Monday, July 16, 2012

One Hippie, Well-Done, Please...

You have to give Middle Eastern protesters, regardless of stripe, credit for one thing:

When they wish to express their displeasure in uncertain terms, they certainly manage to do so in a way that grabs your attention.

Moishe Silman, age 57, was protesting the lack of government housing assistance in Israel, when he decided it would be a really good idea to douse himself in a flammable liquid and do his best impression of a Baked Alaska (Author's Note: Check to see if Baked Alaska is kosher).

Fortunately for him (because it appears as if Mr. Silman had belated second thoughts about becoming a Roman...err...Israeli Candle) but perhaps not so much for the same Israeli government that will have to treat his injuries -- it figures: the asshole wants the Israeli Taxpayer to not only pay for his apartment, but now his self-inflicted third-degree burns. The nerve of some people! -- the nearby crowd quickly extinguished the flames before calling for medical help.
And just to let you know that, yes, he IS that fucking insane, the man then followed up his Flambe act with a bit of comedy: sucking down a Popsicle in an attempt to "cool down".

Mr. Silman is now in a medically-induced coma while doctors try to keep him alive long enough, one presumes, to give him the massive number of expensive skin grafts that he'll expect someone else to pay for that he'll probably need to remain alive and functioning, while avoiding all the worst sort of possible multiple organ failures.

The ironic thing about the entire episode is this: had Mr. Silman not been saved by concerned strangers and dedicated doctors, his housing problem would have been solved permanently; right about now he would be the proud owner of a beautiful, climate-controlled hole in the ground.

One begins to wonder about how long it'll be before we see similar scenes on American Streets. I mean, after all, some of these Occupy ________ douchebags are almost as crazy, and let's face it, America has a large population of homeless mental patients deliberately let loose so that the money saved in not treating them can instead go to buy heroin addicts free needles, and ensure that Illegal Aliens get all the free chemotherapy and replacement limbs they can handle. Not to mention making sure that 34-year-old Yale law grads can "keep access" to government-provided birth control.

Because apparently asking Ivy-League-Educated, professional women to occasionally spend $7.95 for three-pack of Trojans, and then say "NO!" every once in a while is somehow akin to a War Upon The Fairer Sex.

Personally, I would hope that the crazier elements of the Occupy _______ (bowel) Movement would form a volunteer Human Torch Squad, because people so committed to a cause -- regardless of how stupid and ultimately pointless that cause might be -- that are willing to go to this extreme are doing us all a favor by knocking themselves off.

I'd pay good money to see some Columbia Undergrad pissed off because he can't find a job with his degree in EnvironMENTALly-friendly Peruvian Literature get so pissed that he's willing to flick his Bic and become a Hippie Flambe. After all, we need to rid the planet of people this demonstrably stupid: this sort, on the one hand, decries the Evils of Capitalism, while on the other, seems totally uninterested in exploring the truth that Capitalism supplied them with a solid, Middle-class upbringing, scholarships, a tony University, college loans, and that they managed to join their similarly-brain-damaged brethren in the streets through the mysteries of Twitter, the utility of e-mail, the ubiquitous chat board, and while surfing Democratic Underground and Mother Jones -- you know, the servers (no one is really paying for those, are they?) where these dingbats "organize" themselves -- on you iPad, at Starbucks, where Wi-Fi is "free' with your Vente Iced, double-Mocha-triple-caramel-frap with Blood-diamond-free African Dark Roast. And soy milk.

Just don't get any on your designer-label, $39.95 Che Guevara t-shirt. It'll never come out with "All Natural" Laundry products without phosphates.

But, I digress...

We here at the Asylum wish Mr. Silman a speedy recovery, not so much because we're humanitarians, but in the fervent hope that he tries this stunt all over again, inspiring millions of other complete losers to follow suit. The world would be a much better place if more mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging morons were as truly committed to the cause of living off other people's productivity as Moishe Silman.

Hell, I'd even be happy to pay to keep most of them in medically-induced comas for years, if it meant not having to suffer their derangement any longer.

P.S.: If I'm an Israeli taxpayer this morning, I'm mightily pissed that I have to pay to save the life of a complete jackass who did this to himself. But then again, that's what Socialism is all about: saving the jackasses from themselves. Remember that, America, when you go to vote next November.

This post also appears on the Insane Asylum. Get thee over there and read some shit!

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