We Have Moved!

Now publishing on Substack at:

https://excelsior502.substack.com

The Lunatic Has Moved...

If you've found the Lunatic's Asylum, please note that the Chief Inmate has moved.

He can now be found at "My Planet, My Rules", at www.myplanetmyrules.blogspot.com.

Please, stop by and sit a spell, and tell your friends!

50 Shades of Bullshit

The Modern Liberal's Torrid Sado-Masochistic Relationship with Lies

Niccolo Machiavelli once postulated (paraphrased) that politics could not be conducted without The Lie. That while force was not always necessary to the business of politics, one could not truly practice the art with any great skill or subtlety without a healthy dose of fraud. Machiavelli justified -- or at least rationalized -- the Lie as an unavoidable accessory to power, for in order to exercise it over the Masses it is often necessary to make use of them -- their desires, fears, aspirations, hatreds, opinions -- and if the Masses were ever to discover that they were being used in this fashion, they would revolt.

The Lie is necessary; it serves to hide one's true motives from the people over whom one wields power. Machiavelli understood that achieving power means lying and justified it, perversely, as a matter of honesty. The Ruler who was honest about his intentions (always to himself) could conduct public affairs in a much more straightforward, more efficient manner. For his ultimate goal is not, strictly-speaking, always the most good for the most people, but rather to continue in power, for no one accepts or takes power with the intention of voluntarily giving it up.

This is the genesis of the old saying that "The Ends Justify The Means".

On Morons and Elections, Part I....

I had pretty much decided some time ago to no longer devote time to this blog. I have so many other things to worry about, after all. I need time to work; I have a sick girlfriend who requires a great deal of care; I wasn't making much money with the damned thing, and so it became a pointless exercise in shouting in the wilderness that returned nothing for the energy devoted to it.

I was resigned to turning out the lights and locking the doors, leaving this little patch of cyberspace in much the same state as a Pharaoh's tomb, which is to say, something left undisturbed for centuries until some douchebag with too much curiosity and time on his hands might accidentally find it to plunder it's dank, musty mysteries as he saw fit.

But there's another election coming, and with elections, you can always count upon three things happening:

1. The morons come out of the woodwork.

2. The morons need to be put in their place.

3. I am, by nature, unable to resist putting morons in their place.

Feminism Would Work...If Only Men Would Do It For Us....

So sayeth the wise and sage Chelsea Clinton, scion of the "Smartest Woman in the World" and The Most Famous Bent Penis, fake television journalist, descendant of the vast criminal enterprise that is Clinton, Inc.

You can read what she had to say here:

http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/chelsea-clinton-men-must-lead-the-way-to-gender-equality/article/2561161

Basically, what the daughter of Don Horneyleone says is that if feminism is to ever achieve it's stated purpose of a free-and-equal society, it is Men that have to make it happen.

215 Reasons Why Liberals Suck...

My, but we're approaching rarefied air, here! Who would have thought that when this list first began, we had but 50 piffling reasons why Liberals suck? If anything, the continued existence of this list and it's prolific expansion are testimony to the continued powers of super-human suckitude possessed by the modern Progtard!

They should be proud.

Actually, they should be shot, but that's against the law, unfortunately.

Once again, I cannot claim credit for all of these; I have simply collected them from all over the place, and present them here for your reading pleasure.

The (liberal's) Rejection of Religion...

Before I begin on this subject, I wish it to be known that I am not a godly person. Far from it. I do not hold to many traditional notions of Christianity, finding in them less a way of life than I usually interpret them as a consequence of mythology and long-useless tradition: the Pope sits on the Vatican Hill in Rome much as the Roman Pontifex Rex of yore did, a simple figurehead, to whom is attached much ceremony, superstition, and attribution of sacredness that is otherwise unwarranted -- as was true of his Roman prototype 1,000 years before.

The Archbishop of Canterbury is less religious man than politician. This is obvious if one reads the history of England with a critical eye, and if one takes note that the modern Archbishop has, for all intents and purposes, no bishopric -- the pews are empty, the English non-conformists never took the COE seriously, and the good Anglican simply selects which bits of dogmatic flotsam and jetsam best fit their version of bastardized Christianity (mostly the ones where they get to rationalize what would once have been considered sinful) --  and he becomes one more symbolic anachronism, a Man simply going through the motions of pomp and circumstance, in keeping with traditions that most people cannot recall the origins of. Nor do they care to recall.

Islam is obviously not a religion; it is a military code, at best, and at worst, it is a rationalization of the Nomadic Code of the Arabian Desert -- do unto others before they do unto you, and if they manage to do first, then whine like a bitch about what a victim you are while plotting your sneaky-ass-revenge-from-behind-because-you-have-no-balls. If Islam is anything, it is, at heart, a "me-too" religion; if the Jews can consider themselves chosen, and the Christians can be considered the only ones worthy of "saving", then we'll just co-opt their religion and reserve the same chauvinism for ourselves.

Changes Coming Soon!

Apologies to all the inmates. I've been away for far too long.

However, Life sometimes conspires to keep us from the things we really wish to do, and I have fallen victim to this dictum (that fucking rhymed!). Between (paying) work, Tess' health problems, and general apathy, the Asylum has been left to languish in the Internet version of Limbo for a while.

But no more!

Coming soon: a new design, more insanity, more caustic bullshit from the fevered imagination of Your's Truly.

Fasten your seat belts; it's about to get all sorts of crazy up in here.

An Open Letter To An Inconsiderate Dumbass...

I know this has but little chance of succeeding, but it seems a good place to try to get some vicarious justice, and perhaps serve as a warning to all the other inconsiderate dumbasses of the world.
I want to thank the anonymous person who feels perfectly free to empty the contents of their car into my garbage cans, or simply dumps them on my lawn, at least once a week.


The two Sanitation summons I have received because someone put a bunch of aluminum cans in with my "normal" household trash, and on another occasion because loose trash was haphazardly tossed on the ground at the foot of my trash cans, were especially appreciated.

Douchebag of the Week (4/13/14): Eric Holder, Victim of Racism...

Pity Attorney General Eric Holder.

No, seriously.

It must be tough to live in an America which is so vilely racist that a member of a formerly-enslaved race can rise to become the Chief Law Enforcement Officer in all the land, with, apparently, no intention or clue as to how to actually, you know...enforce the law. Or maybe even understand it.

I mean, it can only have happened in someplace less-racist, like, say, Zimbabwe or China, that the son of Caribbean immigrants could grow up in the slums of New York, live a life of abject poverty in a hardscrabble fight for a decent life, be deprived of opportunity by the pernicious legacy of the slave trade, and then, by dint of hard work, inspiration, a do-or-die spirit, manage to raise himself up by his bootstraps to complete law school, to become a judge, engage in national politics, and then reach the very pinnacle of success by virtue of sheer competence and skill.

Yeah, that couldn't happen in racist America.

Then again, that's not Eric Holder's story, either.

160 Reasons Why Liberals Suck...

The Hits just keep on comin'!

It has been a very long time since this list began with merely 50 Reasons Why Liberals Suck, and the passage of time has simply allowed the modern liberal (small 'l' intentional) to continue to demonstrate the very special species of brain injury that underlies their philosophical and ideological outlook on all things.

You can read the last iteration of this series, 145 Reasons Why Liberals Suck, here.

In the meantime, enjoy this expanded list and take a moment to have some pity upon the poor souls who...I hesitate to say "think"...in this fashion. And then realize that these assholes, at present, hold many positions of responsibility in the Modern World, and see if you can figure out just why it is that things seem so ingloriously fucked up.

And then get angry...

The Bureauacracy Rampant...

I had occasion to accompany Tess to the New York City Department of Vital Records, yesterday, in an effort to recover some very important and necessary documentation, and was treated to a first-hand experience of just how stupid and quite redundant most public union...ahem...workers...are.

That picture on the left? That's a Rube Goldberg. For those who were born under rocks -- or after X-box, which is sort of the same thing -- Rube Goldberg was a cartoonist who used to create images of the most outrageous machines that performed the simplest of everyday tasks.  The point was to go to an extreme to avoid doing something simple and mundane. This one shows a machine that wipes somebody's mouth without them having to dirty their hands. This fairly describes the Bureaucracy of the City of New York: why work efficiently when you can add so many complicated steps to the process? And employ a lot of seemingly useless people while you're at it?

After all, it's only TAXPAYER MONEY, right?

Apathy Explained...

My apologies for such a long absence. I normally would not have gone this long without making a post of any kind, but truth be told, I'm in a phase where I could really give a shit.
Sure, I could have posted 500 of the Obama/Pelosi/Liberals/Feminists/Muslims-Are-Stupid-type articles over the last month and a half. Heck, I can do that in my sleep. The problem is that it gets repetitive. One can only make the same self-obvious statements (well, to anyone with a pulse and a baboon-level IQ, that is) before one begins to feel as if there is no point to it. That is to say, there is no point in making the same points.

The Lunatic Will Be Back Shortly....

Apologies for lack of activity, but the Lunatic has been extremely busy this past month. A new stream of mental diarrhea is on track for next week. Stay tuned!

Douchebag of the Week (1/25/14): Governor Andrew Cuomo

There's an old saying in these parts, that is, on Staten Island, the Forgotten Borough of New York City, that the "apple does not fall far from the tree."

In our crankier and less-forgiving moments, this saying is often modified thusly:

"The turd doesn't fall far from the asshole..."

Oh, how we have been blessed here in New York State! We have had the distinct pleasure (about as pleasurable as having your ass shaved with a cheese grater and then having lemon juice poured on the wound) of living under the enlightened despotism of two Cuomos. First, there was Mario (the Asshole), and now, we suffer under the misguided stupidity that is the regime led by his son, Andrew (The Turd).

A Tale of Two Kitties...

I have to do it this way, Kiddies, because otherwise Libtards don't understand. I've discovered recently that a Libtard manages to just barely grasp a simple notion if you present it graphically, and if you can include cat pictures, they love it even more.

Now, I know that people are not the same as cats, but bear with me, because I have to explain a thing or two about these animals before I make my argument. Perhaps after this little explanation, the analogy will start to make sense. The cat on the Left  (below) is a pampered housecat. The one on the Right  (below) is a feral cat, and yes, my use of Left and Right does have a specific point, and that will become crystal clear as I get to the end of this little screed.

The pictures of the two felines below are a metaphor for American Life:

Douchebag of the Week (12/13/13): John Boehner...

We haven't handed out many DOW awards recently, what with the only possible winner being our President it hardly seemed worth the effort, but yesterday was a different story.

For yesterday, Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner did something so fantastically stupid that it almost vies for the top spot on the Douchiest Things Any Human Being Could EVER Do In Order To Be Considered The Biggest Douche In The Universe List.

145 Reasons Why Liberals Suck...

My, how far we have come! It seems like only yesterday (I believe it was 2003) when this meme began here on this site with a short list of 50 Reasons Why Liberals Suck, and the last decade has proven -- once again -- that liberalism (small 'l' intentional) is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Like AIDS.

This new fusillade of anti-Libtard observations was prompted by a website (which shall remain nameless, because it's a virtual internet sewer of stupidity) that re-posted one of the earlier iterations of it without my permission nor a back-link, violating, at the very least, internet etiquette rules, which resulted in my mailbox being jammed with angry and derisive e-mails from people who are happy to tell you that while they appreciate and wish to defend Free Speech, what I've posted equates to a permission slip for any crackpot to kill a liberal on sight, and as such, should be condemned as Hate Speech for having the potential to incite violence.

You can read the last iteration of this list here. For now, the new-and-improved list has been bolstered by the addition of 20 new maxims about liberals and their wrong-headed policies. Without further ado, here are 145 reasons Why Liberals Suck.

The Circular Firing Squad...

Darwin was wrong.

The idea that living organisms evolve in order to take advantage of the circumstances of their environment, and adapt to changing conditions in order to assure the survival of the species, is belied by the existence of a certain subsection of the American electorate which is apparently so stupid and so stubborn that they are doing everything in their power to ensure their own disappearance.

And in the process, make life hell for everyone else.

This strange creature, which seemingly has embraced suicide as a strategy, is a certain brand of person who goes by a most deceptive, inaccurate, and self-bestowed appellation.

They call themselves "True Conservatives".

The GROFT Principle...

Back in the days when I was a young computer operator, I had a supervisor who, for lack of a better term, was a southern redneck. I mean a real hillbilly plowboy, a tobacco-chewin’, country-music singin’, flannel-wearin’, swaggerin’ farmboy from the inbred regions of South Carolina (which covers about 96% of the state). Why, he was so Southern he pissed moonshine and crapped fried chicken.

But that’s beside the point. In retrospect, nearly 30 years later he turns out to have been one of the smartest people I have ever met. He typically would use a colorful turn of phrase to get a point across (“Why, that boy looks as nervous as a whore in church…”, “That generator ain’t turnin’ out enough power to pull a greasy string from a whore’s ass…”. Harry was obsessed with whores, but this was how he talked), but that was only ever a means to an end. He knew that if you wanted people to remember something, you had to give it them in a way that they would remember it -- so that it would stick.