I'm quite worried that many of you will do something so unthinkable, so mind-bogglingly stupid, so counter to your own interests, and actually take seriously the candidacy for public office (or should we say Orifice?) of one Anthony Weiner, infamous Twitter Dick Pic distributor, and one Elliot Spitzer, notorious Sex-with-a-hooker-while-wearing-black-socks aficionado.
Weiner is running for Mayor of New York City, hoping to replace an even bigger dick in Reichsfuhrer Micheal Bloomberg. This means that Weiner is vying for the job Bloomberg has, i.e. giving you the purple shaft (only electronically). Spitzer is running for the Office of City Comptroller, which means that a man with a documented taste for prostitutes is asking you to let him manage the city's purse strings.
Frankly (no pun intended, Mr. Weiner), both men are being ridiculous. Neither should be entrusted with anything remotely resembling political power or responsibility, and not just because they're a pair of disgusting little perverts. The fact that both seem to believe otherwise is a natural conclusion given a) the attention span of the average voter, b) the history of remarkable second, third, fifth and seventeenth chances democrats will give to even the worst reprobate (see: either Clinton, Jesse Jackson, any Kennedy), and c) the fact that ethics, morals and integrity no longer matter in a city (and a democratic party) in which the goal is not to produce the best possible government at the lowest cost, but rather the acquisition of power with which to dole out ever-increasing welfare payments in return for permanent employment in government.
And in a city where democrats (i.e. the Unproductive) outnumber republicans by at least a 3-to-1 margin, and the only viable republican candidate for Mayor, to date, looks like something that flew out of a Dr. Suess book, and the most-viable democratic candidate for the same office can offer you nothing beyond the fact that she's a lesbian and hates the police (these are practically all she can talk about), Weiner may actually just have a chance.
And if there's a chance for an alleged electronic sexual harasser to be a high-profile Mayor of a high-profile city, then there's certainly a chance for an adulterous lecher to scoop up a lesser-considered office that will, one day, probably allow him to launch his own bid for mayor, and dare we dream?, one day try to be governor again.
I'm worried about you, New York City voter, because history tells me that many of you will, invariably, do the wrong thing and actually pull the lever for either of these degenerates. Mostly because your party loyalty will override your good judgement. I understand that my beloved city will once again fall into the hands of the democratic party -- it seems unavoidable since Bloomberg's brand of nanny-state, overbearing, rudely obsequious republican/independent has left a bad taste in your mouths (Oh no! Not another oral sex joke?), but I have to imagine there's some sense of decency left in this world to appeal to.
Voting for either of these....I hesitate to call them 'Men'...is about the dumbest thing you could ever do. Then again, most of you have voted for Obama, twice, so admittedly the standard is quite low. I'll take both apart at the seams for you now:
Anthony Weiner is a proven liar. In fact, he lied to you the entire time that he was in Congress, and capped it off with a conspiracy theory designed to hide his appalling, sick behavior that should, under normal circumstances, have ruined his career, if not his life. His only positive attribute as a Congressman was that he was omnipresent, and not in a good way; he was one of the most obnoxious members of Congress in recent history, and had a penchant (probably learned at the feet of the master, Senator Schumer, himself) for getting himself on television, all the better to boost the Weiner name (I did it again!) and put that obnoxiousness on public display.
He was always a vicious, vacuous, dishonest little prick, and the fact that he transmitted images of his own little prick hither and yon throughout cyberspace shows a contempt for the rules and mores of society that should disqualify him from even being elected dog catcher in a town full of cats. I have about as much use for Anthony Wiener as a dog has for it's fleas, and in fact, Weiner is no better than a flea, himself. That is, he's a parasite who will, left unchecked, do little more than destroy his host.
But, he does seem to have an outside chance, despite the lies, the pornographic, masturbatory tendencies, his conceit and his lack of talent. At least until, one hopes, someone discovers that them thar dick pics made their way onto some under-aged girls' iPhone.That was a question -- did Weiner show his weiner to a minor via Twitter feed? -- that has gone unanswered, and so far as I know, uninvestigated. Given the profligacy with which he distributed his pictures, and the nature of the Internet, I would say there's better than a fair chance that he did, but we just don't know about it. Yet.
I hate to put it this way, but one can only hope that he did (electronically, at least) expose himself to a child.
And even if that disqualifies him for office in New York is an open question. After all, democrats are that stupid and indifferent, so long as the checks clear.
As for Spitzer, you could hardly think of a more vicious and ruthless character without making Nazi comparisons, which would be brutally unfair to the Nazis. At least they were trying to make their country better, arguably.
As attorney general, and governor, Spitzer deliberately and with malice of forethought, set out to destroy his enemies, real and perceived. He ruined lives, careers, businesses, reputations, by abusing the powers entrusted to him. Baseless lawsuits. Using the State Police to investigate people (allegedly). Ginning up public opinion against bogeymen -- like Wall Street CEO's, most of whom haven't a fucking clue as to what goes on in the companies; they simply collect the checks like a welfare queen, too -- in order to perform what would be considered acts of extortion had Spitzer only been born Italian.
Put the prostitution issue aside for a moment. The real problem with Spitzer was that he believed that his power gave him the authority to delve into people's private lives for personal revenge or satisfaction, or just because he wanted to. Or at least that's how it all looked. You can forget NSA and wireless wiretapping because these are bush league tactics compared to what Eliot Spitzer pioneered. he used the legal system and the media to destroy people he just didn't like. Hell, never mind Al Qaeda-linked lone wolves; Spitzer is the poster child for Domestic Terrorism, only he got away with it because he was elected.
Spitzer hurt people to advance his own agenda, which was to one day be governor. The delicious irony is that many of the same tactics he allegedly used against others eventually ensnared him.
Personally, I believe that what both men did to their wives which was to humiliate them in public, is a sin beyond forgiveness. Perhaps Mrs. Weiner, who seems more politically savvy than her depraved husband, imagines she might one day pull a Hillary and use her husband's victimization of herself as a springboard to political power. After all, she has studied at the feet of the Mistress, her mentor and boss, Hillary Clinton.
I don't believe that either man, both of whom have extensive histories of deceit, abuse of power, poor manners, a predilection for abusing public trust and power, and possessed of egos so great that they believe themselves to be above both the law and the general conventions of civilized society, deserves a 'second chance'. Quite frankly, their kind of depraved indifference to things like ethics should, if there were any justice in this world, have seen them both tarred and feathered, not running again for public office.
So please, New York City voter, don't do the wrong thing. Please find it within yourselves to rekindle the spirit of fair play, honesty, integrity and justice that used to be the cornerstones of the American political system, or at least that we once imagined were. Avoid both of these men as if they carried Ebola virus.
Do the right thing, for a change, and vote for a better political environment instead. Make it clear to all the other miscreants in New York -- both city and state -- that there will be some barriers erected (Damn, I did it again!) to a permanent and perverted political class in these parts. I want you to take a very good look at your recent voting decisions -- the Vito Fosellas, Eric Massas, Carl Palladinos, Chris Lees, the complete retards in our current Congressional Delegation -- and stop and consider the damage you've done with ballots to civil society and the political system. Stop voting for stupid and perverted candidates!
You can start by skipping over Weiner and Spitzer on any ballot they appear on.
1 comment:
Gorgeous!
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