Saturday, October 25, 2008

So Healthy You Can Smell It...
A little levity. We need some. And a little science. We can always use that. Read this, and have a chuckle. Who would have thought that pushcart burrito could actually be good for you?

Friday, October 24, 2008

People Who Can't Count, Shouldn't Be Allowed (to Sign Other People Up) to Vote...
ACORN, an adjunct to the democratic party (despite what both have to say on the subject), last week claimed to have 'registered 1.3 million new voters' for the 2008 election. Seems they were a little off base...


Apparently, 2/3 of those 'new voters' are either outright inventions, ineligible voters, or just folks updating their information. Of course, when ACORN announced it's numbers last week, every flapping rectum on the cable networks was assuring us that this many 'new voters' most assuredly will break for Barack Obama.

Except that all these 'new voters' don't exist. And of the 1/3 that did manage to pass muster (about 450,000), how many will actually get to the polls on Election Day? WHo knows? But, the buzz is all about the 'new, young voters' that have signed up 'in herds.' Best guess, based on my knowledge of human nature: if the majority of those 'new voters' are under the age of 25, probably not many will actually show on Election Day (perhaps 10%. Young folk don't get out of bed for classes, dental appointments...and Election Day. Hey, there's, like, no school that day!), and fully 2/3 s of them will change from democrat to republican within 15 years. In fact, if I had to depend on the average under-25 for anything, I would depend on them not having enough ambition (or responsibility) to get up and go stand in line for anything that didn't have Beyonce in it, or come with a 99-cent burrito.

But of course, we've been told that young people have been signing up in record numbers -- as they seem to do every four years ( btw, is that real numbers or ACORN numbers?), and every four years we hear a variation on the same routine campaign-conventional-wisdom-nugget-of-the-day (that is, every four years when a hip democrat is running...we didn't hear it for either Al Gore or John Kerry, only Bill Clinton and JFK): "young people may be the key to this election..."

News flash: young people have hardly, ever, been the key to an American election. Especially those who only exist because someone fraudulently filled in a registration form for them, and then counted it three times to inflate their numbers (for political and economic reasons...allegedly).

Never, ever believe the media who tell you these stories, and certainly never trust any information given to the press by ACORN. One tells the lie, and the other has the means to disseminate it.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Joe the Plumber, Meet Joe the Dumber...
Courtesy of JustOne Minute:

So, Obama is going to fail his first 3AM phone call test before the call is even made?

I swear, Joe Biden, John Edwards, Al Gore, Walter Mondale...The democrats have quite a penchant for selecting people to put on their ticket who couldn't find their own behinds with both hands and a road map. And Biden is supposed to be the one who lends experience and gravitas to Obama?

What Biden is saying, if I can untangle the Senatorial Crapspeak, is this:

"The guy is gonna get hammered. And no matter what he does, some of you are gonna be like "Hey, this asshole is in the White House? What the fuck did we just do?". I just want you to know, that we're anticipating the probably-dead-on-criticism that will come his way, and while it may appear that we'll be fiddling as Washington (or New York, or Los Angeles, or Chicago) burns, rest assured, we'll be finding ways to pre-emptively defend ourselves against all the political dirty tricks of our opponents, and the biased media -- I mean, after all, an Islamic suitcase nuke exploding in Dallas is just the Republican/FoxNews smear machine out to make us look bad --which will be heaped upon a totally-unprepared-head-up-his-ass-near -Communist. really, give the guy a break. He's just President, not Jesus (That's Hay-Soos, for all you illegally registered voters). We'll be ready for it though. And you'd better be prepared to accept the fact that we won't care. Not a whit. Not a tinker's cuss. Not a pimple on that Republican/FoxNews plant Joe the Plumber's ass. We will still do what we have promised to do (steal from the productive and give it to the unproductive, at least in non-biological terms, and grovel before the tinpot dictators and terrorists of this world, while destorying capitalism in the quest for Rationed-Eyedrops-and-Bandaids-for-All-At-Government-Expense, and spreading the wealth to those who will surely waste it on Air Jordans and diamond-encrusted gold teeth) regardless of how unpopular, how short-sighted and how inherently dangerous it is!"

This is what one of the 'elder statesmen' of the democratic party, and their candidate for VP is really saying.

Hillary Clinton, in retrospect, begins to look as if she migth have been an attractive alternative, after all.
The Upside of Financial Calamity...
At least we're not seeing advertisements for investment planners anymore. You know the ones (by now, the formula for the typical 'invest with US, we'll make you rich!" meme has become trite) in which the aging Baby-Boomers (who, thanks to plastic surgery, Pilates and the miracle of pharmacology!) are ridiculously young-looking and realizing their dream of retiring to that vineyard, preferably in the south of France. Somehow, one gets the impression watching this that a) there are literally millions who have this dream, and b) you're being sold a bill of goods which seems to indicate that this is both possible for all, and desirable.

I wonder what the French would have said had the expected Invasion of Supra-wealthy-exceedingly-tanned-and-toned-Retiree/Vineyard owners ever materialized? I can guess...

At least we don't see Dennis Hopper extolling the supposed virtues of the 60's Potato-salad generation as if they were an Army of World-Bestriding Gullivers amongst an ocean of Lilliputians. If I ever achieve any sort of power, Dennis Hopper is getting shot first. But, I digress.

It seems the first casualty of economic collapse is advertising. Which, to me, seems backwards. While the media-blitz expounding on wealth and playing upon the (mostly unrealistic) dreams of millions will not be missed by me, it shouldn't be the first casualty in this war. The people who ran American business into the ground should be. And they should run the executions on Pay-per-View.

While millions of Americans have had their futures destroyed or compromised by the bestest and brightest (so bestest and brightest that they forgot that the primary rule of business is: make money, stupid, not piss it away!), we hear that the Chairman of Lehman brothers walked away with $500 million compensation during his tenure. I'll repeat that; a half-a-billion-fucking-dollars.

The Chairman of Merrill-Lynch, another casualty, walked away with over $100 million. Former Chairmen of Freddie and Fannie, the agencies at the bottom of this collapse, made between $90 and $100 mil, apiece. AIG, fresh off it's taxpayer rescue, was still planning lavish 'Executive Weekends' for it's Overpriced Stuffed Shirts, until bad publicity put an end to that nonsense.

Since we're All-About-Socialism these days, what with the government owning the controlling stakes in some of America's biggest corporations, and Barack Obama promising to recreate Christ's miracle of the Loaves and Fishes on a reduced tax base, how about we take a page from a REAL Socialist? George Orwell (amazing how I keep coming back to him, isn't it?) once postulated that one of the ways to make Socialism more attractive was to recognize that some endeavors naturally require higher pay (medicine, science, management and such) than what your typical factory worker might require, and that therefore, the Capitalist ideal of higher pay for higher-degree-of-difficulty was still a valid one. He proposed that instead of tossing the 'Capitalist pay-scale' that it merely be restrained at it's uppermost levels. There should be, Orwell thought, no reason not reward a Doctor or Engineer with a great big paycheck, but that the difference between that Doc's pay and the pay of the Coal Miner should not exceed a 10:1 ratio.

What do you think would happen if your $100 million CEO suddenly had to make do with only ten times, max, what his $30,000 a year secretary would make? I mean, after his head exploded? Sorry, I have wandered a bit. back to my point (did I ever have one?).

While the lack of bombastic and repetitive advertising is a good thing (it has also extended into pharmaceuticals: I haven't seem Sally Field in a week complaining about having to take 15 seconds a day out of her hectic schedule to take a pill that's necessary to keep her healthy, and perhaps, alive), at the end of the day it's punishing someone. Some place, a copy writer, a photographer, a director, an editor, is being laid off. John Fuld may be dragged before Congress he may be out of work for the moment, but he still has $500 million in the least until the angry villagers, pitchforks and torches in hand, come to take it from him with lawyers barking and straining at the leash.

So, in effect, the withdrawal of advertising is hurting people further in terms of employment, even if it is an awesome thing to be able to watch television without having CitiGroup tell you how they Never Sleep, or that Charles Schwab is America's-Number-One-Discount-Broker (as proclaimed by the All-Powerful J.D. Power and Associates, who curiously never have to advertise themselves), or watching a complete dweeb like Roger Riney show off his helicopter-piloting skills for....well, no reason that I can think of. Why, it doesn't even make sense.

But then again, that's symptomatic of the whole mentality of this type of Celebrity CEO: I'm so stupid-rich that I'll fly a helicopter in my company's commercials, despite the fact that it's extremely out-of-context and unnecessary. And so expensive as t be the first casualty of economic decline.

In the meantime, I feel for the people, even the people who produce these stupid commercials for helicopter-flying-nonentities, as they suffer. I'm happy there's less advertising, just saddened when I realize there's people who make a living that way.