Sunday, January 09, 2011

Thanks, Johnny...I Wouldn't Have Known You Were Gay, Otherwise...


Johnny Weir Comes out of the Closet. Just in time to pimp a book.

I don't know about you, but in my mind "gay" and"male figure skater" are redundant terms.

I especially enjoyed this snippet:

"But everything is said for a reason and I really think that America has really accepted me ."

I would tend to believe that if you asked 10 people who Johnny Weir was, 9.8 of them wouldn't have the slightest clue, and that .2 probably has way too much free time on it's hands.

I rather doubt that America, the majority of individuals that makes up America, hardly gives Johnny Weir a second thought, on a good day. Figure skating is not exactly front-page news; about the only time anyone ever really pays any attention is during the Olympics, and although I haven't any evidence to back this claim up, I rather doubt your local Ice Capades performance draws huge crowds, except for the die-hard figure skating set, which is probably made up of gays and little girls. Hardly representative of America, I should think (although it's probably an excellent cross-section of the democratic party).

Then Weir goes on with his love-affair-with-himself, assuming that everyone is intensely fascinated by a man in heavy eye make-up doing a second-rate Liza Minelli impression on ice:

"People say I'm ashamed of myself for not talking about my sexuality, but I'm not scared of anyone and I'm not ashamed of anything that is Johnny Weir."

You know someone has a bit of an ego problem when they refer to themselves in the third person. It's hard to take that kind seriously.

"I think so little of my sex life and my sexual identity simply because I don't have time to have sex and secondly, because I don't think it defines who I am. I didn't choose a sexuality just as I didn't choose to be white."

Now here's something that approaches sense. There is something to be said about this philosophy, although it's pretty difficult to reconcile the ego (I'm not ashamed of anything that is Johnny Weir) with the sensible pronouncement that being gay doesn't define "who I am". I say "difficult to reconcile" these two things because:

a. Johnny Weir, hardly a household name, chooses to push a book about himself by making a big show of "Coming Out", when really, I don't think anyone who was aware of him was ever in doubt about his sexuality. It all seems like forced and badly-manufactured publicity and,

b. If you weren't a gay, sexless, Olympic-champion figure skater coming out of the closet, then who the hell would want to buy your book in the first place?

I'm certain the world of intrigue that is international competitive figure skating is a fascinating subject (yawn!), but if it wasn't for the"gossip" factor in the snippets swirling about this book -- Johnny comes clean with his thoughts about his biggest rivals (people you also have never heard of, or have quickly forgotten) , the cat fight between Johnny and a female skater, the notoriously-corrupt judging system in skating, the novelty 'scandal' of a gay guy who has no time to suck dick, etc. -- then what is it that Mr. Weir expects to sell, exactly? Without the salacious details and junior-high juicy gossip, what's left? A story about an effeminate man who likes to leap and twirl about on ice skates in a sequined bodysuit?

Just what the hell is so interesting about that?

2 comments:

MR. CHAP said...

you are too hilarious, man!

oh, the name suits you. I thought I was crazy lol

Matthew said...

Why, thank you! As much as Iwouldlike to, unfortunately, I cannot take all the credit; this planet is populated by people too self-absorbed to see their own stupidity (mine included!).

I simply point it out to them.

So long as there's another human being on this planet,this crap practically writes itself.