Douchebag of the Week (12/13/13): John Boehner...

We haven't handed out many DOW awards recently, what with the only possible winner being our President it hardly seemed worth the effort, but yesterday was a different story.

For yesterday, Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner did something so fantastically stupid that it almost vies for the top spot on the Douchiest Things Any Human Being Could EVER Do In Order To Be Considered The Biggest Douche In The Universe List.

Herman Cain Kicks Ass; Morgan Freeman is One...

I’m about to take exception with Mr. Morgan Freeman, perhaps one of our top five American actors, in my estimation, for some ridiculously stupid comments he made regarding the Tea Party, and his contention that it is a racist organization.

Guess Who's Running for President in 2012? Part III...

Will this woman never go away?

I wonder how she'll finesse this whole Libya thing, what with her fingerprints being all over it. Then again, Her Husband finessed the whole perjury and obstruction of justice thing with Monica's fingerprints all over his Thing, so who knows? Perhaps being the professional slippery eel is the Family Business?

Hillary Clinton is yet one more shining example of how stupid -- or how disinterested -- the American Voting Public can be. People actually believed her when she said she couldn't produce her Rose Law Firm billing records, only to let the fact that they had been in a cardboard box on the White House dining room table all along, slip by without remark or outrage. They believed her whole 'Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy' nonsense.  Some even bought the crocodile tears in the 2008 election, knowing full well that Hillary was crying not because she had been treated unfairly, but because she was losing that which she had so adamantly believed was her birthright.

Despite the fact that she's as crooked as her husband's always-on-duty Pelvis Bazooka (allegedly), she managed to convince enough of the dingbats in New York state to vote her into the Senate, and they bought the whole "I'm a life-long Yankees fan' routine. Then again, most of the people who did buy that line of crap were either dependent upon Welfare, or brain-damaged libtards, so maybe that's not so surprising.

Hell, they even bought the whole 'Vince Foster committed suicide -- by shooting himself with a .38 that miraculously fires .22's, hiding the gun, and then transporting his own corpse to a Public Park' -- routine. You tell me: are people stupid or uninterested?

A vote for Hillary is simply a vote for Bill Clinton's Third Term.

Granted, in hindsight, we can now safely say that Hillary Clinton winning the Presidency in 2008 was, at the very least, the lesser of three evils -- perhaps even the Best Case Scenario given what we know now -- but not in 2012. Not in 2016. Not ever. It's time Mrs. Clinton left the stage.

She's starting to remind me of a case of herpes: you don't necessarily know where it came from, but you're pretty sure that you're never going to be rid of it.

In other Presidential News, it appears that King Barry I has, officially, thrown his crown into the race. Oh, sorry -- can't say 'race' in re: Obama. I mean, into the competition. What else was he supposed to do? Just quit? That would have been an admission of failure, and if there's one thing we know about His Heinous it's that failure is, indeed, the loneliest orphan in all the world, so far as he's concerned. Everyone else fails, but never Him. When Obama fails it's not because he advocated a bad idea, or chose the wrong policy or priority, it's because he didn't communicate his vision to the village idiots well enough.

Because we're just too stupid to understand his unparalleled brilliance.

That's why the man spent the first 15 months of his Presidency pushing a Health Care law that couldn't even be explained, and which has more landmines buried in it than the Eastern Front. Nancy Pelosi was right "We have to pass the bill to find out what's in it", but the more we learn the more we realize just why there was a 'communication gap': it's an absolute piece of crap which is an assault upon American Liberties and Pocketbooks, which was intended to pass ownership of your body to the government and push the private health care and insurance industries right out of business, while enriching the lawyers.

Obama still hasn't figured out how to explain why, if this ObamaCare thing is such a wonderful policy, 1,000 waivers (granted on the grounds of political necessity) have been issued.

Now you think about this: if you're still in the dark about what ObamaCare is supposed to accomplish, how it will be accomplished, how much it will cost, and what it means to you, the Citizen -- 27 months after the entire thing started --  is that just a minor communication issue that will be fixed by several dozen more Presidential Speeches -- with Smaller Words -- or is it an indication that something just plain smells on ice?

That's why we were treated to three years of  George Bush did this-that-and-the-other, except that Bush was (mostly) right, and when The Won adapted wholesale all the Bush policies on War and Terrorism, there was no admission of having been wrong to criticize them in the first place.

(Ed. Note: There is PLENTY to criticize GWB about, believe me, but the War on Terror was not one of them, at least in theory. Where Bush failed was in believing that the Muslim World could be reconciled, democratized and civilized instead of doing what he should have done starting September 12, 2001: kill as many of the bastards in the most hideous ways as he possibly could, caught Usama Bin Hidin', and then left a permanent scar on the collective psyche of the Muslims for centuries to come).

I don't know what, exactly, he's going to run on. I mean, you'd be hard-pressed to find an actual achievement. ObamaCare won't even be in effect come re-election time, and it might not even be in existence as even a distant memory by then, either, if the GOP manages to defund it.. Despite a rising stock market -- and by the way, I'm not so excited about a DOW 12,000, because I happen to know that 12,000 number is no closer to the truth of the real value of goods and services as Obama's pledge to Lower the Rising Seas was (more on this some other time) -- unemployment is still hovering around 10%, and in terms of underemployment, or people who have just given up looking for work, it's probably closer to 20%.

Obama practices the worst sort of crony capitalism -- something that Bush/Cheney were continually  accused of -- and doesn't even try to hide it. When Key Lay called the  White House, he was told to go fly a kite. When Jeff Immelt calls the White House, they call him 'Sir' and offer oral sex. The 'Green Energy Jobs' nonsense is a gigantic boondoggle that simply transferred public money to private investors who will never produce a viable product that the public wants. Ditto for Stimulus: it simply enabled politically-favored businesses and organizations to fatten up while the slop trough could still be filled.

But there were all those great photo-ops. Obama emerging from the surf. Obama playing golf. Obama receiving a Nobel Peace Prize for Being Black. Obama visiting the few unsoiled parts of the Gulf Coast before continuing his interminable summer vacation and filing a lawsuit against BP. I guess those sorts of images will sway some voters (i.e. those who still believe that Obama would pay their bills and fill their gas tanks, the rubes), but where the rubber meets the road, the Great Presidential Candidate Slayer question "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" will be asked, and Obama will have no answer for it, and his machinations in appearing to be answering it will be an all-too-obvious dog-and-pony show.

Of course, not all is hunky-fucking-dory on the other side of the isle, either.

The two men who could solve a good many of the most pressing national problems -- Newt Gingrich (are you running or what?) and Mitt Romney -- will have a hard time getting past the God, Guns, and Gays wing of the Republitard Party in most primaries. Gingrich changes wives and concubines more often than most men change their underwear, and Romney -- as if being a Mormon wasn't already the kiss of death in the South -- has the added, self-inflicted millstone of advocating and implementing a Socialized Medical system hanging around his neck.

Then there's the Tea Party faves, the ever-more-polished-but-ever-less-believable Sarah Palin, and the Thousand Yard Stare of Michelle Bachmann, to contend with. Both are lovely, intelligent ladies who do speak for a sizable segment of the populace, but neither has the oomph necessary to  actually win. They'll most likely play the role of spoiler in the same way that Ross Perot did for GHWB.

Then there's the Rockstar candidate, Donald Trump,a pop-culture icon who can appeal to the broad spectrum of doofuses who swallowed Obama, Clinton, and McCain as capable people. He has three advantages on his side: he's rich enough that he can't be bribed or bought, he's a successful businessman, and he's not a professional politician. These are actually qualities the people want in their leaders, these days.You dismiss him at your own peril.

Let's also not forget that the GOP also has it's own Plain Vanilla Wing of single-issue (anti-Deficit) voters who have vomited up a slew of unproven and unappealing names, Marco Rubio and Tim Pawlenty, being at the very top of the list, and of course, the new perennial Libertarian favorites -- anyone with the surname of ''Paul'.

If you're a GOP prospect your biggest fear is that the 'Establishment' GOP, represented by such stellar personalities as John Beohner and Mitch McConnell, will torpedo and cripple your candidacy before you even leave the gate, what with their blinkered belief that Modern Politics is still about the Art of Compromise and Appearing Reasonable.

It used to be an ironclad rule of electoral politics in America that one had to secure 'The Base' in order to win the Presidency, but it's getting harder and harder to identify just what each party's 'Base' is, these days. (By the way, doesn't 'Al'Qaeda', translated, mean 'The Base'?). Obama is getting pounded from the Left, while stalwart GOP'ers are pounded from the Right and Center. I don't think there's any more 'Base' left, on either side, to nail down.

Whoever wins in 2012 will be the person who succeeds in managing the Center, while keeping just enough of the near-to-center elements of his party in line to scrape out a close electoral win. We'll see if I'm right in the next two years, but the ride is going to be a very bumpy one, indeed.

Judas Only Got 30 Pieces of Silver...

Staten Island Tea Party leader who hates ObamaCare, and preaches the Gospel of Smaller Government, takes city government job with iron-clad, tax-payer-paid-for health benefits.

I knew there was a reason why I didn't associate with the Staten Island Tea Party.

I don't know Mr. Santarpia personally, but there was always something about this man that I instinctively disliked. Perhaps it was the Glenn Beck-wannabe nature of the SITP website (not linking to it). Maybe it was the fact that the SITP membership often reminded me of one of the more unpleasant aspects of life on this island, namely, the Elderly Who Remember When there Were Farms Here and who regard the rest of us who arrived on these shores post-1965 the same way one would regard a host of locusts. Incontinent locusts, at that.

1965 was when the Verrazano-Narrows bridge opened, linking Brooklyn with Staten Island. It led to a real estate boom (funny, but Mr. Santarpia is a real-estate mogul, isn't he?) that many oldtimers around here liken to the days when westward-pushing settlers chased the Plains Indians off their land, and destroyed the idyll of the island. Only without the slaughters and smallpox. The smallpox was what they had here in the 19th century,and The Immigrants brought that with them. Oh, and cows. In fact, there were once riots here on Staten Island over the internment of 'quarantined' immigrants in local hospices, I think after a cholera epidemic ran loose.

Anyways, all of us Guineas from over the Gangplank (as Italians here are often known) and the Shanty Irish ruined this place, those oldtimers say. Nowadays, that Old Breed of Staten Islander is too old to work, so all they do is sit around and talk about the good old days, bitch about Modern Life, and count the seconds until the Grim Reaper keeps his appointment with them. Other than that, they mostly sit around and vote, or rather, wait for someone to come by and tell them how to vote.Like Santarpia. He reminded them of Nathan Hale, whom they remember fondly from grammar school.

The SITP can boast some younger members, true, but they tend to the more conservative (in terms of money, not so much the social issues, because if you saw how their children behave you'd wonder why it is anyone bothers to go to church or pay for Catholic school).Mostly, they tend to be the newer class of Really-Upper-Middle-Class douchebags who have tried to break into the Staten Island GOP ranks for the last 30 years, but have been stymied because their names aren't 'Molinari'. Santarpia always struck me as one of those guys -- someone who believed he was entitled to be in city government because he was rich, dammit, but couldn't get into the Club -- which is why when I decided to look into this Tea Party thing, I quickly came to the decision that I wouldn't follow this guy into my own house.

For those of you who aren't familiar with that name, Guy Molinari was the Borough President of Staten Island when Christ still wore short pants, and held that post for longer than many care to remember. In fact, Molinari's name is probably scratched on every cave wall from Tottenville to St. George. His daughter, Susan, was a republican congresswoman who gave the address at the 1992 (I believe) Republican convention. Guy Molinari, they say, made Rudy Guiliani. In the Brain-dead Wing of the NY GOP, it was once spoken in hushed whispers that Susan would one day be decent presidential material, however, she gave up politics to be a wife and mother. Truthfully, I would have voted for her. The Molinaris are regarded as political kingmakers in this City.

Anyways, back to Santarpia.

In the last mid-term election, Santarpia's legions helped defeat Congressdick Mike McMahon, who, quite frankly, is a gigantic douchebag, so it's not as if it was a major feat. McMahon was elected to Congress in the special election (or was it 'erection'?) that followed the resignation of Rep. Vito Fossella, Staten Island's very own one-man DWI and Baby-Daddy show. McMahon was replaced by Rep. Michael Grimm, who won with considerable Tea Party support, and since Grimm has been sworn in, Santarpia has been up his ass on a fairly constant basis. I guess Frankie believes that he's bought Grimm, he should be able to call the tune he dances to, as well.

It wasn't long ago that Santapia started his other pet project, which was to get Tea Partiers into every low-level elected or appointed office they could manage to snare. Of course, that was supposed to be for the public good; if the Tea Party was 'on the inside', the rationale went, they'd be in a better position to put the brakes on the worst abuses of government.

Unless you're a retired real-estate magnate who tires of paying for his own health insurance, I guess. Then accepting an appointment from a republican who's up for re-election (or perhaps seeking higher office; James Oddo is a damned good guy, and effective councilman, who's wasting his talents at City Hall) is both a good way to relieve yourself of that expense, and getting the ear of another politician (or getting your claws into him).

Personally, I don't care about Frank Santarpia, and I don't care about the Staten Island Tea Party, which, by the way, could find better things to do then fret whether queers are allowed to march in the local St. Patrick's Day parade. The only reason they cared, I bet, is because the Staten Island Democratic Club were pushing the issue. In the end, there was a kerfuffle over the parade, and during the parade, and the Tea Party was right in the thick of it.

Which dovetails very nicely with all that "lower taxes, smaller government" bullshit Santarpia's spouted for the last two years, doesn't it?

Without a Clue and Out-of-Touch...

I'm tired of being lectured to and patronized by politicians. Especially a particular sort that can use such hackneyed phrases as "fighting for working families", "for the average American", "the working man".

Did it ever occur to anyone that the people who can claim such affinity with the "average" person have no idea what it is to be an average person? Particularly if they've been in Washington for any length of time?

I mean, how many "average" people do you know who make asinine statements like this, and then consider themselves serious individuals:

" We have to pass the bill to find out what's in it..."

" I voted for it before I voted against it..."

"I didn't inhale..."

"We are the Change we've been waiting for..."

How many people do you know who can hit the road with a populist message about the dreadful divide between the rich and the so-called poor in America who live on a 30-acre estate with a rambling mansion on it? How many people do you know with a mansion and a multi-million-dollar bank account who can claim commonality and solidarity with the hourly-wage earner? What, exactly, does that sort of millionaire have in common, in terms of lifestyle and material comforts, with the waitress, the cab driver or the janitor?

How many people do you know who can say, like Gov. Rendell of Pennsylvania did recently on The Colbert Show, that the first thing he's going to do when he leaves office is to learn to drive a car, -- because he hasn't driven himself anywhere for the last 25 years? How many people do you know have had someone else perform such a mundane tasks for them for the last quarter century? And had it paid for by the taxpayer, to boot?

How many of us have had the opportunity to do any of the following:

Spend billions, of other people's money, to get elected to office?

Spend trillions, of other people's money, in order to secure a career once elected?

Receive Secret Service protection, chauffeur-driven cars, a private Super Airliner with all the bells and whistles, at someone else's expense?

Travel around the world on "The People's Business" on the People's Dime?

Rub elbows with the richest and most influential people in the world, all of whom are eager to crack open a checkbook, or offer all sorts of gifts and promises, just to bend your ear? And get your vote on something they care about?

Exempt ourselves from a law that everyone else must obey?

Spend our days shuffling papers -- actually, the paper-shuffling gets done by highly-paid"aides" -- engage in yelling matches at your political opponents across the Senate floor, and making multiple appearances on television to spew pablum, in a $5,000 suit?

Our politicians would have you believe that they can do these things, enjoy these privileges, but that somehow it doesn't change them. Congressman Douchebag and Senator Dingleberry are just the same as Joe the Plumber or Steve the Car Wash attendant, always was, always will be. They try to convince you that they have not become some sort of snobbish, insulated Elite that has lost touch with the reality of everyday life; that they still maintain a connection with the Common Man in America, while they go about the business of passing legislation that the Common Man doesn't want, spending money they've appropriated from the Common Man that he can ill afford, and then borrowing even larger sums, leaving the Common Man with the bill.

In what world does borrowing, printing -- or simply inventing out of thin air -- a trillion dollars on behalf of the Average American, while making the Average American pay the massive interest on that debt, sound like a good idea? Does that sound like something the Working Families in your town can do? Would choose to do, if given that choice?

Why is it that when someone in Washington, D.C. feels the urge to spend our cash, it always comes with a sermon? The usual self-serving nonsense about how the expenditure is consistent with "our values", or it's "for the children", or that "we need to do this, as a Country"?

Here's a thought; if you don't think the people in the United States Congress aren't an Elite class, then wrap your head around this; there are fewer people in Congress than there are players in the National Football League.

Five-hundred-and-thirty-five people, to be exact. That's a rather small club, don't you think?How about this one:

Those same 535 people have the ability to affect the lives, positively or negatively, of 300 million others. In fact, if you really want to think about it, those 535 people have the ability to affect the lives of every person on this planet, in some way.

Still don't think that's an Elite club? Let's summarize. Stick this in your pipe and smoke it:

Your life is being affected by the actions of 535 people who got themselves elected with other people's money, so that they may spend other people's money, while they enjoy a lifestyle of private jets, government-subsidized office space, a retinue of servants, international travel, protective details, gaining the favor of the rich and powerful -- so that they can get their money, too. They are writing laws and creating systems which you must obey and pay for, but which they routinely excuse themselves. Some have been at it long enough to have forgotten how to do for themselves: they cannot drive cars, they probably haven't been inside a dry cleaners or supermarket for ages. They probably don't shine their own shoes, make their own meals, or even lick their own stamps. That's what staff is for.

Still not convinced that your average denizen of Sodom-on-the-Potomac is living in another solar system? How about this:

I seem to remember in the 1990's, when Hillary Clinton was trying to deliver band-aids and eyedrops to the world, she used to bandy about the "fact" that 46 million Americans didn't have health insurance. Fast-forward to 2008, and Barack Obama was claiming that 30 million Americans don't have health insurance. How was it that the 16 million people left the ranks of the uninsured between 1992 and 2008, without government intervention? Was that not an indication that the free market was working it's magic, and close to 1 million folks every year were getting insurance all on their own?

(Why hasn't anyone pointed out this disparity in numbers, btw? Oh, right: the Elite are entitled to their own truth, too).

To those of us who don't make our living via politics, of course it does; if you assume Hillary's or Barack's number was essentially correct.The truth is probably that no one, not Hillary Clinton, not Barack Obama, actually knew or knows how many Americans didn't have health insurance. Nor really cares. For all we know, the numbers are entirely fake, generated for political purposes. In any case, it was "evidence" of a "crisis" in American healthcare that required socialized medicine to remedy. So, ObamaCare was rammed down our throats by whatever means could be contrived.

And just last week, Nancy Pelosi tells us -- in defense of ObamaCare -- that 50 million Americans now don't have health insurance (sorry, I cannot produce a source for this; I simply heard it on television, but can't recall where).

In the circles that you, the Average American, move in, if you were to tell your boss that there's a problem that requires a drastic plan of action to correct -- a plan you just happen to have drawn up and handy -- and it was based upon false assumptions, and then, predictably, it fails, what do you think happens to you? In the real world, you get fired; you're walking the unemployment line. In the world of the people who "fight for America" they get to continue on the job so long as they can manage re-election. They get executive positions at Goldman-Sachs when they leave office, or someone pays them a great deal of money to write their memoirs. People who are immune to this simple aspect of real life -- that failure has consequences -- are somehow, just like you? Are able to feel your pain? Are inclined to"fight" for you?

Now, I don't know about you, but if I did things like this I wouldn't be surprised that there's so much "violent rhetoric" surrounding our politics, and if I were a politician I would, rightly, be scared shitless over it; it's the first indication that the jig is up.

Mid-term elections in which my party gets creamed and the other party feels uneasy, even in apparent victory, is simply another conformation that, perhaps, I'd better quit while I'm ahead, and reverse course if at all possible. Perhaps this is an indication that I've been "fighting" the wrong battles.

This idea that your Member of Congress is just "One of Us" who is slavishly serving our interests while jealously protecting his own holds more truth than the illusion of the public paragon of virtue, stout defender of the yeoman masses. It's usefulness as a rhetorical device to the people who have managed to perpetrate this scam is rapidly coming to an end. Now deeds, and not just words, are being noted. Authenticity rather than Style is coming back into vogue in American politics. Proof of intent and result are in demand. The sheltered life of the career patrician legislator, wheeling, dealing and collecting or bestowing favors while creating monstrosities of government bureaucracy lavishly funded by money that doesn't exist, is now on it's way to becoming a thing of the past.

With it's passing, we're about to see an old-line style of politician disappear, too. I hope.

The generation of politicians which came of age in the 1960's and 70's which currently dominates American politics -- the generation of Woodstock, the Welfare State and the Government Program for everything under the Sun -- are slowly being driven out. They lose at the ballot box, they are exposed by ten million folks with access to YouTube and Facebook. The generation which created this crippling debt, this overpowering government, this stifling regulatory climate that threatens to destroy the natural creativity and liberties of the American people, has made themselves rich and comfortable while they did it. But no more; the Inmates now have thepower and ability to run the Asylum.

Those old-style libtard pols will still claim solidarity with the unwashed rubes they call "constituents". Just like they held with "the masses" back in the 1960's. They were posers and phonies back then, and they're only richer posers and phonies now; the generation that "spoke truth to power", and "fought the Establishment" is now the Establishment themselves, and they have committed all of the crimes and excesses that they once accused their political and ideological enemies of, only with far worse consequences.

Imagine: all this damage has been done by, perhaps, a few hundred or maybe thousand people, who belong or once belonged to either house of Congress or the White House. It wasn't the people on Main Street, West Bumfuck, U.S.A. who did this: it was the Elite in Washington, D.C. If Joe Sixpack is guilty of anything, it's of having been conned by pros, and wasting his votes and tax dollars on them. Then again, Joe Sixpack is often a drooling idiot, and the Pros depended upon that fact, and a compliant media, to work their magic.

But those days are over, too. Joe Sixpack may not understand all the finely-tuned, well-oiled bullshit of how it is that NOT spending $1 trillion dollars we don't have, will have to borrow, print or invent with a banker's keystroke, blows either a $700 billion or $450 billion hole in the deficit -- depending on which party you listen to -- but he certainly DOES understand that he'll be on the hook for that $700 or $450 billion, or the 30/46/50 million without insurance, the 10/12/15 million here illegally, and the cost of President Obama --and Her Husband's -- 15 vacations this year.

He might not know shit, but he can look in his wallet and see what's there...or mostly, NOT there.

That's a problem the 535 don't seem to have, because if they did, they might do things differently. Then again, creatures of habit that they are they might have just continued to act stupidly, and just not given a shit. They can afford to buy their office all over again, come next election cycle, or depend on arcane and contradictory Federal Election Law and Campaign Finance Reform (which they wrote for their own protection) to keep any serious contender off the ballot.

After all, doesn't everybody just do that?

The next time I hear a politician, of either party, claim to be One of Us I just might start throwing punches.

Some Predictions for 2011...

I normally don't do this, but someone asked for it. His name and address will be withheld for his own personal safety. I'm not Nostradamus, and come to think of it, he was an Asshole: if his "predictions" are so damned good, how come they only make sense AFTER something happens? What kind of useless power is that?

Anyways, here's some things that I can see happening in America in the year 2011;

1. Hillary Clinton quits as Secretary of State, and announces her candidacy for President in 2012. She will talk up a heady Far-Left agenda in an attempt to outflank Obama with the disaffected pseudo-revolutionaries, aging hippies, and welfare queens of the New Left. This new-and-more-Lefty Hillary will be in marked contrast to the woman who spent the four years prior to 2008 positioning herself as a moderate, and has changed positions more often than Bill and Monica did. This transparently dishonest charade will go completely unremarked upon by anyone at (P)MSNBC. No one will call her a "quitter" for leaving the Senate, or abandoning her post as Secretary of State, because only Republican Woman ever quit to take better jobs and more money. When a Libtard does it, it's all in the name of Public Service, which somehow always means you leave Public Service with a really big bank account. The only thing worse than a Hilliary Clinton victory in 2012 will be the sight of Bill doing the pimp-walk back into the White House.

2. Mitt Romney will become the GOP front-runner for President in 2012 in the early polling, but will eventually be defeated in his quest to become Leader of the Free World because no one will vote for him in the Bible belt, where being a Mormon is synonymous with "Devil Worshiper" and "Baby Rapist", and only slightly better than "Catholic". This will leave the GOP hard-pressed to find a decent candidate that doesn't creep people out, have a secret pedophile past, bore them to death with invocations of the deity, or talk like a Tea-partier-but-possess-a-democrats-record. Which means that Mike Huckabee somehow sticks around far longer than he has any right to expect to bore the bejesus out of us with all his Jesus talk, and somehow manages to wrangle a VP slot from whatever hybrid Country Club-Inbred Redneck republican candidate the Tea Party happens to choose for them.

3. Michelle Obama finally fesses up, and reveals a secret so shocking that you will be amazed that it was successfully kept for all these years; she is actually a post-op transsexual, and used to play power forward at an NCAA Division I school that actually made it to the Sweet Sixteen, but was ultimately defeated by (who else?) Duke; a game in which she scored 12 points, and had 4 rebounds, coming in off the bench, but ultimately, fouled out, her sharp elbows more curse than aid that day. President Obama, stunned by the news, deals with this mighty personal blow by taking yet another vacation, this time to do some soul-searching and to re-evaluate his life, in Jamaica, Amsterdam, Las Vegas and Tierra Del Fuego. Upon his return, he and Michelle reconcile their differences over a game of HORSE in the Rose Garden.

4. Sarah Palin does what every woman does at least once in her life, given the opportunity. She entices the "return to the 1950's" wing of the Republican party right down to the very last second in 2011, showing a flash of political leg here, heaving a breathless, bosomy rhetorical sigh there, winking at the True Believers, batting her Conservative eyelashes at the Falling-All-Over-Themselves-Just-to-Be-Close-To-Her. She'll take their money. She'll drink in their adoration. She'll laugh at their stupid jokes, and playfully giggle at their innuendo, or perhaps, give a speech that gently caresses the back of their hands, before quickly withdrawing her lightest, gossamer touch. When the date is over, as they're standing on the front porch in that moonlit-awkward moment, she'll give them a handshake goodnight, trot out the old I-had-a-great-time-don't-call-me-I'll-call-you-quickly-duck-inside-slam-the-door-routine, and avoid those disappointed Conservatives at the Malt Shop for the rest of the school year. That's right, Sarah Palin eventually turns out to be a political cocktease, because she can't win, and hell, there's more money to be made soaking the rubes and getting free publicity out of your fertility.

5. Senator John McCain suffers a debilitating stroke or heart attack, and must step down from his by-now-largely-ceremonial post as Senator from Arizona. In the ensuing special election, McCain is ultimately succeeded by the GEICO Gecko, who has now also become the Official State Bird of Arizona (conservative commentators will remark that such things must be expected in a state populated by a growing number of Alzheimer's cases and illegal aliens who can't read the English ballots, and consequently, have no fucking clue just what they're voting for in the first place). The U.S. Senate will honor McCain with a Minute of Anti-Aircraft-Fire-and-Loud-Voices-Screaming-In-Vietnamese on the Senate Floor. In addition, Congress will authorize the John McCain Memorial Border Gate, a cardboard door mounted upon a single, rusty hinge, placed at a strategic gap in the Border Fence that will be opened or closed on alternate days in recognition of the Senator's principled stand on the issue of illegal immigration, and of his Herculean efforts to secure America's borders. *

6. Osama Bin Laden will make an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. having been granted the necessary travel and work visas by the Obama Administration. After yukking it up with Jay for an evening, bin Laden will be invited to the White House where President Obama will apologize profusely about all those close-call Predator strikes, and promises that it won't happen again if only Al'Qaeda pinkie-swears not to be mean to us anymore. Bin Laden agrees, but the deal is suddenly called off when Joe Biden spills his soup in Bin Laden's lap, and steals the cherry off his Parfait Desert, when no one is looking. The next day, there is a mushroom cloud billowing over Los Angeles, and President Obama will take great decisive action by going on vacation after this exhausting round of successful negotiations, which Chris Matthews will call "the greatest feat of American diplomacy, evah!" just as the fallout begins to descend on the east side of the Rockies.

7. Someone will, finally, shoot Rep. Anthony Weiner (Douche - NY) and Senator Charles Schumer (Dingbat - NY), two of the most annoying people to ever walk the face of the Earth. Schumer will survive the assassination attempt, if only because the .38 caliber bullet fired from a range of seven feet did not possess the power to actually penetrate his thick skull, and bulletproof inanity. Weiner, however, will not fare so well; his killer knew enough to shoot Weiner in the ass -- which was closer to his brain -- and after 72 hours of being kept alive by various machines, a little-known provision of ObamaCare kicks in, in which Weiner's plug must be pulled, his friends and family mercilessly teased by hospital staff, his organs harvested and auctioned to the highest (foreign) bidder, and his remains cremated and sold to be used as an additive to kitty litter. By such methods, American health care is kept as affordable and efficient as ever, and the populace is reassured that there is, indeed, Cosmic Justice.**

8. President Obama will return from a minimum of five vacations this year. It will be remarked that Air Force One works harder than he does, and the person who makes that remark will be shouted down by the media for being the absolute worst of racists. Two days later, Al Sharpton will remark that White People want to burn Black Babies in the Womb, and Infect the Black Elderly with Ebola , and he'll be applauded by the same media for his superior"Social Conscience", and actually taken seriously.

9. Nancy Pelosi will finally have that exorcism that she's been putting off for the last three decades. In the process, we will find out that the woman who became Speaker of the House and ran roughshod over the Constitutional Process, was actually a demon named Larry from the 345th layer of the Abyss, who has no idea how it was that he came to be entwined with the soul of Pelosi, as he thought he was catching a train to Scarsdale. In an exclusive interview with People magazine, Larry will tell the harrowing tale of being trapped inside such an unattractive body, but lift your spirits with his "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade..." philosophy, which he discovered when he came to painful terms with his imprisonment; If you're going to be stuck inside a cast-iron bitch with a black soul that frightens even the demonspawn, you might as well make the best of it. He takes credit for the devious manner in ObamaCare was passed, and the $14 trillion National Debt. Larry will later be the hands-down winner of the Hellspawn Award, given in recognition of great contributions to Earthly Chaos and Black-hearted Evil, and personally decorated for his actions by Satan himself. Of course, Larry will be wearing Chanel on the Big Evening, and simply can't wait for the Joan Rivers Red Carpet interview.

10. Vice President Joe Biden will have emergency surgery to remove a small fragment of brain lodged in his skull. In a daring, never-before-tried medical procedure (paid for by the Gold-plated private medical insurance that all members of the Executive Branch were given for free under Obamacare), doctors will try to perform the first Anoencephaloplasty, in which they will try to save the brain fragment by implanting it in Biden's rectum. They decide this risky maneuver is the safest and most logical thing to do, seeing as how Biden's head is already firmly ensconced within his asshole. The operation will be a success, and Biden will have finally learned his alphabets, and to tie his shoes. These accomplishments make him the hands-on favorite to win the democratic nomination for 2012. As the Vice President convalesces, President Obama takes a quick trip to Rio De Janiero for Mardi Gras, and then plays a month of golf in Scotland.

* = we here at the Asylum certainly do not wish any misfortune upon Senator McCain.

** = we here at the Asylum certainly do wish the worst-possible misfortunes upon Rep. Weiner and Sen. Schumer, we're just not advocating that someone actually take any action in that regard, nor that anyone should take it upon themselves to go hunting for these men.

There's a Reason The Iron Curtain Lasted As Long As It Did....

You can debate the ultimate cause all you want, but my vote for the Number One Reason Why Communism Lasted As Long as It Did in Eastern Europe is...

A large population of brainless simpletons.

There is apparently something very wrong with Romanians.

On the other hand, citizens protesting tax hikes put in place by a wasteful government is something to cheer. I especially like this woman's entrepreneurial spirit:

"This law is very good," said Mihaela Minca. "It means that our magic gifts are recognized and I can open my own practice."

Perhaps if Christine O'Donnell had been the Tea Party candidate for President of Romania, she might have won...

Unions: Guaranteeing Stupid People Jobs at Salaries They Could Never Earn in The Free Marketplace...

How Union members Christmas Carol.

Harken back to the heath care debates, the Town Hall meetings, the fight over GM and Chrysler Bailouts. Remember how the Unions tried to "fight for their rights" to keep cushy jobs at inflated salaries that bankrupted their employers back then? Usually by beating their opponents up (typically elderly Tea Party folks and Conservatives).

(Ed. Note: Forgot to mention this: the Obama Stimulus Bill was largely a pay-off to Public-Sector Unions for their political support, which is why it has so little positive economic effect).

The truth is that Unions exist to protect the following categories of people:

a. The Stupid
b. The Lazy
c. Thugs
d. All of the above.

Without a Union job, these categories of people would be limited in their career choices. Their choices would be:

a) Orange jumpsuits
b) Any job that required them to ask a customer if they wanted fries with that.

Now, mind you, that's a broad-brush description of the Unions, I'll admit. I do happen to know plenty of people who aren't stupid, lazy, or thuggish, and who belong to a Union. I also probably know twice as many who are, and the good Union folks are outnumbered by the bad ones by, in my estimation, a 3-to-1 margin.

If the Union doesn't exist to ensure the drooling knuckle-draggers in society have (arguably-)gainful employment, then it exists to extort the best possible kickbacks for itself under the guise of Worker's Rights. In a day and age of the EEOC, Civil Rights legislation up the wazoo, an overly-litigious society, and Diversity-for-the-fucking-sake-of-it, exactly what rights is the Union guaranteeing, besides inflated wages from which it takes a healthy cut?

And what does the Union do with that money? Well, after it pays it's executives handsomely for being a bunch of douchebags spouting communist boilerplate, it buys politicians. Democratic ones, because they're the closest in terms of commie sympathies to the Union executives, so they can keep the scam going. But when the executives aren't busy doing that, they're organizing a bunch of Neanderthals to trespass on private property on Christmas for the sake of yelling "Fuck You!"at the people who employ them, the ungrateful bastards.

Money quote from the article:

"Yes, those evil business owners who are trying to cut costs because a president who the unions supported and donated money to is forcing business to trim costs so they can afford his massive health control law and other regulations thrown on them. If the unions are unhappy with this then perhaps then need to look at the economic situation this president has created instead of blaming skittish business owners simply trying to stay afloat in a dismal economic period."

The Unions supported Obama, they can now think about just what that support has cost them. Right after they start thinking about what their members are costing America; right now, New York, California and several other states are on the verge of insolvency, if not outright bankruptcy, because they will not be able to bear the costs of their Public Union pension obligations.

I can promise you that if these states go into default, the first thing the Federal bankruptcy judges will do, with the connivance of democrats in Congress and Obama, will be to allow states to abrogate those pension promises, and give the Big Purple Shaft to all those Union people. Will they then bus themselves to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. to shout "Fuck You!" at the Savior of the Universe?

Or will they just start beating up elderly folks engaged in the exercise of their Civil Rights again?

I await the answers to these questions eagerly.

The next time someone tells you that a labor union exists to ensure the rights of the working man, and to advance concepts of fundamental fairness and brotherhood, make sure you ask them if busing people in to beat up Tea Partiers, or to intimidate a man's family by shouting obscenities on his front lawn on Christmas Eve is really the best way of doing those things.

Here's an example of what happens when the Unions collude with politicians:

Teacher accused of sexual assault spends 13 years in Rubber Room...With full Pay and Benefits.

Totally-related true story: All this stuff about the rights and needs of the Working Man reminded me of the ultimate fate of a friend of my father's, who was a member of UAW. This man had begun working for GM sometime in the late-1950's/early 60's as a Leader (that's the metal, Lead, and not as some sort of General) back in the days when auto chasis were slathered in layers of lead as an anti-rusting measure.

Sometime in the 1970's -- I believe after Nixon had created the EPA in any case -- the use of lead in car bodies came to an abrupt end. Too dangerous, too polluting. However, this would have meant the forced unemployment of thousands of UAW members,and so the Unions fought to keep leaders on the job. Only they weren't always on the assembly line or reassigned to other jobs. So, "Frank" basically had a job that he showed up to where his only obligation was to punch a time clock, and where he had the access to tools and materials to make little lead figurines all day.

In fact, I was given some of the lead soldiers "Frank" used to make as playthings when I was a child.

Anyways, sometime in the (I think) mid-1980's, "Frank" dropped dead of a massive heart attack, just a few years shy of full retirement. I remember people saying at the time that "Frank" was, indeed, fortunate to have perished so quickly, for had he lingered much longer, he would have suffered a much worse fate because he was beginning to show the effects of prolonged expsure to lead. Had he actually lived longer, his life would have been one of incredible pain and discomfort, shuffling between one hospital and another waiting for transplants, because many of his major organs were damaged beyond repair by lead poisoning.

The UAW, far from protecting his rights and seeing to his needs, would probably have killed him via lead poisoning in the process of "saving" his redundant and unecessary job, just so that the UAW could continue to collect his union dues with which to bribe politicians and enrich the Union Execs.

Charles Schumer: Delusional Peckerhead...

Via HotAir, Senator Chuck (Schmuck) Schumer says he interpreted the Tea Party victory this past fall as the triumph of average Americans who didn't want tax cuts for the rich.

Personally, I don't think Chuckie has ever told the truth a day in his life. In fact, I'm pretty sure Schumer did what the rest of the democratic party did this past summer and totally ignored the Tea Party, thinking they were either just some lunatic fringe, or even better, a force that was going to tear the republican party apart, leaving democrats holding far more levers of power than they ever had before.

Chuck Schumer wouldn't know a Tea Party from a hole in the wall. Primarily because he's an elitist snob who doesn't mix with the hoi polloi, but mostly because Chuck Schumer couldn't find his own ass with both hands and a compass, on a good day. Clueless Chuck probably lives in a Washington fog so thick you couldn't cut it with a chainsaw.

Schumer is a machine. The purpose of this machine is to spew libtard boilerplate 24-7-365, and to occasionally advance stupid ideas past the point of prudence, or even of good taste, and still call it "governance". The machine exists to get Schmuck on the front pages and before the television cameras as much as possible, your presumed effectiveness and professionalism as a legislator somehow corresponding to the number of times you're seen by, or mentioned in the media. Therefore, it has been programmed to advance stupid causes that no human being could adequately explain or advocate for with a straight face.

There is absolutely no "issue" that Chuck Schumer won't "fight" for.

I'm positive that if someone contacted the Senator's office today, and complained that the practice of putting a cotton ball at the top of the aspirin bottle was offensive to African-Americans (who would have to pick the cotton in order to get at the aspirin), Schumer would rush to be on (P)MSNBC this afternoon to announce he's introducing the Cotton-Free Aspirin For African-Americans Act, and that it was necessary to bring forth legislation to deal with this serious problem which has now reached crisis proportions. Millions of African-Americans suffer from needless headaches, he'll say, because the simple act of getting an analgesic reminds them of the legacy of slavery.

And of course,we'll need higher taxes to finance it, Big Pharma will have to be sued, and the nasty Republicans will try to block this vitally-important legislation because they're gangsters, thugs, and former slave-owners, all, who are angry that a (half-) black man is in the White House.

Schumer stopped being a figure that one might take seriously a very long time ago. He is a caricature of the old-time 70's-style liberal who never met a bad-idea-poorly-executed-by-government that couldn't be lavishly funded beyond belief by someone else's money.The great mystery to me is how it is that such a lying, self-important, self-promoting dickhead manages to get himself re-elected.

New York State has, perhaps, the worst and most-embarassing Congressional delegation in all of America.

Thomas Friedman: Peckerhead...

The New York Times pays this douche a lot, for writing with the insight --and vocabulary --of a fourth grader, and for pretending to be smarter than you average Irish Setter...and not me?

Tea Parties Are More like "Tea Kettle" Parties.

Friedman makes two mistakes here; the first is that he's writing about something he so obviously knows nothing about. The second is to believe that anyone who isn't already a retard takes him seriously.

I'm sure the premise behind your "opinion piece" was received with a great deal of giggling from your panty-bunched-stick-up-their-asses-libtard-metrosexual-asshole-butt-buddies at the Times water cooler, Tom, but you shouldn't have taken that as a tacit encouragement to write something this incredibly vapid. You should know by now that when the nancy-boys at the Times snicker so, it isn't because they've found your little diatribe oh-so-clever; it's because they've just wet themselves. They like the feeling of wet shorts against their skin, and they also derive a sick pleasure from their own urine...

So do you -- don't deny it.

Unfortunately, one has to reach the very, very end of Mr. Friedman's Tour-de-Force of ignorance to reach the only sentence which makes sense, or which allows the reader to momentarily feel as if the effort required to get through Friedman's nonsense wasn't a total waste of time;

"Maureen Dowd is off Today".

That Didn't Take Very Long, Did It?

In response to this post, I got the usual diatribe about the difference between "REAL Conservatives" and RINOs ("Republican-in-name-only"). The writer, who was such a cowardly little bastard that he/she responded Anonymously (they all do, you know), made reference to my oft-repeated opinion that, for some, "conservatism" means only holding to a very narrow interpretation of Scripture-approved axioms, particularly when it comes to the topic of homosexuals.

I needed to be taken to the woodshed and educated on just why this small-but-vocal wing of the republican party was right. They always are, you know (smell that? It was sarcasm).

"God Hates Fags" this brave Bible Warrior assures me, making certain that I got the message by conveying it in bold italics with seven exclamation points, and two useless verses of Scripture to back it up (one predictable mental defect in these people is that they can always be counted upon to quote a verse which is often totally divorced from the topic at hand, and presented to you as unshakable truth. It's almost as if by reciting the Good Book word-for-word, in any context, the argument is supposed to be over, and they've won it, you fucking Heathen!).

God doesn't "Hate Fags" if only because:

a. God doesn't exist.

b. If She did exist, then you would have to admit that she created Fags, and in Her image, too. She also created people who can decide that blowing up supermarkets and turning passenger planes into WMD's is legitimate political discourse. She's created headhunters, child molesters, robber barons and Nazis, too. The idea that God is a benevolent force that can do no wrong and is possessed of an infinite ability to love is belied by the fact that She also created Ebola, Cancer, Malaria, and bears some moral responsibility for the "Jersey Shore". God as the ultimate force for good and justice in the universe is a human invention. An omnipotent and omniscient God devoted to the cause of good would not have produced the world we live in, with war, the more disgusting aspects of human nature, disease, natural disasters, and the often-contradictory and violent natures of our religion and politics.

And the idea that God gave Man free will to disobey Her by conscious action is one that has long outlived it's usefulness. Manipulating guilt is one of the tools used Communists and Socialists to come to power and excuse the worst of abuses, you know.

The God of the Old Testament (you know, the one that flooded the planet, destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, tormented Job, and tried to keep Adam and Eve from gaining wisdom?) bears no resemblance to the God of the New Testament. That Old God was all "Thou shall not" this and "I will smite thee" that, and the New-and-Improved version was all "turn the other cheek and love they neighbor". Either God mellowed, someone is laboring under some serious misunderstandings, or the whole thing is being made up as we go along, and fags are (one of many groups) suffering for it.

c. Someone has to enforce the unwritten "No White After Labor Day" rule.

Spare me, please.

There are no more "real conservatives", and the word -- much like it's counterpart "liberal" -- no longer means what it once did. In the past, a conservative was one who espoused Classically Liberal ideals about personal freedom and the role of government in securing innate human rights. Now the term has been hijacked to encompass a movement which is less dedicated to personal rights as much as it is to imposing it's own belief system upon others for it's own (mental) comfort.

These people are the "Base" of the modern Right, much like the libertines and welfare queens are the base of the Modern Left, and they're angry about Tea Parties and such. While they most certainly agree with the anti-Tax/Anti-corruption thrust of the Tea Party, they often can't square that with their requirement that everyone think and behave and believe as they do. Muslims claim that there will be no peace on the earth until the four corners of the world are under the thumb of the Caliphate, and so do the Christian FundaMENTALists; they just happen to think their version of the Caliphate is better. Both are aiming at the same goal (imposing their worldview on a great mass of people who don't agree with it),only by different means: the Islamofascists use violence, the Pantybunched Right uses electoral politics.

And when neither gets it's way, they throw a tantrum.

The Tea Parties and Anti-incumbent movements aren't about conservative and liberal, and certainly not about God; they are about what is Right and Legal, and what the proper relationship between citizen and government is. The second you inject God -- and what you arrogantly believe She thinks -- into the conversation, you've lost the battle because it's really all about we mortal men. This movement respects God, but doesn't look to Her for all it's answers, and that drives you absolutely batshit insane. You're afraid that any movement which does not kiss your ass, or play by your rules, is one that will ultimately displace or perhaps even destroy you.

So much so that you can write "God Hates Fags" and not notice the logical contradictions between that statement and the very religious beliefs you claim to espouse.

What's Wrong With The Establishment?

The Closet Conservative asks "WTF is Going On With Krauthammer"?

Here's your answer:

People like Rove, Krauthammer and Peggy Noonan (who all swore that Obama was a moderate, or would be reined in by the realities of governance) are really no different than the "liberals" ("libertines") they rail against.

They went to the same schools, have similar backgrounds and experiences, attend the same cocktail parties, belong to the same Country Clubs, have the same friends, and the same thought process; Their hope is that all the problems of this country can be solved by throwing someone else's money at them -- only a "conservative" believes he can do it cheaper so as to provide a moral basis under which he may keep more of his own. Liberals hide their own miserly ways by transferring responsibility for paying for anything by evoking the collective (i.e. "The Government", "Society", etc.).

The major differences revolve around their own peculiar mental constipations; the Libtards still find the struggle for Socialism to be a romantic pastime, the Old Guard R's are still fighting the Cold War. One side wants to relive the Age of Aquarius, the other pines for a lost vision of an America that never really existed except in a Norman Rockwell painting. Both are out to tell you how you should live, and how you may thank them for overpaying for the privilege of their enlightened guidance.

Both Establishment Republican and Democrat are deathly afraid of the prospect of having to work for a living like everyone else, or worse, of being in a position where they will have to actually live with the consequences of all the things they've advocated (or legislatively enacted) for everyone else. That's when they aren't in mortal fear of being exposed (and prosecuted) for the retarded crooks most of them truly are.

In between this Scylla and Charybdis is the greater mass of the American public which is tired of being lectured to and robbed blind by both sides. Sarah Palin is not so much a leader of this force as much she is an opportunist; She has identified the need this mass has for a visible face, and taken advantage of it. I don't dislike her -- I used to cream, figuratively, over her -- but now I wouldn't follow her through my own front door, even if I agree with her 90% of the time. Her "success" is less about HER (and her supposed political skills) and more about US.

Voting anti -establishment pisses these folks off because the party apparatus has much (other-people's) money invested in them. The purpose of getting elected has become an exercise not so much in responsible governance, but in how to use the levers of power to dole out patronage, or to try to enact policies that will affect the actions and behaviors of the masses in a way that's favorable to oneself and his confederates. And shareholders (i.e. campaign contributors).

A few loose threads:

* On John McCain: he lost because he was a Bad Candidate who couldn't beat an empty suit that gave Good Speeches. When McCain should have shown Leadership, he opted for Drama instead, before pulling a reverse-Kerry on TARP ("I voted against it before I voted for it"). Palin was not going to "save" him, and her only contribution was to make McCain look like an idiot for choosing someone so obviously Not-Ready-for-Primetime. Not that this mattered so much to the Other Side, did it? McCain made the choice easy with his scattershot theatrics and inability to adequately identify and explain the problems of the day in way that gave him an aura of command.

John McCain looked like a doddering, clueless old man, and so he stampeded the independents into Barack Obama's camp. They took a flier on "Hope!" instead of "Duh!"

* I loved GWB, but he was only elected because he uttered "Jesus is my favorite political philosopher", and then re-elected because the thought of another 9/11 with Kerry/Edwards in charge was too terrible to contemplate. If Bush -- father and son -- was a "real" conservative, you'd never know it.


* On the term "RINO": It refers specifically in "conservative" circles to people who don't espouse the complete "God-Guns-and-Gays" agenda of the Pantybunched Right. Rudy Guiliani was far more conservative than both Bushes put together, and he could never make it through a Republican presidential primary. You can be a fiscally-responsible, law-and-order, pro-growth republican, but if you don't promise to frogmarch gays to the ovens, execute the abortionists and put prayer back in the public schools, then you're a RINO.

But now the people WANT an Army of Guilianis, and this frightens the Establishment on both sides. They're not inclined to vote social issues right now, and this threatens Rove's/Kruathammer's/Noonan's ricebowl, as well as discrediting the Religious Right/Recipient-Class Left coalitions that these people have spent the last 30 years assembling, talking up -- and milking for a living.

They Don't Even Try to Hide it Anymore...

Democratic Congresswoman caught demanding "contribution" from lobbyist...on tape.

A few observations:

1. Expect the following defense: Eleanor Holmes Norton is black. Andrew Breitbart , a White Devil, "attacked" the NAACP and Shirley Sherrod only a few months back, therefore, Breitbart is a racist. Ergo, this tape is a piece of Conservative propaganda, deliberately presented in an out-of-context fashion by a known Conservative Fascist Racist, who wants to preserve the Bush Tax Cuts for The Wealthy. While it may look as if Congresscritter Norton might be engaging in an act of could-be-possibly-described-as extortion -- at least to the untrained-Washington-outsider's-eye -- it is just business-as-usual in Washington -- everyone does it -- and did we mention that Andrew Breitbart is a racist?

2. You now know why Tea Parties are becoming such powerful organizations. The corruption in Washington cannot be hidden anymore; it's taking place in broad daylight now. The amazing thing about it is that there's almost a sense of entitlement amongst so-called "Lawmakers"; we're allowed to break the law, because of who we are, and because the law is whatever we say it is...or rather, need it to be at this moment in time.

3. Our political class seems to be completely unaware of some aspects of modern technology, particularly the ubiquitous presence of recording devices. Nowadays, cellphones with e-mail and Internet access, with cameras capable of recording video and free voice mail, are like piles of dogshit: they're everywhere and you can't always avoid them. There's a 24/7 news cycle that requires everything be looked at in the most minute detail to judge it's fitness for broadcast...unless you're CNN and (P)MSNBC, in which case you'll broadcast anything just to fill airtime.

Everything you say and do is probably being recorded by someone...someplace...and you probably don't even know it, or even think about it. If you did, you wouldn't be caught on a voice mail extorting a donation (allegedly) or walking into a Los Angeles hotel in the wee hours to change diapers...after denying paternity repeatedly, or after insisting that "my plan will lower the cost of healthcare", have to retract those statements while denying ever having made them less than six months prior, knowing full-well that no one believes you (you're on tape!), but determined to brazen it out anyway.

This same technology that allows people to catch a John Edwards, Eleanor Holmes Norton, Charlie Rangel or Barack Obama in the act, also allows people who don't approve of that sort of behavior to organize themselves in ways that the political class cannot comprehend, and therefore bitterly fears. This why, since the rise of the Tea Parties, the average citizen is insulted by his "betters" on a near-daily basis. We're all racists; we're too dumb to understand what the government does and what the governing class talks about; We don't need to read bills before Congress votes on them; we just haven't been able to perceive that Recovery yet because, stupid Us, it's not about jobs and wages and ridiculous things like that, you know.

We are ruled, sadly, by a class of crooks that makes the Robber Barons of old look like third-grade pikers. At least the Robber Barons put people to work while they stole, and made no secret of their real intentions.

Unfortunately, I expect Eleanor Holmes Norton to survive the accusations -- despite the evidence -- because, well, let's be honest: she's Black and "represents" Washington, D.C. If Charlie Rangel can manage to win re-election with his baggage -- because he's black and represents Harlem --then Eleanor will most likely skate, too. That, too, is another aspect of the system of double-standards our politicos have erected for themselves; racism is bad...unless it benefits me.

Buchannan: McCain Won By Being A Douche...

Who knew Pat Buchannan was still alive? Who the fuck taught him how to use a computer? When does he go back on his meds?

Pasty wails today about the unseemly electoral tactics of John McCain in his defeat of The Joker-Look-Alike Contest Runner-Up, J.D. Hayworth.

A few quibbles, if I may, Mr. Buchanan:

1. J.D. Hayworth is not an "authentic" anything, let alone conservative. His kind of "conservatism" is a tribal affiliation, little more than the wearing of gang colors. Then again, neither is McCain a conservative. In the race between neither-really-a-conservative "Douchebag" and "Shit Sandwich", the people of Arizona chose "Douchebag" as the lesser of two evils. This, unfortunately, is the state of American electoral democracy today. In a perfect world, neither man would have been on the ballot. Why don't you write something about that tragedy, Patsy?

2. In the Obama-McCain race of 2008, I don't recall you being quite so critical of McCain, except for your appearances on MSNBC as resident-curmudgeon-in-chief, where there's a check involved, I imagine. In your own personal dilemma of Douchebag-vs-Shit-Sandwich-and-which-do-I-criticize-more-on-TV, you grudgingly supported Douchebag McCain too, if only because to do otherwise would have been a tacit approval of Obama.

3. Don't suddenly get bent out of shape because you've just NOW realized that politics is a dirty profession. I suggest that your disgust at the process has less to do with McCain's tactics as much as it does with his victory, because if you could do to a democrap what McCain did too Hayworth, you'd do so with an indecent haste.

4. How is it that someone still pays you for your opinions? You are the Al Sharpton of the Pantybunched Right.

5. This quote is quite puzzling...
　

"But if the GOP takes the advice of its establishment,
and the neocons who seek power to start another war, and walks away from
cultural, social and moral issues, which are far more popular than the party
itself, folks who care about the character of the country and national identity
should walk away from that party, and find outliers who will pick up the banner
and carry it forward..."

...coming, as it does, from one of those very same "establishment" figures in GOP politics, i.e. YOURSELF.

And what the fuck is a "neocon"? Ever since that term has come into common parlance, it seems that it's only possible definition is "a republican that doesn't agree with Me,and just cave to my ridiculous demands", and has been freely used by both the Communism-is-good-Left and the Taliban-Has-Some-Good-Points-Right. If it is, as I take it to mean "a republican who is willing to find common ground and consensus where that is possible, for the common good, even if it means telling the Church Pikers to fuck off", then this makes a nonsense of this little bit of stupidity in the very next paragraph;

Americans motivated by causes need to maintain their freedom and independence of both parties, forming what George W. Bush liked to call "alliances of the willing.

This is rich: in one paragraph you denounce the "Neocon" War-starters, and then cite George W. Bush (with whom the term "Neocon" originated), as a shining example of enlightened leadership? Do you even read what you write, anymore, Pat?

They Didn't Understand It In 1776, Either...

The BBC Misunderstands the Tea Party Movement.

History repeats itself, and the British government (the BBC is, after all, government-funded) fails to see what is so plainly before their noses.

This is Why I've Stopped Calling Myself a Conservative..

Ann Coulter is somehow an enemy of Conservatives?

Coulter may be a lot of things: she can sure write a book, and make an argument. She can cause the Libtards to wail and gnash their teeth in agony. She's a smart lady, even if she can't pick a Presidential winner to save her life.

But an enemy of conservatives? Never. She's just committed the mortal sin (in conservative politics, anyways) of exercising her own (better) judgement. If there's anything that drives the perpetually-panty-bunched crazy it's a lack of mindless orthodoxy, you know, that thing they often ascribe to their political opposite numbers --- and in that context, describe as a mental defect.

This "debate" is mostly symptomatic of what's really wrong with modern Conservatism; it's lack of pragmatism, and the hijacking of the term itself.

If you are a Conservative, then you should be, by definition, in favor of defending the values of Classical Liberalism, as they apply to American life. What you seek to conserve is that which was created by (Classically) liberal means. The most basic of these values are these:

a) Freedom of expression, association, conscience and religion

b) The ability to question, audit, examine, and even challenge, authority

c) The right to exercise those freedoms without having your column dropped, and your personal e-mail exposed by a website that no one in his right mind reads anymore, and which uses the word "God" the way most people use commas.

World Net Daily is, of course, free to hire and employ anyone they wish to. They should just stop pretending that their decision to drop Coulter as regular contributor had anything to do with "conservatism". I used to read WND regularly, and they're a bunch of morons who wouldn't know real "conservatism" if it bit them on the ass. If it can't be viewed though the simple mindset of God-Guns-and-Gays, then it isn't a subject worthy of "Real" conservatism to the WND type.

Somehow, many self-proclaimed conservatives have forgotten that individuals have rights. Usually because there are some aspects of individual freedom which conflict with religious dogma, and because today's Christian has often been robbed of the capacity to rationally reconcile the two. This causes him to lose the ability to compromise, or even to admit that he might not always be right.

They are right in some respects; abortion is an abomination, and gays should not be married if only to preserve the traditions of the institution. But to object to someone taking a speaking engagement because you believe the people she's speaking to are disgusting sinners whom the Good Lord has decided to punish with AIDS, is taking things a smidgen too far. You are, in effect, arguing that Ann Coulter's freedom of speech and associations, the gay group's right to invite whoever they decide they want to listen to, can't co-exist with your right to be a bunch of Bible-Thumping douchebags.

This idea that Christians are a put-upon and oppressed group that has no political power, and which is continually victimized by libertine society has finally gotten to the point where I can't stand to listen to it anymore. You're beginning to sound like Al Sharpton does when it comes to race, and it's off-putting, as well as infantile. And while you cry about all the intolerance for the Christian point of view, you show an astounding amount of intolerance for your enemies; What happened to the Christian virtues of "Turn the Other Cheek", "Love thy neighbor" or "Love the Sinner, but Hate the Sin?"

Oh, right. That was all propaganda; Jesus didn't really mean to love that particular Sinner, he really meant something else entirely, you see.

Scream all you want about Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck, and how they're reviving the "Old and Forgotten America", pulling in half-a-million people at a rally, and that somehow this is living proof of a Christian revival in America; most of the people there didn't show up to pray -- they went because they want a fucking job, lower taxes, and no part of ObamaCare, and this was a better way of showing their displeasure with their government than firebombing the White House would be. The truth is that Palin and Beck are starting to get on my nerves, too.

It's not that I disagree with them,or most of the Stick-up-their-Ass Conservatives; I don't, on most subjects, it's just that they're insufferable douchebags in action. As soon as they get off the"This is our country, and these are our rights" stuff and mention that word...God...they lose me, mostly because they use it as a marketing tool to differentiate themselves from the democrats they'd like to replace, or Keith Olbermann.

And that's what the morons at World Net Daily are: insufferable douchebags who on the one hand bemoan that the world does not pay heed to, nor tolerate their values -- the values espoused by the Constitution, those values that made America great, and of which they claim to be the great defenders -- while on the other, they deny that very courtesy they reserve for themselves to one of their own because she extended those rights and courtesies to another group of people condemned by the Almighty.

I'll bet half the people who think this way are probably closet fags, themselves, and twice as bad and insufferable as most liberals. At least you can get a libtard to shut up by saying, as loudly as you can, so as to draw attention "what if we replaced the word "Chardonnay" with"Black"or "Woman"? Would you find it funny then? Well, would you...?"

Doesn't matter what the subject or context is; that line always stops 'em dead in their tracks.

I stopped calling myself a Conservative once I had realized that most of the people who were doing likewise were some of the stupidest sons-of-bitches I had ever seen in my life, who didn't have a thought in their head that wasn't in some way lifted right out of Scripture, or planted there by Pastor Bob after he got in a quick reach-around and a $10 donation. They compound this stupidity by failing to realize that much of what they advocate for (mostly, their advocacy is against this or that) would make them indistinguishable from the Taliban.

Ann Coulter should be able to speak about conservatism, or any other subject, she wants, to anyone she chooses to grace with her intelligence and eloquence.

I Get The Nicest Hate Mail...

...it's usually addressed "Dear Fascist, Homophobe, Right-wing, Racist, Co*cksucker", and gets considerably more vile from there. The typical e-mail usually begins by questioning my sanity (Duh! You did take note of just what this blog is called, didn't you?), and then continues with a litany of pap psychological diagnoses on everything from my toilet training, to my latent homosexual desires. Why, I never knew there were so many budding Freud's out there!

I don't mind it one bit. I'm beyond the point of actually giving a shit what other people think about me. I can't please everyone, so I don't even try to. What you see is what you get; deal with it. If you can show me where I'm wrong, then do so. Until then, I'm right, and I can say whatever I want to. So there.

The funniest part of the entire exercise is that people who seem to consider themselves my intellectual and moral superiors are completely unaware that most decent e-mail programs come with built-in spelling and grammar checkers. It's also a good laugh when someone begins a paragraph of complete and utter Multi-culti drivel with "I learned in my sociology class..."

If you take Sociology, hell, if you are a Sociologist, you're probably a panty-bunched, bed-wetting pussy who's really only interested in finding out why all the other children in school beat the snot out of you daily and took your lunch money. The same way most psychiatrists really only took psychology to find out what was wrong with themselves.

Anywho, it seems that something I wrote over the weekend stung a particular group of mouth-breathing Libtards especially hard; it was about a Washington Post OpEd writer suggesting that there should be a Black Tea Party.

I got just about what you'd expect to get if you had written something like that; most objected to the condescending tone, and a few were really animated about my use of certain"racially-charged" words, like "slave". I do warn people who come here that what you're about to read here will probably offend most decent people, and that I make no apologies for it, at all. I don't have to: this is America. You don't have to agree with me (Hell, I expect most people not to!), and you don't have to like it, but I have every right to say it.

But the biggest rhetorical question I got was "Who do you think you are, telling Black People they can't have their own Tea Party if they want one?" And that's where they lose me.

Where did I say that Blacks can't have their own Tea Party (as if I had that power? If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog, I can tell you!)? I merely suggested (in "racially insensitive" language, mind you) that perhaps instead of forming another Tea Party, that more Blacks perhaps give the present one a try, first. That the idea, as postulated in the OpEd, was perhaps...ahem...colored...by the propaganda of the democratic party and the NAACP, in which the attempt is made to paint the Tea Party as a bunch of sheet-wearin' rednecks all set for a necktie party. That charge is patently false; there may be some people within the ranks who actually do think that way, and there are fringe groups that do think that way which have attached themselves to the Tea Party -- in much the same way that Anarchists will show up at Pro-Abortion rallies, or when The Nation of Islam shows up at Peace Protests; wherever there's a crowd that attracts attention, you often get the worst sort showing up who have absolutely no real connection to the thing. They're there for the Press.

The point I was making, perhaps badly (or maybe I should have used smaller, less "racially-charged and insensitive" words?) is that the second you put Black/Italian/Gay/Chinese in front of something, you have fundamentally altered it's nature and intent. The Tea Party, as I understand it (I am not a member) is basically a collection of citizens, from all walks of life and political persuasions, who have gathered under the same banner for a particular purpose which transcends race; they are pissed off about how the Federal Government works, or rather doesn't work. They are sick and tired of a class of politicians which has taken it upon themselves to be the arbiters of all that is good for us, and which has decided that we -- The People -- are of no account when it comes to fundamental questions of how we are to be governed, by whom, to what ultimate purpose, and how it is to be enacted and paid for.

It is a Political Class which has forgotten that their mandate comes from The People, and which increasingly operates under the impression that it can assume more and more power, at greater expense, and at exponentially decreasing levels of efficacy, as it sees fit, and for it's own purposes. In most regards, it's not even about dem and repub, liberal and conservative; those labels are no longer descriptive or operable, and don't even convey any sense of distinction between the two parties anymore. Republicans are just as likely to rule over an explosive growth in the power and scope of Government as Democrats are to abuse the police powers created in the wake of 9/11 -- and in both cases, the Rights of the The People who pay for the entire structure are steadily eroded -- despite pleas by the one for the cause of Freedom, and promises by the other that they exist to defend The Common Man.

In this regard, the Tea Party really stands for the Common Citizen in his fight against Leviathan. It seeks to bring this Beast low by changing the culture of Washington, D.C. by means of the vote and by bringing Public Opinion to bear. That should be a common cause between Whites, Blacks, Latinos, Gays, Feminists, Stockbrokers, Bus Drivers, Doctors, Construction Workers, Mothers, Fathers and your pet Airedale. We're all, literally, in the same boat; Washington, D.C., when the time comes, will forget such petty distinctions as race, sex, profession, sexual-orientation, and your favorite flavor of ice cream, and will finally make us all truly equal in the only way ion which only government can; equally miserable, equally impoverished, equally frustrated, equally oppressed.

The fight against this can only be won by good,well-meaning people coming together in defense of our common Citizenship and Heritage. The second you start peeling off sections, be they Black, Dog-Owners, or Fishermen, the whole thing comes to a screeching halt as the areas of common agreement become entangled with the individual pet peeves of specific groups. When that happens, you'll only get more Democrat and Republican parties in minature, atomized along various, esoteric lines and fighting with one another --and not their common enemy.

That is EXACTLY what both parties want to see happen to the Tea Party, because it sends the dissenters back into their ranks out of frustration, or disagreement upon a single (probably minor) issue, and then the current process can continue: the same class of abject assholes which has brought us to our current state of affairs stays in power, lessons unlearnt, even more determined to put the screws to us so as to prevent another manifestation of discontent from ever rearing it's ugly head again.

So,if you want to form a Black Tea Party, go right ahead -- you'll only be helping to retain the status-quo, and your lot in life will only be the worse for it. But if you can put aside Black-and-White for three seconds in favor of the label American Citizen, then maybe things can truly change for the better.

For everyone.

Separate But Equal Tea Parties?

Sophia Nelson in the Washington Post proposes the creation of a Black Tea Party. She claims to support the Tea Party's objectives, but dislikes the "racist" element within the Tea Party.

Firstly, there is no proof of endemic racism within the Tea Party itself; there are, no doubt, individuals who attach themselves to the movement who are racist, but the Tea Party does it's best to police them, and the accusations of racism that Ms. Nelson makes in this opinion piece are largely simply recycled democratic party talking points -- without a shred of evidence to make them credible.

Sophia then ruminates upon the viability of a Black Tea Party, using as a foundation for this thought the conversation at a dinner party (one apparently attended by only Black People). While all engaged seem to come to differing levels of consensus about the righteousness of the Tea Party Cause, they do so in a rather peculiar way which seems to imply that Blacks should join A Tea Party because it would benefit them more than the current devotion to the Democratic Party, BUT they should take pains not to be seen as being part of this particular Tea Party.

In this conversation, we find the Black Lawyer who's concern is Unemployed Black Folks, rather than the more generic Unemployed People, who damns the traditional Black Advocacy groups for their ineffectiveness and political posturing (he's right, but yawn). We also catch a glimpse of the Black Congressional Aide, who makes the obvious point that people are "hurting in this economy" but who still can't stop herself from categorizing the Hurt as"Blacks" Whites" and "Hispanics". Then follows the lulu of them all, when another conversant chimes in that there should be a "Rainbow Coalition Tea Party", evoking visions of Jesse Jackson, racial hucksterism, and extortion.

Rule of thumb: if you ever want to be part of an efficient, effective and beneficent organization, do not Take Jesse Jackson's organization as your blueprint. Rainbow/PUSH does little except keep Jesse rich and relevant, and the crumbs he distributes are just enough keep everyone else in line. If Jesse had a vowel at the end of his surname, there would be a Federal Prosecutor with a RICO indictment in hand on his doorstep, weekly.

Reading this, you get the general impression that even when it comes to finding a supposed "non-racial" solution to the problems of overreaching government, high taxation, economic dislocation, the author (and her friends) still think in terms of Race first, which is antithetical to the Tea Party's approach which is to consider the concept of American Citizen Before All . The idea of the racially-neutral nature of Tea Party quite literally does not register with her, except as a passing statistic thrown out as filler, no doubt. I think Ms. Nelson comes from a generation in which"diversity" is a good thing -- so long as Whites are excluded. If the Tea Party is a good idea, then join the Tea Party, Sophia; You don't need to start a new one because it's not "Black" enough.

Your argument for not jumping in with both feet is basically "I would join it, except there's some yucky white people in it". Well, the Tea Party does it's best to rid itself of those elements, so why wouldn't you want to help them do it, and help improve an organization which you say increasing shares your own views?

You're no better than the NAACP that you criticize, preferring to rail against that which is difficult instead of making an effort to change or improve it. You might enjoy some success and score a blow for true equality -- if you applied your energy to ensuring the Tea Party was Citizen-oriented and not Race-oriented, and that the worst elements were eliminated from it.

But that would leave you open to charges of being a Race Traitor, Uncle Tom, or not"Authentically Black" -- whatever the fuck that means -- and this, above all is what you wish to avoid; you want all the benefits of Conservatism without being branded a Conservative by your fellow Blacks who haven't realized the 1960's are over, and haven't discovered that the Welfare State is a dinosaur we can no longer afford to feed. The only way to soften the blow then, is to be a BLACK Tea Party, with nary a white face in sight, so that no one can accuse you of being a tool of the Republican Party, brainwashed, bribed, or otherwise tainted by association with White Conservatives when you...ahem...join the Dark Side.

Talk about cowardice!

Unless, of course, there's another motive altogether, and you see yourself as a potential leader of a nascent Black Tea Party and are just floating a trial balloon toward this end? What better way to garner laurels and get that coveted face time on the Sunday Talk Shows, the better to flog that book of yours, eh? The Black Sarah Palin? Serious people actually do things, Ms. Nelson, unserious ones write Dear-Diary-Entries-in-a-16-year-old-motif on serious subjects, adding only a slight and irrelevant detail (in this case, race) for the Washington Post, and call themselves "professional writers".

Do you wish to do what is right --not only for yourself, but for Black Folks, in general -- or do you want to be a slave (yes, I said it) to old-fashioned notions of solidarity that are increasingly archaic, and even unhealthy, and which cause you to even view questions of self-interest and personal freedom through the prism of race? If you can't answer that brutally frank question to your own satisfaction, then wasting newsprint broadcasting your contrived, internalized, junior-high-school-level-semi-drama is nothing less than teenaged narcissism disguised as journalism.

Your choice may be distasteful for a variety of personal reasons, Ms.Nelson, but it's not a terribly hard one to make.