Saturday, April 23, 2011

When Reality Television Hits Home...

From my local fishwrap vis-a-vis the new VH-1 'Reality Show' Mob Wives.

First off, I object to the term 'Italian-American Elite' for the following reasons;

a. We (those of us who think this show presents a seriously destructive view of Italians and Staten Islanders, and glorifies the Mafia Lifestyle) are not elitists; we're average people of moderate intelligence and taste who can still recognize a turd when we smell one,

b. The examples of this so-called 'Italian-American Elite' quoted in the article are no such thing. I didn't know these people even existed (except for the Borough President and the State Senator) before someone asked them for a quote. That's how influential and recognizable they are in the Staten Island Italian community specifically, and the New York City Italian community in general. As for the lady who was the head of the Island GOP, this is akin to being President of the AV Squad in junior high, given the dysfunctional nature of most New York State GOP establishments.

If New York democrats weren't such knuckle-dragging doofuses who fucked up by the numbers on a regular basis you couldn't pay enough people to vote republican in most local and state elections. It's usually only after some catastrophic performance (think David Dinkins) , or some great debacle (think Mario Cuomo) by a libtard that some Repubs even get a sniff at a chance to run successfully for office, right up until the NY GOP, predictably, shoots itself in the foot (see: Rick Lazio, Dede Scozzafazza, Carl Palladino, et. al. Oh, shit...they're all Italians!).

The point being that if you're going to designate people as an elite, there'd had better damn well be something elite about them. But I digress...

Secondly, this show, much like most of the drivel on television these days, has no redeeming qualities about it, whatsoever. In a day-and-age where we're treated to shows like 16 and Pregnant, The Real Housewives of_______, American Idol, Jersey Shore, Celebrity Rehab, and 1,000 Ways to Die, just how many more chances does Hollywood need to prove to us that, yes, the Entertainment Industry does believe that we're all mouth-breathing retards, and the more offensive and inane the fare proffered the more retarded we get, and the richer they get, at which point the cycle begins afresh, and society drops a few more precious IQ points?

If you must know, I did, indeed, watch about 10 minutes of this sorry spectacle on the replay  (not that I wanted to, but I can't keep running it down without at least knowing something more than what I read about it),and it made me physically ill. Primarily because THAT was almost every woman in my life flashing before my eyes on the screen; I grew up with that, I've dated that, I've been surrounded by it my entire life. I'm absolutely sick of it, and watching it on television only makes me want to seriously injure somebody, and causes my prostate to contract painfully -- as if it were digging a foxhole in my innards with which to shelter itself from the barrage of whiny, nasally, third-grade dialogue, all the fake tans, the cellulite and the image of  four cows in spandex and three-inches of slapped-on-with-a-trowel-Mabelline who think they're all the sexiest thing alive in the Solar System.

I find the thought of being violently ass-raped by a rutting moose with a bad case of halitosis infinitely more appealing, and far more intellectually stimulating, than watching these four broads with their unjustifiably-bordering-on-serious-mental-disease high opinions of themselves and their delusions of sophistication, coolness, sense of style or erroneous belief that they are some kind of trendsetters.

We don't have Trailer Trash in these parts, but if we did, that would be it's equivalent.

Often, I am accused by some readers of this page of having absolutely no respect for women; well, if you were raised in a swamp in which these four assholes are the best example of the prevailing female type, then you'd have little respect for women, too. Actually I DO have respect for women, but only the ones who actually DESERVE some. This type most certainly doesn't.

7 comments:

gene said...

"I find the thought of being violently ass-raped by a rutting moose with a bad case of halitosis infinitely more appealing"...

EPIC!

Joanna said...

The funny thing is, they are complaining about Italians not really being like this... but I am Italian... 100%... and I know for a fact that like 85% of young Italian people love to sit around and imagine living the mob life or partying on the jersey shore with snooki. I see all these things about "guido" being a pejorative, but growing up, the young people in my family used to run around so proud to call themselves guidos! And pretend that their fathers were mafioso.

Matthew said...

Joanna, I grew up in a great, big house in Brooklyn with my mother and siblings, my uncle and his family, and my grandparents, and if I EVER showed signs of becoming a gangster I would have received three beatings in quick succession.

We were raised to take no shortcuts in life, and to always beon our best behavior...or else.
We knew people who were 'connected', but the Golden Rules were 'never take anything from them', and'keep them at arm's length'. Because itwould only mean 'trouble' for any of us.

And mostly because my grandmother swung a mean frying pan, those rules were religiously obeyed.

Joanna said...

Frying pan??? What? No wooden spoon???

Oh, another thing I notice: some of the ones who want to claim they have "connected" family members are the ones who are like 1/32nd Italian. They wanna run around wearing hats that say "Mafia" and acting like they know Tony Soprano.

No joke, I cannot even tell you how many non Italian people have made the assumption that I am from a Mafia family cuz I am 100% Italian (and my pops looks like he belongs in a mob movie)

Matthew said...

My grandmother BROKE so many wooden spoons on my beastly little behind that she got tired of replacing them, hence the frying pan.

You were REALLY in trouble if Grand Pa got outhis chair to swat you, though. My grandfather had big, heavily-calloused hands (he was an auto mechanic) that were like sledgehammers. My Grandfather only ever administered a single beating to me growing up, and it was the absolute worst one I ever took in my life.

And yeah,there's a lot of wannabes out there who deserve to be shot, quite frankly, but they only continue to exist because of shows like this which encourage them. Take this sort of nonsense off the air, and they'd quickly become an extinct species.

Joanna said...

My parents actually never hit us, but my aunt used to chase my cousin around the house with a wooden spoon, and I found out after I was grown that it seemed to be a common growing up Italian rite of passage. My cousin wised up and hid the spoon from his mom, and she found it years later buried in the freezer.

Mr. Chap said...

"rutting moose" lmao

I hardly think a moose in heat humping one's buttocks is more appealing lol