Friday, May 20, 2011

Douchebag of the Week (5/20/11): Lindsay Graham...

We haven't handed out a Douchebag of the Week Award here at the Asylum for quite some time. Probably because it's jut been way too difficult to pick a winner, what with the competition being such a close-run thing in the last few months. Douchebags abound, and picking the worst of the worst is sort of like diving into a pile of rotten apples thrown into an open sewer, looking for the most egregious example of what not to eat.

But,like most things in life, if you wait long enough, someone eventually emerges from the pile, shakes the slimy, wet dung off, and demands a rousing round of applause.

This week, it's Senator Lindsay Graham (Douchebag - South Carolina) with a complaint about Fox News concerning 'comprehensive immigration reform', or as we like to call it around here "giving life-sucking parasites a free ride for political purposes."

Poor Senator Graham. It's not our fault if his plan to give something sacred, citizenship, to a mess of people who invaded our country hasn't been received with the thundering applause he expected. It's not our fault that we have been blinded by misinformation so that we cannot see the inherent brilliance in his Master Stroke ('Stroke' being the operative word) to destroy what remains of the Right. We've been led astray by Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly, because like democrats, Mr.Graham seems to think the average citizen is dumber than a bread mold, and wouldn't know enough not to stick their tongues into an electrical outlet if it weren't for some doofus on television telling them not to.

He defends his stupidity with some mealy-mouthed appeal to 'bi-partisan support', as if this was as essential to American Citizens as air and water. Usually, bi-partisanship means each party gets to take a turn at slipping us all the Great Purple Shaft.

There can be no 'bi-partisanship' on the issue of illegal immigration, not when that term, far from it's original meaning, has been warped in Washington until it means either 'a new horde of poor, uneducated, disease-carrying vermin who will be wards of the state, and thus, vote solidly democrat', or 'a horde of poor, uneducated, disease-carrying vermin who will provide cheap-and-easy-to-exploit-labor for the restaurant, hotel, landscaping and construction industries'.

And it certainly isn't a good thing when the American Taxpayer is, as He and She have all along, expected to continue to bear the costs and burdens,and when the end result will be to encourage even more people to enter the country illegally. At which point,the process begins anew,and we'll need an even more complicated,more expensive 'comprehensive immigration reform plan'.

Both sides are full of crap on the issue of immigration reform, and they know it. Worse for them; we know it.

Lindsay Graham, himself, is a rather odd duck. He calls himself a republican, on occasion he might intimate that he's a 'conservative', but he's really neither. I'm not certain just what, exactly, he is, but if we had to start a list of what the Senator might be, I'd start it with 'opportunist' and probably end with 'retard'. Lindsay Graham's first priority is always Lindsay Graham, and if the issue of Immigration Reform matters to Lindsay Graham, you have to believe that it's probably a bad idea for the rest of us.

His objection is to the use of the word amnesty. He prefers the euphemism 'path to citizenship'. I fail to see the distinction, except in this way: 'Amnesty' is pretty much an admission by government that it cannot, and will not, do what it should have been doing in the first place: which is enforcing it's own laws. Having looked the other way in something like 12-15 million cases, the job is just too difficult to tackle after the fact, so our 'pragmatic', 'enlightened' Senators will just opt for the easiest option: surrender. 

While Graham surrenders to avoid doing his job, and forcing the government to do it's job, millions of people who will pay no income taxes (like citizens do) will be eating up public services and tax money like termites feasting on a redwood forest. These days a Graham-style 'republican' complains often and loudly that the costs of government are too great a burden for the taxpayer to bear. In the meantime, millions of laborers will undercut the wages of American citizens and make it difficult for them to find even entry-level employment in an age of double-digit unemployment, and the tax base shrinks. In the meantime, millions of unassimilated (and they're encouraged to stay that way by government) people are milling about clogging up the court system, filling the prisons, overwhelming the emergency rooms, diverting billions in educational funds, and destroying the quality of life for millions of American citizens.

Citizens, incidentally, who also have to suffer the indignity of having to pay for the piece-by-piece destruction of their culture and society.

If we applied Senator Graham's logic in a variety of ways,we Citizens could, conceivably, thumb our nose at the Government until it just gives up.

So why not have 12-15 million Americans just refuse to pay income taxes next year? If the government is going to be selective about which laws it sees fit to enforce,why not start with this one and see if we can get them to just quit?

If 12-15 million Americans should just decide it's a good idea to march on Washington and burn down the Capitol if they don't get their way on a particular issue, Senator Graham, by his own suggestion, should just skedaddle and then advocate that no one be punished for it.

Wanna bet? Lindsay Graham is a whining pussy: he'd be the first to cry about the loss of civility and decency, and openly wonder -- What Happened to America?

If 12-15 million dog owners should just decide that they simply won't clean up after their pets because it's inconvenient for them to do so, by the Senator's own reasoning they should be pardoned, no questions asked, because prosecuting them will be too great a task, even if it meant that communicable disease from all that uncollected dog crap would constitute a serious public health risk.

If we all did what Senator Graham is suggesting -- forgive criminals or simply ignore their crimes, and not even try to punish them, let people do whatever the fuck they feel like when they feel like it regardless of what it costs others, or simply abrogate our responsibilities as citizens and legislators because to do the opposite is simply too difficult -- then he surely couldn't complain about the perfectly abysmal quality of life that follows, could he?

But back to the subject of 'bipartisan' anything, a term which Graham throws around as if it was the greatest idea since fire; people don't want 'bipartisanship' if that means that both political parties are able to craft a policy or law in such a way as to suit their needs, and relieves them of the responsibility to do the right thing. And anything in which Graham is in cahoots with Charles Schumer is definitely something that will screw the Public. You could hardly find a better amalgam of Dumb-Ass and Evil-Douchebag than in that pair.One only need look at the recent 'bipartisan' success stories of Washington, D.C. -- the repeal of the Glass-Steagel Act, Campaign Finance Reform, Sarbanes-Oxley, TARP, The Patriot Act -- to see that whenever there's 'bipartisan support' for anything, it's typically bad news for John Q.Public, who's rights and liberties are eroded, his pocket picked, his quality of life destroyed, and his ability to petition his government for redress of grievance practically erased.

So far as I'm concerned, any politician who asks for 'bipartisanship' should be taken out and flogged, publicly. There's Right, there's Wrong, and then there's bi-partisan, which is a catch-all for "grab your ankles, Folks!"

The only 'bipartisan' support required on the subject of Immigration should be "the law and current policy, as they exist, needs to be enforced -- with vigor and fairness -- before anyone starts talking about changing it".

Then again, it's difficult to talk about reforming immigration policy when the American government doesn't seem to have a coherent one:

If you're Cuban and can manage to cross the 90-miles of open ocean on an innertube or leaky oil drum, you're granted 'political asylum'.

If you're Haitian and can manage to make the passage, you're going to be sent back.

If you're Chinese and claim that that China's One-Child Policy violates your Human Rights either through forced abortion or sterilization, you're in. Unless, of course, you're a scientist or a computer engineer, in which case,we'll grant you a visa -- like yesterday -- and even help you find a job in a Fortune 500 Company, or within the U.S. Government, itself.

If you're Mexican, and crossed the border to give birth in an American Emergency Room, you're Golden, although technically you're not supposed to be, supposing you stay under the radar.

If you're a Middle Eastern Christian who's being persecuted by your Islamic neighbors or government, we demand meticulous attention be paid to the technicalities of the law.

If you're an Islamic 'student' who overstays your visa, we don't bother to look for you...until you try to build a car bomb, or go to Pakistan for Al'Qaeda training.

I'm not against Immigration, for I am the descendant of Immigrants myself. When my forebears came here from Italy and Sicily at the turn of the last century, they were taken to Ellis Island, quarantined, had their personal information recorded, in some cases had their names changed by the WASPS who couldn't understand the distinction between an 'o' and an 'i'. They were often forced to wait months before being allowed to enter the slums of Brooklyn, in many cases with no money, no prospects for a job, no place to live, and into a society which demanded they conform to American culture, speak English, and keep their filthy peasant habits to themselves. All the while, they were discriminated against for their Catholic faith and endured the open denigration of their native culture as something unworthy, despite the fact that the English Bluebloods who 'owned' America had hearkened back to that very culture when designing it's government and writing it's Constitution.

The same thing happened to the Irish, the Swedes, the Germans, the Jews, and all the rest. Blacks were dragged here in chains. And there were no 'advocacy groups' to help them, there were no charities to support them or their cause, and there was nary a Senator or Congressman who spouted complete bullshit about 'bipartisan' anything on their behalf. They were expected to work, pay their taxes, obey the law, and conform.

Why should Mexicans be exempt from the same principles? Because there's just too many of them for the government to retroactively do what should have been done before they embedded themselves within society and the welfare system?

The only immigration reform we need is armed Marines with vicious dogs and instructions to give two warnings in English and Spanish, and then to open fire if they're not obeyed.

Another thing on this whole republican fascination with amnesty-disguised-as-reform; the GOP believes that by accommodating Hispanic immigrants and forgiving their criminal violation of Sovereignty and then their continued, illegal existence with the Borders of the United States, that it's buying itself a Hispanic Voting Majority on the poorly-thought-out belief that Hispanic anti-abortion views align them, naturally, with the GOP. This is patently false. While a great many Hispanics DO oppose abortion, the Hispanic's natural inclination is geared towards the Welfare State. They may be religiously conservative and family-oriented, by they too, have drunk deeply from the well of Social Justice.

'Courting the Hispanic vote' in this case means playing to the infantile pathology of another group who believes they are 'owed' something by the Gringo. If you doubt this, go read the La Raza website, or take note of the rancor in Arizona over school curriculum's which teach students that the United States 'stole' the southwest from Mexico. Come here to New York and count all the Immigrants with North Carolina license plates on their cars (they commute between states for seasonal work, keeping New York as a permanent address for the generous welfare benefits), who seem to show up in the supermarket with thousands in food stamps, demand bi-lingual education all the way up to High School, write their separatist and drug-gang-related graffiti upon every vertical surface, and then fill the streets with their spit, urine, feces, drunks, and unruly vandals...erm...children... who can't speak English.

Come see all the Mexican Flags on display on the Fourth of July, come see the vast numbers of tubercular incubators coughing, spitting, sneezing and infecting us all on public transport. Come see the crack vials, dirty needles, and broken beer bottles all over what used to be a pristine neighborhood. Come see the line of it-might-be-Spanish-speaking addicts lining up at the local methadone clinics that have sprung up in the last five years in eerie coincidence with the influx of Hispanics. Come to New York, Mr. Graham, and see the effect the policies you advocate actually have on the Average American. Come and see if you can figure out if the exploding number of Black-on-Hispanic 'Hate Crimes' in this area have anything to do with excusing a Third World Invasion.

Senator Graham attributes opposition to his stupid ideas as a 'manipulation of the 24-hour news cycle', or 'constant media scrutiny' -- you get the distinct impression that he'd like to call someone,anyone, a racist in all that beating-around-several-bushes doubletalk of his, but he doesn't have the courage -- but he's seriously wrong. The opposition to his asinine idea is based upon simple Common Sense, a quality which Lindsay Graham has proven, repeatedly, to have a severe and persistent allergy to.

Lindsay Graham is but one example of what's wrong with the GOP these days. It's brighter lights are consistently undermined by squishy, self-interested little toads like Him...and John McCain, his comrade-in-stupidity.

For being such a big baby, for being such a toadie to the Immigration Reform Lobby (i.e.Businesses who can't remain in business and stay profitable without breaking the law and then being protected from punishment), for being willing and eager to give amnesty -- and I don't care what you call it, it's still amnesty -- to millions of unwashed criminals, for wanting to excuse the obnoxious and presumptuous behavior of millions who can't, won't, and have no reason to assimilate, and who believe they have a God-Given Right to get fat on the Taxpayer Teat, who remain in America, but are not OF America. For his failure to recognize that a significant portion of the bloated federal budget is simply being wasted catering to the needs of non-taxpaying criminals, and for being an all-around clueless dipshit, you Senator Graham, are our Douchebag of the Week.

I'm sure you'll wear it well, and proudly, too. It might be the last thing you ever win, including re-election, if you continue to advocate on behalf of such destructive policies. I hope the bribe from the Hotel Industry in Myrtle Beach and The Outer Banks can cover your expenses until your McDonald's job comes through.

The sooner The Good Senator -- and the politicians like him -- get thrown out of office, the sooner this country can go back to what it once was.

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