Santorum: "Obama Preferable to Romney..."

Rick Santorum proves that he's a hellaciously petty little asswipe.

Okay, time to shut it down, Ricky. You’ve just proven that you’re not ready for prime time.

This is exactly what happens when you put a smug, Bible-thumping, arrogant little prick with no sense or realization of the depths of his own stupidity front-and-center of your “Conservative” movement. He invariably gets it in his head that if he doesn’t win outright then you deserve the terrible alternative…it’s almost as if God is punishing you for daring to ignore his Holy Message and reject his Most Sacred Messenger.

Rick Santorum, as I’ve said millions of times on this page, is a sanctimonious little dipshit with too high an opinion of himself. The unfortunate thing about American right-wing politics these days, from the point-of-view of this right-winger, is that our party and movements are overflowing with just exactly this sort of pompous asshole who can't win unless they can manage to tear everyone else down.

Don't get me wrong; Romney's no saint, and he ain't my first choice for much of anything, but Santorum shouldn't even be in the conversation at this point. That he is just goes to prove there's more pompous assholes out there than we might have imagined, and they're voting in GOP primaries.

People like this proliferate in some right-wing precincts, and their constipated world-view infects the ideology of the party to it's very core. And we wonder why it is the GOP keeps losing the “messaging wars” and that kind of stuff? Maybe it’s because the people sending the message -- most of the time -- are like Santorum, i.e. the self-absorbed, self-possessed, conceited, clueless, unconvincing, doofuses you wouldn't follow through your own front door.

You know the type: the guy who always sits in the front pew, always makes certain that everyone in town sees them shake hands with Pastor Bob every Sunday because in his own little world that somehow makes him distinctive. Rick reminds you of the guy who teaches Sunday school to set the “proper example” for his kids, and then surprises you to your very core when he’s finally arrested for pedophilia, even though you sorta-kinda felt it in your bones that he was a creep all along.

Rick Santorum is that guy, you know the one – every small town in America has one – who rushes to be the first to get to any small-scale community tragedy so as to be front-and-center when the local newspaper takes a picture, so that everyone in the ‘hood knows him as “someone you can’t count on”, even though his contribution is to “organize” and “direct” from a distance, rather than actually DO anything, and then he uses that notoriety to become County Supervisor or Water Board Administrator, and eventually U.S. Senator, but a petty tyrant the entire way.

Rick Santorum is every overbearing PTA Mom who wants the school board to scrub every offensive line from every offensive book, taking it upon herself to define “offensive” as she sees fit. In the meantime, she’ll engage in that letter-writing campaign, and yell at the top of her lungs in the meetings because, horror of horrors!, Harry Potter may have said “Damn!” in a potentially confusing context, and Judy Blume is promoting devil worship if you read a certain passage backwards under an ultra-violet light.

Santorum is that dude you see at your son’s Little League, the always-on-the-job. back-slapping-bon-homie sort who not only teaches your kid to throw a curve ball, but when no one is looking probably slips him some Jim Beam and cream soda in the dugout after practice, making sure that the unexpected groping is “our little secret”, only to see him front-and-center in his usual first-pew seat again the following morning.

Santorum is the apparently-friendly next door neighbor who goes from inviting you over for coffee and cake to setting the local authorities on you day and night, and dragging you into small-claims court because your rhododendron bushes left wind-blown petals all over his roof, or because your dog barks for a particular five-minute stretch in a 24-hour day which just happens to coincide with his Sportcenter time. He's the anal-retentive neighborhood terrorist who constantly calls the Sanitation inspectors, the Building Department, the Sewer and Water folks, the Police, the Fire Department, etc, etc, etc, on you with bullshit complaints until you finally get rid of that hideous awning over your back porch that blocks his view of your bathrooom window, or because your garbage cans don't match the neighborhood color scheme.

He’s the sweater-wearing jerk who feels compelled to listen into your private conversation at the local ice cream parlor, and then inject his own polluted and unnecessary viewpoint into it, only he at least had the courtesy to say “Excuse me…” before he stuck his pointy nose into your business. His point wasn't that your conversation interested him, or that he was busting at the seams to correct you, or even that he had some useful information to inject into the dialogue, it’s that if he didn’t barge into other people’s business on his own initiative, no one would ever ask him for a goddamned thing.

No one would seek his opinion.

No one would want his advice.

No one would ask him a question on any subject.

No one would find him interesting enough to engage in conversation.

Hell, most people probably regret saying “Good Morning” or “Have a Nice Day” to him, because it results in an unwanted conversation about nothing – or a quotation from Corinthians, which is pretty much the same thing -- that enriches no one and wastes precious air.

Rick Santorum is all these things: he’s the pompous douche, he’s the For-Show Christian, he’s the creepy little bastard that gives you chills and makes you wonder what he does when no one is watching, he’s a do-nothing-know-nothing-buttinski who does what he dopes because on the one hand, no one lends him any credence, and on the other, because he believes that he’s somehow mystically better than YOU, and deserves to be heard.

It's a psychological defect that can be cured with therapy and medication.

Fuck, he was a U.S. Senator. If the list of recent Senatorial wanna-bes -- Barack Obama. Joe Biden. John McCain, John Kerry, John Edwards, Al Gore -- didn’t teach you that Senators are complete assholes who have no business trying to run a country, I don’t know what ever could. And it’s not even as if Santorum is a current Senator. Hell, he lost in a state where Arlen Specter got elected like fifty two times! What does that tell you about Santorum, and some Pennsylvanians?

Rick Santorum probably believes he deserves to be President of the United States…God commanded it in a dream, or he saw the Virgin Mary in his Silver Dollar Pancakes at the local IHOP, or something. He believes it so fervently that when people consistently pick another man in the race over him – and worse, a Mormon apostate who has flip-flopped on abortion! -- then they deserve the worst sort of punishment, which would be another four years of President Racist Dipshit…and her husband too.

This man needs to go away, and never, ever return. He’s a petty little douchebag with little talent, and no reason to run except that he prays more than the other candidates do, and this somehow entitles him to live in the White House.

Yeah, right.