Douchebag of the Week: Senator John McCain...

I wish someone would finally (metaphorically) put a stake through the heart of John McCain before next sunrise. 

His continued ability to leave his coffin every evening, suck some more blood from the body politic and return unscathed to strike again the following night is beginning to remind me of Count Dracula.

Actually, McCain often reminds me of Count Chocula -- a goofy, cartoonish, two-dimensional character on a cereal box -- only with power and an over-developed sense of self-importance. It’s time to knock him down a few pegs until he’s little more than the Count from Sesame Street.

Fighting For The Female Vote...

...and why it's probably a waste of effort.

This Lunatic has been busy this week, which is why I haven’t been posting. My apologies to all my loyal readers who come here first for diseased commentary, but I reckon that once you know exactly what I  have been doing, you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.

For I have been doing important political research.

You see, it all began when I started really paying attention to all these news reports about poll numbers in the upcoming Presidential election. Normally, I could care less about polls because they are typically useless for just about anything except which brand of dishwashing liquid is more popular than another, Typically, when a newscast or somesuch starts talking about polling data, my eyes glaze over, and I retreat into a sort of semi-conscious reverie in which I become Wolverine, and I’m fantasizing about using my incredible mutant powers – and those way-too-fuckin'-cool claws – to rob banks, and my incredible animal magnetism (complete with mutant pheromones!) to get Salma Hayek out of her clothing and into the sack.

About Paul Ryan...

I humbly beseech a thousand pardons for being late to this..whatever it is… but I have a valid excuse:

The selection of Ryan as Mitt Romney’s running mate did not, as the conservative (small ‘c’ intentional) pundits tell me it must, ‘electrify’, ‘thrill’, or ‘energize’ me. Not that I’m not a fan of Congressman Ryan (in fact, I’m not), and not because his selection tells me anything about Romney that I either didn’t already know or couldn’t easily discern, but because…well…he’s been asked to be Vice President.

Someone has to attend foreign funerals, I guess.

I imagine that when Joe Biden was chosen there was a similar attempt to rally the troops and generate the same (media) excitement that just wasn’t there, but let’s face it; being Vice President means you’re usually sitting around waiting for someone to have a heart attack, either in anticipation of an instant promotion, or of a State visit to Kathmandu to pay America’s respects to the Nepalese Junior Deputy Assistant Minister for Sewage and Trash Removal.

Come to think of it, Joe Biden would be perfect for that sort of job – the sewage thing, I mean.

"Power Players", Indeed...

I don't know how many of you watch Jeopardy on television, nowadays, but if you do, then you were treated to the spectacle of Jeopardy Power Players Week last week, where the people who are helping to shape public opinion and policy were featured.

And now I know exactly why we're in such dire straits as a country and a culture;You couldn't have found a bigger collection of dunces if you were trying.

If these were the prime examples of the so-called Washington "Power Players", then I'm a German Shepherd.

Oh, Dear God, Make it GO AWAY....

Sarah Palin: I might run in a brokered convention, or something, you betcha, wink, wink.

I am so thoroughly sick of this woman. She makes you wish the moose could shoot back.

Your 2012 GOP Scorecard...

So we've had a couple of debates, some straw polls, a whole lot of biased reporting and misinformation from (P)MSNBC, the New York Times, and the other usual suspects, and it's time to take stock of the GOP field.

Herman Cain Kicks Ass; Morgan Freeman is One...

I’m about to take exception with Mr. Morgan Freeman, perhaps one of our top five American actors, in my estimation, for some ridiculously stupid comments he made regarding the Tea Party, and his contention that it is a racist organization.

Newt, We Barely Knew Ye…

Boy, am I ever disappointed today. My cherished dream of watching Newt Gingrich wipe the floor with Barack Obama in a Presidential Debate just went down in flames with the resignation of just about all of Newt’s campaign staff.


I’ve been beating the drum for Newt since Christ was in short pants and knee socks, thinking that he was something that America needed – a right wing intellectual who understood the nuts and bolts of government and who also possessed the historical frame of reference I believe all good leaders should have, but I have finally come to the painful conclusion that a Gingrich Presidency would probably be nearly as bad as the Obama one has been. Primarily because Newt is a procrastinator.

We already have a President who looks like he doesn't want to do the job.

I should have first recognized this when Gingrich took so long to finally announce his candidacy (like maybe six years?). I then should have realized that not only does Newt live and die by the maxim “don’t do tomorrow what you can leave until next month”, but that he’s also somewhat tone deaf: a Mediterranean vacation, a cruise no less, when you have the opportunity to start making your case to the public while The President is down? Romney can’t pay crowds to show up at his events, and Pawlenty is making the case that Brand X Dishwashing Liquid is every bit as good as your brand…so long as you don’t mind warts and chemical burns.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know: it’s still early. And besides, Sarah Palin’s “I’m Not Running” tour is, to quote the flapping rectums on television “sucking all the oxygen out of the Republican race”, so sitting on the sidelines for now may be a good strategy and all that bullshit, but let’s face it: Newt shot himself in the foot the day he called Paul Ryan’s Medicare reforms “right wing socialism”, and despite the fact that he’s right, the majority of the GOP voters (if not it’s elected officials) just doesn’t give a shit; they’re just in love with the idea that someone is ‘taking on’ an entitlement, and who gives a crap if it actually fixes anything? It sounds good.

You have to be a complete douche to screw something like this up, and under these circumstances. Barring some sort of miracle, Obama ain’t getting re-elected and the current crop of GOP ‘front-runners’ leaves much to be desired, in my estimation. Romney changes positions more often than I change my shorts, and being a Mormon could never garner the brain-dead Evangelical vote. Pawlenty is about as interesting as sawdust, and leaves one with the impression that he might be the result of some genetic experiment intended to discover the origin of the Boring and Numbnuts Genes. Herman Cain, bless him, is a nice man with some good ideas, but I’ve now seen him flounder about 30 times when asked a non-financial question that doesn’t seem to require a great deal of depth of thinking.

Michelle Bachmann simply weirds me out; it’s that staring thing she does, and it detracts from the fact that she is a smart-as-a-whip and attractive woman. Rick Santorum would be a fine candidate…if it were still 1948, or if women still wore hoopskirts. Sarah Palin’s I-don’t-know-if-I’m-in-or-if-I’m-out-you-betcha routine is starting to wear my patience thin, and I seriously tired of her months ago just from sheer overexposure. Right now, I wouldn’t follow Sarah Palin through my own front door. She appears to be doing what she does for the money, which is all well-and-fine, so far as that goes, but she’s not a viable candidate.

Right now, if you ran the numbers, Prostate Cancer is probably more popular than Barack Obama. A retarded German Sheepdog with a speech impediment and ties to several Neo-Nazi and Organized Crime groups could clean Obama’s clock. Even better, he’s going to be challenged from within his own party (you think Hillary Clinton is giving up that easily?) for the 2012 nomination. It’s almost gotten to the point where all anyone has to do to win the presidential election is to simply point to Obama and say “Really? Haven’t we had enough of this shit?” and practically coast to victory.

And all Newt had to do was to appear engaged, put Mitt Romney in his place, and shout ‘ObamaCare!” at the proper moments, but this wasn’t on his agenda, I guess.

It’s too bad.

So, now I will have to find another vessel in which to place my enthusiasm. This is going to be difficult because despite what the pundits say, the current crop of ‘professional’ GOP’ers on the slate may all be capable of beating Obama, but I find them most of them to be…what’s the word I’m looking for?...oh, right: assholes.

Worse, they’re the kind of assholes that snake-handling-Baptist rednecks like, which makes just about all of them persona non grata in my book. You should never, ever overestimate the taste or intelligence of someone who finds NASCAR entertaining, and who comes from a place where Crystal Meth and Keystone Light are the recreational substances of choice. Unfortunately the GOP has been wedded to a Southern Strategy since Nixon, and old habits are hard to break. So long as this is the case, we’ll continue to get GOP candidates who can quote Corinthians, but who don’t see a ‘reform’ of Medicare or Social Security as nothing more than keeping socialism on life support.

You could have done it, Newt. It didn’t look all that hard from here. But I guess work is not your thing, huh?

Herman Cain: Man, Mitt Romney: Pussy...

Cain to attend South Carolina GOP debates.

I'm liking Herman more and more with each passing day.

Romney can make whatever excuses he wants about not attending, the real reason is that he knows he'll have to answer all sorts of redneck questions about his Mormon faith. To a South Carolinian, being a Mormon is the next best thing to being an openly-professed Child Molester. And they should know; they're expert Child (and livestock) Molesters, themselves.

For some strange reason it seems as if the people who should be the GOP front-runners don't want to take that mantle. Romney avoids debates, and Newt Gingrich remains virtually invisible, and so we're approaching a point in which it might be possible that -- once again -- the very WORST the GOP has to offer will be in position to win the nomination for 2012, which is a very bad situation to be in when your poor competition has to pray for Miracles and depend upon SEAL raids just to continue justifying it's own existence.

Obama may have gotten Osama, but he's still easy meat come next fall without a massive economic turnaround.

Mark my words: if the GOP manages to vomit up Pawlenty, Palin or Santorum, we're sunk come 2012. If Huckabee wins out, it's, at best, a 50/50 proposition that he squeaks one out. Your front-runners have to act like front-runners, and we also need to be listening to and including some of these second-tier candidates, like Herman Cain (who should be on someone's ticket, top or bottom doesn't matter as long as he's in there) who have more to offer than kissing Evangelical ass.

This Is Why No One Reads Wonkette Anymore...

A few weeks ago, I got an mini-avalanche of traffic from Wonkette readers, who apparently arrived because they were looking for pictures of drunken leprechauns. Presumably they needed them to make fun of the proverbial inebriated Irishmen on St. Patrick's Day, and couldn't find their crayons. Now, they make fun of a three-year old with Down's Syndrome just because they happen to viscerally hate his mother. And why do they hate his mother? Because she happens to hold different political and social views than the oh-so-sophisticated Wonkette legion.

They can't stop her, so they might as well attack her children. That's on Page 3 of Alinsky's Rules for Radicals, you know.

By the way, these people tend to call themselves "Liberals", but there's very little of the Liberal in them.

Now, I'm no angel, here. I regularly write stuff that's just as vile and which could be considered hateful, unless you have half a brain and a sense of humor, but in my defense Muslims AREN'T regular human beings; they're some sort of inbred mutant strain that diddles livestock and which blows themselves up because God said they should, so that doesn't count. But, I can at least say I've never attacked a child ( parents: hell yes!) just to make what's basically a very stupid political point, i.e. that Sarah Palin, by her very existence, is an affront to everything a committed feminist stands for -- mostly because she's the most glaring and obvious example of just how wrong boilerplate feminism truly IS. Whenever I write something nasty, I do try to at least follow a very simple philosophy:


a. There must be some point that I'm trying to make. It might not be a very good point, granted, and I might not even communicate my point very well, but then again, I'm not one of the oldest political websites on the 'net that still retains a pretense as being THE trendsetter in regards to all things Left-leaning. I don't even claim to be the guy who knows everything about everything and everyone that's anyone. I don't worship at the altar of political power, and I simply do not drool over the thought that I might see and gossip about the really sexy libtard junior Congresscritter from California's 405th District who has a really highly-developed sense of metrosexual fashion. That stuff ain't important, which is probably why fewer and fewer people read Wonkette every day.


b. I don't claim to be, nor do I aspire to be, a professional journalist; I don't own a set of kneepads, never learned to cover my teeth when performing acts of gratuitous fellatio upon the rich and powerful denizens of Washington, D.C., and I didn't spend a shitload of Mommy and Daddy's money on a J-school degree which turns out to be about as useful as one of those "Be a Certified Gun Repair Technician!" certificate courses one used to see advertised on the inside of matchbook covers. I would rather be labeled a Sex Offender, Child Molester, Mass Murderer or Enron Executive than to be considered a journalist. It's a profession which has been so thoroughly discredited that I'd wager that Barehanded-Septic-Tank-Cleaner probably evokes an image of far greater prestige and respect amongst most people. I'm simply a crazy dude with a variety of axes to grind, determined to use my First Amendment Rights before people like the social-climbing-libtard-prostitutes of Wonkette conspire with their democratic (small 'd' intentional) party johns to take them away from me.


c. I wouldn't even make fun of Nancy Pelosi's retarded children (I'm sure she must have many), a person who actually HAS done serious and long-lasting harm to this country (unlikeTrig Palin), and she's perhaps the second-worst person on Planet Earth, First Place being occupied by a three-way tie of Hillary Clinton, Ryan Seacrest, and Kathy Griffin (each perhaps a harbinger of Antichrist?), and all four just nudging that Ama-doo-dad feller into a solid third place. There's no reason to go there, anyway: Nancy, Hillary, or Sarah are all adults, capable of defending themselves and answering their critics, even the unreasonably insane ones -- like me. Attacking children is a really douchey thing to do, and with Sarah Palin, it's become the Libtard's sport of choice. First it was Bristol, then Willow, and now, Trig. At what point does it stop? At what point do you believe you've exposed your pettiness and stupidity enough, and whatever sense of shame you still have left -- finally --kicks in?

I know, I know...If you let something akin to a sense of decency kick in, you'd never get invited to another smart cocktail-cocaine-and-forced-anal-sex party in Georgetown.


As for the author of that piece (my guess is that he learned and honed his fine journalistic skills upon only the very best gas station washroom walls), the fact that he -- after the fact, and after the outrage -- retroactively adds an inadequate apology at the top of the post, cuts no ice. The post, after all, is still there for everyone to view. Frankly, it's probably still there because without the outrage it's caused no one with two braincells to rub together would visit Wonkette anymore. If anyone over there had any class whatsoever, they'd take it down, but alas, they haven't seen traffic like this in years. A dilemma if ever there was one.

Some of the comments to this article were, if you can believe it, far more vile than the post itself.

There's talk going about the 'net about a boycott of Wonkette's sponsors (that would probably be Massengill Disposable Douches, SuperFlow Do-it-yourself Home Enema kits, and Sunstroker 2000: The Solar-powered Men's Masturbation Aid for a Greener Planet!), but I've never been a big fan of boycotts. Mostly because they're stupid, and never hurt the people they're intended to. The good people at ToadinMyHole.com (THE Homosexual Dating Service for the discerning anonymous Interstate restroom sex aficionado) or the Craig's List Adult Services Page aren't responsible for what Wonkette decides to publish, or even has a say over what is published -- the asswipes at Wonkette would scream from the rooftops about censorship if a sponsor ever demanded editorial say-so, even if Wonkette.com does sometimes, hypocritically, scream even louder for the censoring of it's political opponents -- so why should those people, with no connection other than an advertising stake, be unfairly punished?


Don't boycott the sponsors; just stop reading Wonkette. And yeah, I've 'fallen into the trap' of reposting their stupidity while imploring you to avoid it, but this is about something more important than whether or not Wonkette gets a few more readers.


It's about people who would, and do, happily echo the Left's oft-repeated mantra that, for example, a Paul Ryan Budget Plan would cause children with Down's Syndrome to have to 'fend for themselves' taking a position on one hand of standing as the defender of the weak and helpless -- to score cheap political points -- while on the other hand viciously attacking a child with Down's Syndrome -- to score cheap political points.

Wonkette claims that it's a humor site, but it's difficult to see anything funny about any of this. If anything, it's extremely educational: you now know, if you didn't know before, what the self-proclaimed, self-assured, oh-so-fashionable, self-selected 'Liberal' elite really thinks and how it behaves, despite a pretense of intellect and sophistication, or claim to the higher moral ground in all things.

Guess Who's Running for President in 2012? Part III...

Will this woman never go away?

I wonder how she'll finesse this whole Libya thing, what with her fingerprints being all over it. Then again, Her Husband finessed the whole perjury and obstruction of justice thing with Monica's fingerprints all over his Thing, so who knows? Perhaps being the professional slippery eel is the Family Business?

Hillary Clinton is yet one more shining example of how stupid -- or how disinterested -- the American Voting Public can be. People actually believed her when she said she couldn't produce her Rose Law Firm billing records, only to let the fact that they had been in a cardboard box on the White House dining room table all along, slip by without remark or outrage. They believed her whole 'Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy' nonsense.  Some even bought the crocodile tears in the 2008 election, knowing full well that Hillary was crying not because she had been treated unfairly, but because she was losing that which she had so adamantly believed was her birthright.

Despite the fact that she's as crooked as her husband's always-on-duty Pelvis Bazooka (allegedly), she managed to convince enough of the dingbats in New York state to vote her into the Senate, and they bought the whole "I'm a life-long Yankees fan' routine. Then again, most of the people who did buy that line of crap were either dependent upon Welfare, or brain-damaged libtards, so maybe that's not so surprising.

Hell, they even bought the whole 'Vince Foster committed suicide -- by shooting himself with a .38 that miraculously fires .22's, hiding the gun, and then transporting his own corpse to a Public Park' -- routine. You tell me: are people stupid or uninterested?

A vote for Hillary is simply a vote for Bill Clinton's Third Term.

Granted, in hindsight, we can now safely say that Hillary Clinton winning the Presidency in 2008 was, at the very least, the lesser of three evils -- perhaps even the Best Case Scenario given what we know now -- but not in 2012. Not in 2016. Not ever. It's time Mrs. Clinton left the stage.

She's starting to remind me of a case of herpes: you don't necessarily know where it came from, but you're pretty sure that you're never going to be rid of it.

In other Presidential News, it appears that King Barry I has, officially, thrown his crown into the race. Oh, sorry -- can't say 'race' in re: Obama. I mean, into the competition. What else was he supposed to do? Just quit? That would have been an admission of failure, and if there's one thing we know about His Heinous it's that failure is, indeed, the loneliest orphan in all the world, so far as he's concerned. Everyone else fails, but never Him. When Obama fails it's not because he advocated a bad idea, or chose the wrong policy or priority, it's because he didn't communicate his vision to the village idiots well enough.

Because we're just too stupid to understand his unparalleled brilliance.

That's why the man spent the first 15 months of his Presidency pushing a Health Care law that couldn't even be explained, and which has more landmines buried in it than the Eastern Front. Nancy Pelosi was right "We have to pass the bill to find out what's in it", but the more we learn the more we realize just why there was a 'communication gap': it's an absolute piece of crap which is an assault upon American Liberties and Pocketbooks, which was intended to pass ownership of your body to the government and push the private health care and insurance industries right out of business, while enriching the lawyers.

Obama still hasn't figured out how to explain why, if this ObamaCare thing is such a wonderful policy, 1,000 waivers (granted on the grounds of political necessity) have been issued.

Now you think about this: if you're still in the dark about what ObamaCare is supposed to accomplish, how it will be accomplished, how much it will cost, and what it means to you, the Citizen -- 27 months after the entire thing started --  is that just a minor communication issue that will be fixed by several dozen more Presidential Speeches -- with Smaller Words -- or is it an indication that something just plain smells on ice?

That's why we were treated to three years of  George Bush did this-that-and-the-other, except that Bush was (mostly) right, and when The Won adapted wholesale all the Bush policies on War and Terrorism, there was no admission of having been wrong to criticize them in the first place.

(Ed. Note: There is PLENTY to criticize GWB about, believe me, but the War on Terror was not one of them, at least in theory. Where Bush failed was in believing that the Muslim World could be reconciled, democratized and civilized instead of doing what he should have done starting September 12, 2001: kill as many of the bastards in the most hideous ways as he possibly could, caught Usama Bin Hidin', and then left a permanent scar on the collective psyche of the Muslims for centuries to come).

I don't know what, exactly, he's going to run on. I mean, you'd be hard-pressed to find an actual achievement. ObamaCare won't even be in effect come re-election time, and it might not even be in existence as even a distant memory by then, either, if the GOP manages to defund it.. Despite a rising stock market -- and by the way, I'm not so excited about a DOW 12,000, because I happen to know that 12,000 number is no closer to the truth of the real value of goods and services as Obama's pledge to Lower the Rising Seas was (more on this some other time) -- unemployment is still hovering around 10%, and in terms of underemployment, or people who have just given up looking for work, it's probably closer to 20%.

Obama practices the worst sort of crony capitalism -- something that Bush/Cheney were continually  accused of -- and doesn't even try to hide it. When Key Lay called the  White House, he was told to go fly a kite. When Jeff Immelt calls the White House, they call him 'Sir' and offer oral sex. The 'Green Energy Jobs' nonsense is a gigantic boondoggle that simply transferred public money to private investors who will never produce a viable product that the public wants. Ditto for Stimulus: it simply enabled politically-favored businesses and organizations to fatten up while the slop trough could still be filled.

But there were all those great photo-ops. Obama emerging from the surf. Obama playing golf. Obama receiving a Nobel Peace Prize for Being Black. Obama visiting the few unsoiled parts of the Gulf Coast before continuing his interminable summer vacation and filing a lawsuit against BP. I guess those sorts of images will sway some voters (i.e. those who still believe that Obama would pay their bills and fill their gas tanks, the rubes), but where the rubber meets the road, the Great Presidential Candidate Slayer question "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" will be asked, and Obama will have no answer for it, and his machinations in appearing to be answering it will be an all-too-obvious dog-and-pony show.

Of course, not all is hunky-fucking-dory on the other side of the isle, either.

The two men who could solve a good many of the most pressing national problems -- Newt Gingrich (are you running or what?) and Mitt Romney -- will have a hard time getting past the God, Guns, and Gays wing of the Republitard Party in most primaries. Gingrich changes wives and concubines more often than most men change their underwear, and Romney -- as if being a Mormon wasn't already the kiss of death in the South -- has the added, self-inflicted millstone of advocating and implementing a Socialized Medical system hanging around his neck.

Then there's the Tea Party faves, the ever-more-polished-but-ever-less-believable Sarah Palin, and the Thousand Yard Stare of Michelle Bachmann, to contend with. Both are lovely, intelligent ladies who do speak for a sizable segment of the populace, but neither has the oomph necessary to  actually win. They'll most likely play the role of spoiler in the same way that Ross Perot did for GHWB.

Then there's the Rockstar candidate, Donald Trump,a pop-culture icon who can appeal to the broad spectrum of doofuses who swallowed Obama, Clinton, and McCain as capable people. He has three advantages on his side: he's rich enough that he can't be bribed or bought, he's a successful businessman, and he's not a professional politician. These are actually qualities the people want in their leaders, these days.You dismiss him at your own peril.

Let's also not forget that the GOP also has it's own Plain Vanilla Wing of single-issue (anti-Deficit) voters who have vomited up a slew of unproven and unappealing names, Marco Rubio and Tim Pawlenty, being at the very top of the list, and of course, the new perennial Libertarian favorites -- anyone with the surname of ''Paul'.

If you're a GOP prospect your biggest fear is that the 'Establishment' GOP, represented by such stellar personalities as John Beohner and Mitch McConnell, will torpedo and cripple your candidacy before you even leave the gate, what with their blinkered belief that Modern Politics is still about the Art of Compromise and Appearing Reasonable.

It used to be an ironclad rule of electoral politics in America that one had to secure 'The Base' in order to win the Presidency, but it's getting harder and harder to identify just what each party's 'Base' is, these days. (By the way, doesn't 'Al'Qaeda', translated, mean 'The Base'?). Obama is getting pounded from the Left, while stalwart GOP'ers are pounded from the Right and Center. I don't think there's any more 'Base' left, on either side, to nail down.

Whoever wins in 2012 will be the person who succeeds in managing the Center, while keeping just enough of the near-to-center elements of his party in line to scrape out a close electoral win. We'll see if I'm right in the next two years, but the ride is going to be a very bumpy one, indeed.

On Counting Chickens Before They Hatch...

Call it The Audacity of Golf.

I read that this morning and tried to remember just how it was that we arrived at this sorry state of affairs. When I finally did, I decided the best thing to do was to get drunk in an effort to forget, but then remembered that I don't really drink, anymore. Maybe I'll take up heroin?

President O-Blah-Blah is really not up to this job. Personally, I think he's wanted to quit for quite some time, and I thought to myself that this is what happens when you elect an inexperienced person with no real qualifications to do such an important job, and then are stupid enough to believe that he might, at least, give it the Ol' College Try.

Or at least appear to be trying.

And then I had another thought (that's three in one day! Someone make it stop!) regarding some of the navel-gazing that's going on vis-a-vis the 2012 GOP nomination, and one Marco Rubio.

If I have to listen to one more 'conservative' (by the way, they don't exist anymore) scream the name 'Marco Rubio' in a presidential context this week, I'm going to start shooting people. Marco Rubio got elected to the Senate like five minutes ago, and his instant branding as Presidential Timber reminds one of the same 'conservative' ecstasy over Senator Scott Brown two years ago. Brown turned out to be just another politician --even if he was against ObamaCare.

I mean, really, you at least squeeze the bread, smell the melon, and kick the tires before you buy stuff, right? I'll bet more people put more effort and thought into buying a new cellphone then they do into their decision to pick a President.

How about we stop anointing people this-that-or-the-other before they've proven themselves? If there's anything we should have learned over the last three years, it's that jumping on the band wagons of the Tabula Rasa class of politicians -- just because they aren't part of the Washington Establishment -- sometimes just doesn't work, no matter how good it sounds? That's how we got Barry Soetoro, the Great (half-) White Dope, after all.

Just ask Ambassador John Bolton, who should be someone's Secretary of State one day, about what happens when your current Secretary of State is, like her boss, without the right experience and temperament for the job at hand. Being able to roll over and ask Bill for advice (assuming he isn't already sharing his bed with something with a barely-discernible pulse and room-temperature IQ) is not a qualification for anything, either.

If Barack Hussein Odouchebag has proven anything it's that when you elect your leadership based on the Cult of Personality rather than upon solid qualifications, you end up with a lot more to complain about and your quality of life simply shrinks under the oppressive cloud of stupidity and apathy.

Was there really anything in B.O..'s past that led you to believe he was going to fix the national economy? Was there anything there to instill confidence in his leadership skills? Did he display an extraordinary grasp of the truths of the modern world? Or were you simply desperate enough that anyone who had no discernible connection to what had gone on before in the previous two decades of American political life seemed that much a better choice? Even if he had spent a whole year-and-a-half voting "Present' on the great issues of the day, and had a Walking Menstrual Cycle of a wife (who probably gives him his orders) you'd like to feed to the wild boars one piece at a time?

Granted, the alternatives weren't all that much to write home about, either. Here were your choices in 2008:

A) Aging Cold-Warrior-Fence-Straddler with the Sexy Poster Girl for Pro Choice Governor (before she quit) of a State with More Polar Bears than People in tow. John McCain couldn't find his own ass with both hands, on a good day, and Sarah Palin finally found hers when Katie Couric and Charles Gibson (no shining lights, themselves) handed it to her on national television.

B) Carpetbagging, media-proclaimed Smartest Woman in the World who somehow didn't know her husband was screwing everything within range of his crotch, and the rancid smell of corruption clinging to every business venture in her life A woman who was so unacquainted with truth and candor that she felt compelled to invent an easily-disprovable yarn about how her parents came to decide her name?

By the way, on the subject of Hillary, Chris Matthews is getting all tingly again. My, how fickle that man can be.

That's what we had to choose from, so I guess I can see why Obama was, in retrospect, so attractive to so many dingbats. I guess they'd figure he'd grow into the job, but it's apparent that now that he has it, he doesn't want it anymore. Being President is hard work and people expect you to, you know, do stuff.

So don't give me the Marco Rubio/Paul Ryan/Eric Cantor bullshit. Those guys are in the same boat; they talk a good game, but what have they actually done, and in those achievements, can you show me something that is even remotely a qualification for POTUS? Give that crowd some more time to season -- and us more time to figure out who and what they are -- before you start putting them on national ballots.

Otherwise, you end up with a President who leaves the business of governing to the Senate and House leadership (and we see how well that's worked out), or to a bewildering array of non-elected Unknowns, and then goes on vacation every time there's an oil spill, natural disaster, war, revolution, economic emergency, or when the wife decides it's time they went to a sunny beach someplace, and took 1,000 sycophants along for the ride.

I do a lot of Obama bashing here, I admit, and I know some readers get upset over it. I want you to know that it isn't because I think Barack Obama is a bad man, it's because he's an extremely ineffectual President. I wasn't happy when he was elected, but I thought it was at least a shining moment for America, and the man had enough trouble heaped upon his plate to at least be given the benefit of the doubt. He lost that benefit the day the word ObamaCare entered the lexicon, which was like, four days after the inauguration.

It took 16 months to eventually pass that legislation, and it's been a year since it has passed, and still, no one can explain it. Fiscal year 2010 went by without a budget bill for 2011, and I'm still waiting to hear if there's going to be one coming from the White House for 2012. The national debt has nearly tripled. Unemployment is still over 10%, regardless of what the media tells you. We're still in two wars, and now have taken on a third in Libya. And I can't recall a single accomplishment of the Obama Administration since ObamaCare (a dubious one) that is actually worth a bucket of warm spit.

Gays can serve openly in the military? Yay.

A trillion-dollar stimulus which has turned out to largely be a waste of money? I'm astounded.

Naming over-budget, barley-used train stations after Joe Biden? Stop! I can't take no more!

Filing a lawsuit against BP in the teeth of one of the greatest industrial disasters in recent memory? Pure genius!

A Michelle Obama diet plan for the nation's chubby youth? My, our cups runneth over.

This is why you have to carefully weigh whether or not your candidates are truly up to the task of governing, and shouldn't be so easily seduced by the mere appearance of leadership without anything to suggest even the substance of it.

Full of Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing...

A Congresswoman gets shot, and six people, including a nine-year old girl are killed, and what happens?

Rep. Peter King (Asshat - NY) proposes a law making it illegal to be within 1,000' of a public official while in possession of a gun. I suppose this means we'll have to go back to the Good Old Days, when the really chic assassin used a sniper rifle.

Senator Dick Durban (Dingleberry - Il) decries the martial characterizations and use of crosshairs in our political debate, which he believes incites violence against Members of Congress. Apparently, people need to be whipped up into a frenzy by images to hate Congress.

Soon, I'm certain that Rep. Anthony Weiner (Jerkoff - NY) will chime in with his usual feeble offering of broad platitudes, useless metaphors, and ritual denouncement of people smarter than he is (i.e. just about everyone).

Eventually, Super-Assistant-Deputy-Sidekick-Gopher-Under-Secretary-to-the-Plenipotentiary-For-Asinine Remarks, Harry Balszac (D- Greenwich Village), a minor Obama Administration sub-functionary, will speak his peace (To DailyKos, off course) about how none of this would have happened if only Sarah Palin had just aborted her Down's Syndrome Child.

Not to be left out, Rep. Constance J. Pinke-Snapper (D-Vagina...errr...Virginia) will make the argument that being ruled by men with names that are euphemisms for the Penis (Peter, Dick, Weiner) is a proof-positive of the Gender Inequality in America's Government, that requires full federal funding for Abortions to amend.

In a way, it's almost fitting that America in the year 2011 should have overlords who's names all seem Phallocentric, and attached to men who don't know their asses from their elbows, but know how togive us all the Purple Shaft. It's also fitting that such sub-standard intellects should act and speak in blind panic when the usual bullshit that is their stock-in-trade just won't fly.

All of this nonsense was uttered in reaction to the Giffords Shooting, and all of it was, dierectly or no, encouraged by a media even dumber than the people they cover. A few observations on this entire fiasco, if I may, and then I'm not touching the subject ever again, if I can help it;

The Liberal Media, and the Congressional Douchebags who feed them, all warned us not to jump to conclusions about the identities and motives of the Fort Hood Shooter, The D.C. Snipers, The Times Square Bomber, The Underwear Bomber and others, but were themselves very quick to jump to their own conclusions here. I'm not going to rehash all of that nonsense about the use of Military Terminology and Hate Speech in our political discourse and all the rest, because it's been disseminated and rehashed everywhere by now. Besides, it's a stupid argument, and it's also a false one, because that's how libtards behave -- they try to make every argument about stupid things, and then lie about it.

Suffice to say, what we've seen in the wake of this tragedy was the democratic party's, and the left-wing's in general, deepest-held beliefs and most fervent wishes seemingly made real: they believe, with every fibre of their beings, that republicans (small 'r' intentional), conservatives (small 'c' intentional) and Tea Partiers are all potential time bombs of hatred and intolerance, just waiting for the right moment to engage in a systematic spree of assassinations, hate crimes, immigrant bashing, rape, and Anti-Semitism. They seriously wanted, no needed, Jared Loughner to be a member of the John Birch Society, have a picture of George Bush in his wallet, and to have to pray at a Sarah Palin shrine in his bedroom, because if that were so, they'd have been handed the opportunity to "take the higher moral ground" in just about any political debate.

And if they had to invent those connections from thin air, so be it. There's no rules in this game, so far as they're concerned.

Because to a leftie, everything in life becomes political and the mere appearance of the moral -- should there be a moral dimension -- is, well, that's just a fortuitous coincidence.

They have to behave this way. They have to be opportunists and sophists because they serve no useful function. They must paint their enemies, real and perceived, as the worst sorts of human beings because if the true nature of their own intentions and activities were ever discovered by the greater mass of people, there'd be many more shootings. Your typical leftard is an irresponsible douchebag who never wants to have, nor ever expects, to be in a position of power, but having found himself there decides he might as well do his best to remake society according to his own tastes -- the better to guarantee his own position and comfort. He never thinks through the consequences of what he advocates, because he never expects to actually be held responsible for them.

To paraphrase Orwell, there is no group of people in existence which serves so little useful function than the Left-wing intelligentsia (itself a contradiction in terms).

Anyways, let's get to another, related point -- undoubtedly the greater one -- which is the absolutely piss-poor quality of our Ruling Class, especially In Time of Crisis.

The Political Class in this country is a rogue's gallery of the stupid, the venal, the partisan, the hacks, the hyper-sensitive, the insensitive, the clueless, the brainless and the classless. Within it's ranks you'll find a great many petty dictators and a similar number of apparatchiks and ticket-punchers. There are the illiterate, the invisible, the criminal, and the spastic. A great many of them are infected with the worst sorts of narcissism, compulsive disorders, and anal retention issues. I'd wager half are sex-fiends, and the other half gay, or in love with their cocker spaniels. All are certainly in love with the sounds of their own voices. They can be, generally, counted upon to operate under the premise that "half a loaf is the same as no bread"; anytime a "compromise" is ever reached, it is usually a necessary political tactic by one side or another, or because the issue at hand is of, literally, no worth or consequence, or largely symbolic. In any eventuality, they can be expected to exercise as little reasoned judgement as possible, and display an unerring instinct to do The Absolute Wrong Thing, but usually The Absolute Worst Thing.

But, they are certainly experts in how to spout stupidity (Washington D.C. is the Old Faithful of Crapspeak, I'd bet), what with their petty and ridiculous "no guns within 1,000' of a federal official" bullshit, and pleading for speech codes and new laws against Free Expression -- because that's how Congress always reacts in the wake of a tragedy: they over-react, retroactively, and expensively, then slam the barn door shut long after the horse has shit and run away. It's why you have to get felt up at the airport, after all. The REAL point: that mental patients are roaming the streets and looking to shoot Congresscritters because we can't put them in institutions where they can get help, and we can be made safe from them, is beyond Congresses capacity to see.

Mostly because locking up the loonies would make sense, which is why the Kings, Durbins, and Weiners of the world don't get it. The premise is too clear-cut, too simple, it can't be clouded and obscured by the usual fatuity that passes for political dialogue and debate in this country. As an added obstacle: should the problem of the Jared Loughners ever be solved by legislators, no one individual would be able claim any credit or distinction for it; the public at large would simply believe that was what Congress should have been doing all along, and why the hell should someone get a pat on the back for simply doing his job? In American politics, if there's no "giving" of something special to your voting bloc -- whether it's Prayer in Public Schools and Free Flame Throwers for Everyone on one side, or Free Medical Insurance and Unfettered Free Abortions For All on the the other -- then it just doesn't get done.

Hence, the puerile argument over crosshairs, heated rhetoric, talk radio, and Left-and-Right-this-that-and-the-other. It's all designed to cover the fact that neither side knows what the fuck it's doing, has any clue as to what it should be doing, nor has any sense of decency. If they had any intention of getting anything done, or the ability to do it, there'd be money for mental hospitals.

These people are now frightened to death; the mid-term elections put fear into their bellies, democrat and republican, alike. And now they're also having to face the possibility that they might be hunted down in public by lunatics -- lunatics they've largely let loose with their policies, by the way -- and they've gone hysterical. They don't know what to do about it, and you can actually see them squirming, if you look close enough. The democratic party's "cool it" rhetoric is similar to how one would speak when confronted by a mugger "okay, pal...take it easy....I'm getting my wallet...just be cool...don't ass-rape me, please?". The republican reaction is also typical; play politics, badly, assume the position of Martyrs, and try to position yourself on both sides of the fence (they call this "bi-partisanship" or "being above the fray") hoping that you don't scrape your scrotum on the barbed wire you're straddling.

Somebody ought to remind Rep. King of the existence of the Second Amendment ,and that gun rights are one of the planks in the GOP platform. His is one of the dumbest and most self-serving, and nakedly transparent ideas to come down the pike since John Kerry's infamous "I voted against it before I voted for it" word vomit. You can't have it both ways, Congressman.

If you ever needed a clearer example of just what is wrong with this country, then you got a snootfull this past weekend; idiotic politician, clueless media, and gun-toting mental patient all came together to make a splendid mess, one that exposes the foundation of absolute crap upon which the American Political System is currently built.

Some Predictions for 2011...

I normally don't do this, but someone asked for it. His name and address will be withheld for his own personal safety. I'm not Nostradamus, and come to think of it, he was an Asshole: if his "predictions" are so damned good, how come they only make sense AFTER something happens? What kind of useless power is that?

Anyways, here's some things that I can see happening in America in the year 2011;

1. Hillary Clinton quits as Secretary of State, and announces her candidacy for President in 2012. She will talk up a heady Far-Left agenda in an attempt to outflank Obama with the disaffected pseudo-revolutionaries, aging hippies, and welfare queens of the New Left. This new-and-more-Lefty Hillary will be in marked contrast to the woman who spent the four years prior to 2008 positioning herself as a moderate, and has changed positions more often than Bill and Monica did. This transparently dishonest charade will go completely unremarked upon by anyone at (P)MSNBC. No one will call her a "quitter" for leaving the Senate, or abandoning her post as Secretary of State, because only Republican Woman ever quit to take better jobs and more money. When a Libtard does it, it's all in the name of Public Service, which somehow always means you leave Public Service with a really big bank account. The only thing worse than a Hilliary Clinton victory in 2012 will be the sight of Bill doing the pimp-walk back into the White House.

2. Mitt Romney will become the GOP front-runner for President in 2012 in the early polling, but will eventually be defeated in his quest to become Leader of the Free World because no one will vote for him in the Bible belt, where being a Mormon is synonymous with "Devil Worshiper" and "Baby Rapist", and only slightly better than "Catholic". This will leave the GOP hard-pressed to find a decent candidate that doesn't creep people out, have a secret pedophile past, bore them to death with invocations of the deity, or talk like a Tea-partier-but-possess-a-democrats-record. Which means that Mike Huckabee somehow sticks around far longer than he has any right to expect to bore the bejesus out of us with all his Jesus talk, and somehow manages to wrangle a VP slot from whatever hybrid Country Club-Inbred Redneck republican candidate the Tea Party happens to choose for them.

3. Michelle Obama finally fesses up, and reveals a secret so shocking that you will be amazed that it was successfully kept for all these years; she is actually a post-op transsexual, and used to play power forward at an NCAA Division I school that actually made it to the Sweet Sixteen, but was ultimately defeated by (who else?) Duke; a game in which she scored 12 points, and had 4 rebounds, coming in off the bench, but ultimately, fouled out, her sharp elbows more curse than aid that day. President Obama, stunned by the news, deals with this mighty personal blow by taking yet another vacation, this time to do some soul-searching and to re-evaluate his life, in Jamaica, Amsterdam, Las Vegas and Tierra Del Fuego. Upon his return, he and Michelle reconcile their differences over a game of HORSE in the Rose Garden.

4. Sarah Palin does what every woman does at least once in her life, given the opportunity. She entices the "return to the 1950's" wing of the Republican party right down to the very last second in 2011, showing a flash of political leg here, heaving a breathless, bosomy rhetorical sigh there, winking at the True Believers, batting her Conservative eyelashes at the Falling-All-Over-Themselves-Just-to-Be-Close-To-Her. She'll take their money. She'll drink in their adoration. She'll laugh at their stupid jokes, and playfully giggle at their innuendo, or perhaps, give a speech that gently caresses the back of their hands, before quickly withdrawing her lightest, gossamer touch. When the date is over, as they're standing on the front porch in that moonlit-awkward moment, she'll give them a handshake goodnight, trot out the old I-had-a-great-time-don't-call-me-I'll-call-you-quickly-duck-inside-slam-the-door-routine, and avoid those disappointed Conservatives at the Malt Shop for the rest of the school year. That's right, Sarah Palin eventually turns out to be a political cocktease, because she can't win, and hell, there's more money to be made soaking the rubes and getting free publicity out of your fertility.

5. Senator John McCain suffers a debilitating stroke or heart attack, and must step down from his by-now-largely-ceremonial post as Senator from Arizona. In the ensuing special election, McCain is ultimately succeeded by the GEICO Gecko, who has now also become the Official State Bird of Arizona (conservative commentators will remark that such things must be expected in a state populated by a growing number of Alzheimer's cases and illegal aliens who can't read the English ballots, and consequently, have no fucking clue just what they're voting for in the first place). The U.S. Senate will honor McCain with a Minute of Anti-Aircraft-Fire-and-Loud-Voices-Screaming-In-Vietnamese on the Senate Floor. In addition, Congress will authorize the John McCain Memorial Border Gate, a cardboard door mounted upon a single, rusty hinge, placed at a strategic gap in the Border Fence that will be opened or closed on alternate days in recognition of the Senator's principled stand on the issue of illegal immigration, and of his Herculean efforts to secure America's borders. *

6. Osama Bin Laden will make an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. having been granted the necessary travel and work visas by the Obama Administration. After yukking it up with Jay for an evening, bin Laden will be invited to the White House where President Obama will apologize profusely about all those close-call Predator strikes, and promises that it won't happen again if only Al'Qaeda pinkie-swears not to be mean to us anymore. Bin Laden agrees, but the deal is suddenly called off when Joe Biden spills his soup in Bin Laden's lap, and steals the cherry off his Parfait Desert, when no one is looking. The next day, there is a mushroom cloud billowing over Los Angeles, and President Obama will take great decisive action by going on vacation after this exhausting round of successful negotiations, which Chris Matthews will call "the greatest feat of American diplomacy, evah!" just as the fallout begins to descend on the east side of the Rockies.

7. Someone will, finally, shoot Rep. Anthony Weiner (Douche - NY) and Senator Charles Schumer (Dingbat - NY), two of the most annoying people to ever walk the face of the Earth. Schumer will survive the assassination attempt, if only because the .38 caliber bullet fired from a range of seven feet did not possess the power to actually penetrate his thick skull, and bulletproof inanity. Weiner, however, will not fare so well; his killer knew enough to shoot Weiner in the ass -- which was closer to his brain -- and after 72 hours of being kept alive by various machines, a little-known provision of ObamaCare kicks in, in which Weiner's plug must be pulled, his friends and family mercilessly teased by hospital staff, his organs harvested and auctioned to the highest (foreign) bidder, and his remains cremated and sold to be used as an additive to kitty litter. By such methods, American health care is kept as affordable and efficient as ever, and the populace is reassured that there is, indeed, Cosmic Justice.**

8. President Obama will return from a minimum of five vacations this year. It will be remarked that Air Force One works harder than he does, and the person who makes that remark will be shouted down by the media for being the absolute worst of racists. Two days later, Al Sharpton will remark that White People want to burn Black Babies in the Womb, and Infect the Black Elderly with Ebola , and he'll be applauded by the same media for his superior"Social Conscience", and actually taken seriously.

9. Nancy Pelosi will finally have that exorcism that she's been putting off for the last three decades. In the process, we will find out that the woman who became Speaker of the House and ran roughshod over the Constitutional Process, was actually a demon named Larry from the 345th layer of the Abyss, who has no idea how it was that he came to be entwined with the soul of Pelosi, as he thought he was catching a train to Scarsdale. In an exclusive interview with People magazine, Larry will tell the harrowing tale of being trapped inside such an unattractive body, but lift your spirits with his "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade..." philosophy, which he discovered when he came to painful terms with his imprisonment; If you're going to be stuck inside a cast-iron bitch with a black soul that frightens even the demonspawn, you might as well make the best of it. He takes credit for the devious manner in ObamaCare was passed, and the $14 trillion National Debt. Larry will later be the hands-down winner of the Hellspawn Award, given in recognition of great contributions to Earthly Chaos and Black-hearted Evil, and personally decorated for his actions by Satan himself. Of course, Larry will be wearing Chanel on the Big Evening, and simply can't wait for the Joan Rivers Red Carpet interview.

10. Vice President Joe Biden will have emergency surgery to remove a small fragment of brain lodged in his skull. In a daring, never-before-tried medical procedure (paid for by the Gold-plated private medical insurance that all members of the Executive Branch were given for free under Obamacare), doctors will try to perform the first Anoencephaloplasty, in which they will try to save the brain fragment by implanting it in Biden's rectum. They decide this risky maneuver is the safest and most logical thing to do, seeing as how Biden's head is already firmly ensconced within his asshole. The operation will be a success, and Biden will have finally learned his alphabets, and to tie his shoes. These accomplishments make him the hands-on favorite to win the democratic nomination for 2012. As the Vice President convalesces, President Obama takes a quick trip to Rio De Janiero for Mardi Gras, and then plays a month of golf in Scotland.

* = we here at the Asylum certainly do not wish any misfortune upon Senator McCain.

** = we here at the Asylum certainly do wish the worst-possible misfortunes upon Rep. Weiner and Sen. Schumer, we're just not advocating that someone actually take any action in that regard, nor that anyone should take it upon themselves to go hunting for these men.

Girls, Girls, Girls!

I had occasion to go into Manhattan yesterday (see next post for details). It was raining to beat the band here in New York, and a wet commute into the city is pretty much always something extremely unpleasant. Most people would rather have their wisdom teeth yanked out -- via their rectum -- than have to deal with a commute from Staten Island to Manhattan: standing on the train platform in the rain, the soggy ferry ride, the having to dodge the spray from cabbies who don't see (or just don't care about) the rain-filled potholes.

It's even worse to have to do it in a suit which you're to used to wearing, and, horror of horrors, dress shoes that you've just spent two hours the night before shining within an inch of their lives (I have a fetish for always having my shoes properly shined. It's compulsive, I think), which will now be ruined because of all this water. Don't get me started on what the wet does to my carefully-creased pants (I like sharp creases and stiff cuffs). And besides; I so rarely wear dress shoes these days that it often hurts to do so for any length of time, especially when your feet get wet.

On a day like that, you have to find any reason you can to justify the trip (besides the prospect of money, of course), to find some way to positively occupy your mind, because otherwise the combination of miserably wet platform, miserably crowded train, miserably cramped ferry, the dreaded trip from West Side to East Side through flooded streets, just might be enough to turn you back. I didn't really need to make this trip, you know. You need to find something positive to think about, something inspiring to push you forward.

Thank you, Ladies, for giving me a reason to continue my arduous journey!

I must have awoken in one of THOSE moods yesterday, because I don't think I missed a thing.

The "Snooki" look is alive-and-well here on the Island. Velour track suits, with the shirt/top just short enough to show everyone your muffin top are all the rage amongst the young girls. When I say "young" I mean, ohhh, probably the 16-30 year olds. This is how the Goombahs (blue-collar Italian men) used to dress; it wasn't attractive on them, and it's even less-attractive on a woman. And a lot of you seem to be busting the zippers up top, too.

When they aren't rocking Snooki, they're going for a more sophisticated-upper-crust look, and wearing what appear to be riding clothes. I think they used to be called jodhpurs, a sort of ultra-tight-fitting pants with velvet or suede lining the inside of the thighs. This is very sexy, for two reasons: first, who doesn't like tight pants on a woman who has the proper assets? Second, that suede is sort of like a visual cue, which cannot help but draw the eye in a line from knee to crotch -- right this way, boys! I wonder if they realize...?

Then you notice that they're wearing 'em so tight that cameltoes begin to abound. I'm sorry, but there's something about cameltoes that just turn me off; you might as well just break it out and show it to everyone after that. Really, we won't be shocked: we've already pretty much seen it all already, thanks. Once you notice the cameltoe, the vision is ruined. You manage to shrug off the bitter taste of disappointment, to make yourself a brand-spankin'-new discovery:

Geeky chicks are looking pretty damned good these days! Whatever libtard political pundits have to say about her womb and political beliefs, Sarah Palin seems to have had a most-unusual affect upon the fashions of the day; glasses are in. The "Natural Look", with little makeup, is back. So are pony tails and up-doos, and...glasses. Dorothy Parker was wrong: this man definitely makes passes at girls who wear glasses! Always did, probably always will, Especially when they wear tight jeans and now-clingy t-shirts made even moreso by the humidity and rain.

I just might make the trip again tomorrow specifically to try and get me one!

Arriving in Manhattan, you become aware of another trend: the artsy-fartsy city types are dressing like 1960's go-go dancers. Tight leotards, elastic-sided knee boots. They're going braless. It's fun to watch on a bouncing bus that lurches to a screeching halt at every red light, or every traffic bottleneck. Sorry to all of you who caught me staring, but I'm male, and can't help it. I'm just wondering if I was drooling at some point.

My trip took me from South Ferry to the East Side, which meant a trip through the outskirts of Chinatown. What I saw was amazing, and I found myself wondering; when did Asian chicks get nice, rounded behinds? Hell, when did they get hips, and wonder-of-wonders, C-cups? It seems as if the American diet, heavy on hormone-injected meat and poultry, has finally had an effect on the latest generations of Asian women that is sure to please every red-blooded American male.They're even wearing make-up now, too! I need to get out more! There were hundreds of them!

The ride home was just as...umm...entertaining.

We Men used to mark the arrival of June in New York by one obvious change in the prevailing fashions, because that's when the short skirts-and-barelegged-look marked the official beginning of Summer. When I worked downtown, from June to mid-September was a time of little work, and numerous cigarette breaks to go out and take a look at the women on the street. Now, it seems women are going all out to look sexy all-year round. I think they always were, but it appears as if nowadays it has all been elevated to a fine art. It made an otherwise dreadful journey a rather delightful experience.

If the City government made an effort to let Men all over the world know just what beauties we have roaming the streets on a rainy fall day, tourism would increase tenfold!

I have to get out more.

What's Wrong With The Establishment?

The Closet Conservative asks "WTF is Going On With Krauthammer"?

Here's your answer:

People like Rove, Krauthammer and Peggy Noonan (who all swore that Obama was a moderate, or would be reined in by the realities of governance) are really no different than the "liberals" ("libertines") they rail against.

They went to the same schools, have similar backgrounds and experiences, attend the same cocktail parties, belong to the same Country Clubs, have the same friends, and the same thought process; Their hope is that all the problems of this country can be solved by throwing someone else's money at them -- only a "conservative" believes he can do it cheaper so as to provide a moral basis under which he may keep more of his own. Liberals hide their own miserly ways by transferring responsibility for paying for anything by evoking the collective (i.e. "The Government", "Society", etc.).

The major differences revolve around their own peculiar mental constipations; the Libtards still find the struggle for Socialism to be a romantic pastime, the Old Guard R's are still fighting the Cold War. One side wants to relive the Age of Aquarius, the other pines for a lost vision of an America that never really existed except in a Norman Rockwell painting. Both are out to tell you how you should live, and how you may thank them for overpaying for the privilege of their enlightened guidance.

Both Establishment Republican and Democrat are deathly afraid of the prospect of having to work for a living like everyone else, or worse, of being in a position where they will have to actually live with the consequences of all the things they've advocated (or legislatively enacted) for everyone else. That's when they aren't in mortal fear of being exposed (and prosecuted) for the retarded crooks most of them truly are.

In between this Scylla and Charybdis is the greater mass of the American public which is tired of being lectured to and robbed blind by both sides. Sarah Palin is not so much a leader of this force as much she is an opportunist; She has identified the need this mass has for a visible face, and taken advantage of it. I don't dislike her -- I used to cream, figuratively, over her -- but now I wouldn't follow her through my own front door, even if I agree with her 90% of the time. Her "success" is less about HER (and her supposed political skills) and more about US.

Voting anti -establishment pisses these folks off because the party apparatus has much (other-people's) money invested in them. The purpose of getting elected has become an exercise not so much in responsible governance, but in how to use the levers of power to dole out patronage, or to try to enact policies that will affect the actions and behaviors of the masses in a way that's favorable to oneself and his confederates. And shareholders (i.e. campaign contributors).

A few loose threads:

* On John McCain: he lost because he was a Bad Candidate who couldn't beat an empty suit that gave Good Speeches. When McCain should have shown Leadership, he opted for Drama instead, before pulling a reverse-Kerry on TARP ("I voted against it before I voted for it"). Palin was not going to "save" him, and her only contribution was to make McCain look like an idiot for choosing someone so obviously Not-Ready-for-Primetime. Not that this mattered so much to the Other Side, did it? McCain made the choice easy with his scattershot theatrics and inability to adequately identify and explain the problems of the day in way that gave him an aura of command.

John McCain looked like a doddering, clueless old man, and so he stampeded the independents into Barack Obama's camp. They took a flier on "Hope!" instead of "Duh!"

* I loved GWB, but he was only elected because he uttered "Jesus is my favorite political philosopher", and then re-elected because the thought of another 9/11 with Kerry/Edwards in charge was too terrible to contemplate. If Bush -- father and son -- was a "real" conservative, you'd never know it.


* On the term "RINO": It refers specifically in "conservative" circles to people who don't espouse the complete "God-Guns-and-Gays" agenda of the Pantybunched Right. Rudy Guiliani was far more conservative than both Bushes put together, and he could never make it through a Republican presidential primary. You can be a fiscally-responsible, law-and-order, pro-growth republican, but if you don't promise to frogmarch gays to the ovens, execute the abortionists and put prayer back in the public schools, then you're a RINO.

But now the people WANT an Army of Guilianis, and this frightens the Establishment on both sides. They're not inclined to vote social issues right now, and this threatens Rove's/Kruathammer's/Noonan's ricebowl, as well as discrediting the Religious Right/Recipient-Class Left coalitions that these people have spent the last 30 years assembling, talking up -- and milking for a living.

Buchannan: McCain Won By Being A Douche...

Who knew Pat Buchannan was still alive? Who the fuck taught him how to use a computer? When does he go back on his meds?

Pasty wails today about the unseemly electoral tactics of John McCain in his defeat of The Joker-Look-Alike Contest Runner-Up, J.D. Hayworth.

A few quibbles, if I may, Mr. Buchanan:

1. J.D. Hayworth is not an "authentic" anything, let alone conservative. His kind of "conservatism" is a tribal affiliation, little more than the wearing of gang colors. Then again, neither is McCain a conservative. In the race between neither-really-a-conservative "Douchebag" and "Shit Sandwich", the people of Arizona chose "Douchebag" as the lesser of two evils. This, unfortunately, is the state of American electoral democracy today. In a perfect world, neither man would have been on the ballot. Why don't you write something about that tragedy, Patsy?

2. In the Obama-McCain race of 2008, I don't recall you being quite so critical of McCain, except for your appearances on MSNBC as resident-curmudgeon-in-chief, where there's a check involved, I imagine. In your own personal dilemma of Douchebag-vs-Shit-Sandwich-and-which-do-I-criticize-more-on-TV, you grudgingly supported Douchebag McCain too, if only because to do otherwise would have been a tacit approval of Obama.

3. Don't suddenly get bent out of shape because you've just NOW realized that politics is a dirty profession. I suggest that your disgust at the process has less to do with McCain's tactics as much as it does with his victory, because if you could do to a democrap what McCain did too Hayworth, you'd do so with an indecent haste.

4. How is it that someone still pays you for your opinions? You are the Al Sharpton of the Pantybunched Right.

5. This quote is quite puzzling...
　

"But if the GOP takes the advice of its establishment,
and the neocons who seek power to start another war, and walks away from
cultural, social and moral issues, which are far more popular than the party
itself, folks who care about the character of the country and national identity
should walk away from that party, and find outliers who will pick up the banner
and carry it forward..."

...coming, as it does, from one of those very same "establishment" figures in GOP politics, i.e. YOURSELF.

And what the fuck is a "neocon"? Ever since that term has come into common parlance, it seems that it's only possible definition is "a republican that doesn't agree with Me,and just cave to my ridiculous demands", and has been freely used by both the Communism-is-good-Left and the Taliban-Has-Some-Good-Points-Right. If it is, as I take it to mean "a republican who is willing to find common ground and consensus where that is possible, for the common good, even if it means telling the Church Pikers to fuck off", then this makes a nonsense of this little bit of stupidity in the very next paragraph;

Americans motivated by causes need to maintain their freedom and independence of both parties, forming what George W. Bush liked to call "alliances of the willing.

This is rich: in one paragraph you denounce the "Neocon" War-starters, and then cite George W. Bush (with whom the term "Neocon" originated), as a shining example of enlightened leadership? Do you even read what you write, anymore, Pat?

This is Why I've Stopped Calling Myself a Conservative..

Ann Coulter is somehow an enemy of Conservatives?

Coulter may be a lot of things: she can sure write a book, and make an argument. She can cause the Libtards to wail and gnash their teeth in agony. She's a smart lady, even if she can't pick a Presidential winner to save her life.

But an enemy of conservatives? Never. She's just committed the mortal sin (in conservative politics, anyways) of exercising her own (better) judgement. If there's anything that drives the perpetually-panty-bunched crazy it's a lack of mindless orthodoxy, you know, that thing they often ascribe to their political opposite numbers --- and in that context, describe as a mental defect.

This "debate" is mostly symptomatic of what's really wrong with modern Conservatism; it's lack of pragmatism, and the hijacking of the term itself.

If you are a Conservative, then you should be, by definition, in favor of defending the values of Classical Liberalism, as they apply to American life. What you seek to conserve is that which was created by (Classically) liberal means. The most basic of these values are these:

a) Freedom of expression, association, conscience and religion

b) The ability to question, audit, examine, and even challenge, authority

c) The right to exercise those freedoms without having your column dropped, and your personal e-mail exposed by a website that no one in his right mind reads anymore, and which uses the word "God" the way most people use commas.

World Net Daily is, of course, free to hire and employ anyone they wish to. They should just stop pretending that their decision to drop Coulter as regular contributor had anything to do with "conservatism". I used to read WND regularly, and they're a bunch of morons who wouldn't know real "conservatism" if it bit them on the ass. If it can't be viewed though the simple mindset of God-Guns-and-Gays, then it isn't a subject worthy of "Real" conservatism to the WND type.

Somehow, many self-proclaimed conservatives have forgotten that individuals have rights. Usually because there are some aspects of individual freedom which conflict with religious dogma, and because today's Christian has often been robbed of the capacity to rationally reconcile the two. This causes him to lose the ability to compromise, or even to admit that he might not always be right.

They are right in some respects; abortion is an abomination, and gays should not be married if only to preserve the traditions of the institution. But to object to someone taking a speaking engagement because you believe the people she's speaking to are disgusting sinners whom the Good Lord has decided to punish with AIDS, is taking things a smidgen too far. You are, in effect, arguing that Ann Coulter's freedom of speech and associations, the gay group's right to invite whoever they decide they want to listen to, can't co-exist with your right to be a bunch of Bible-Thumping douchebags.

This idea that Christians are a put-upon and oppressed group that has no political power, and which is continually victimized by libertine society has finally gotten to the point where I can't stand to listen to it anymore. You're beginning to sound like Al Sharpton does when it comes to race, and it's off-putting, as well as infantile. And while you cry about all the intolerance for the Christian point of view, you show an astounding amount of intolerance for your enemies; What happened to the Christian virtues of "Turn the Other Cheek", "Love thy neighbor" or "Love the Sinner, but Hate the Sin?"

Oh, right. That was all propaganda; Jesus didn't really mean to love that particular Sinner, he really meant something else entirely, you see.

Scream all you want about Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck, and how they're reviving the "Old and Forgotten America", pulling in half-a-million people at a rally, and that somehow this is living proof of a Christian revival in America; most of the people there didn't show up to pray -- they went because they want a fucking job, lower taxes, and no part of ObamaCare, and this was a better way of showing their displeasure with their government than firebombing the White House would be. The truth is that Palin and Beck are starting to get on my nerves, too.

It's not that I disagree with them,or most of the Stick-up-their-Ass Conservatives; I don't, on most subjects, it's just that they're insufferable douchebags in action. As soon as they get off the"This is our country, and these are our rights" stuff and mention that word...God...they lose me, mostly because they use it as a marketing tool to differentiate themselves from the democrats they'd like to replace, or Keith Olbermann.

And that's what the morons at World Net Daily are: insufferable douchebags who on the one hand bemoan that the world does not pay heed to, nor tolerate their values -- the values espoused by the Constitution, those values that made America great, and of which they claim to be the great defenders -- while on the other, they deny that very courtesy they reserve for themselves to one of their own because she extended those rights and courtesies to another group of people condemned by the Almighty.

I'll bet half the people who think this way are probably closet fags, themselves, and twice as bad and insufferable as most liberals. At least you can get a libtard to shut up by saying, as loudly as you can, so as to draw attention "what if we replaced the word "Chardonnay" with"Black"or "Woman"? Would you find it funny then? Well, would you...?"

Doesn't matter what the subject or context is; that line always stops 'em dead in their tracks.

I stopped calling myself a Conservative once I had realized that most of the people who were doing likewise were some of the stupidest sons-of-bitches I had ever seen in my life, who didn't have a thought in their head that wasn't in some way lifted right out of Scripture, or planted there by Pastor Bob after he got in a quick reach-around and a $10 donation. They compound this stupidity by failing to realize that much of what they advocate for (mostly, their advocacy is against this or that) would make them indistinguishable from the Taliban.

Ann Coulter should be able to speak about conservatism, or any other subject, she wants, to anyone she chooses to grace with her intelligence and eloquence.

Something Annoying...

With regards to the double-edged sword of Obama Criticism by those "on the right";

We hear almost every day that President Odickhead is in over his head. He lacks Executive Experience, and this makes him an ineffective leader, as well as contributes to his confusion about how "government should work". We are beginning to hear the brilliant formulation that Obambi "never really wanted this job" (nah, he only spent half-a-billion of other people's money, and invented 57 states to visit, and took all the Birther and Jeremiah Wright stuff for shits and giggles). They suggest that, maybe, he takes far too many vacations and breaks, because he's not up to the task of governing? He's totally unqualified for the office, runs roughshod over the Constitution leading some to question if he has ever even read it. He's a tool of the Left -- or worse -- of the Evil Triad of Emanuel, Pelosi and Reid.

That's when he isn't a total tool of the Unions and the environMENTALISTS, and George Soros, and that when he isn't mollycoddling terrorists and bowing to foreign potentates. He's a Manchurian Candidate from Hawaii and Indonesia, sent to restore the Comintern. He's capable of trying to turn the United States into a New Soviet Union (on a bad day), or a new Greece (on a good one), apparently all by himself, and despite his lack of acumen and ability, which is just an act, you know.

They complain that his "vision" is Un-American, that term typically being defined by the same people who bought George W. Bush's "Jesus is my favorite political philosopher" spiel. American-ess is now being judged by what church you attend, whether or not you wear the flag on your lapel, and all that which passes muster with a crowd of people, who, if they could, would burn fags at the stake, and frog-march abortionists to the ovens. And do so cheerfully if their Pastor told them it was the will of the Almighty. He's arrogant, continually turning a deaf ear to the will of the"American People".

Why, Barack Obama is perhaps the worst thing to happen to America since Jimmy Carter, Disco and the Pet Rock hit us all in the same decade. He is an unmitigated disaster of Biblical Proportions, so bad that even the people in Zimbabwe, Sudan, Outer Mongolia and East Buttfuck, Bangladesh laugh at us. He is a a National Embarrassment, so much so that even the 52% who actually voted for this douchebag are ashamed to admit it in public.

Why,Obama is soooo godawfully-bad that he's made it perfectly safe for Black Conservatives to come out of the woodwork, show themselves at Tea Parties, and even to call for his Impeachment in public.

Then, when something happens (an Oil Spill, a foiled Terrorist Attack, and so forth), and the man who isn't qualified to run the local Taco Bell, who has no business being in the White House for his lack of experience and qualifications, the Man with the Absolute Worst Judgement on Planet Earth, somehow becomes the Only Man on Earth who can and should provide "leadership". And he gets hammered when he can't do it.

Suddenly, when it becomes convenient, the Punditocracy on the Right demands that He be everything they say He cannot, nor ever, be.

Now, I agree that Barack Obama will go down in history as the worst American President Evah, provided we aren't all made extinct by an Iranian or North Korean nuke. He is probably the last Black Man who will ever reach such heights in my lifetime, setting the cause of Civil Rights back 100 years. He will, historians will say, have done the impossible:Obama will have made George W. Bush seem Regal, John McCain seem saner, and Hillary Clinton appear to have been the better choice all along. He will have made Sarah Palin a billionaire and Kingmaker of the Right. He will have made Jimmy Carter appear to have been smarter than he ever was, and Joe Biden seem a goddamned statesman of the First Rank.

It's apparent to me that Barack Obama couldn't lead a three-year old to the crapper without a Blue-Ribbon Commission and a 2,500-page piece of legislation that no one will read before voting on, and only after he's made a dozen Potemkin-village stops to rally the Union Workers being paid to attend the rally and feign enthusiasm. I get it. I got it a very long time ago. However, could we PLEASE stop with the endless parade of "conservative" flapping rectums on TV who make the wild swing from "Obama's Utterly Incompetent" to "Obama Should Suddenly Get Competent"?

Quite frankly, I'm damned happy that he's not"engaged". I'm ecstatic that he plays golf three times a week and makes as much time for the wife and kids as he can. I'm tickled to death that he spends half his time flying from staged-event-to-staged-event, re-fighting battles that have already been won (that, incidentally, is the stock-in-trade of the Civil Rights/Community Organizer crowd. It's what they do because they are allergic to original thought and hard work) . I'm so happy I could shit that Obama spends less time in the Oval Office than the (presumably) Illegal Alien who cleans it every night.

Why?

Because an "engaged" Obama always results in higher taxes, more government, the destruction of the free enterprise system, transparent pandering to every "victim" group under the Sun, charges of racism where none exist, panic in the markets, uncertain Allies, more-brazen enemies, more debt, fewer jobs, more misery. When Obama is not thinking "wouldn't it be cool if...." , and then actually working to see it come to fruition, I feel safer, and better. Imagine what kind of damage he could do if he were actually qualified for the job...and trying!

I understand the nature of political criticism is "damned if you do, damned if you don't", but the recent criticism seems, to someone who actually agrees with most of it, to be exceedingly gratuitous. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. It's like kicking three-legged, blind puppies. It's like hunting turtles with a power drill. It's that's easy, and requires little in the way of sophisticated thought, or preparation. It's getting to be almost as annoying as those stupid horns at the World Cup. You can't make the case for incompetence one day, and then --mystically -- demand it from the man the next, and expect me to take you seriously.

I'm not defending Il Doofay, nor his Insane Clown Posse. They deserve most of what they get. I'm just annoyed at the pundits who apparently assume we're all dummies who need to be reminded every day of just what is happening (or not happening) in this country.

Quod erat demonstrandum -- the thing speaks for itself. You can make a point or two for the really dense people in the room -- the ones who might be obsessed with 16 and Pregnant, or Jersey Shore, but the rest of us don't need the constant repetition and Power Point slide shows. This continual hammering upon a single theme is, in part, why Republicans lost so badly in 2008 -- they did the same thing and repeated the"the terrorists will get you"meme 700 times a day. Eventually, it turns people off, even the ones who agree with you, because it wearies the ears.

Now, as for the flapping rectums on the Left, who go out there to defend President Asshole -- You've pissed me off, too.

I'm getting rather tired and annoyed with you, too. While the Right-wingers get on the TV and yap-yap-yap like poodles, ad nauseum, about what is painfully obvious to a brain-damaged hedgehog, you guys simply look into a camera and lie. There's not even a question as to whether or not you're being truthful, because your pronouncements defy the evidence of my eyes and ears. I can tell you don't even believe the crap you spout, because you look so ridiculous trying to defend it. There was one democratic dickhead on Fox last night who tried to brazen out the fallacious idea that Barack Obama was the best thing to happen to America since penicillin.

That he looked guilty as hell as he did it -- like a schoolboy who has wet his pants in the presence of the Headmaster -- that he gave you not the slightest indication that any of his defense was waged with any real conviction. It was too much to hide from the camera. I realize that this is your bread-and-butter, but goddamn it, at least try to make a logical case for what you argue instead of trying to turn turds into silver coins, and when you can't even make a good argument, then at least have the good grace to shut the fuck up.

I suppose that we're reduced to this 3rd-grade level of political criticism (on both sides) because this is, for better or worse, a country inhabited by mouth-breathing morons. This is the same public who pays far too much attention to some publicity-whore dipshit with 8 kids, or which considers NASCAR, Lady Gaga and American Idol to be entertainment of the highest caliber. I understand that we have created a country full of idiots, run by and for the benefit of idiots, and that, therefore, our political discourse will naturally be idiotic. It's not in the least to be wondered at that the people who make their livings on criticism will often be bigger idiots, themselves (The Poli-Sci majors and ex-lawyers who make up the Punditocracy often turn out to be the biggest, dumbest, assholes you'll ever meet. They're like fanatical ex-smokers, the In-crowd that snubbed you in High School, and Jehovah's Witnesses all-rolled-up-into-one).

I'm just wondering when intelligence will make it's way back into our conversations -- on any subject at all -- and this cheap, "gotcha!" opportunism, from both parties, will come to an end.

Maybe I'm asking for too much?