Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Emperor Has No Balls...

New York City Mayor Embraces Enemy Occupying Wall Street, says the headline, but the truth goes deeper than this.

Michael Bloomberg, or as I like to call him Mayor Bloomdouche, is a pansy. Worse, he’s an overbearing, busybody, imperial, technocratic, nose-picking pussy who probably suffered through the childhood traumas of bed wetting, poor potty training, a premature cessation of breast feeding, and chronic masturbation, which have all combined to result in the obnoxious, petty dictator who has somehow managed to corrupt (with his personal fortune, no doubt) the electoral system so as to stay in office far longer than is decent, and far beyond the point of effectiveness.

Three days ago, Mayor Mind-Everyone-Else’s-Business was denouncing the rancid hippies occupying parks in Lower Manhattan as the worst thing since bubonic plague; now he’s forgotten that REAL MEN are supposed to have spines, and peddles some wishy-washy bullshit about how people occupying a public space without a permit, befouling it with their waste, littering, smoking pot in the open, and attracting all sorts of miscreants from the pesky panhandlers to actual wanted felons, is all quite alright so long as…ahem…no one breaks the law.

Wrap your head around that one: squatters engaged in all sort of illegal activities from simple trespass and destruction of public property, all the way up to felony counts of drug possession and probably worse, are breaking the very laws the mayor refuses to enforce.

And because it’s King Michael I, there’s probably a calculated political and public-relations motive behind this about-face. There always is with Bloomberg. This is the administration that doesn’t take a collective dump without a half-assed political scheme and ad campaign hastily thrown together at the last minute.

I guess Mayor Asshat has better things to do, like find a legal basis for allowing the City to comb through it’s citizens’ stool looking for undigested bits of fiber to tax, or finding newer and better ways to block access to Manhattan so that the upper crust of the Upper West Side doesn’t have to rub elbows with the Outer-borough trash any more than they have to. I guess so long as the Occupiers aren’t putting any extra sugar in their Triple-caramel-and-cinnamon lattes, lighting up a cigarette, or adding salt to that joint, then they’re quite welcome to stay. After all, those are Bloomberg’s pet peeves: smoking, excess salt and sugar.

The  Upper Crust doesn't approve of those things, you see, and it somehow became Mayor Blueball's task to save us peasants from ourselves in some perverse, Liberal Fucktard version of the White Man's Burden.

In retrospect, it would have been much better if New Yorkers had held their collective noses and pulled the lever for Bloomdick’s opponent in the last Mayoral Election, even if the guy was a fifth-rate democrat hack, and a bigger putz than Mayor Asswipe. At least we’d probably be spared the lectures about constitutional rights from the idiot who wants to take away our Street Meat and Marlboros. If that had happened we’d at least be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, as that guy would be coming to the end of his term, and then followed the rest of New York’s rogues gallery of disastrous democratic Mayors and faded into an oblivion where no one even remembers their name the week after they leave office.

(By the way, Bloomberg changes political affiliations more often than most people change their socks. He’s been a democrat, a republican and an independent, probably depending on which party affiliation is easiest to buy, and most convenient, at any particular moment).

But, no. Mayor Douchebag made the case that only he, financial genius (a financial genius who has managed to spend the city into debt, again, raise existing taxes, invent a whole slew of new taxes, and cry that Albany and Washington ‘don’t do their fair share’ while business leaves this city like it was the Exodus) could save New Yorkers from the looming financial storm caused by bank failures and collapse of the mortgage market, but that hasn’t happened because, frankly, Bloomberg doesn’t do anything: he hires people to do things for him, and the ones he’s hired to date are dumber-than-dogshit political hacks, and Mayoral brown-nosers.

Fucktard Bloomberg fell into the trap that many So-Rich-I-Shit-Dollah-Dollah men fall into: having built a mega-successful business, they convince themselves that they can do anything. Like run a government in the same way he ran his business, which is to say, to dictate and micromanage and to do both rather badly.

I can tell you what Rudy Giuliani would have done about this Occupy Wall Street nonsense. He would have let those doofuses have their say for a day or two, and then he would have ordered the NYPD to go out and crack some heads. The jails would be overflowing with stinky hippies today, if Rudy were still here, and that stupid-ass Freedom Tower would have already been built, and ready for the next airliner.

Instead, we get a Mayor who can’t decide if it’s Tuesday or Wednesday, and who turns to sycophants who’s main talent is for asking him “what day do you wish it to be, My Lord?”, and they go out and make it so…or at least make it appear to be so with a press release and half-assed, upside-down, politically-motivated policy that makes their Emperor look like a bigger asshole than he probably is.

This jerk has aspirations for national office. Steer clear of him, America: he so bad that he makes Barack Obama look like a Modern-day Pericles.


Diogenes Sarcastica™ said...

You really should come out of that shell and tell us how you really feel, man.

"makes Barack Obama look like a Modern-day Pericles."
That's a great line!

Matthew said...

I feel rather shy today, and I haven't had my 5th coffee yet.