Stupid is as stupid does...
From the Associated Press:

"A 23-year-old man tried to commit suicide by nailing himslf to a cross, the Associated Press reports from Hartland, Maine:

Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand."

He'll probably vote for Kerry...