Monday, April 05, 2010

Douchebag of the Week (4/5/10): Tiger Woods...

Tiger's done it again! If it wasn't enough to cheat on his beautiful wife with everything with two tits and a heartbeat, he's gone and done it again with his latest bit of insanity; the claim that he was racially-harased on his first day of kindegarten.

In a book by Charles Barkley, Tiger claims he was accosted by a group of sixth graders on his first day of kindergarten, beaten up, tied to a tree, and had a racial epithet spray-painted upon his person. I heard this story once; it was used by Tawana Brawley, the fake-rape-victim and Al Sharpton cause celebre (who eventually converted to Islam, you know). Brawley claims she was abducted and raped, left in a black, plastic garbage bag, by "White cops" who scrawled "KKK" on her body -- with dog turds. It all turned out to be an elaborate ruse cooked up in the mind of a teenaged girl , desperate to avoid punishment for breaking curfew.

Brawley was eventually caught when her story didn't pan out, and because she made the elemental mistake of spelling 'KKK' incorrectly and upside down when she wrote it upon herself with canine waste. But that's the past...

Tiger claims this is something that has affected him deeply (I'm sure it would!), and I wouldn't be surprised if this eventually gets used as part of his litany of excuses for wandering off the marital rails and fucking all the White Trash In America. It might even be the first installment of the famous "I'm Black and Society is to Blame" defense, in which Tiger Woods, who has made a fetish out of not making a big deal out of his racial heritage, now makes a big deal out of his racial heritage in order to escape public scrutiny.

However, just like the Brawley Incident, the tied-to-a-tree-and-spraypainted-saga might not have ever happened, either.

No sooner is Tiger's recollection of disgusting racism against a helpless child made public than his former teacher, his former classmates and other former students, all go public to deny the allegations. The teacher even went as far as to hire Gloria Allred, the attorney who's also representing one of Woods' alleged mistresses, to defend her against any possible charges!
Gloria haunts your steps, Tiger, you poor bastard.

There's an old saying that says "when you find yourself in a deep hole, you'd better stop digging."

Here's a public figure, who has had a very public (and messy) series of self-inflicted wounds. He's trying like mad to "return to normal life", too quickly in my opinion, and in a period of one week, his pornstar mistress starts looking for money, reports surface that the wife he's "reconciling" with hasn't been seen within a 100 miles of him for a month, another report surfaces that he's spent as much as $10 million to keep the legion of slambags quiet, and that his crew enabled him to the max. Then he makes an outrageous statement like this.

I find it hard to believe that such a thing ever happened, but then again, I don't have any proof that it didn't. The allegation though, is so over-the-top and so-conveniently-timed that you have ot question it.

If anything, it's probably one of those things intended to "distract" the Press (you know, the Press he doesn't talk to in the first place?) so that he can play golf and win tournaments (because that's all he basically has left), despite the fact that this upcoming "Master's Tournament" is run by people who have basically bullied the Press into leaving Tiger alone. it's a strange dynamic: he constantly cries about his "privacy" and his "private life", and that he must be protected from the Media so that he can "heal", and then he tosses out a childhood recollection of racism that no one seems to remember.

As if we needed more baseless claims of racism after the ObamaCare debacle?

For being that big of a selfish douchebag, Tiger, you're this week's winner.

By the way, you're not an athlete; golf is not a real sport -- real sports aren't played in business casual, have defense, and don't involve electric carts and a personal servant. And it's gay. Why, golf is so gay that it makes knitting and hairdressing seem manly by comparison.

Enjoy your Douchebag of the Week Award, Tiger, because it's the only one you're getting this week. And it's looks better than a Green Jacket, too.

UPDATE: FoxNews is reporting that Tiger Woods will hold a "Press Conference" at 2 p.m., Eastern Time. I wonder if he'll adress any of these issues, or just stonewall while pretending to co-operate with the Press he so desperately wants to leave him alone. Asshole.

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