Friday, August 26, 2011

On Hurricanes and Mayor Bloomdouche...

Some will say that this level of panty-bunched hysteria is little more than city government being prudent about saving the lives of it’s citizens. But I’ve lived here all my life, and having experience with both City Government and the oppressive regime of Overlord Reichsfuhrer Bloomthief, in particular, I know better.

There is absolutely NOTHING that Mayor Bloomdick does that isn’t built upon a solid foundation of Political Correctness and a craving for good Public Relations. After all, the man believes he can buy his way into the White House, one day.

According to the best information that I can get (Weather Channel, Fox News, and internet weather-geek chatter), when Irene makes her way up to this neck of the woods, it’ll be a less-than-Category-1 storm, packing winds of 50 mph, or thereabouts, with the possibility of a 6-10’ storm surge and massive amounts of rain. Not exactly pleasant, but not End-of-the-World, Fire-and-Brimstone Holocaust, either.

Yeah, the Subway might be flooded for several days, but here on Staten Island, we ain’t got no Subways, so big, fucking deal. We’re used to using ferry boats to get around, you know. I'm not particularly broken up by the thought that Manhattan's Metrosexual douchebags will have to live off existing stockpiles of second-rate Brie and... the horror!...domestic wines...until the mess is cleaned up.

The ‘strong suggestion’ that people evacuate the Big Apple, or head to city-run Storm Shelters ahead of Irene, is not rooted so much in the desire to protect lives as much as it is designed to protect property and present the image of a prepared and efficient city apparatus; it’s to keep the greatly-feared CNN Doomsday footage of Katrina-like looting and chaos off the TV screens. After all, if the rich white people have all fled, none can be murdered by the rampaging lower classes desperate for a can of tuna. And if the lower classes have been corralled in city shelters (taking advantage of the ‘free’ accommodations, and probably unreasonably expecting ‘free’ food there, as well) where they can be watched and monitored, we won’t have to watch six days of FoxNews coverage of Urban Youth taking advantage of the state of emergency to do some ‘shopping’ (complete with broken plate glass) in unattended and unguarded stores.

It’s all about avoiding the collapse (or appearance of same) of civil order, ala New Orleans and Katrina, while simultaneously giving the impression that City Government -- and by extension Mayor Michael Assberg -- actually ‘cared’, and were effective and prepared for a disaster of (mostly-manufactured-by-the-Press) Biblical Proportions. Just the sort of thing a Presidential aspirant wants on his otherwise real disaster of a resume.

True, there are those who by sheer circumstance might not be able to get out of the way of a storm they’ve watched cross the Atlantic for a week on television. But then again, if you’re incapable of taking the steps necessary to save your own life, then why, exactly, do we want to keep you alive, anyway?

Oh right: there’s some government bureaucrat whose job it is to make sure you get money you haven’t earned, and taxpayer-funded services you haven’t paid for.

In the days before the Nanny State, you people were just shit-out-of-luck, but no more. Now we have to keep you around for your otherwise-worthless votes and to justify the existence of the expensive and repressive bureaucracy.

The great tragedy of Hurricane Katrina was not the slow government response (The Federal response, that is. The local government at state and city level were incapable of organizing an impromptu gang bang in a prison, it seems) in the direct aftermath; it was the idea that ‘someone’ (i.e. The Government) was going to save thousands of retards who wouldn’t make the least bit of effort to save themselves while they could. The self-preservation instinct had been literally erased from thousands of people by decades of dependency; people who were perfectly capable of getting on a bus, train, airplane, or bicycle, and getting the hell out of Dodge, who just didn’t bother. Then again, these were mostly the same dingbats who looted plasma TV sets and Huggies, or engaged in open gang warfare in the streets, as their city flooded and their homes were swamped and washed away by rising flood water full of raw sewage. People that stupid and lazy shouldn’t be saved.

I think the hysteria over this storm is mostly bullshit. It is reflexive CYA, with the added benefit that when the highly-fear-mongered Storm of the Millenium turns out to be a teacup tempest, the City  (and by extension Mayor Michael Bloomdouche) can count their overreaction as the right-and-proper actions of a responsible leader, and the prescient calculation of a one-day President of the United States.

Hey, Mayor Asshat, remember this: Rudy Guiliani had the response to 9/11 on his resume, and he didn’t even win a single, fucking primary, and he was fifty times the charismatic leader and efficient administrator that you are. That disaster was probably worse than anything this storm might dish out, and it availed him nothing when it came to higher elected office. Besides, you’re a royal asshole and the only way you’ll ever be President is if the entire country went completely brain dead simultaneously.

Then again, look at who we elected last time around, so maybe that’s a greater possibility than I think it is.

Fortunately, I’m 430 feet above sea level and have a good store of canned food, dry goods, and ammunition, and I'm prepared to defend the Old Homestead against the great, unwashed hordes who might get the insane idea that looting in my neighborhood – while the cops are busy rescuing ancient crones and their fifty-two cats -- is a safe bet.

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