Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Gee, I REALLY Goofed...

My word, it's getting so complicated that one is almost convinced they should just drop the entire thing and retire from the business of thinking altogether. Then again, it's not as if the main player in this little melodrama is exactly the best source of information, even when reporting on his own misdeeds!

The other day, I wrote here that Representative Eric Massa (the New York Congressman accused of fondling his male staffers) was opposed to ObamaCare, opposition which he claims made him a target for the democratic Congressional leadership who then concocted a series of scandals of a true-and-yet-untrue nature -- depending upon whom Massa is talking to that day -- with which to hound him from public office. This is all democratic party revenge, he says, for his having voted against that Health Care Reform (three lies for the price of one).

Massa represents himself as both guardian of the public trust and Innocent victim; he may have been a little rambunctious in letting his sexual peccadilloes come to the fore (always under the influence of alcohol, and it's always explained as heterosexual Gay Play that gets out of hand). He would have you believe that despite the fact that he's so-obviously-not-telling-the-truth-while-bending -over-backwards-to-appear-completely-candid that he opposed ObamaCare with every fibre of his being as an abomination that would bankrupt the American Republic and violate the rights of every man, woman, child and German shepherd on the Continent. Why, Massa almost sounds like a Conservative.

Eric Massa is defending YOU, standing on the ramparts, defying the evil forces of Barack "Skeletor" Obama, and that is why Nancy Pelosi must destroy him!

Why, I even apologized to Mr. Massa right here on this page for initially believing that he had voted in lock-step with the democratic buttholes currently poised to have their bureaucratic noses stuck into my...err...butthole...literally.

Except that isn't an exactly truthful version of events either. Not much of what Massa says is true. And if I may say something in my own defense, since this guy can't keep his stories...ahem...straight, how can I be expected to know everything's on the up-and-up (not that I really cared much to begin with)? He's on both sides of the street with his nonsense; yes, he did engage in homoerotic behavior with other men, most of it unwelcome and severe enough that the victims didn't think it was a joke, and they felt violated enough to file official complaints -- and alcohol is no excuse, Mr. Massa. I mean, all the telling other men that he wants to fuck 'em, and the hair tousling, and the tickle fighting, is NOT just Massa being a fun guy to have at parties. This man has serious issues with his own sexual identity, and certainly with boundaries.

I mean, even when he defends himself, the homoerotic story of a butt-naked-in-a-steamy shower-room Rahm Emmanuel poking him in the chest is what he talks about. The story is supposed to be interpreted as an indication of how far the democrats will go to harass and destroy Massa, and yet it's almost as if he's bragging that Rahm followed him to the shower, and appeared Naked in the Steam With Nary a Towel to be Seen. You can almost hear the playful rattails and giggling from here. Very little testosterone in this story.

Massa doth protest too much; while the story about a naked Rahm in the Congressional shower is supposed to shock and appall us all, to my ears it almost seems like the perfect Harlequin Romance setting... and Massa wants you to know he saw another man naked. It's how he rolls.

It's like when you're in the third grade and there's a little girl who sits across from you in homeroom who sends you little love notes; you secretly love it, you almost want a note from her every day, but you still have to pretend that girls have cooties and are otherwise generally-icky, and put up the front of resistance, or else the other guys won't play with you at recess.

Anyways, the reason why I goofed... again... was that apology. I was willing to believe that Massa's claims had some merit to them, and might even be true, and so I apologized for being too quick to judge. But I was wrong: Massa didn't vote against ObamaCare because it was a violation of the laws of the land, or that it was an expensive monstrosity that wouldn't work, or even that ObamaCare is a low priority given massive unemployment and deficits.

No, Massa voted against ObamaCare because it didn't include a single-payer system. In other words -- he voted against it because it was insufficiently radical and not government-controlled enough.

Well, don't I look foolish? Again?

Maybe not as foolish as a man who's desperately trying hard to control his Inner Butt Pirate (hell, that's not a crime. No one actually gives a crap if you are gay, you know. This is the 21st Century, after all. Just don't donate any blood, okay?), but foolish nonetheless. Perhaps I was so intrigued by the possibility of democrats turning upon one another and tearing each other to pieces in public that I was willing to take Massa's claims at face value? Perhaps.

But I can tell you this much; the more the guy talks, the more entertaining it gets. They ought to put him on TV for an hour a week. It would kick the shit out of American Idol.

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