The End of Civilization...

...arrives not with a bang, but with a menopausal whine. For we are now officially living in the Age of Cougarlife. It was advertised on television today, and I nearly choked when I saw it (and not only because it was somewhat funny).

What is Cougarlife? It's a dating website for Cougars. What's a Cougar? Urban Dictionary has six definitions, which I will combine into one, easy-to-comprehend super-definition:

An older woman (35+ years old), often divorced and surgically-enhanced/preserved, but still attractive (if she's unattractive, she known as a mountain lion) found in all the usual haunts (bars, nightclubs, the beach, etc.), in search of younger, energetic, sexually-adventurous men.

The Cougar has an upside for the younger man; unlike many younger women, the Cougar is not likely to play games, or to be coy or confused about what she wants. She is seeking sex, usually consequence-free. There is a special sub-category of Cougar, known as the Bobcat, whose ultimate goal is to simply experience some form of intimacy -- any sort of intimacy -- without actually going all the way. Then there's the Cheetah, who is, I'm told, simply a Cougar-in-training (not quite old enough to qualify for full Cougar-hood, just yet).

This phenomena has spawned a new generation of opportunistic cad, known as the Cougar Hawk: young men on the prowl specifically for Cougars.

Damn, I gotta get out more, because I had not realized that human associations were being categorized in this manner. Then again, perhaps I'm better off staying home, because the more I read about this stuff, the sicker I get, as it seems yet one more sign of the ultimate degeneration of society as we know it.

In another day-and-age, the Cougar would be called various other names, beginning with "Skank", perhaps progressing to "Barfly", but finally arriving at the old formulation of "whore".

There are much cruder terms that I remember from my youth, which are far more descriptive and accurate, but which I will refrain from using. There was a time when women like this would be expected to feel some sense of shame, unless they were completely clueless. Now, apparently, promiscuity is a badge of courage.

Don't get me wrong, Men have been dogs since the model first slithered out of the Primordial Slime, and I do realize that times, fashions and mores change with "progress", but damn...Some of us can still respect a woman just because we're supposed to, you know.

I wonder how many of the padded-bra-and-girdle set who will undoubtedly sign up with Cougarlife (because once it's online, it somehow becomes hip) were probably the same women who spent most of their lives demanding respect from the Patriarchy, putting up with ex-husbands who only regarded them as good for one thing, and complained constantly about what absolute shitheels men, in general, are. They are now more-or-less advertising that they're willing to forego respect, and actively seek out shitheels, because...well, they're only good for one thing, and only to someone who probably won't appreciate them for it afterwards.

I'm not judging any woman who actually joins this site -- I know it sounds as if I am -- but I will tell say this about you;

If you thought you were treated like a piece of meat by every swinging dick on planet Earth before, just wait until the Internet makes this a 24-7-365 proposition. Despite the"Cougar" lifestyle and rules -- in which you're supposed to not form emotional attachments, and not expect him to call you the next day -- you know you ultimately will form bonds, and expect an acknowledgement of your existence because, well...you're female... and just that's how you're wired. This may seem like the greatest idea on Earth right now, but I can promise you that it'll eventually leave you feeling emptier than when you started.

Because, in the end, this isn't about you "empowering" yourself; it's all about Men once again finding yet another way (this time by using the power of Social Networking and Marketing!) to manipulate you into consequence-free sex, and making it seem like it was all your idea.

They're Complaining?

Here's an article from the New York Observer, in which a bunch of whiny, metrosexual guys are complaining that they are being, wait for it....date raped.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I was a younger man on the New York Social Scene (such as it was in the days of rampant AIDS -- thanks Baby Boomers!), this was something we dreamed about. We'd have given a lung for it. If it ever happened to us, we'd take out full-page ads in the NY Times and brag about over and over and over until your ears bled...hell, we'd remember it for the rest of our lives. Ask any straight man my age (early 40's, and yes, it has happened to me, too) if he would turn down sex if it fell into his lap this way, and the answer you get would be something along the lines of:

a) No! and,

b) Hell No!

But, it seems today's pussy yuppie-wannabe Metrosexual lives in a state of constant fear of just this very phenomenon. Worse, they are creeped out by the thought of a sexually-aggressive woman who does what many men have done for centuries (taken advantage of a drunk) because ... ewww...she may have done the same thing with his friends. Yeah, like that ever really stopped a guy before?

The Cheetah, we're told, preys on a small circle of associates, treating her friends as sexual objects to be taken advantage of, and this causes great consternation and alarm to them (so much that the guys interviewed in the article -- when they aren't really bragging about being pursued by a woman who really, really wants lusty, consequence-free sex, remember to inject a smidgen of manufactured indignation into their tales). Poor bastards; they have chicks jumping their defenseless bones while they happen to be in an inebriated state. Why, I'm simply outraged (not!) at this abuse of an entire generation of young men!

Actually, I'm surprised to find out this many of them might be straight.

But of course, they (the metrosexual pansies) lie. Through their teeth. They love it. The purpose of the article was to not complain about a 'new' social phenomenon -- when I was younger, we had Cheetahs, too. Only we called them 'Sluts', 'Hosemonsters' or 'Slambags' (and far worse) and we didn't have to come up with a name full of groovy-super-clever-slickly-marketable cat connotations that make the allusion to the word 'pussy'. I'm certain that if we were to run unimpeded backwards through history, we'd find the Cheetah in Egypt, Ancient Rome and Angkor Wat, and she'd be pulling the train at Stonehenge, only she'd be called something else.

Usually, that would be...Desperate.

In my own time, my circle of male friends (on the rare occasion we're all assembled) can still make this particular boast; in any gathering, you are assured that at least 25% of the men in the room screwed 'Stephanie' at one time or another (name changed to protect the not-so-innocent). Stephanie was such a hyper-sexually-aggressive girl that the only otherwise-amazing thing about her is that she didn't do all those guys at once, just to save time. It was once said that Stephanie's highest ambition in life was to fuck her way through the telephone book. We'd laugh at that joke...and then secretly wonder what Stephanie was doing right now. You think this sort of thing hasn't happened before?

Far from being traumatized and embarrassed and put-upon by your Cheetah stalker, you guys know you love it, and the purpose of the article is really not to complain about a growing social problem, but to encourage other women to take up the Cheetah lifestyle. Because if there's one thing we know about women, it's this; they'll often believe and take to heart (almost) any shit they read. It's why Cosmopolitan has stayed in business for so long running articles entitled "What He Really Wants in Bed", always written by some chick you wouldn't screw with a stolen dick, and never once are the words "Corned Beef Sandwich and a Cold Beer" mentioned in the same sentence as Oral Sex. Some experts! But I digress...

I'm certain the 'feminists' will be out in force, defending their sisters from this gross portrayal of young 'womyn' as devious, potentially-dangerous, sexual predators...just pay no attention to the 40 years of 'feminist' nonsense that encouraged them to behave that way. In the end, this idea of women behaving rather badly will still be The Man's fault...somehow, someway. Always is. However, the idea that there are men being 'victimized' by these broads is laughable; the article simply yet another expression of a common male fantasy (and a much more common occurrence) which used to be a staple of Penthouse Letters.