Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Human Resources Manager In Chief...

President Obama tells woman that her Engineer husband's inability to find work is "interesting", and doesn't square with the information he has about our apparently Stealth economic recovery.

Odouchebag then goes one step further, and offers to give his resume a once-over. You can't make this shit up, folks.

So, since Barack Obama is going to be personally involved in helping this man find a job -- strictly for political purposes -- why not force the Vacationer-in-Chief to put his money where his mouth is? If finding people work is such a simple matter, given all this economic prosperity that we rubes are just too stupid to see and wouldn't otherwise find without the O-man's enlightened leadership, why not just send Barack Obama your resume and have him hook you up with the job of your dreams?

I know I will.

The address is http://www.whitehouse.gov/. Mark it "Find me a Job, Mr. President", and let's see a) how easy it is for Barack Obama to find you one of these high-paying, high-tech jobs, and b) how quickly the White House servers screech to a halt under the deluge of job-seeking professionals, and a public statement is made to please knock it off.

Here's my resume (see below), Mr. President. I'd like $100k/year, and three weeks vacation, and please, no Green Energy jobs; I've had one of those before and it evaporated faster than your chances of ever being re-elected next year have. Maybe one of your buds at Goldman-Sachs can hook me up? They can contact me here at the Asylum.

Thanks ever soooo much, President Kelly Girls!
The Lunatic's Resume:

Objective: To obtain a challenging position which will allow me to fully utilize my skills and work experience.

Work History:

December 2009 – Present: Self-employed                   Staten Island, NY
Position: Blogger/Freelance Writer

Provides content for online web pages, including The Lunatic’s Asylum, The Insane Asylum, and Diogenes Middle Finger blogs. Featured in the New York Times healthcare blog of December 20, 2010 in an article entitled “One of Those Days”.

May 2009 – November 2009: Just Energy, Inc.           Staten Island, NY
Position: Customer Sales Representative

Sale of electricity, natural gas and other energy delivery services to small businesses and residential customers. Completes customer orders and contracts and submits them to Customer Accounts department for further processing.

Jan. 2000 – May 2004: Smith-Barney, Inc.                New York, NY
Position: Technical Analyst, Systems Automation

Converts data from project specifications, statements of problems and procedures to create or modify system automation programs. Prepares workflow charts and diagrams. Applies knowledge of system capabilities, subject matter to create automation programs utilizing C and REXX-based languages. Confers with representatives of various departments to plan, create, test and implement automation routines, and resolves questions of input, control requirements and internal checks. Writes, tests and implements programs intended to increase efficiency through the use of automation software and processes. Writes detailed instructions and flowcharts for use by Operations Staff.

Apr. 1998 – Jan.2000: Smith-Barney, Inc.           New York, NY
Position: Data Center Supervisor

Co-ordinates all Computer Operations activities in a multi-CPU, multi-LPAR Z/OS production environment. Includes the execution and prioritization of production batch and workload regulation utilizing OPCA, CA-7 and input queue manipulation. Maintains system integrity utilizing all available monitoring tools (Omegamon suite, NetView, MQ/Manager, Candle Command Center). Monitors and controls 300+ CICS regions and associated databases with real-time monitors. Identifies and responds to all matters pertaining to system availability. Schedules and co-ordinates all system modifications and maintenance events. Provides end-user support for a worldwide TCAM network servicing 2,000 branch offices and exchanges. Performs all managerial and administrative functions for a staff of 14.

Apr. 1995 – Apr. 1998: Smith-Barney, Inc.           New York, NY
Position: Senior Computer Operator

Performs IPL and POR for all systems. Monitors system activity through use of real-time monitors (Omegamon suite, NetView, MQ/Manager, Candle Command Center) in a CICS-heavy (300+ regions) automated securities trading environment. Tracks and executes batch production through OPCA and CA-7 schedulers, performs help desk functions for an international, 2,000 branch office TCAM network. Identifies and reports any issues of system degradation and implements recovery procedures.

Mar. 1991 – Apr. 1998: Telehouse International Corporation         Staten Island, NY
Position: Site Support Technician

Sept. 1988 – Dec. 1990: Nomura research Institute of America      Staten Island, NY
Position: Lead Computer Operator

Oct. 1986 – Oct. 1987: Salomon Brothers, Inc.               New York, NY
Position: Senior Computer Operator

May 1985 – Oct. 1986: Insurance Services Office            New York, NY
Position: Computer Operator

Z/OS, OS/390, MVS/ESA, MVS/XA, MVS/SP, DOS/VSE, VM/XA, VM/HPO operating systems, JES2, TSO/SPF, NetView, Omegamon for MVS, CICS and DB2, AF/Operator Suite (AF/Oper, AF/Remote, AF/IRM), RC?MVS, ESCON Manager, SAR, IDMS, DB2, MQ/manager, CA-1, CA-7, OPCA VTAM, TCAM, TCP/IP protocols.

Programming languages: C and C-variant languages, REXX.

Graduated St. Peter’s Boy’s High School in May of 1985, with honors.

Candle Corporation Certified in all Omegamon products, AF/Operator, IRM for AF/Operator and Candle Command Center at various dates.

Certified in REXX programming and Advanced REXX Programming Techniques by TechKnowledge Corp., Baltimore, MD, in November 2001.

References: Available upon request.
Update: If anyone can use someone with this sort of experience, or if you know someone who can, please contact me here at the Lunatic's Asylum (see e-mail address above!). Thanks much!

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