Monday, November 01, 2010

Facebook is the End of Civlization...

If you want to see the biggest fucking losers on the planet, try looking for them on Facebook. Perhaps the only people worse than Facebookers (Facebookees? Facefuckers?) are the Twitter assholes.The really insane thing about both is that these walking anuses are not only laboring under the gross misapprehension that I have a burning desire to know the intimate details of their uninteresting lives, but that I need pictures of it all, too, and require an update every minute of every goddamned day.

I've always been proud of my ability to basically ignore that which is wildly popular with the general public. After all, the general public is a bunch of self-interested little prats,possessed of slug-like intelligence, and very little in the way of good taste. It is the General Public, after all, which has made Jersey Shore the phenomenon that it is. It is the General Public which continuously clamors for ever-lower-common-denominator forms of entertainment: Fear Factor, Sixteen and Pregnant, Jerry Springer, Facebook...and gets it!

Too many people, with too large an opinion of themselves, with too much free time, and too many options to transmit their mental slag to a drooling public which is often just as stupid. The Internet and modern communications, for all the great things they allow us to do, are too easily abused by mouth-breathing nosepickers.

(Excluding Lunatic bloggers,of course. We provide a valuable public service.)

It is the Facebok aficionados who brought us Barack Obama and Sarah Palin, and patted itself on it's collective back for being Progressive? Unbiased? Patriotic?

Puerile simpletons, the lot.

One of the most depressing aspects of 21st Century America is that this is, increasingly, a society run by twits, for the benefit of twits, and never once does anyone ever seem to realize just what fucking twits they themselves truly are. The major drawback to our modern culture and society is that it has now become possible for complete idiots to not only survive, but to flourish, very often with little-to-no conscious effort on their own behalf. We have created a society where one can live quite well -- if completely oblivious -- by just existing. These are the people who somehow think everyone else simply needs to know all about them in he same way a diabetic needs insulin...and even cares to.

These are the people drawn to moths to the flame.

I mean, you DO know what people do on Facebook, right? It's where college co-eds (people who are supposed to be reasonably intelligent) secretly take pictures of their sorority sisters sitting on the toilet and post them for the entire planet (and every potential rapist and pervert) to see. It's where those insane people who insist on dressing up their pets in gay costumes share their special brand of stupidity. It's where people will share the most intimate details of their lives with millions of complete strangers, with no regard for their own privacy and security, and very often, with absolutely no sense of modesty. Facebook is where the desperate near-suicides congregate for one last go-round of the entire "NOTICE ME!!!!" drama-insanity before they finally figure out that no one really gives a shit, and then they go off meekly to eat that shotgun barrel.

It's where that ubiquitous Lone Gunman posts his final manifesto before he goes out and commits Suicide-by-Cop, taking out a few dozen innocents in the process.

You never see greasy-looking men shuffling along the streets in over-sized overcoats, waiting for little children to come by so that they may expose themselves to the unsuspecting tykes; they have Facebook for that now. A very valuable accoutrement in the child molester's toolbox, indeed.

Facebook is gold-plated proof of the old saw (I think it was H.L. Mencken, the Grandmaster Douchebag of his generation, who said it) that "no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public". If you Facebook, in my estimation, you're a big, stupid douche with too much free time, and no self-esteem, screaming for attention in Cyberspace because screaming for attention in Reality doesn't seem to get you any. Get a fucking clue. Get a fucking life.

Nothing, however, can truly describe the special kind of bedwetting doofus one finds on Facebook better than the bedwetting doofuses themselves. We all know of the gay Rutgers University student driven to jump from the George Washington Bridge when his"friends" outed him on a joke. If that didn't get you to start wondering whether Facebook was really a good thing, a complete waste of time, or a ticking time bomb in the hands of the dumbest people on Earth, there's this story:

Italian Police Investigate Burglary of Virtual Home.

Yeah,not like there's a whole lot of Mafiosi or illegal-alien-Muslim-terrorists-in-training roaming the streets of Sicily, right? I'm glad the Italian police have time for this sort of thing; taking an obviously stupid person seriously.

If that doesn't have you shaking your head, try this one:

Mom Kills Baby for Interrupting Farmville.

Check out the picture (probably taken from her own Facebook page, no doubt!) of the Killer Mom: does that look like a sane individual to you? Hell, does that even look like an attractive individual? I'm almost shocked that someone was actually capable of keeping his eyes shut long enough (and keep his lunch long enough) to make that absolute beauty queen a mother (proving once again that some men are absolute goats, and would fuck a catcher's mitt, if it held still long enough). What makes head even more than this story, are the absolute numbskulls who voted that story "Hilarious" on Those sick and twisted bastards are probably on Facebook, too.

That's what's waiting for you on Facebook: people who cannot separate fantasy from reality, and someone who would violently shake an infant, smoke a cigarette, and then shake the kid to death for interrupting her online agricultural experience -- and a bunch of douchebags who find that sort of thing side-splitting, pee-your-pants funny.

Facebook, like Islam, is a threat to civilization. And instead of stringing up the idiots who invented this new form of Electronic Heroin, we made them rich -- and celebrate them in feature films.

I shudder to think of a future run by absolute dickheads who can't stop Tweeting, or who kill their children for interrupting their game of Farmville. That's what we've raised.

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