Douchebag of the Week: Senator John McCain...

I wish someone would finally (metaphorically) put a stake through the heart of John McCain before next sunrise. 

His continued ability to leave his coffin every evening, suck some more blood from the body politic and return unscathed to strike again the following night is beginning to remind me of Count Dracula.

Actually, McCain often reminds me of Count Chocula -- a goofy, cartoonish, two-dimensional character on a cereal box -- only with power and an over-developed sense of self-importance. It’s time to knock him down a few pegs until he’s little more than the Count from Sesame Street.

Iowahawk: Better Than Sex, Ice Cream, and the Stanley Cup Playoffs...

...all rolled into one, and He can only be surpassed by those rare circumstances wherein one has contrived to have all three at once.

Lindsay Graham (Douche-SC) is an asshat.

This has been true and obvious to anyone with the same sense possessed by a crack-addled Rhesus Monkey for many years now. Much like his counterpart, the Insufferable Charles Schumer (Sphincter - NY), it is a complete mystery as to how such men manage to continually garner electoral laurels despite any display of rudimentary thinking skills...until you stop to consider just what actually LIVES in South Carolina (hint: Darwin may have been wrong. I've seen it close-up and personal-like).

One must come to the inevitable conclusion that South Carolina, much like New York, is simply infested with nosepicking retards who have somehow managed to retain the right to vote. Time to re-institute the old Poll Tax, and add some Basic Literacy testing and a photo-id requirement as a requisite to exercising the franchise, if you ask me. It's the only way to ensure that parasites possessed of the same sort of bulletproof and paralyzing stupidity, of the kind displayed by Graham and Schumer, are reduced to earning a living in ways which befit  both their limited acumen and dubious skill sets: selling boiled goobers by the side of the Interstate, or maybe, as the Albino Banjo Player in the national dinner-theatre touring troupe of The Deliverance.

I have less use for Lindasay Graham than a dog has for his fleas.

No Carpetbaggers Need Apply...

Harold Ford drops out of NY Senate race.

Fabulous. We've already had enough of libtard Carpetbaggers in this state. New York is where libtards from all over the country eventually settle to work, and so we get everyone else's libs, and then we get blamed for being too liberal for the country's good. Just so you know, it isn't entirely our fault; keep your own liberals at home!

So, this November, we might be one libtard lighter: Kirsten Gillbrand might have to defend her job as Chuck Schumer's Ventriloquist's Dummy With Tits (CSVDWT) against a republican (assuming we can find one who can chew gum and walk at the same time someplace in New York) and if that is the case, she'll probably lose.

I say "probably" because the NY Republican party is a bunch of dunces. They couldn't organize a gang-bang in a prison shower. They find the most unattractive (but politically-well-connected) candidates to run for statewide and federal offices, and they get beaten about the head and face by democrats who are barely capable of counting without removing their shoes and socks (see: New York Congressional delegation). In other words, they get beaten by people just slightly smarter than bread mold.

And since the NY Repub Go-to-Guy -- perennial loser Rick Lazio -- is already in the Governor's race, the NY Repubs are left to find someone just as dull and just as beatable to run against Gillibrand, because that is their modus operandi. Does the name George Pataki ring any bells?

If it does, you'd better scream "HELL NO!".

There are two other possibilities; if she could be persuaded to get into the race, there is former Congresswoman Susan Molinari, who gave the keynote address at the Republican convention back in the days when that actually meant something. Molinari is from my hometown (Staten Island), comes from another NY Political Dynasty (that might be a strike against her -- we've had enough Political Dynasties, thank you), and she's smarter than Gillibrand is. Then again, lobotomized cocker spaniels are smarter than Gillbrand, but that's not to take away from Molinari; She is smart as a whip and realizes that we still have a Constitution, which puts her miles ahead of the Repub Party Apparatchiks.

The other possibility is Rudy Giuliani, America's Mayor. The problem with Rudy is that the national Republican Party would probably bust a blood vessel because of his stances on Gay Rights and Gun Control (it's why he never made it through the 2008 primaries, you know), but the Tea Parties and the non-panty-bunched republicans (the one's not tied directly to, or earning their living from the party) could easily put him over the top. We need to have Rudy somewhere in a position of responsibility in New York State, if only because he's proven to be a responsible person with actual abilities. Having just one person like that puts us head and shoulders above the other 49 states.

The problem is that the NY Republican party will probably not tap either. It has a bigger list of well-connected-but-even-bigger losers to promote. That's where it's true interests lie, because it is not so much A party as much as it is many-smaller parties, and they can never agree on anything or anyone, and this is the main reason why it's so ineffective. It's provincial and it's politics and infighting are, ultimately, local and not state-wide.

For once, the NY State Republican Party should do the right thing, and fuck their friends over. These elections in November are too important to the future of the country for the same stupidity to play out; that system coughed up Dede Scozzafava, after all.

Tap Susan or tap Rudy. You'll get the Tea Partiers on your side, and you'll be able to actually win something for a change. You'll finally succeed in doing something meaningful, NY-GOP.

Ben Nelson Has Near-Death Experience, Film at 11...

...and now he regrets his pro-Healthcare vote on the Senate floor, you know, the one with the great, big bribe, the infamous Cornhusker Kickback, in it?

Nelson has seen Chris Dodd and Byron Dorgan decide to jump ship before they suffer the (rightfully-deserved) ignominy of electoral defeat, but he doesn't have the same sense of self-preservation to do what they did and quit. He apparently still believes he might survive this vote, electorally, and now he's beginning to walk it back in the hopes that attention spans are short, and memories shorter. He believes he can rehabilitate himself in the minds of the electorate.

In this way, Senator Nelson is like the absolute monarchs of old, men like Constantine The Great, for example, who professed a belief in Christianity, but who reserved the sacrament of baptism until they were on their dead beds. In this way, they could sin as much as they pleased in life, only to claim absolution from their sins at the very last moment -- in effect, robbing God of his right to judgement, while they had the blood of thousands washed from their hands by the baptismal water -- in a last, great fit of Royal Arrogance.

I'm an agnostic, so I don't believe in concepts like the divine forgiveness of sins, or God's final judgement, but if there were to be a God, I rather doubt Constantine would have gotten away with it. She's probably too smart for that old trick (it's my opinion that if God exists, it has to be a woman, because only a woman could weave that many logical contradictions into a religion, and then demand to be worshipped with a straight face). Senator Nelson shouldn't get away with such a cheap trick, either. Neither should Blanche Lincoln or Mary Landrieu (who, as of this writing, is the subject of a nascent recall campaign against her).