Thursday, September 09, 2004

Three Years Later --- Part II...
In the last three years, the United States has been attacked on various fronts. We are attacked diplomatically by "allied" nations who "feel our pain", but who despise us nonetheless. We are attacked morally and spiritually by holier-than-thou renegades who believe that someone who watches a J-Lo on TV cannot compare, in terms of pious righteousness, with someone willing to blow up an Israeli day care center. We are attacked physically by craven cowards, who revel in their "warrior tradition" and who could never beat us in a straight-up fight, and thus, resort to the tactics of the common street mugger – lurk in the shadows, attack from behind and then run like hell. Often, when events like this occur, there is a battalion of special people who come out of the woodwork to explain the "why" to us. Usually, these are other Americans who secretly hate their own country and who often bathe in a self-created aura of guilt and pretense which causes them to actually be embarrassed to be Americans.

This battalion, which I refer to as the "Flapping Rectums", will be perfectly willing to give you a free symposium on why the rest of the world hates us. These people will always give one (and usually more) of the following excuses for mass murder, surmising that Americans are: greedy, mean, thoughtless, ignorant, arrogant, dismissive, disinterested, intrusive, imperialistic, spoiled, impious, impetuous, bumbling, crude, violent, indifferent, stubborn, selfish, lazy, wealthy, gluttonous, unchaste, uncivilized, unkempt, self-absorbed, obnoxious, disagreeable, Sneezy, Doc and Dopey. The gist of their argument is always a variation on the same theme, that Americans do not understand the rest of the world, and that if we made an effort to do so, all would be champagne and roses.

This, of course, is plain, unadulterated psychobabble-driven, horse manure. However, since most of the Flapping Rectums wouldn’t have the sense to pour piss out of a boot (with instructions on the heel) this is unsurprising. The Flapping Rectums don’t live in the same world that normal folks do, or at least, they don’t believe they do.

A Flapping Rectum will go to great lengths, and shed tears while doing it, explaining to you how the United States is still the most racist country on the planet. They forget 160 years of American history, Civil War, Civil Rights Acts, Voting Acts, affirmative action and quota systems. They forget that Jim Crow died the ghastly death it deserved in the 1960’s. They overlook the fact that blacks are not being strung up from trees and churches systematically firebombed anymore. They fail to see that when the Klan does manage to get permission to hold some sort of demonstration that the counter-demonstration is usually larger, more diverse, and generally more violent than those in the sheets. They ignore the numbers of blacks in business, academia, science and law. They believe that racism cannot be assumed to be eliminated unless it is blacks that own everything and whites that pick cotton by hand in the Southern sun. A Flapping Rectum is disconnected with reality in such a way that makes them impervious to facts or provable demonstration. They believe that a terrorist attack is just deserts for a racist past.
This same person will tell you, from the other side of their mouth, that this country is hung up on sex and gender roles, and since we aren’t as "progressive" as the rest of the world incinerated office buildings are the whirlwind we reap. I haven’t seen any women around here treated like chattel slaves, wrapped up head-to-toe in a burlap sack, beaten and denied an education. Have you? I don’t see homosexuals being stoned in the streets in any numbers, have you? I’ll bet you’ve noticed the absolutely massive piles of female clitorises laying in all the streets of American cities, the result of the astronomical numbers of female circumcisions practiced here daily. You haven’t? Well, I’ll be damned, because as the Flapping Rectums tell it, this country was built on mutilated vaginas.

The fact that a Flapping Rectum sees what isn’t there is a sign of psychosis, but of course, they’re in denial. Time for some Zoloft.

Flapping Rectums come from all over the planet, incidentally. A European, for example, will tell you that Americans are simpletons, uncultured and barbaric, but neglect the fact that 20,000 people died in Europe last summer due to lack of air conditioning. Well, if being in an air-conditioned home, office or hospital on a hot day makes me a simpleton, fine, I’m happy to be one. If the elderly of this country don’t die in massive numbers due to heat stroke because we have air conditioning that works, fine, I’m happy to be barbaric. This is a continent that exterminated six million people on a production line basis. Point this out to a Flapping Rectum, and one of two things will happen: he will either make a gesture or noise implying that your argument is nonsensical or he will change the subject, and tell you that despite air conditioning, you still live in a (pick one) racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-Semetic, etc, etc, etc, society. It’s always the same argument and the same response. A Flapping Rectum from the Middle East will tell you that you live in a decadent society, detached from the love of God, but fail to notice the astounding number of churches, synagogues, mosques, religious libraries, nunneries, monasteries and cathedrals that exist, usually within spitting distance. This, of course, is the same Flapping Rectum who is so sure of his own pious, Godly society, that he can find a religious rationalization for blowing up an office building or school bus, as long as it’s full of Jews (or their infidel puppets).

The point is this; the rest of the world does not really hate America and those that make the argument that they do, are clearly in some sort of time warp. The rest of the planet loves America, to the extent that millions of them try to emigrate here every year, legally and no. If you believe that Cubans get onto rickety rafts and brave the Atlantic to get to America because they hate us, you’re wrong. If you think that millions of Mexicans cross the border risking life and limb in waterless deserts because they hate us, you’re wrong. If you think, even for a fraction of a second, that Europeans, so busy emulating us that they have to force smaller countries to join for what is, in all intents and purposes, a "United States of Europe" (even if it is dominated by socialists), then you have another thing coming. These people have a deep and abiding affection for America, or at least, what they believe American ideals to be.
The reason why we bear the brunt of such outrageous behavior from the rest of the planet is simple: They’re jealous.

We live in a society that tolerates all religions, while others do not. I wonder how many Catholics there are in Baghdad? We live in a society where people are free to be anything they wish to be, and we give them the tools to do it with; an education and a job, unlike, say, an Iraqi Kurd or a Muslim immigrant to France. We live in a world where political power is, theoretically, derived from the people, not from the barrel of a gun, like in China, or based on the fabulous, unshared wealth generated in something unlike a free market, vis-à-vis Saudi Arabia. The United States welcomes everyone that wishes to just enjoy a better life and is willing to work for it, unlike, say, Italy. It’s the bunch of morons scattered about the face of the planet that pontificate about human rights and the brotherhood of man, and when called upon, fail to reach into their pockets, or their hearts, that cast these stones at our country.

And when Arabs and Chinese, North Koreans and Indonesians, Mexican Mestizos and Canadians all wail about the United States and it’s ham-handed and hard-hearted policies and it’s seeming disregard for the plight of others less fortunate, they’re really talking about themselves. They haven’t the wealth, the power or the opportunities to do what this country does, and THEY hate us for it. They’ve just projected their hatred onto the rest of the world to make themselves feel better about it.

Sort of like when you expel gas from your Flapping Rectum.

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