Monday, December 20, 2010

"Unfair, Ungrateful and Uncouth..."

That's what the New York Times had to say about this blog.

Uncouth? I'll have you know, Ms. New York Times Health blogger, I have more fucking couth in my little finger than Marueen Dowd has had botox, and infinitely more than Thomas Friedman has in his entire ridiculous-looking toupee!

You're not fooling anyone, Tommy!

Actually, I'm rather happy that the Times saw fit to point people to this diseased-dialogue-with-myself; as of this posting, my traffic has increased by a factor of 400%. Unfortunately, this does not translate into Instant Dead Presidents for Yours Truly, but it did result in two (and counting) job offers to write for other blogs. For pay. Apparently, I'm funny.

The only problem is that they want me to work "clean". How fucked up is that? I must be the Lenny Bruce of the least for today (Ha! As if!)

I just find it rather peculiar that the New York Times would characterize me as uncouth, while ignoring some of the most Unfair, Ungrateful and Uncouth people that wander it's formerly-hallowed halls.

You know, Unfair, Ungrateful and Uncouth people like the aforementioned Thomas Friedman, who's never met a terrorist he wouldn't perform fellatio upon, and who is absolutely besotted with the Red Chinese Kleptocracy. Only don't ever expect Tom to leave his palatial mansion for the greener pastures of Western Sichuan province, where he could send his kids to those wonderful Chinese private schools, built of the finest papier mache and situated in only the toniest of notorious earthquake zones, easily the equal of the Suburban Old Money Academies he probably sends his children to now (assuming someone could stand him long enough to make the Beast With Two Backs and then bear his offspring without eating them in infancy).

It so wonderful to hear the Ungrateful American Wealthy Who Didn't Earn Their Fortune By Working For It sing the praises of iron-fisted Communism for the rest of us, but never for themselves.

And when Friedman isn't succeeding in making an ass out of himself, there's the Times Raging-Menstrual-Cycle-In-Residence, Maureen Dowd, who wrote this just a few weeks ago:

"These women — Jan, Meg, Carly, Sharron, Linda, Michele, Queen Bee Sarah and sweet wannabe Christine — have co-opted and ratcheted up the disgust with the status quo that originally buoyed Barack Obama. Whether they’re mistreating the help or belittling the president’s manhood, making snide comments about a rival’s hair or ripping an opponent for spending money on a men’s fashion show, the Mean Girls have replaced Hope with Spite and Cool with Cold. They are the ideal nihilistic cheerleaders for an angry electorate…"

Somehow, MoDo gets paid a shitload of bucks to be Unfair, Ungrateful and well as a bitch... and I don't?

Actually, both of them were named to the Top Ten Hack Journalists in America List by their fellow libtards at Salon. Friedman came in at Number 3, and Dowd at Number 8. She probably would have come in first, but she probably wouldn't put out.

You know your paper is full of talentless hacks if the other talentless hacks at Salon (except for Camille Paglia...I love that woman!) devoted 20% of their Biggest Assholes with a Word-Processor list to the Old Gray Lady. Or maybe it's just that Salon, as MoDo would say (with a girlish giggle that hides the succubus within) "has penis envy".

My complaint...well, it's not really a complaint, just an observation... is that a Times writer would call me"unfair, ungrateful and uncouth" (Completely agree! But that's why it's funny as hell! And it's besides the point!), ignoring the fact that she writes for an alleged newspaper that employs, at huge salaries, two of the most unfair, ungrateful and uncouth alleged-newspaper-columnists in the Solar System.

And as for that other overpaid mental midget employed at the Times, that Paul Krugman fellow? I'll bet that if you put Paul Krugman's brain in a bird, it would fly backwards, and then up it's own ass.

But, in the end, I must thank Ms. Span and the (probably-) drunken editor who made the decision to post my venom this week, and now I'm really pissed off that I took Google AdWords off this thing! I could have made at least $3.00 today!

I harbor no ill-will towards Ms. Span. She seemed like a lovely person on the phone. So, I don't want anyone to think that this is an attack upon her, because it ain't.

I'm actually rather grateful, and the outrage is totally feigned for dramatic effect. I just couldn't resist the opportunity to take a crack as Krugman, Friedman and Maureen-the-Aging-Life-Support-System-for-A-Vagina-That-No-Man-In-His-Right-Mind-Wants-Anymore. Then again, I often do come across on the page as the worst person on Planet Earth; I have to remember that what works for me in communicating with others in person (sarcasm and directness) doesn't always carry as well when it comes to the written word.

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