Sunday, June 06, 2010

The End of Civilization...

...arrives not with a bang, but with a menopausal whine. For we are now officially living in the Age of Cougarlife. It was advertised on television today, and I nearly choked when I saw it (and not only because it was somewhat funny).

What is Cougarlife? It's a dating website for Cougars. What's a Cougar? Urban Dictionary has six definitions, which I will combine into one, easy-to-comprehend super-definition:

An older woman (35+ years old), often divorced and surgically-enhanced/preserved, but still attractive (if she's unattractive, she known as a mountain lion) found in all the usual haunts (bars, nightclubs, the beach, etc.), in search of younger, energetic, sexually-adventurous men.

The Cougar has an upside for the younger man; unlike many younger women, the Cougar is not likely to play games, or to be coy or confused about what she wants. She is seeking sex, usually consequence-free. There is a special sub-category of Cougar, known as the Bobcat, whose ultimate goal is to simply experience some form of intimacy -- any sort of intimacy -- without actually going all the way. Then there's the Cheetah, who is, I'm told, simply a Cougar-in-training (not quite old enough to qualify for full Cougar-hood, just yet).

This phenomena has spawned a new generation of opportunistic cad, known as the Cougar Hawk: young men on the prowl specifically for Cougars.

Damn, I gotta get out more, because I had not realized that human associations were being categorized in this manner. Then again, perhaps I'm better off staying home, because the more I read about this stuff, the sicker I get, as it seems yet one more sign of the ultimate degeneration of society as we know it.

In another day-and-age, the Cougar would be called various other names, beginning with "Skank", perhaps progressing to "Barfly", but finally arriving at the old formulation of "whore".

There are much cruder terms that I remember from my youth, which are far more descriptive and accurate, but which I will refrain from using. There was a time when women like this would be expected to feel some sense of shame, unless they were completely clueless. Now, apparently, promiscuity is a badge of courage.

Don't get me wrong, Men have been dogs since the model first slithered out of the Primordial Slime, and I do realize that times, fashions and mores change with "progress", but damn...Some of us can still respect a woman just because we're supposed to, you know.

I wonder how many of the padded-bra-and-girdle set who will undoubtedly sign up with Cougarlife (because once it's online, it somehow becomes hip) were probably the same women who spent most of their lives demanding respect from the Patriarchy, putting up with ex-husbands who only regarded them as good for one thing, and complained constantly about what absolute shitheels men, in general, are. They are now more-or-less advertising that they're willing to forego respect, and actively seek out shitheels, because...well, they're only good for one thing, and only to someone who probably won't appreciate them for it afterwards.

I'm not judging any woman who actually joins this site -- I know it sounds as if I am -- but I will tell say this about you;

If you thought you were treated like a piece of meat by every swinging dick on planet Earth before, just wait until the Internet makes this a 24-7-365 proposition. Despite the"Cougar" lifestyle and rules -- in which you're supposed to not form emotional attachments, and not expect him to call you the next day -- you know you ultimately will form bonds, and expect an acknowledgement of your existence because,'re female... and just that's how you're wired. This may seem like the greatest idea on Earth right now, but I can promise you that it'll eventually leave you feeling emptier than when you started.

Because, in the end, this isn't about you "empowering" yourself; it's all about Men once again finding yet another way (this time by using the power of Social Networking and Marketing!) to manipulate you into consequence-free sex, and making it seem like it was all your idea.

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