Friday, October 29, 2010

Joy Behar: Aging Life Support System for a Vagina...

...that nobody in his right mind wants anymore.

I don't watch The View, but given all the high-profile nonsense that's been happening there lately, I gave it a shot. Complete waste of time. Five broads sitting around yacking over coffee, mostly about stuff they don't know about? Gimme a break.

I mean, I don't get the premise behind this. Hasn't anyone figured out that the combination of stupid, menopause, old age and uninformed opinion makes for really bad television? Besides, MSNBC, I mean?

Barbara Walters? Okay, I can see what her role is: she's supposed to lend gravitas to what is otherwise a rather dopey show.

Whoopi Goldberg? I have to say that while I do not agree with most of what Whoopi has to say, I still consider her to be both an intelligent woman, and a witty one. She's definitely the brains. Someone should give Whoopi her own talk show.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck? sizzlin' eye candy, and token normal chick. Give her credit for having the gumption to go on with this nonsense, and trying to give it a serious slant, while showing remarkable restraint and not whacking her four co-hosts with a baseball bat with wicked spikes protruding from it.

Fat-Black-Chick-Who's-Name-I-Could-Not-Be-Bothered-To-Learn? She's apparently there to roll her eyes, give you the occasional "hmm-hmmm, you know it, Girlfriend!" or"Hands-on-Hips-Talk-to-the-Hand" flash of attitude that you usually only see at the supermarket where Welfare Mother has just purchased a year's supply of Cheetos for her seven-children-by-eleven-fathers...with food stamps. Every once in a while, it appears she also lets fly with the ever-popular "Feets Don't Fail Me Now!" sort of outburst that was a Hollywood black-and-white film staple some 60 years ago.

I got all that after one viewing.

Behar's major problem is one common to women her age: she believed every word the Modern Feminists spewed at her. Having a pussy gives you power over Men, Time and Space. Having abortions makes you freer. Divorce is an exercise in Empowerment. You can achieve your rightful place in society by being a bitch, when that's necessary, and a total slut if that works better for you -- and very often, both at once (until you become old and unattractive, then the only options left are Perpetual Bitchhood or Lawsuit). The World should beat a path to your door, because you have tits. You're owed, Baby --and entitled to get whatever you goddamned well please from society, and especially from Men, because your sex has been historically oppressed.

It all sounds like Karl Marx with a menstrual cycle to me.

Joy is so obviously unfulfilled. I've seen that look -- that dead-eyed, glazed, lights-are-on-but-no one's-home look -- therapy. It's the look of someone who wants to know why it is that she's been promised the Sun, the Moon and the Stars -- you CAN have it all, career and family, an emasculated and pussy-whipped husband who "understands"and"supports" and worships you, and who will keep you in bon-bons, housekeepers and exaggerated material wealth -- only to find out that it was all a great, big lie. Now old and joyless, she has to make certain that everyone else in the Solar System suffers for all of her disappointments.

Many women of her era, and especially the ones who ones who...ahem...swallowed the propaganda of the Sexual Revolution whole (i.e. that women distributing their sexual favors without having to be bribed with an engagement ring, or even with the purpose of landing a husband, was an act of personal liberation and a fountain of self-esteem), are almost all completely disappointed by the waste they've often made of their lives. Give Joy some credit, though; she's on television after all, but that has less to do with talent than it does demographics; Maureen Dowd may be the spokeswoman for the bitter, disillusioned feminist, but she can't be everywhere at once, and besides, she's a higher class of bitter, disillusioned feminist than Joy is that doesn't so play well with the 40-something Housefrau, who for the most part is the most materially well-off, pampered, spoiled, comfortable and obnoxious creature in human history, after that category of slugs we call "Baby Boomer".

Besides, I guess Al Franken wasn't available to play the part of un-funny, ex-comedian with only stupid things to say.

And yes, I have generalized. You try dating thrice-divorced hellions who can't understand why all the men in her life -- the ones she tried to control with her weaponized vagina, constant Cosmo-inspired douchebaggery, and insistence that she's entitled to everything on planet Earth, in the quantities she wants, and delivered in a highly-ritualistic and timely fashion --treats her like a place to simply park his penis -- and then wants you to pay for all their sins -- and see what you think of them! And worse, they expect you to be mind-reader, therapist, handyman, gigolo, Santa Claus and Substitute Daddy, too, but who you need to be, when, and in what fashion, seems to depend completely upon her irrational whims.

They're fucking lunatics.

Why anyone should care what Behar has to say, on any subject, is beyond me, and why anyone should be shocked that she would walk off stage on Bill O'Reilly for telling a truth that blows her tiny mind, or calls Sharon Angle a bitch on national television, is also a headscratcher. If Joy Behar, and by extension, The View, is the measuring stick for the intelligence, taste and political acumen of the Modern American Woman, then maybe we deserve to be overrun by Al' Qaeda.

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