Thursday, March 11, 2010

Can We Just Shoot the Rest of Them, Too?

And no, that is not an invitation to someone with no horse sense to do just that. It's a rhetorical question, no matter how satisfying the thought may be.

Representative Patrick "Patches" Kennedy (Ignoramus - Rhode Island), son of the Lyin' of the Senate, Teddy the Fatboy Kennedy, took to the floor of the House of Representatives today to deliver a scathing rebuke upon the Enemies of the People.

"Who were those enemies?", you may well ask. The Enemy, according to Patches, is the Press.

And to a certain extent, he's right. The Fourth Estate in recent years has failed this country. It is blinded by ideology, plays by rules they make up as they go along, is lazy and disinterested in the news and reportage which actually affects people's lives. It's brought us Bill Clinton as Victim, George Bush as Draft Dodger, Al Gore as Prophet, Jimmy Carter as Our Collective Conscience, John Edwards as the True Voice of the People, and Barack Obama as Our Savior, only to be proven wrong over and over again. It ignores real reporting -- the discovery and presentation of information the public needs in order to make informed decisions in their everyday lives -- on everything from politics to economics, from medicine to Natural Disaster, and as the Congresscreep rightfully points out, it has singularly failed to adequately fulfill it's responsibilities to a country at War. It manufactures scandals to fit it's tastes, and ignores the real ones which take place out in the open.

And by that I mean it has managed to present the news (in the context of Asshole's speech) on the War on Terror through an extremely narrow lens, highlighting the War as it goes against us when that news fits with it's preconceived notions of the politics and personalities involved -- specifically if the narrative could be spun to bring approbation and shame upon it's political and ideological enemies -- and ignoring it altogether when those enemies are eventually proven right, or at least more prescient.

Now that I've petted Patches, it's time to kick his ass.

His attempt to tell us what we already know, and to feign outrage over it (I'm not certain if he was drunk or high when he gave this speech, but the fake anger was far too easy to see through) is extremely self-serving, and by that, I don't mean to Kennedy himself, but rather to his party. The democratic (small 'd' intentional) party would rather have the Press look at everything except what's actually happening. The Press, I'm sure, would be glad to oblige, but won't because if they did an about-face even the mouthbreathers who consider Jersey Shore to be the highest form of cultural achievement might actually notice. The dems would prefer that anything be on the front page except the following:

Eric Massa
Charlie Rangel
Government Spending
A Rudderless and Clueless White House
Tea Parties

That just starts the list. In fact, dems want these things to go away so fast that they're even wiling to send Patches (a real brain surgeon, that one) out to scream his big, fat coconut off about a War they all insist has been lost since Day One but don't have the guts to defund or stand against. For the last nine years. Especially when it's obvious to even a graduate of a Washington, D.C. Public School that we just might be winning it.

I can understand that. If I were in their position, I might even do it myself. But I think I might have been a little more careful about whom I chose as a messenger. Because if I were Patrick Kennedy, and I had all those skeletons in my family -- and my personal -- closets, I would be very careful about who I might call Irresponsible, Despicable and Shameful.

And just what lurks in Kennedy's closets?

Well, to begin with, his father might have gotten away with vehicular manslaughter, at least, and at worst, depraved indifference to human life and a murder rap. The scion of MY family certainly didn't make his fortune by bootlegging and running with mobsters, nor was he a secret fan of Adolf Hitler and advising the American Government to surrender to the Nazis. My forebears never bought votes, or skewed elections to their personal benefit. They weren't serial adulterers, and so far as I know, none of my ancestors swapped sloppy seconds with their brothers.

Neither were any of my relatives ever found guilty of bludgeoning a teenaged girl to death with a golf club. None of them ever flew a plane they weren't qualified to operate into an ocean they knew was there, killing themselves, their wives and sister-in-laws in the process. None of my relatives ever got drunk and tried to play Bode Miller with a pine forest with predictable results. There are no rapists in my background.

Unlike Patches, I don't have a couple of (purchased-my-way-out-of-them) alleged-DWI's on my record, never spent a day in rehab, and haven't admitted addictions to cocaine, oxycontin and Johnny Walker Black.

I haven't parlayed the mostly-manufactured legacy of two uncles with small-caliber holes in their heads into a political career, using those biographical details to play upon people's sympathies long enough to get their votes and just before they figured out that I don't have any intelligence or talent of my own. I haven't depended upon an (ill-gotten) family fortune to pay for my continued Congressional career, nor (probably) bail me out of every scrape I've ever been in through my own stupidity and sense of entitlement.

When Patches makes the point about people not having the courage to tell the parents of a dead American soldier that their son died for nothing -- and likening it to the experience of Vietnam --I would remind him that his Uncles, the sainted JFK and Bobby, you know; the one's whose legacy he's been able to skate on all these years, were up to their navels in Vietnam and in the escalation of that war. Certainly, he's (conveniently) forgotten that his Dead Uncle's stupidity and flabbiness almost brought the world to the threshold of nuclear annihilation. Over Fidel Castro, of all things.

He also speaks of re-evaluating American priorities so that our "resources" (libspeak for "Middle-class Taxpayers money that can be better used to buy votes from the Lazy, Halt and Stupid") can be better allocated to solve our problems. He then hardly makes mentions of what those problems are, in his opinion. Quite frankly, Mr. Kennedy, the first priority being re-evaluated by most people in this country is how we can get shithead, drunken losers like you out of our government.

In that respect, the Press might actually be useful performing it's primary mission, which is letting the American People know just who the loudmouth assholes are so that we might vote against them.

I'm absolutely sick to death of Kennedys. I've heard about the "Kennedy Mystique" all my life, and I swear, I can't figure it out. What the hell is so mysterious about them? They're all morons, and they've all reached some stage of distinction and notoriety in life because money still talks in some precincts of this country. What they haven't gotten on a talent for bullshit, and the tragic memories of two murdered men, they've simply bought outright. I think we should pass a law that says no one with the surname "Kennedy" should ever be allowed to hold a public office ever again.

Patches clearly demonstrates the enormous damage they've already done to the gene pool, so I think I might have some luck in getting that one passed.

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