Douchebag of the Week (2/28/10): Louise Slaughter...

(Note: This feature is a bit early this week, as I have much to do on Monday, and blogging will be light-to-nonexistant).

Louise Slaughter (Dingbat, NY) is living proof that no matter what the biological experts have told you, a mule most certainly CAN successfully reproduce...and the end result will be some kind of stubborn, butt-ugly, impenetrably-stupid sort of beast with ungainly features, which emits a loud, ungodly-nasal braying sound that sets the nerves on end so badly that it can cause your scrotum to jump back into your chest cavity.

The Beast can bray all day long, but once you get used to it it's like any other background noise -- after it's initial shard-of-broken-glass-like shock -- and you begin to ignore it, to filter it out. Your subconscious mind decides that if you take this seriously, if you continue to listen to the noise, you will be driven insane and so it blocks it all out, and besides, you've wasted enough time wondering how and why this Beast should sounds like this, and decide that you have better things to do. Before you know it, years have passed, and you've forgotten the painful sights and sounds associated with the Beast.

Years later, when you are reminded of the Beast, you find it has had an awful lot to say in the intervening years. But you haven't been listening for a long time, and so you've barely remembered how monumentally-stupid it was back when you first heard it, and think it couldn't possibly have gotten worse with the passage of time. Now, when you've been forced to take notice again the Godawful Noise comes back and it's spouting things that defy the boundaries of simple words like "stupid", "idiotic", "retarded". A new class of adjectives might be required. And somehow, you realize, this Beast that you once ignored has somehow managed to make a successful career out of useless, painful noise and stupefaction.

Such are the qualities of Representative Louise Slaughter. Yet another Carpetbagger (why is it that this state continually looks outside it's own borders for it's liberal Congressional representation?) she's managed to reverse the old formula of Reconstruction -- a period that she's old enough to remember well -- and move from Kentucky to New York to bring her special brand of bullshit. She's been in the Congress for a very long time, alternately vegetating and gathering dust, and now Alzheimer's might be setting in, because she doesn't sound reasonable or very coherent. She's getting worse in her Old Age (it's said that Louise is so old that when she attended school, there was no such thing as history). The only thing more dangerous than letting an elderly and apparently-confused Louise Slaughter at an open microphone on national television, is to let her at an open microphone so that she can tell the outrageous -- and so-obviously-totally-contrived -- tragedy of a woman who had to use second-hand dentures. Worse, she might regale you with some nonsense about how an insurance company now considers domestic violence to be a pre-existing condition. The resulting footage is hardly very pretty.

After a hard day of listening to President Obama fall in love with the sound of his own voice all over again at the Potemkin-Health Care Summit, and having delivered her Dentures and Dignity diatribe, Louise slipped back into her coffin for a quick afternoon nap, taking the opportunity to have her fangs (no second-hand oral prosthetics here!) sent out to be cleaned and sharpened so that she could sink them into something she really and truly cares about even more than fictional women who swipe their dead sisters' upper plates;

Prosecuting CIA agents who interrogate terrorists.

I wonder, would Louise consider it a gross violation of human rights if terrorists were forced to use second-hand dentures? She probably thinks it evil that we have dedicated professionals doing the things that need to be done in order to defend this country against those who would kill us. No dentures for the indigent is a crime in her mind, but defending the country she wants to cough up the free phony ivories is a no-no. Getting taxpayer-subsidized choppers is a human right, being able to walk down the street without having to dodge airliners and falling office towers is not. Because of the activities of our CIA, FBI and Military interrogators, Louise Slaughter and her cohorts of the Criminally Stupid everywhere are able to live in a world where they have time to devote to this sort of nonsense, where they can earn a really good living being an idiot in public, and still remain safe enough to reorder their personal priorities so that the subject of hand-me-down teeth takes precedence over physical security and liberties.

People who are capable of thinking this way are every bit as dangerous a terrorists. Perhaps we should waterboard them, too? People like this drop IQ points with every bathroom visit.

The law which she tried to introduce by underhanded means -- and which the House dems quickly yanked off the floor when it was discovered -- was stuck into an amendment which was itself stuck into another amendment which authorized the extension of certain aspects of the Patriot Act -- you know, that evil piece of Bushitler legislation that dems all screamed was a violation of basic human and civil rights, but have voted to extend four or five times already?

The super-secret-camouflaged-stealthy amendment would have held our intelligence folks at risk of criminal prosecution if they so much as sneezed in the direction of a terrorist in custody. If they made a terrorist physically or mentally uncomfortable, if they ridiculed him, if they demeaned and degraded or tricked him, if they played upon his fears and cultural taboos in order to get information, the interrogators could be prosecuted and sent to prison. She tried to sneak this amendment in, literally, in the dark of night, and in a way which precluded any debate on it. In fact, had someone not been alert enough to question what the Amendment was -- on the House floor and as it was being added -- it would have passed into law without anyone knowing...except the first people to be prosecuted.

A classically-douchey move all around. Nice going, Louise.

Look up "Douchebag" in the dictionary, and you'll probably find a picture of Louise Slaughter somewhere next to the definition. We salute you, Louise Slaughter. Congratulations on being named as the biggest douchebag in America this week.