Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Douchebag of the Week: Senator John McCain...

I wish someone would finally (metaphorically) put a stake through the heart of John McCain before next sunrise. 

His continued ability to leave his coffin every evening, suck some more blood from the body politic and return unscathed to strike again the following night is beginning to remind me of Count Dracula.

Actually, McCain often reminds me of Count Chocula -- a goofy, cartoonish, two-dimensional character on a cereal box -- only with power and an over-developed sense of self-importance. It’s time to knock him down a few pegs until he’s little more than the Count from Sesame Street.

What has Johnny Maverick done this week to draw my ire? Read this:

McCain calls fellow Repubs “Wacko Birds” in budget debate dispute over Senate Rules.

It is no secret that I have disliked Senator McCain for a very long time. You need only search out his name on this blog to see some of the unflattering things I have had to say about him to verify this.

However, my dislike has now turned to visceral hatred.  Before I explain in detail just what makes me hate McCain almost as much as Muslim Terrorists (McCain can be likened to a suicide bomber in a suit), I must take this opportunity to recite and comment upon his biography. In my opinion, it tells you much about just who the ‘real’ John McCain is, and why it is time for him to exit the public stage.

John Sidney McCain II was born in 1936. This makes him -- rheotrically speaking -- older than dirt, yet younger than the sun. In other words, he is a creature of the early 20th century who finds himself in a 21st century world that he probably cannot comprehend. One of my personal projects in life, although I know I will never see it come to fruition, is to kill everyone born before 1960. And when I say ‘kill’, I don’t mean line them up and shoot them (a waste of ammunition that we’ll need for the street fighting and to defend our homes following an Obama impeachment), but to allow them to die through abject neglect, letting time and Mother Nature do the rest.

I hold this position on the elderly for two reasons. The first is Economic: at present, the majority of America’s tax dollars go to fund Social Security and Medicare, programs which were instituted in a day and age when it was virtually impossible for most people to actually live long enough to collect on them. Thanks to advances in medical science, people routinely live past the age of 80; we probably have more people of 90+ years alive than at any other time in American (and perhaps, World) history. All of these people are drawing benefits from these programs and are doing so at rates that far exceed their personal contributions to them. In other words, they are living beyond their savings, contributions, and economic utility as either productive human beings or taxpayers.

We are the first people in history to have a class of people we called ‘retired’, and they are spending approximately one-third of their life cycle in this curious state. That’s one third of their life growing to adulthood (as non-taxpayers, but as tax consumers), one third of their working life (when they do pay taxes, but spend the majority of their time trying to figure out how to dodge them), and one third more slowly circling the bowl – spending money they didn’t earn, and with expensive ‘end-of-life care’ which strikes me as a colossal waste of fucking time and resources.

The Old and the Infirm are, much like my vampire allusion above, sucking America dry. They are helping – if only by virtue of their continued metabolic process  – to create insurmountable deficits, and the return on investment simply isn’t there. They only live to suck he lifeblood of their host (i.e. the young, productive taxpayer), much like fleas.

If you want to keep your Grammy alive forever, then you take care of her. I would rather invest for my own retirement and not depend upon the government to steal other people’s money on my behalf. It’s expensive enough taking care of myself: I don’t want any part of keeping your Grandad on a steady diet of Iron Lungs and morphine drip for the last 18 months of his miserable life.

The Second Reason is Patriotic: as an American citizen, I want my country to be the very best at everything. We cannot be the very best at everything when we’re hobbled by ‘the responsibility’ of paying to keep people alive who will return absolutely zero to the economy (except the Funerary Services Sector), take up valuable hospital resources. and must be warehoused in Nursing Homes. Letting the Old Folks die will free up resources that can be applied to make life better for those who can actually still return something useful for the expenditure.

With 80-million or so Baby Boomers about to retire -- many with greatly reduced assets thanks to the recent economic downturn -- this can only mean two things for America’s future. The first is that 80 million self-obsessed assholes (who all claim to have been at Woodstock) will make extraordinary demands on a smaller tax base (that's everyone else, excluding the 16 million illegal immigrants who pay no income taxes at all, and the Obama voting base of Welfare Bloodsuckers who manage to get tax refunds despite not paying a red cent). To judge from the absolute flood of annoying commercials on television in which well-preserved-and-surgically-enhanced Baby Boomers seem set to greedily gobble up everything from Cialis to Adult Diapers geared towards an active lifestyle, it’s inevitable that they will only continue to demand ever more – to be kept alive forever, free of all medical complaint, with unlimited orgasms, in a manner that exceeds even that cushy ‘retirement’ enjoyed by their parents -- at someone else’s expense. 

And they will also have the numbers to vote themselves that unearned privilege for at least the next 30 years, if medical science doesn't manage to keep us all alive into our 100's. Bear THAT in mind.

Killing off the Baby Boomers and the vestiges of the people who can still remember the Hindenburg, two of the greediest generations in Human History, is an act of national survival. It is my considered belief that if you could eliminate the Nanny State for the Elderly, you could probably eliminate a third of the American government structure and pay off the deficit these people have created in virtually no time.

Besides, who the fuck wants Baby Boomers to have a say over how the country is governed for the next thirty years from the plush-and-gilded back seat of the Entitlement State car?  You might as well let the inmates run the prisons. After all, these are the people who have done more to destroy American Exceptionalism and Culture than anyone else. This is the Hippie generation that took mind altering drugs, brought us no-fault divorce, latch-key kids, AIDS, the Hustle, The Pet Rock, Jimmy Carter, the Mortgage Collapse, Too Big To Fail, who dodged the draft, and ruined American business, academia, media and politics with their recklessness and selfishness. They're like a swarm of locusts.

Now, returning to McCain’s biography:

He never had to work at much as a young man. He is clearly a child of nepotism. His grandfather and father were both four-star Admirals in the United States Navy, and he rode their coattails into, and during, his military career. According to McCain's own autobiography, he was nearly tossed out of the Naval Academy more than once, and more or less managed to skate through his four years with a gold-plated dunce cap on. He graduated 894 in a class of 899.

Granted, that's probably better than Barack Obama did at Columbia without a steep grading curve and Affirmative Action, but it still engenders little confidence.

Entering combat, McCain’s record is as follows: he was a bomber pilot with one of the Navy’s elite squadrons. He was shot down over North Vietnam and became a Prisoner of War for six years, during which he was physically and psychologically tortured. I do not wish to impugn the Senator’s bravery, nor do I want to give the impression that I do not appreciate the sacrifices the Senator has made for people like me. However, I want you to bear three things in mind whenever the subject of McCain and his fitness to lord over us as a Senator is broached: a) we lost the war, b) we lost the war, and c) we lost the war.

In fact, perhaps the only person who contributed less to the Vietnam War who then somehow emerged as a ‘National Hero’ would be ex-senator (now Secretary of State) John Kerry. According to legend, Kerry's ‘heroism’ is largely based upon collecting enough (allegedly) self-inflicted gunshot wounds and writing up enough of his own commendations, to be sent home. Where he then dumped all over his fellow soldiers for personal gain and notoriety. But only after he (actually, his father) got four draft deferments.

And this is another reason why McCain must go. The United States is involved in, or about to be involved in, several wars. Some of them, like the one in Afghanistan, were necessary. Others, like Iraq, Libya, Syria, and Yemen, we can debate either way. In addition, the United States has to worry about a nuclear Iran, a strengthening China, and a resurgent Russia. What is needed is a new kind of leadership that knows how to win wars, not how to fight ineffectual ones and then lose them, which is the sum experience of most of the Vietnam-era politicos we’re handcuffed to.

The last people I would want advice from on how to win a war would be those who spent it behind bars and who have personal axes to grind (not to mention personal demons to exorcise) over a war which this country LOST.

John McCain’s sole contribution to the War on Terror has been to decry the use of waterboarding -- a useful instrument in interrogating sub-human pieces of shit who actually took to a life of terrorism in full expectation that one day they would die, anyway  -- and his stand on this issue is undoubtedly related to his own Vietnam experience. One wonders if McCain’s public disapproval of what the Bush Administration once dubbed ‘Special Interrogation Techniques’ has hurt counter-terrorism operations.

In effect, one could make the argument that McCain sympathizes with the enemy. An enemy, incidentally, which makes no distinction between combatants and non-combatants, nor the innocent or the guilty, and which plays by no rules of organized, civilized warfare. It is an enemy that routinely does worse to our own captured soldiers and civilians.

During his Congressional and Senatorial career, McCain has been nothing but a thorn in the side of the GOP. His cultivation of his (totally contrived) reputation as a ‘maverick’ has come back to bite the GOP on it’s collective ass several times: it was McCain that blocked Social Security and Medicare reform when George W. Bush had control of all three branches of government; it was McCain who shepherded Medicare Part D through the Senate; it was McCain who co-sponsored the so-called Campaign Finance Reform Act, which is little more than a program of tenure for elected officials. 

He ran perhaps the worst Presidential Campaign ever when he lost to a totally unprepared and inexperienced Barack Obama. It was a royal mess from the beginning: McCain always looked confused, slow, un-coordinated, and seemed too intent on keeping that prized ‘Maverick’ rep than he did in espousing a workable – and conservative – political campaign, or in articulating any real policy goals. He then picked a complete no one from the ass-end of nowhere as a running mate, someone who was outwitted on National Television by Katie Fuckin’ Couric, no bright bulb, herself.

(Then again, Mitt Romney was outwitted on National Television by Candy Fuckin’-Fat-Ass Crowley, so maybe the problem is not political, but intellectual).

And even with all that, it was Clueless Sarah Palin who actually made the race as close as it was. And just when McCain might have had Palin pull his chestnuts out of the fire, that desire to grandstand, to play the Maverick, to lose his fucking marbles at the wrong time, reared it’s ugly head once again -- in the incredibly fucked-up-and-politically-contrived stunt he pulled when he ‘suspended’ his Presidential campaign in order to midwife TARP and other economic bailout policies a week before the election. 

Obama, because the man had only voted ‘Present’ nine billion times in his career (because he’s a man of no principles, whatsoever), wisely stayed out of that fray. McCain helped get TARP passed, and this sealed the fate of his Presidential Dream. TARP was (and still is) considered a massive boondoggle that cost the taxpayer billions and millions their jobs and savings. McCain has had it hung around his neck like a rotting albatross ever since. His feeble cries of “I was misled!” by Wall Street and the Federal Reserve were pathetic then, and they still are.

(He is, in effect, saying he was outwitted by complete retards -- supposed economics experts, no less! --who could not fathom that handing out mortgages to people who could not repay them was bad business).

McCain’s attack on his fellow republicans ultimately has absolute shit to do with Senate Procedures or with the Budget process; it’s about John McCain getting yet another chance to be an asshole, just because he can. He doesn’t agree with these young GOP whippersnappers, dangnabbit, so he will do his level best to demean them, belittle them, and give the opposition all the ammunition they need to thwart them.  The impression one gets is that in his little world the important issues of the day should be decided by John McCain, because John McCain can’t lift his fuckin’ arms and it pisses him off, and he wasn’t elected President (twice) when he was so fucking deserving, dammit.

He’s that petty.

The Senator is the living example of why people past a certain age should be allowed (and in some cases, encouraged) to die. He’s also an example of the sort of person we don’t need in our national politics (i.e.a Major Asshole). They cost us too much money to keep alive, they’re useless to just about everyone past a certain point, and then Alzheimer’s sets in or they make stupid decisions for entirely personal reasons that cost other people real money, aggravation, and above all, their Freedoms and quality of life.

The latest brouhaha vis-à-vis Cruz, Paul, et. al. is just another example of John McCain being John McCain: a petty, selfish, vainglorious douchebag who has outlived his usefulness to society, and yet lingers (like a bad smell) probably just for the opportunity to stick his thumb in our eyes on a daily basis…just because he can. Mostly because he believes he’s entitled to, because he is cosmically owed.

At the end of the day it’s all about McCain, and always has been. Whether it’s the Maverick bullshit, the endless flogging of his suffering for personal benefit, the political grandstanding, the absolute douchy-ness of seemingly taking pleasure in thwarting the will of the righteous in order to garner better publicity for himself, John McCain has proven – time and again – to be one of the worst examples of the prototypical self-serving politician who serves no useful purpose.

His latest foray into douchebag-hood earns him the Douchebag of the Week award, complete with Oak Leaf Clusters, Swords, and Diamonds. Why, John McCain is such an incredible douche, that one almost expects his medical records to read “Bloodtype: Vinegar and Water”.


Ed Chapman said...

Matt. you have now gone into the category of one who "calls it like he sees it" in my book. You can't get any bigger.


Shangri-la said...

Put him in a lunatic asylum god what has the world down to have such a lunatic on the lose was Ukraine not bad enough