Tuesday, March 02, 2004

How to Fix Haiti (and other helpful household hints)...What I'm about to advocate may shock and alarm you, but it just might work. I expect to get flamed for it, but I feel it should be atleast thought about by someone in a position to actually do it.

Haiti is a mess. Mexico is a mess. There are at least two dozen shitholes on the world map that resemble countries in that they have borders (usually arbitrarily drawn) and things that sorta-kinda look like civilization, but which cannot, for a variety of reasons, pull together something that actually IS a country.

There is a solution, although many people would consider it "politically incorrect" or a manifestation of "imperialism", but it has worked in the past and would work just as well in this day and age if it hadn't fallen out of favor.

The solution is colonization.

The fastest way to fix Haiti would be to send three or four thousand Americans there for five years. We're not talking Marines, government technicians, of NGO's here, we're talking Joe and Jane Average from Butte, Montana, or the John Q. Public family of Racine, Illinois. Send these folks on a Survivor-like trek through the hinterlands of Port-au-Prince. Deny them television, shopping malls, telephones and running water, supply them with enough money, and then watch them get to work.

No running water? No problem. An American would hire people with the expertise in wells, plumbing, purification and sewage. Next thing you know, clean running water. Junior can't get an education? Someone builds a school-like building and hires a teacher lady, next thing ya know, Junior's taking the Harvard entrance exam. Nothing resembling a representational republic that defends the country and pick up the trash? Watch 'em start delegating authority amongst themselves.

Tell an American he can't have something and just watch how quickly that something materializes.

And when the five years are up, and Haitians have running water, schools, medicial clinics with real doctors, television and newspapers, a philharmonic, and maybe even a hockey team, send 'em home. In the meantime, enough of civilization willhave rubbed off on the Haitians to allw them to keep up what has been left for them. Do this and a place like Haiti would be revolutionized (nicely and correctly) within a year.

We (meaning Westerners) used to do this, until we got guilty about it and invented political correctness. It worked for the Roman Empire, it worked for the British and it would work right here on our own doorstep. Give Haiti (or anyplace else) the same expectations for life, the human and economic potential of Terre Haute, Indiana, and watch civilized governments, roads, medicine and higher standards of living blossom.

Mao once said "let a thousand flowers bloom", and he was right, only his fertilizer was discharged from the barrel of a gun. The same can be said of Cuba, Haiti and Afghanistan. Let's see what happens when you have a different gardener.

No comments: