Tuesday, March 29, 2011

He and O.J. Can Go Find the Real Killers, Now...

Tillikum the Killer Whale (I'm told by reliable sources that 'Tilikum' is Eskimo for 'Blonds are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup") has been released from Killer Whale Prison, and judged to be 'safe', so that he can be returned to SeaWorld where, suitably reformed (we hope), he shall sin no more and not (literally) bite the hand...and/or torso... that feeds him.

How one judges a Killer Whale "reformed" is beyond me. Presumably, you can just ask him, or perhaps there's some kind of test requiring a Number Two Pencil?

Its an ANIMAL. A creature of the sea. It doesn't think like we do, and there's all sorts of practical barriers to accurately judging it's state of mind, or of predicting its behavior. You can't talk to it to ask "Hey, what's your problem, Asshole?", and get a response that makes any sense to you.
This statement is a clear indication that rabid animal lovers are probably a threat to polite society,and should be machine-gunned, en masse, before they get us all killed:
""Participating in shows is just a portion of Tilikum's day, but we feel it is an important component of his physical, social and mental enrichment," Kelly Flaherty Clark, SeaWorld Orlando's animal training curator, said in a statement."

This whale has killed three times. If it were a Pit Bull, it would have been destroyed, already. If it were a deranged loner who shot a democratic Congressdouche, there'd be calls for "Killer Whale Control" and the abolition of the Tea Party. On the long list of "Absolutely, Positively Biggest Dumbfuck Ideas of All Time" that I could compile, I think returning a three-time-killer Killer Whale to an enclosed tank with human handlers would come in at Numero Fucking Uno.

There's people starving in Japan, you know.

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