25 Things The Next Republican President Must Do...

And when I say "must do", I really mean must. Like before anything else. Ten seconds after taking the oath of office and ensuring that the Obama's haven't stolen the White House silverware.

This list assumes two things:

a) Mitt Romney defeats Barack Odouchebag in November, and
b) The GOP retains it's majority in the House, and gets one in the Senate

Otherwise, this is all academic.

So, here's my list of the the Top 25 Things The Next Republican President Must Do (in no particular order):

Seven Reasons Why Barack Obama Will Be Remembered As The Worst President Ever....

Pity Barack Obama. No, seriously...you should.

It can't be easy to be the President of the United States, particularly at this point in history: there is economic turmoil; the country is embroiled in three wars; political will in this country is divided and misdirected; you're married to that walking menstrual cycle.

If there's anything that our Commander-in-Chump is probably thankful for, it has to be an electorate that's too stupid to realize either it's true priorities or the depths of it's own stupidity. That is, after all, how he got elected in the first place.

The Presidential Q&A I'd Love To Hear....

The Scene: President Frequent-Flyer-Miles has just hopped off the golf course, and is attending another of those staged-political-event-cum-Nuremberg-rallies of his, this time in the crucial swing state of (insert name of state with large percentage of complete doofuses who voted for this jerkoff the last time around). He is introduced by the local democratic congresscritter with a gusto that is entirely forced, and probably lubricated by at least a fifth of Johnny Walker Black, and enters the room to the sounds of free-malt-liquor-and-skittles-enhanced applause from a crowd of people who wouldn't understand a word he will eventually say if you gave them a continuous, three-week-long Miriam-Webster enema beforehand.