Thursday, November 18, 2010

Because Deporting the Carriers is, You Know, Racist or Something...

More insanity from New Yorkistan.

To stop spread of bedbugs, the City introduces a $100 fine for discarded mattresses not covered in plastic.

Once again,the victims have to be punished because to send illegal immigrants packing would ruin the restarant, landscaping and hotel industries in New York.

You Mean Those Bike Lanes that No One Uses?

The City of New York can find more ways to waste money than just about any government entity on the planet.

Several years ago, these bike lanes were painted on the streets -- very expensively, and in the face of much public opposition -- and touted as the greatest thing since Luke Skywalker was told the amazing secret of his dark and sinister lineage. Mayor Mind-Everyone's-Business, said so. Alas, they have gone mostly unused.

There's several reasons for this:

1. The City put some of them in the stupidest places. Three blocks from my home you can ride the bike path all along North and South Railroad Avenues...right up until the time both streets come to an abrupt end within about a mile, or so. And those two don't even connect to another bike path; you have to travel across other streets, in normal traffic, just to get to another bicycle path to continue your Journey to Nowhere.

2. The City insisted on painting these bike lanes on some of the narrowest major thoroughfares on Staten Island, so that bicyclists just might as well be riding in traffic, anyways. Many of our streets still follow the haphazard routes they did in Colonial Times, and few of them have been widened 230+ years later. Considering how many bus stops and stores there are along some of these roads, the bikers have to weave in-and-out of the lane and into traffic to avoid the buses and the delivery trucks. Most of these bikers don't have the same brainpower you'd expect to find in a garden slug, and consequently, they don't signal. Many are under the mistaken impression that someone doing 55-in-a-40-zone, with three screaming brats in the back, putting on her makeup in the rearview, and dialing a cell phone while driving a 3-ton SUV, are possessed of a gymnast's reflexes, and will most certainly stop to avoid hitting them. Heaven forbid a biker should have to stop to let the flow of traffic pass them by.

3. I can't tell you how many bicyclists haven't figured out how to navigate intersections. There's two kinds of biker in this category; a) the effete, metrosexual douchebag who believes that where the bike lane is broken by an intersection, he still has the right of way, no matter what, insisting that the lane must be assumed to be infinite where it isn't -- and besides, he's superior to you car-driving slugs, and b) people who will wear bright yellow or reflective orange spandex in public without a clue, fear of embarrassment, and despite open questions about their lineage and/or sexual preferences.

4. There is a brand of biker in this City that is so in-your-face about the superiority of the Watermelon EnviroMENTAList biker code, that they deliberately weave in-and-out of the lanes to obstruct traffic, curse and threaten those making legal turns across the bike lanes, and take every opportunity they can to delay traffic and antagonize motorists as a sport. Consequently, this being New York, many of those obnoxious bikers find themselves involved in "accidents" that range from the unintended open car door, the "unintentional" nudge of SUV or Full-Size sedan that occurs after the biker flips someone the bird (commonplace!), to the City Bus Driver who "just didn't see him (The Spandex-wearing buttsniffer) in my blind spot". Consequently, these bike lanes get less use by the day, because the more aggressive bike riders are recovering from the consequences of their own stupidity...and more often, their just desserts.

5. The only people dumber than Staten Island bicyclists are those tens of thousands of assholes who congregate here every year for the New York City Marathon. Fort Wadsworth on Staten Island is the starting point for the Marathon, and the runners begin their first leg by crossing the Verrazano-Narrows bridge...which must be closed for the event. Just so a few thousand doofuses can have the "experience" of trying to run 26-miles while keeping control of bowel and bladder...only to fail, dropping dead from heart attacks along the way.

This is rich:

"It’s a major step backwards. It’s sad, and to do it without input from the community is, in a word, arrogant."

Umm, no; the lanes were originally PUT IN without input from the community (Mayor Bloomberg insisted upon them, and he presumes to know better about everything than we do, the asshole), and the person who gave this quote should remember the old saw about people in Glass Houses; The Bike Riders of this Island are a bunch of arrogant cocksuckers who believe a bicycle should be allowed to go wherever they can get it to, and worse, they're aggressive in this arrogance; just ask anyone who has had to dodge bicycles and their metrosexual owners who insist on riding upon the Boardwalk, through the train stations and trains themselves, and the Ferry.

Mr. "This-is-in-a-word-Arrogant" Douchebag, you're lucky you're still alive; I know a ton of drivers who would just love to run a dope like you over, if they could get away with it.

I want to know how the City justifies the money they spent in painting these monstrosities on the street in the first place, only to cover or remove them five years later? I have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting the answer to that question.

We Fought A Civil War For This?

The batshit-insane rantings of the professional victim class. I would say more, but really -- do I need to?

(H/T FiveFeetofFury)

Heh, I like the source website, too.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Pastor Douchebag Gets His Come-Uppance...

Florida pastor who wanted to burn Korans loses his flock.

Personally, I don't give a shit about what Terry Jones wants to burn. It was evident from the very beginning of his little publicity stunt that Pastor Doofus thought the escapade would make him a rich man...err...I mean, bring him enough money and fame, the better to do "the Lord's work" (and why is it that the Lord's Work always seems to entail a lot of sex with underage girls and hookers and drugs?)...but that plan has fallen flat.

God supposedly works in mysterious ways, Pastor. see if you can figure out why She did you so wrong.

The stunt was designed to fight fire with fire; to engage in a little bit of religious-based, symbolic terrorism against the Islamic enemy at a time when the Muslims were engaged in the same against us (the Ground Zero Mosque controversy). It backfired...and then fizzled... mostly because once Reverend Jones got his mug on television, most people decided that he was a fucking lunatic. He got his 15 minutes, as the saying goes, and then was thrust right back into the obscurity he came from.

Naturally, the Pastor is bitter.

Members of his Gainesville, Fla., flock took off, he said, because they didn't want to hear "the truth" about Muslims. I'm sure there's more to it than this, but good luck finding out just what.

I did, however, find this statement quite accurate:

"People come to church and want to hear, 'God loves you, you're a good person..."

Well, DUUUUUUHHHH! What do you think people go to church for in the first place? They go for reassurance that someone is, indeed, "in charge", that Life is simply not an accident followed by a series of unconnected events. They want surety in their lives; that the "wicked" are punished and the good rewarded, that there is something beyond Death. If people could live forever, free of misery, pain and uncertainty, God would not exist. Certainly the Reverend knows this; he's made his living off of it for a very long time.

But because no one wanted to come to his little book barbecue, because he was exposed as a loon in public and folks probably don't wish to associate with him anymore, the truth comes out; you people only followed The Good Book because you're all selfish basket cases who need constant reassurance.

Unlike the True Warriors of God, like Pastor Jones, who are prepared to carry the illogical insanity that is religion to it's logical conclusion, and engage in pointless, symbolic actions of petty destruction designed to draw attention to their own special brand of stupidity.

If Reverend Jones thought about this situation for a few seconds, he might come to the following conclusion:

When a Muslim threatens to destroy something in the name of God, thousands flock to his banner and cheer him on, or even eagerly seek to help him.

When a Christian threatens to destroy something in the name of God, people recognize it for the cheap publicity stunt that it was, tell him to go fuck himself, and then attend Mass elsewhere.

I think the people Reverend Jones is castigating for being unwilling to learn "the Truth" might already know more about truth and righteousness than he does, even if I don't happen to agree with them on the existence of a higher power. Burning Korans is stupid. It's even dumber when it's intended to simply garner money and publicity.

Here endeth the lesson.

Wild Turkeys...

From my local newspaper, we learn of the plight of a rafter (I thought it would be a flock?) of wild turkeys which are semi-terrorizing a Staten Island neighborhood,and the efforts of one man to save the birds for no reason I can discern except that he's, perhaps, nuts....and has too much cash on hand.

According to the would-be bird saviour:

"My heart goes out to them because they can't fend for themselves."

So much for the Theory of Evolution, huh? They seem to have managed just fine thus far, not withstanding the habit people in these parts have for not plowing through a flock of wild turkeys at 100 mph. or shooting the little menaces when no one is looking.

I also found this quote rather remarkable:

"DEC has so far been unable to find any facilities willing or able to take the turkeys that would be able to keep them separate from wild turkey populations. If such a facility were to be found, funds would be needed to cover trapping, testing and transporting them."

We seem to have the same problem with illegal aliens around here, too.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Next Time Someone Calls Me a Misogynist...

...I'll ask them to read this. It's old, but it helps to illustrate the points I'm always making about today's brain-dead, fake "independent" women brilliantly.

There are probably millions of Lara Carters running around. If there aren't, then all those others are probably your run-of-the-mill sluts.

Yes, Ladies, this is what 40+ years of feminism, the continual dumbing-down of society, and the creation of the corresponding consequence-free culture has produced. You've come a long way, indeed. You should be proud.

Prediction: Ten months after this asshole actually succeeds in giving birth, she'll be headed right to either the nearest welfare office, or the nearest reality television producer.

Told You So...

Tea Party to GOP: More Small Government/Lower Taxes, less Gay Marriage/Abortion.

More on this absolutely-foreseeable tomfoolery here.

Personally, I agree with the Tea Parties, if only because giving a crap about who's gay, and keeping tabs on their behavior so that one can look down their nose with a sense of superiority, is not exactly an exciting hobby.

What the Tea Party is saying here is simply that they didn't send republicans to Capitol Hill to waste time on Social Issues when we're all about to starve to death. If some within the GOP (and you know who you are, Mitch McConnell) thought last Election Day was about a return to the pre-2006 status quo, well it seems they got another thing comin'.

Good for the Tea Party! It's about time someone told the Right Wing Taliban where to get off.

You will never change the moral culture of America with regulations and laws (after all, we have literally millions of those already, and immorality doesn't seem to be going away, does it?), and besides, government only has the ability to affect those things at the margins, at best.

If you wish to change the culture, then the best place to start is where religious douchebags usually are the most effective; on the individual level. Get enough individuals to oppose abortion, gay marriage and to support prayer in the public schools, and popular support will see those things carried through. Instead of buying politicians, the God, Guns and Gay Coalition should be winning hearts and minds. That is, after all, what religion traditionally does, isn't it?

But that requires work. That takes too long. There's millions of morons drooling over the thought that the Rapture may occur any day now, and millions more eager to help it bring it about sooner, if they can. It's why they bought GOP politicians, or rather, a particular brand of GOP politicians, in the first place.

You know, guys like Larry Craig, the Airport Men's Room Lothario, or Mark Foley, the alleged Congressional Page Groper. The Family Values types.

It's also why religious conservatives are always disappointed: they seek Messiahs, only to find out their heroes are merely politicians.

Perhaps it's time to let reason trump faith in an effort to solve real problems, and leave the effort to save sinner's souls where it belongs: in church, not in the Halls of Congress.

Obama Will Probably Take Credit for This, Too...

Gulf of Mexico fisheries recover nicely after Oil Spill.

You may drive Nature out with a Pitchfork, and She will return with a vengeance. Yet more proof that Greens are assholes without a clue.

I fully expect Il Doofay (i.e Resident Obambi) to grandly proclaim that "the tough action taken by my Administration" in the wake of this disaster has brought about this unexpected state of affairs.