New Usama Tape...My Translation....
O! Muslim brothers and sisters, resist the temptation of Western culture, which will bring you air conditioning, open-heart surgery and yummy snacks with real creme filling!
Defend your backwards way of life and sixth-century social order that would make the infidel communists green with envy from the scourge of Britney Spear's belly button and the curse of liberal democracy, which is an affront to Allah!
The infidel Americans and their Zionist lackeys want to take away your God-given right to murder indiscriminately in the name of Allah, peace be unto his prophet Muhammed! They wish to destroy my ability to ramble incoherently from a cave somewhere in the cesspool of Ashcanistan, so that you may be given the false words of logical political discourse and the ability to earn a living comparable to that to be found in the heathen sewers of Canada.
Yea, and the accursed invaders further wish to indoctrinate you in the evil ways of equality, the despicable practices of civil discourse, and bring to you law and respect for the individual whuch God himself has told us is not the natural order of things! Beware, brothers and sisters, that you are not seduced by the promise of Kenmore appliances and Chevrolets, tempted by the ability to fill your bellies with nutritious food without back-breaking physical labor and the shadow of corruption brought to you by 520 channels of sattelite television!
Be true to jihad! Continue the struggle as you bomb Israeli schoolbusses with TNT boxer shorts! Continue the fight against the heathen scum as you inflict gnat bites against the elephant with Fiats stuffed full of explosives! Continue to insist on your God-given right to be subjugated by obnoxious, pretentious, malignant dwarves who owe their power and wealth to the Western Nations (myself excluded, of course)!
Defend the Holy Sh*tholes of Mecca and Medina from those that would build Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm upon them! Continue to insist that we respect all Peoples of the Book until we can get the opportunity to machine gun daycare centers full of them when no one is looking! Continue to insist that we, the Muslim people, are a peaceful, forward-looking folk who wish only for peace in the world and the brotherhood of men. Reinforce the notion that women are to be wrapped up in burlap and treated as cattle!
Fight for your God-given right to fornicate with hump-backed quadrupeds!
Message for the children: Are Mommy and Daddy sleeping? Good. Sneak into their bedroom and get Daddy's wallet from his pants pocket. Take all the green paper out of it and mail it to this address:
6th cave past the burned-out Toyota