Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Well, They Needed Them to Go With the $30 Million of Unused Bike Lanes, Silly!

Something I wanted to write about last week, but never got around to;

City of New York wastes $60,000 on bike racks, along a street with no dedicated bike lane.

Such is life in Mike Bloomberg's New Yorkistan. The really surprising thing is that the project didn't cost $6 million, and have to be re-done three times by a union-dominated, Mob-connected contractor with no competitive bidding process allowed.

And when you stop to consider it's only $60,000, you realize it could have been far worse. After all, the City just demolished an entire skate park in Midland Beach that it only built a few years ago for a reason that no one has been able to yet adequately explain, and now there's a lot of talk about a solar and wind farm project at Fresh Kills (formerly the biggest garbage dump in the United States, rumored to have been visible from Earth Orbit) that will probably cost three times it's original estimate, and produce one-fifth the promised energy. All this at a time when the Bloomdouche Administration is crying poormouth -- in the richest city, with some of the highest property taxes, in all of America.

Perhaps if the City wasn't busy installing bike racks along major roads with no bike lanes that will mostly go unused -- along roads that are deteriorating something fierce, and which have become safety hazards in their own right --  building wind farms that are unnecessary (the land upon which they will be built on is perhaps one of the richest sources of methane gas known to Man; it will be built on the largest decomposing garbage dump, after all), making your personal eating habits it's primary focus, persecuting smokers to pay for insulin and neo-natal care for illegal immigrants,and handing out free needles to heroin addicts, there might be some tax money available for all those things it was originally intended for: running the city. You know, like for repaving streets, filling in potholes, keeping the streets clean, and the hospitals open. Maybe then the Public Schools wouldn't have to hold bi-monthly fundraisers just to buy toilet paper and pencils.

But Bloomberg didn't become Mayor to do something as insignificant and unfulfilling as running the City efficiently. Hell no: he became Mayor to impose his mentally-constipated-Upper-East-Side views upon us all. He's here to make sure we eat right, Go Green even if it kills us, encourage us to stay out of Manhattan on weekends so that the Upper Crust set should never have to rub elbows with the Outer-Borough Peasants ever again, and finding new and inventive ways to kill economic activity with rising tax rates and new taxes that often defy belief. All the while screaming "Budget cuts! Budget cuts!".

It makes you wonder how it was that this douchebag ever became a self-made billionaire.

Because someone who actually knew about Money would know that it isn't a lack of funding that causes City Budget shortfalls; it's the continuing and concerted campaign of waste and stupidity that comes out of City Hall and Albany that's to blame for that lack of revenues. Forethought, careful planning and auditing of public funds are words that are apparently not in any of our elected officials vocabularies.

Hence, $60,000 for bike racks in an area where riding a bike is akin to jumping from a perfectly-functioning airplane...without a parachute. But that should not matter to people like Blooomberg, who see public office as a means to an end -- in this case, catering to the needs of a select brand of total retards. This City is increasingly being run by the Stupid for the benefit of the Even Stupid-er, and the rest of us are just expected to shut up and pay for it, no matter how much it costs, how dubious the motivation, or how ridiculous the project.

And besides, bicyclists are fucking gay. It takes a special brand of effete faggot to be brave enough to negotiate our often narrow, crowded and following-the-same-routes-they-did-in-Revolutionary-War-times streets in a snugly form-fitting yellow spandex body condom, demand a little respect and then expect to be taken seriously. Frankly, I'm not surprised that you see so few cyclists on Staten Island streets, but am I surprised that the ones you DO see aren't run down just for being an annoying douchebag in public. We laugh at you. We question your sanity and lineage. I know more than a handful of drivers who will actually go out of their way to crowd you off the roads or open their car doors when they see you coming towards their parking spot.

You're lucky there aren't more of you being beaten up on a daily basis, because you're even more obnoxious people than those doofuses on Mob Wives and Jersey Shore.

No, you aren't better than the rest of us because you ride a bike instead of an Escalade; that's just something you tell yourself to make yourselves feel better about having such small penises. We know you have small ones because you wear so much neon-colored spandex that it's almost impossible for us not to notice.

And guess what? I don't drive anywhere, Mr.-I'm-Reducing-My-Carbon-Footprint. Haven't for 15 years, as it is terribly impractical in these parts. I walk everywhere, and where that isn't possible I take public transportation. That would make me superior to all of you, if we were ranked by your own environmentally-retarded criteria: building your bike required mined metals, rubber, energy to produce, transport to the bike store, petroleum-based paints and lubricants,and at some point, all of it will have to be replaced, either piecemeal or in total, as it wears out. My feet are greener than your bike (hmm, maybe I should bathe more often?), but I don't see the city spending $60k for a shoe rack outside my local supermarket -- and there's already a sidewalk there, unlike the complete dearth of bike lanes.

And what bike lanes there are in Staten Island often lead absolutely nowhere, and many terminate at blank walls and dead end streets. That's only to be expected given the propensity for the City of New York to plan it's projects and identify it's priorities so gosh-darned carefully.

UPDATE: The New York Post spends a week watching cyclists, concludes that they are mostly massive cunts.

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