Sunday, June 06, 2010

An Open Letter to Israel...

Dear Israelis,

Not that my opinion carries any weight, nor do you need my permission, but I'm inclined to agree with you when it comes to the idea that ships entering Gaza need to be searched for contraband. Especially the sort of contraband that goes"BOOM!". After all, it's not as if your next-door neighbors are really nice people who invite you over for coffee and cake all the time, or who will lend you a lawn edger or a cup of sugar when you need one. That's not Ozzy and Harriet next door, the lovely elderly couple that sits on the back porch sipping lemonade, you know.

In fact, those neighbors of yours are downright scary. When they aren't threatening to shove you into the sea, telling anyone who'll listen that Hitler did a lousy job, and complaining ad nauseum about how Grandpa Abdullah lost his 50 acre rock farm because he believed that an army of Arabs could win a war against people who'll actually fight back, then they're lobbing explosives into your housing developments, blowing up public transport or making a trip to the local pizzeria a life-or-death crap-shoot.

I mean, let's face it; it's not as if these so-called Palestinians are rational people. After all, it's not as if they can even take "YES" for an answer. It took them fifty years just to accept the Two-State solution they could have had in 1948, and that's still not good enough. Just look at what they instill in their children, who grow up believing their ultimate goal in life should be a spectacular suicide that takes as many Jews and Infidels with them as they can manage. Let's face it, if there was a Palestinian YouTube, it'd be nothing but wall-to-wall "Martyrdom" videos.

You Israelis are under the gun. Literally. For all the noise these Palestinians make about not wanting anything to do with Jews (except maybe kill them), they then have the nerve to be insulted when you build a fence to keep you apart. They whine and complain and make noises about "Peace", and then find excuses to continue the conflict.

You know what I think about this latest incident, with the boat? I think Hamas is running out of money, and whenever it runs out of money, it creates some sort of incident. The Intifadas were all about money -- Arafat got rich, taking aid from the U.S., U.N., E.U., Saudis, Russians, and others. Was anyones life improved for all those billions? Hell no! But everyone had an AK-47 to fire in the air at Yasser's funeral, didn't they? Palestinians cry that they have no food, no medicine, no electricity or jobs, but somehow fail to notice that everyone is armed to the teeth--courtesy of the Great Satan and all his Little Satans. It's perverse.

So, I don't blame Israel when it decides to board ships as a matter of self-defense. They've found weapons delivered under the cover of "Humanitarian Aid" before. I don't blame Israelis when they build walls, and I certainly cannot find fault with you Jews for simply defending yourself against people who's basic negotiating position is "I must kill Jews because God said give me money!"

In fact, I personally think you don't go far enough. No one is giving you any credit for the incredible restraint shown so far -- if it was me, there wouldn't be all this ruckus because there'd be no Palestinians -- so why not take it one step further? Why not just make it known that the next attack on Israel, the next boat that fails to halt for an inspection, the next unguided rocket, the next sniper, the next suicide bomber-- hell, even the next spitball or dirty look directed at an Israeli -- will result in the elimination of the "Palestinian State" altogether? I rather doubt anyone would notice it was gone, anyway.

Negotiation -- or even simple accommodation -- with Muslims is impossible. They aren't intelligent or rational enough to realize when something is in their best interests,if they even recognize their own interests at all. After all, they follow the words and exploits of a dead child molester who instructed them to walk around a big black rock in the middle of the desert and mutilate their women's vaginas. These are the people who believe that legitimate political discourse involves using airliners as weapons of mass destruction and the beheading the defenseless. These are people who have rules about which hand you can use to wipe your ass. People who submit to having even the most-intimate details of their lives directed in this way are incapable of being reasoned with.

Fuck 'em.

I know you won't take my advice, I mean, even my own government doesn't listen to me -- I begged GWB right here on this page to replace all human life in Iraq and Afghanistan with a genetically-engineered microorganism that eats sand and craps oil as a solution to the problem of Islamic Terrorism, but for some reason he found it necessary to deal with wastes of genetic material named Karzai and Maliki -- that's when he wasn't perpetuating the Big Lie of the Religion of Peace. My way would have saved billions of bucks, and thousands of lives, but there you go; I'm a solutions-oriented kinda guy.

However, if you did find it in your heart to follow my advice, I wouldn't be shocked. Nor would I stand outside the consulate here in New York, like many of the Aging Hippies and the dopey- college-kids-who-went-to-the-protest-in-order-to-get-extra-credit-so-that-they-won't-fail- Famous-Vaginas-in-American-Lit-102-and-get-hassled-by-Mommy-and-Daddy-who-pay-for-the-four-year-kegger.

In fact, I would applaud, because the only real solution to the problems of Islamic Terrorism and Middle East Peace is for one side in this conflict to be convinced that further violence in the name of a failed ideology, a deeply-irrational political system, and a phony religion will ensure that future generations will have even less -- and suffer even more. Unfortunately, the only way to convince these people that they're on the wrong path is to kill them in great numbers in the most terrible ways imaginable, because negotiation, appeasement, bribery, limited responses, diplomacy and embargo don't seem to be getting through to them.

Good Luck, and I hope you sink the next boatload of Commie-Pinko-Terrorist-Abetting douchebags that try another stunt like the one they pulled last week.

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