Friday, July 02, 2010

King Tut's Penis is Missing...

This was posted a few days ago over at Instapundit. I would have linked it sooner, but I was wondering just where that pesky pecker could have gotten to. Here's a list of possible locations:

* Stuck in the Late-Senator Robert Byrd's Ass.
* Helen Thomas' mouth.
* Al Gore's Defense Team has it, hoping to use a variation of the "If it Doesn't Fit, you Must Acquit" defense in his upcoming Painting the Masseuse With your Man-milk case.
* Elin Woods got that in the divorce, too.
* Keith Olbermann uses it as a pacifier.
* Those Yuppie Russian Spies managed to smuggle it back to Moscow.
* BP was planning to plug the hole in the Gulf with it, just as soon as the government decides the Jones Act doesn't cover mummified penies...in another two months.
* It's in the same extra-dimensional pocket where Elvis, Bigfoot, Nessie, and the Abominable Snowman all live when they aren't busy being spotted eating at a Burger King in Chillcothe, Indiana by some inbred with astigmatism and a raging crystal meth habit.
* It's currently polling 15-points higher than Nancy Pelosi in a primary race for her congressional seat.
* It was named Secretary of the Treasury by President Obama.

Post your theories here!

It's Official: Tobacco Now More Expensive Than Crack...

Our elected officials here in New York have things bass-ackwards; they give out free needles to heroin addicts, but tax the hell out of smokers.

The claim that smoking causes healthcare costs to skyrocket is relative; smoking doesn't lead to AIDS and Hepatitis -- like the sharing of dirty needles does.

The State of New York faces a huge budget deficit because democrats in this state haven't met a dollar they wouldn't like to borrow, ass-rape and then spend twice in order to keep a permanent underclass (several underclasses, actually) firmly on the government plantation. You would think that that if you needed to find yourself some places to save or raise money, you might start by denying drug paraphernalia, free-of-charge, to people who are determined to kill themselves.

But that would set up one of those political balancing acts that politicians hate so much because it causes them to think, and make choices -- in this case, Gays versus Smokers -- because the Needle Exchange is supposed to be all about stopping the spread of AIDS, in which your typical asswipe cocksucker, errr, I mean, democrat, can't help but make the wrong choice; facilitating a crime (shooting/possessing heroin is a crime in this state, as is the possession of drug paraphernalia...unless the government gives it to you?) is nothing when it comes to placating and accepting money from a Special Interest (Gays).

You could stop paying for the health care, education, welfare, and food stamps for illegal immigrants, but that sets up yet another dilemma, in which the shithead communists...errr...democrats, will come down on the side of the Devil; don't want to piss off that Hispanic vote, even if all that money is being wasted on people who won't assimilate, hardly ever graduate, undercut wages, and breed like bedbugs in the heat.

You think you might consider stopping that stupid, Yuppie-inspired program which is supposed to "Plant a Million Trees" in New York City, but that might remove the opportunity for graft, I guess, which is what New York politicians are really good at. No ability to kick some of those contracts for the most ridiculous expenditures to your local dickhead bed-wetting fartsniffer's...errr...democrat's...family. Hell, it seems that everytime there's money being lavished on a stupid project in this City/State, some politician's sister-in-law, or fifth-cousin-once-removed usually turns out to be the recipient.

All of this would require an effort on behalf of our elected officials. It might require a modicum of thinking. It might require the removal of the ideological blinders. It would require that the jerkoffs in Albany actually live outside the bubble they've created for themselves and recognize the reality of the complete disaster they have created. But that's not what politicians in New York do; they simply persist in their stupidity and dig deeper holes. They sleep soundly, secure in the knowledge that just over half the people in this City are either their willing slaves, or too stupid to tie their own shoes without a government program. So long as the barest majority is attached to the government tit, the longer this kind of nonsense will continue; "budgets" which contain 6,900 separate bills, drug addicts given the means to continue their destructive habits because to do otherwise is somehow anti-Gay and pro-Aids. Criminals allowed to roam the street, use the hospitals, fill up the schools and demand an entire range of public services in every language but English without ever being expected to pay for any of it --because to do otherwise is considered discrimination.

Somehow, it's perfectly okay single out people who are merely exercising their right to enjoy a legal product which the State has already collected taxes on for the last 234 years. There's no downside to picking on smokers in democratic party circles, because we represent a filthy habit (more disgusting than heroin use or even Gay sex?), we're not a monolithic voting bloc that can be stampeded in the proper direction with a threatened withdrawal of their welfare benefits/immigration status/taxpayer-funded lifestyle, and we're certainly not "plugged-in" to the system of political spoils and patronage in Albany, otherwise there'd be a pro-Smoking Lobby worth it's salt, or even better -- a pro-Personal Rights lobby -- that would stand up for the real oppressed minority in New York: Smokers.

A year from now, when enough smokers have refused to pay $13.00 and have quit , or much more likely, when a black market for cigarettes has arisen, and the State doesn't collect the expected funds, we'll be hearing about more deficits and higher cigarette taxes...but you'll never hear a word about letting fucking heroin addicts die. That'll save you a shitload of health care bucks, and you won't have to give out needles anymore.

Of Forests and Trees...

Pelosi says: Unemployment checks are good for the Economy.

November cannot get here fast enough. The thought that someone has actually voted for this turdcutter...repeatedly...boggles the mind. Everytime this woman shows herself in public...and speaks...I'm convinced that she makes the case for forced sterilization, and that we should start with the entire state of California (then start on New York).

Recovery Summer, Part II...

Sec. of State Hitlery says the U.S. should emulate Brazil, and raise taxes on everything and everyone, but especially -- "the rich"-- to astronomical levels, because, well....Brazil did it, and they're "growing like crazy!"

Of course, she fails to notice that Brazil is mostly a shithole, except for the places where the really smart set goes. That's the thing about these "amazing" economic miracles (Brazil, China, Indonesia, India); there's lots of glitter and lights, but it somehow manages to escape the VIP's attention that the rest of the country lives in cardboard boxes, eats grubs and lives up to it's waist in shit. Brazil is "growing like crazy" because most of the country is so fucking poor and underdeveloped, that in most areas, the installation of a pay phone or a vending machine represents 1,000% economic growth. In other words -- there was no place to go but UP. The numbers don't tell the entire story; even with this wildfire growth, maybe half the people in Sao Paulo alone will probably go to bed hungry tonight -- still.

The same argument is made about wildcat Chinese economic growth, but again, the story is the same: 7/8 of China still lives in the same grinding conditions of poverty that would be all-to-familiar to the truly poor, starving and dying-of-malaria all over the planet. The Big Cities may be showing the signs of new commerce; McDonald's, a Citibank branch, The Gap, skyscrapers-going-up-to-house-mostly-foreign-companies, but the vast hinterland hasn't advanced an inch in 50, or even, 100 years.

Now, mind you, the Hildebeest is supposed to be The Smartest Woman in the World, but it's statements like this that make you want to saw the top of her head off just see if there's anything between those ears. Or, maybe she was just playing politics, and making the disingenuous case for those who can't think without help that if you look at Brazil and see rising tax rates on "the Rich", and a booming economy, it validates everything Barack Oshithead is doing...so long as you avoid asking the obvious questions.

Here's what Her Heinous' case runs up against;

* While the Unemployment rate is "Officially" 9.7%....unofficially, it's closer to 17%.

* The Vice President of the United States can feel totally unashamed -- and curiously unconcerned about his personal safety -- and admit that 8,000,000 lost jobs are "never coming back".

* The President of the United States promises to "create or save" 3,000,000 jobs..and loses an additional 5,000,000 million in just under two years. He's nearly-nationalized the banks/brokerage houses, berates and threatens them with new taxes and regulations on a daily basis, forces them to re-write millions of mortgages for bad credit risks, castigates them in every speech making them out to be the biggest evil since The Huns....and then wants to know why no one is lending money and there's a Credit Crisis. That's AFTER he's already taken $787 billion out of the credit markets with a"Stimulus" which hasn't worked, "Reformed" the financial markets in Hitlerian fashion, and is talking about making Energy unaffordable with a Cap-and-Trade bill. All of that's even before we get to the VAT taxes necessary to pay for "Healthcare reform"...which now turns out to be more expensive than anyone ever imagined, and can't ever be paid for.

* The National Debt stands at nearly $13 trillion dollars -- before interest. This is almost equal to all American economic output for one calendar year. With interest payments, we're looking at debt in the hundreds of trillions if Obama gets his way on a long list of democratic "priorities".

The point is this: at this rate, there won't be ANYONE left to tax, let alone The Rich.

The Smartest Woman in the World is a lying dipshit who should get her fat, lying ass back in the kitchen. If there's anyone who should be wrapped in a burqua and beaten daily, it's Hillary Clinton, for sure. Especially when she makes asinine remarks about taxing other people (because I have every confidence that multi-millionaire Clintons will somehow mysteriously manage to skate on most of the taxes they advocate for others. It's funny how that happens, isn't it?).

I can promise you that while she stands before cameras and says this shit in order to seem "a team player", the woman is sharpening her knife(and fangs) as we speak. Barack Obama, you is about to get Arkancided come 2012...assuming you don't find yourself lying in state before then.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Recovery Summer?

I really hate to rain on anyone's parade (well...not really. I actually enjoy pissing on other people's parades, just to see them freak), but this "Recovery Summer Tour 2010" nonsense is a load of unadulterated bovine scatological matter.

You can tell because, well...they sent Joe Biden out to bang the drum for it, and he winds up telling the truth in that Biden-esque way that could be the basis of a hit sitcom on NBC. We're somehow supposed to believe the Enlightened Economic Policies of Barack Obama (you know, the ones the Euros just pissed all over at the 'G20 Summit'?) are about to unleash a cornucopia of unrivalled economic prosperity on the American People; the train's a-comin'. We can see the headlight. We can hear the rattle of the tracks. Just you wait. Any day now. Any day now...

So, here's Joe telling us that the Obamatards "saved the banking system" and"stabilized the economy" with a Stimulus Bill in which 96% of the funds allocated (borrowed) haven't been spent, and the Nationalization-in-all-but-name of the biggest banks, insurance firms, and auto manufacturers, and then...it happened.

It always happens with Joe. There are four things you can count on in life; death, taxes, Charles Schumer eventually killing a family of four in his mad rush to nasally drone in front of a television camera, and the premise that, if you follow Joe Biden around long enough with any sort of recording device, you will, eventually, get the whole truth despite Joe's best efforts to continue The Lie. In fact, follow him around long enough and you'll get a litany of truths.

The first truth was contained in the words"...those jobs are never coming back", in reference to the 8 million jobs lost since the beginning of this financial crisis. This was an administration that said it would have to have a $787 billion "stimulus" (which has been mostly geared, thus far, towards fattening the bank accounts of narrow democratic party constituencies ahead of the 2010 and 2012 elections) if it was "to keep unemployment at 8%". Well, it got that "Stimulus" (the first bill that no one read, or was that TARP? It's all become a blur)...

...And the Unemployment rate is closer to 10%, (closer to 17% real unemployment) and the Obamatards are comfortable with the fact that many of them are gone forever, while maintaining the fantasy that there's another batch of jobs just around the corner. You just have to believe in that Hopenchangin' magic, and poof! a Green job, or temporary Census Worker will just drop into your lap. Just you wait and see!

Well, there ain't no 8 million "Green Jobs" coming because Green Energy is a load of bullshit. Like the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, The Flying Dutchman, and the Perpetual Motion Machine, the Green Energy Economy is largely a myth. More conventional industries are now under assault, or in the government's crosshairs; Big Oil garnered the wrong sort of attention when BP poisoned the Gulf of Mexico. Wall Street is about to be slapped with a new round of regulations-which-are-really-taxes that will probably hasten the destruction of many of the weaker-but-salvageable firms. Obamacare (the second bill that no one read) will nationalize, unionize and cost-control the medical profession back into the Middle Ages of bloodletting and leaches.

All of those industries are about to get socked to pay for penile implants for illegal immigrants, paying the UAW to continue voting democrat, saving a variety of obscure wildlife that stands in the way of progress and prosperity, and funding every stupid-ass-pie-in-the-sky-hippie-program that can spring from the fevered imaginations of Obama, Pelosi and Reid, unless they are either stripped of power, or assassinated (and no, that was NOT a request, just hyperbole. If you're thinking about killing anyone, please make it someone truly important...like Lady Gaga or Simon Cowell).

The second truth was revealed, in of all places, a custard shop in Wisconsin.

Joe stopped in for a tasty frozen treat, and got into a bit of banter with the shop manager, who decided that the opportunity to make a political statement while Joe was trying to make his own (after all, the Vice President rubbing elbows with the Peasants in front of cameras is supposed to be all about the Administration, not the People. Showing him up is considerd Bad Form, you know). When asked "How much do I owe you?" for the frozen treats, the manager intimated that if perhaps the Vice President could convince the Administration to lower taxes, the bill would be paid in full, Joe went into full menstrual fury mode.

As far as snits are concerned, this was a good one. Joe reminded me of an old girlfriend who always acquired the most disturbing personality traits whenever she was menstruating. There was the constipated visage; that intense look that could curdle milk, and perhaps separate oil and water, if it didn't set the oil aflame first. Then came the tightening, like a rope being wound around a windlass, complete with that Noise -- the one that sounds like straining and cracking wood that is produced as fingers are balled into a fist and the knuckles strain the flesh of the hand. Finally, there was the eye-rolling-looking-down-my-nose-at-you-contempt, the utter disdain for all living things, especially those who had decided that RIGHT FUCKING NOW was a good time to challenge a coiled rattlesnake. Yep, Joe looked exactly like Denise whenever Aunt Flo came to visit.

"Why do you have to be a wise-ass?" asked the Vice President. Or words to that effect. And therein was the nugget of truth; Joe Biden doesn't have to take guff and back-talk from the Peasants. How dare one of these people question the authority and actions of their Betters? How is it that such a lower life form can imagine that he knows more about economic and taxation matters than a President who spent nearly a whole year in the Senate? It is not Our (meaning we peasants) job to question, suggest, or to even remind Joe that he actually works for us, and that criticism comes with the job. No, Our job is to meekly knuckle under, and follow the dictates of a class of snobs which does everything ass-backwards, and turns everything it touches into a pile of gold-plated turds -- when it does anything at all -- and to shut up about it.

Take your ass rape like a man, Custard Shop Manager! Get with the program.

With apologies to the late General Stillwell, "Vinegar and Water" Joe (Biden) gave you all the proof you ever needed that we are being"led" (mostly astray) by a group of complete retards with extremely thin skin, and no tolerance for debate. They call themselves "liberals", but there's very little of the liberal about them. And they show it everytime you try to question their authority and actions: they run you out of Town Hall meetings (notice there don't seem to be any of those, anymore?), they criticize you for being a plodding clod if you watch or read anything they don't approve of, they call you a Nazi if you decide to join a Tea Party or hold a view that runs contrary to their requirements, and then they call you a wise-ass if you manage to get a bit of your own back at their expense.

Monday, June 28, 2010

"Why Are You Doing This?"

That was the question asked by Allison Blais, a 24-year-old "Journalism Student". You see, Ms. Blais, and a number of other people, had just been pepper-sprayed by the
Toronto Police Department. Why? Because thousands of young Canadians made the hazardous voyage into downtown Toronto. (it is hazardous...I've been there) to make complete asses of themselves in order to put themselves in a position from whence to get pepper-sprayed. It's the very least the police department can do after their officers have been attacked, their cruisers set ablaze, and thousands of hemp-heads and faux-Anarchists are roaming the streets burning, looting and vandalizing everything in sight in the name of "World Peace", and stupid notions of fundamental justice.

And Ms. Blais is one of the exceedingly lucky ones, in the sense that the Toronto Police Department (or is it Ontario Provincial Police? I always forget) pretty much took the day off to let the protesters do their thing. Why, I'll bet that 99% of those protesters weren't pepper-sprayed at all. You should be proud, Ms. Blais, that the Police found you objectionable enough, what with all the rioting going on, to take the time from their overtime-pay coffee break to make the effort to do their jobs and squirt you right in the fucking kisser, Missy. Why, you were either a very easy target (I gather you were seated during your personal protest?) meaning that you made it easy, or you just really pissed them off.

On the bright side, you could just be happy that you'll now actually have a story to write for your "Journalism" class.

Everytime there's a G20 meeting, or some other political get-together where the World's Elite gather to figure out how to fuck up the planet even more, you will find protesters. Most of them are well-meaning people who actually believe that if 20,000 like-minded people get together with really spiffy signs, and clever four-words-or-less slogans (it's best if it all rhymes, they say), that the Chinese or Russian delegations might actually listen to anything you have to say. People like Barack Obama or Angela Merkel pretend to listen to you, because the Western style of politics demands that important personages at least appear to be "Men of the People", even if they really have no actual connection with the Huddled Masses, and barely think of them of actual human beings rather than as voting blocs, a source of tax money, or photo-ops.

I can promise you that even if you brought 100,000 people with signs, the Chinese will still bind women's feet, and stifle any nascent political dissent in their country with tanks and Secret police. I can almost guarantee that genocide will continue in Sudan or Rwanda, because the people there are fucking savages who can't read your signs, and who don't have televisions with which to actually see your protest, and discern your good intentions.

As far as "getting a message through to X", a protest march is all-well-and-fine, even if typically futile. It's your right, and I don't object to people trying to get their message out. However, it's usually the legions of douchebags who glom onto the well-meaning protesters' protest which often throws a monkey wrench into the whole thing. These New Age Anarchists, the Watermelons (Green on the Outside, Red on the Inside), the new breed of Anti-Semites, the Older-and-Surgically-Preserved Breed of Radical Feminists, The Militant Queers, the Tinfoil Hats, and the Plain Stupid, join in these protests for a variety of reasons that usually don't have anything to do with the doings of the actual "Summit". They just show up for the Media Attention. There may have been a few tens of thousands in the streets, but most of them were probably of the "Civil Rights for Three-legged Blind Gerbils" type who more-or-less belong to entirely fringe-of-the-fringe-within-a-fringe "movements" which deal with an extremely narrow -- and often ridiculous -- issue. Those are the ones who show up on the odd chance that their sign might get 5 seconds of airtime on the nightly news, because almost any large gathering of people draws cameras, and they need to find or give moral support to the other seven people in Canada who believe in The Cause...whatever it may happen to be.

It's the smattering of assholes in there who showed up specifically to start trouble that are the problem. And those are the ones who most likely got Ms.Blais pepper-sprayed, assuming she just happened to find that grassy median a convenient place to take sit-down after a heavy afternoon's shopping, and had nothing to do with the protest at all.

Most "Anarchists" are really middle-class kids. Very well-off-upper-middle-class kids, who are a) stupid, and b) bored. Mostly they're college students who live in a world of abstracts idly tossed about by aging hippies who have even less experience of reality. Most have probably never done an honest day's work in their lives -- because Mom and Dad have provided everything -- who are drawn to the "romance" of play-acting as the Disaffected Political Streetfighter. They rail against the excesses of Capitalism (despite the fact that it's what allows them to live very comfortably; most would probably die of starvation within 15 minutes, if left to their own devices and lack of real survival skills, or ability to get e-mail), screaming their heads off about the plight of the "poor" in the "Third World". They do this dressed in their "Radical Chic" uniform of black Urban Guerillaware -- complete with the de rigeur Che Guevara t-shirt and red bandanna -- that costs a shitload of real money (after all, it's high fashion for a select clientele), probably produced in a sweatshop by some 11 year-old Nicaraguan making 3 cents a week. If she's lucky.

They rail against the "greed" of the "Evil Corporation", and yet, they take full advantage of the Evil Corporation's products; They drive or take public transport to the protest. They've organized themselves on Facebook, they use cell phones to communicate with one another and take pictures of one another like the riot was some once-in-a-lifetime event that needs to be recorded for posterity. Or, they might use Twitter to spread disinformation during the riot to make the Police look bad. They're certainly glad for the hospitals they'll need after the cops crack their skulls. Some even sport gas masks -- brought by the Gas Mask fairy, no doubt. They'll all gather at the local Starbucks, or McDonald's, three hours before their planned attack for an Egg McMuffin and a couple of double-caramel mocchiatas -- because breakfast IS The Most Important Meal of the Day. Don't worry; they'll be back to throw chunks of concrete through the store windows a few hours later.

When they're arrested, I'll bet at least half of those...ahem...tough, committed Soldiers of the People cry like bitches, and the other half huddle together in the corner of the common cell for fear of being gang raped by the "downtrodden" people they took to the streets on behalf of. No worries, though: Mom and Dad will come through with the bail money. They always do, because leaving Junior in jail overnight might damage his self-esteem.

I've had experience with three protests in my life, and when I say that, I mean a protest in which some aspect of my life was changed;

The first was sometime back in the early-90's when my then-girlfriend went to a NARAL march in Washington, D.C. I picked her up at the bus station after she had returned to Manhattan. She was exceedingly proud of herself for having attended the march and having stood up for Women's Rights. She was so exuberant that she wouldn't shut the fuck up about it, and I got tired of saying nothing but "well good for you", and not getting a word in edgewise, for near on 20 minutes. Her attempts to get me to validate her good feelings were painfully annoying; (if the conversation had been written down, she would have been finishing every paragraph with "Don't you think I've done a great thing?".With each new pronouncement of pride, my ears got just a teensy bit wearier. I asked her if she wouldn't mind talking about something else.

Needless to say, that relationship did not last much longer, for I had killed her Self-Esteem buzz.

The Second Experience was with an Earth Day celebration, with another ex-girlfriend. I didn't want to go, but I did want to get laid, so I got with The Program. The Program involved travelling to Central Park with her Hippie Girlfriend, and the Hippie Girlfriend's Pothead-25-years-older-than-she Boyfriend. So, the four of us hopped into Pothead's car for the half-mile voyage to Central Park -- a 1980's model Chevy Suburban that trailed enough oil smoke behind it for a battalion of Marines to maneuver behind, and adorned with this little gem of Eco-wisdom; A "Split Wood - Not Atoms" bumper sticker. Once we arrived at the Earth Day "Celebration" Hippie Girl and Cradle-Robbing-Pothead-Douchebag began their "work"...distributing the 5,000 printed fliers their "Green Workshop" had prepared to inform the citizens of Sodom-on-the-Hudson about the evil people destroying the Rain Forests so that the selfish bastards might have someplace to grow food.

I think all 5,000 of those fliers wound up on the ground in the Sheep Meadow and the Ramble. And that relationship, alas, also did not last much longer. Note to all my readers; if you date an Ecochick, don't buy her Coach leather when her birthday arrives a week later, because it means you learned nothing at the rally -- and it only makes it worse if you say "who really gives a fuck about Earth Day, anyway?"

The final encounter was a "Legalize Pot" rally on Boston Common. I wasn't there of my own accord -- I just happened to have accidentally found the damned thing while I was sightseeing. If there is anything more stunning than the sight of the Boston P.D. standing idly by while 5 or 6-thousand lit up in a futile group attempt to Give the Entire City a Contact High (their stated goal, I gathered, an amazing amount of ambition shown by slackers, I must say), it was watching a goodly number of them lay down, or simply pass out, when they themselves got too stoned to continue standing within the massive cloud of smoke generated during the attempt. Once they were conveniently horizontal, the cops just scooped them up at their leisure.

What does any of this have to do with the Toronto Riot?

I've come to the conclusion that many people who attend most "rallies" and "protests" are the dumbest forms of life yet discovered. Most are there for some reason other than the one stated, and usually are too stupid to see that what they protested against yesterday, they've invalidated by their actions today (rail against Big Oil, fill up your gas tank). Instead, I think many go for psychological reasons; the kid who vandalizes McDonald's isn't really concerned by the plight of the Third World as much as he is guilty for all the wonderful shit he's been given -- or he's just a fucking loser trying to strike back at the world that has marginalized him. The Woman who marches with NARAL doesn't go because she actually believes Feminist garbage -- she went because her circle of girlfriends would have ostracized her if she didn't. The Pothead doesn't really want pot legalized -- because if it was, regulations would probably require the least-potent weed imaginable, and it would be taxed to the hilt -- only he's too fucking stoned to think that one through. After all, if the Fed'ral Gubmint can mandate beer with less alcohol in it than you would use to sterilize a paper cut, it can surely mandate weak Ganja as being the only sort suitable for public consumption. He went because he's fucking stoned, and doesn't know any better.

It is my opinion that if you protest against something that is, ultimately, about nothing -- like the G20, which is a complete farce -- there's more than likely something wrong with you. If you attend a protest that is, ultimately, about nothing -- like, the G20 -- and you burn police cars and riot in the streets, then you deserve a fucking face full of fucking pepper-spray, and you should stop crying about having gotten it. Actions have consequences, you know.