they could make a diagnosis which was in line with the disorders on view. In addition, they were also being tested to see if they could distinguish between characteristics which are more accurately described as personality traits as opposed to full-blown mental diseases. And guess what happened?  
                                                                                          
The Pshrinks -- a Psychiatric Nurse, a Renown Psychiatrist, and a Professor of Psychiatry --were wrong about 60% of the time. They managed to tag members of the 'Control Group' as mentally ill when they weren't, and missed some of the insanity of the Rubber Room Brigade entirely.

All that clinical training, all that education, all that experience, and they had the same results you would expect as if they had simply guessed at Who's the Loony, or had a chicken peck at the Dingbats completely at random. Might as well have been blindfolded for the entire week. Before I completely destroy the Mental Health Profession for such dismal results, we need to take two things into consideration:

1. The test took place in England, where the Socialized Medical system has probably resulted in doctors who really don't give a shit. They're basically better-paid factory workers or trash collectors, who can't be sued for malpractice, and who have operated for years under a mess of government guidelines that are probably both contradictory and convoluted, and so there's bound to be some apathy, some bad work habits, and a lot of complacency within them.
                                                                                             
2. Some of the Mental Patients had been undergoing therapy for many years, or were on medications which masked their symptoms during the test. But the results were astounding, and reinforced, in my mind, something I've been saying for a very long time: Modern Psychology is complete and utter bullshit, very often practiced by individuals who only initially took psychiatry up in school so as to discover what was wrong with themselves.

After a near-decade on the couch myself, I've come to the conclusion that a Psychiatrist is merely someone who is often in a position to offer you some common-sense advice, but refrains from doing so because they like the $400, 45-minute hour too much. Only with a prescription pad. They substitute whatever cancer is eating away at your brain --Mommy didn't love me, the Little Green Men live under my bed, the World is out to Get Me -- with the super-addictive drugs of sympathy and empathy. That they're faking both doesn't occur to you. That sympathy and empathy is what keeps you coming back, like the heroin addict to the Spike, and allows Dr. Douche to get the leather and wood interior in the new Beemer this year. 
                       
And speaking of prescription pads, the Mental-Diseases-are-the-result-of-chemical-imbalances- in-the-brain school of psychiatry probably does more harm than good, dispensing a variety of meds that:

1. No one knows exactly how or why they work, and sometimes, even if they will.
2. Probably have no long-lasting therapeutic value.
3. Can be addictive.
4. Produce other health risks when used for extended periods of time.

Because giving you some drugs is a lot easier than having to listen to your bullshit, and then having to offer you some decent advice. Besides, it's covered by insurance, ain't it?

This is Your Brain On Drugs...And Your Ass on Mice...

It's also another reason why I moved back north.

Somehow, I'm certain the mouse was just an innocent bystander.

There's something about South Carolina that makes the men there sexual deviants. Maybe it's something in the water, the brain damage that comes from a daily six-pack and NASCAR, or all that inbreeding, but stories like this are fairly common in that part of the country. When I lived in Charlotte, the Observer (suitable for wrapping fish) or the local newscast was sure to carry at least one item involving a South Carolinian and a four-legged sexual partner (that and the church announcements were half the paper, usually)..

I've also worked with two men who were South Carolinians (not at the same company, or at the same time), and I can hardly remember a day where one of them wasn't speaking fondly of memories of afternoons spent porking watermelons warmed in the summer sun, a beloved sow who meekly submitted, a mule trained to back into your boner while you sat on the fencepost, a cousin arrested for doing nasty things to chickens, a good dog who did more than hunt, and so forth.

You think I'm kidding? Guess again; I've heard the stories so many times I can practically recite them word-for-word. Not only were those guys not embarrassed by the revelation of their sex lives on the farm, they seemed to think it was funny. I'll bet if you put two of these morons in the same room, they'd very quickly begin to try and "one-up" each other with tales of their barnyard conquests.

I'm surprised the Taliban hasn't been there to recruit some of these guys.

Exclusive! Ground Zero Mosque Goes Green...

So can we please finally stop with all that stuff about about Islam being an intolerant-terrorist-breeding-death cult obsessed with a book written by a child molester, living in abject fear of vaginas, and bent on World Domination?

After all, they care about Global Warming....and stuff.

The world needs Douchebags, too, I guess. It's just a pity that one of them gets paid to write this kind of crap.

This Is Your Brain On Drugs, Part II...

Huff enough paint, or inhale enough chemical fumes from the family business, and you're bound to come up with this sort of ridiculous idea. Why,you might even forget that you're a scion of one of America's wealthiest families, that you're writing in the Wall Street Journal, and that no one takes anyone named "Pierre" seriously.

Inject enough of your own smugness,and you just might be able to convince yourself that bringing attention to a business that got $151 million in unpopular Stimulus funds to build something doesn't exist for a product that no one wants to buy is an economic recovery success story, and example of those Green Energy jobs you keep insisting are just around the corner. Speaking of batteries; it looks as if Michelle could use some new ones, if you catch my drift.

Short of falling asleep in vat of LSD, it's difficult to see how you couldn't possibly make a better business decision than this.

Of course, there are those who prefer Opiates to Acid, and if you're one of those, you might think this is both a great idea, and a worthwhile use of government resources. Then again, you might look at who has advocated for it, and decide it might be a good idea to switch to crack.

And speaking of Crack, and it's vise-like hold upon selected segments of the population, we know all-to-well what happens when Crack is allowed to work it's ravages upon these helpless sub-populations; They manage to forget that they live in a technologically-advanced world in which their words and actions have usually been recorded someplace, so that the defense of "I never said/did that" becomes problematic, at best, asinine, at worst. But then again, they're crack users and most-likely high and beyond simple notions of decency, honesty and shame, so there's no reason at all to listen to them.

This Is Your Brain on Drugs...

a. If you smoked pot, you probably think Al Gore is still a potential candidate...for something...and is anything BUT a figure of Public Ridicule.

Here is the origin of the "Pining for the fjords"reference for those who don't know what it means. If you aren't a Monty Python fan, you are a dimwit, probably a democrat, and can't understand the English language, and most likely all three.

b. Drug addicts can be counted upon to do really stupid shit -- like injecting someone else's blood into their veins just to stretch the ol' drug budget out. How's that for an austerity plan? I guess all that money GWB sent to Africa to help cure AIDS might as well have been flushed down the fucking toilet. If Bono comes anywhere near me, I'm gonna fuck him up, and the next time someone asks me for money for African AIDS relief I shall tell them to Suck My Nuts; I'm inclined to let African AIDS victims die, after reading this.

c. Depending on how much coke you snort on any given day, you might actually believe that this is the best means of fighting terrorism. Yeah, it's a really good idea to give computer literacy classes to an asshole you've declared to be a permanent threat to National Security, so dangerous that he can never be released from prison. And we wonder why there's a $1 trillion deficit, and why a bunch of Mud-Age goatherds are able to hold off the U.S. Military in a country that wouldn't even make a decent sewer by third-world standards?

(H/T Instapundit, FFF, JWF)