Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Exclusive! The Lunatic's Asylum Gets Advance Copy of Tonight's Obama Speech!

In a major journalistic coup, the Lunatic's Asylum has obtained an advance copy of the speech that President Marriott-Suites will be giving before a joint session of Congress this very evening. Lefty the Asylum Elf, after intense negotiations with Barack Obama's Teleprompter, snagged a snippet of the speech which we have been told we may publicize here at the Asylum.

A quick reading of the speech indicates that it will be Obama at his rhetorical best, which is to say, at his logically weakest, but what else do you people expect from the man? After all, he had Bin Laden shot in the fucking want jobs, too? Ingrates.

Anyway, here is a preview of the President's speech.

My Fellow Americans,

Blah blah blah blah, blabbity blah blah blah. Blah blah blah-blah-blah, I got Bin Laden blah blah. Flippity floppity blabbity. Blah "government investment" bloobity blabbity blah blah blabbity blah. No entitlement reform, blah blah blah blabbity blah blah.

Green energy blah blah blah, deficit blah blah blah, high-speed rail, blah blah blah. Michelle told me to tell you that she hates you all blabbity blah blah. She really runs things blabbity bloobity blah, and I have no testicles blah blah.

Bad Republicans blah blah blah, who want to blah blah, starve the elderly, blah, break the unions, blah blah blah, kill black people, balbbity blah bloobity bloo bloo bloo-ba-blah. Tea Party blah lynch mob blab blab bloopity blah. They suck blah blah blah, Michelle says so, and blah blah blah, John Boehner licks scrotum blah blah.

Now I'm off to play more golf, and Michelle is planning a vacation in Antarctica, blah blah blah, good blah blah night, and God blah bless blah America blah.

Judging from the advanced text, it seems that this speech tonight will be yet another exercise in Obama Administration economic futility, but who really gives a shit? At least their man gets his skinny ass on television again, and gets to look all Presidential, which is what the people who hold his leash want you to think, anyways. This administration is like the Seinfeld show: it's never about anything, except all those great images that we'll one day look back on fondly.

Welcome to the 2012 Presidential Campaign; this speech is the first salvo at any Republican contender. You'll have to run against this speech, and the stupidity outlined in it, for the next 18 months. Get used to being accused of wanting to rape kittens, starve autistics and paraplegics, and lynch people of color for simply disagreeing with the 'tried-and-failed' policies that will be regurgitated tonight.  The dimwits are staking their political future to this speech, and setting the table to continue the Blame Bush and Racist Republicans theme well into next year.

Barack Obama has but one economic 'plan' (and it's for damned sure not even his) but I'm already certain that it's going to be something that was cobbled together at the very last minute, carefully constructed so as to
be totally unacceptable to Republicans (who will then get tarred...once 'obstructionists'. Obama needs a new stock excuse), and will do what every other Obama Administration economic policy has done: spend billions of dollars in such a way as to waste resources and labor without having any noticeable, positive economic effect whatsoever.

The only people who are ever supposed to benefit from an Obama Administration Economic Policy are the people who write those policies, or who expect to be in a position to oversee or control the implementation of the same.

Oh,and Jeffrey Immelt.

Watch the Speech, if you must, but nearly three years of experience has convinced me that even before you hear it, you'll know exactly what it's going to say. Expect to hear a lot about 'investments' (euphemism for 'waste of taxpayer money'), a lot about 'education' (another bribe to the teacher's unions), way too much about 'infrastructure' projects (more bribes to the other unions), and still more about 'Green Energy Jobs', which is three lies for the price of one.

In short, expect to hear everything you've already been hearing for the last three years...only on a much bigger scale...with an allusion to a minor tax cut, and lots of talk about 'additional renevues' and 'balancing' which are code words for 'raising taxes'. If you haven't figured this out by now, let me spell it out for you:

Barack Obama either doesn't know what to do -- about anything -- or, his apparent lack of hands-on, workable-solutions leadership can be taken as an indication of something far worse, and far more frightening; the guy has an agenda that doesn't jibe with the American People's.

After all, no one could be this incompetent and stupid, not to mention clueless (unless his name were Al Gore). Therefore, it must all be by design, I imagine. More on this later.

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