Friday, August 06, 2010

The Gub'mint Can't Do Shit...

...So why does it believe that it should extend It's reach into every nook and cranny of our lives? And when I say "It", I don't mean to say the government is a living, breathing, thinking organism, so much as it is a Five Star Cluster Fuck of the Insane, the Criminally Stupid, the Otherwise-Unemployable, and the "We'd-Have-Been-Better-off-as-a-Society-if-your- Mother-Had-Swallowed-You-Or-Daddy-Just-Shot-His-Load-into-The-Bathroom-Sink".

I should think this goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway; this government is fat, bloated, bureaucratic, creaking, plodding, clueless, out of touch, expensive, unresponsive, and packed to the gills with the worst douchebags able to squeak through a third-grade-reading-level Civil Service exam, as to be totally useless.

This government can't even order toilet paper without 100 hours of Congressional debate (so that even the retard back-benchers can get 30 seconds of face time), a battle royale between the talking heads of each party, complete with a demonization of both sides by their opponents, sixteen Potemkin Teleprompter Plays by The Chosen One on how AIG wrecked the toilet paper market, and the New Department of Anal Cleansing Instruments Czar empowered to make up regulations that affect your ass crack without Congressional debate or approval, the defend you against Big Charmin. Keith Olbermann needs to have an on-air aneurysm over the plight of those who can't afford the two-ply and have to make do with the thin single-sheet that very quickly disintegrates and leaves behind a multitude of small, paper balls which attract fecal matter and become the embarrassing and uncomfortable Dingleberries, that will have to be covered under ObamaCare.

And by the time it's all over, the Government will have worked out some new law that promises "free" TP to every filthy tush in 2021...and requires a tax on "The Rich", a class now defined as anyone who has at least 30-cents and a bottlecap in his pocket (Naturally, Congress will exempt itself from the TP tax). By the time the government actually purchases the TP from the mill in Congressman X's district, which happens to be the company in Which Senator Y Owns Substantial Stock, they will have underestimated the real need by at least half, and paid three times the going rate.

And they would have gotten stuff even worse than the One-Ply-Dingleberry-Wonder, and which probably scratched like sandpaper, and give half the people who used it tumors.

We know that's how it works. This government can't help but to fuck up the simplest of things, because it is generally run, from top to bottom, by the biggest Fuck-ups in America.

So,when I read that the government can't count,and the people they hired to count for them are a bunch of crooks, I'm not surprised.

When we observe that the President of the United States is basically out of step with two thirds of the country, but still takes a victory lap for something he hasn't done, or worse, for something he's fucked up even more, I'm not surprised.

Don't be at all shocked when the government decides it has the right and responsibility to feed your children whatever the fuck it deems appropriate, and your little tyke winds up in the hospital getting his stomach pumped.

You should know that the obvious reason why kids are fat is beyond the mental capacity of the typical government douchebag to comprehend; it is because they sit around all day playing video games and screwing with Facebook and YouTube. Maybe if government would stop teaching them how to engage in anal sex, and hire a fucking gym teacher, they wouldn't be so round, and we wouldn't need an expensive new "program" to feed kids rotten vegetables at gourmet prices.

It should come as no surprise that the people who brought you the Fannie and Freddie debacle, the Mortgage Bailout Program Which Failed Spectacularly, who have recklessly spent billions of tax payer dollars ensuring that complete deadbeats can keep a house paid for by someone else's money long after they should have been out on the street, and which devastated residential neighborhoods with an explosion of foreclosures, should suddenly decide that it knows everything about planning the perfect, Potemkin Neighborhood.

Because, you know, everything HUD does works out perfectly.

November can't come soon enough!

No comments: