Friday, November 12, 2010

This is Your Brain On Drugs...And Your Ass on Mice...

It's also another reason why I moved back north.

Somehow, I'm certain the mouse was just an innocent bystander.

There's something about South Carolina that makes the men there sexual deviants. Maybe it's something in the water, the brain damage that comes from a daily six-pack and NASCAR, or all that inbreeding, but stories like this are fairly common in that part of the country. When I lived in Charlotte, the Observer (suitable for wrapping fish) or the local newscast was sure to carry at least one item involving a South Carolinian and a four-legged sexual partner (that and the church announcements were half the paper, usually)..

I've also worked with two men who were South Carolinians (not at the same company, or at the same time), and I can hardly remember a day where one of them wasn't speaking fondly of memories of afternoons spent porking watermelons warmed in the summer sun, a beloved sow who meekly submitted, a mule trained to back into your boner while you sat on the fencepost, a cousin arrested for doing nasty things to chickens, a good dog who did more than hunt, and so forth.

You think I'm kidding? Guess again; I've heard the stories so many times I can practically recite them word-for-word. Not only were those guys not embarrassed by the revelation of their sex lives on the farm, they seemed to think it was funny. I'll bet if you put two of these morons in the same room, they'd very quickly begin to try and "one-up" each other with tales of their barnyard conquests.

I'm surprised the Taliban hasn't been there to recruit some of these guys.

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