Friday, May 14, 2010

Yelling at Assholes Doesn't Really Work...

You know, when I started to put my mental vomit on a page years ago it was with the intention of having a place where I could basically scream at the top of my lungs. It was supposed to be a vehicle with which to express my innermost madness without hurting anyone (and by that, I mean by allowing me to vent without giving me the opportunity to punch someone in the mouth). It was supposed to be part therapy, part diary, part mental cesspool. In some ways. it's accomplished it's mission; any sane person reading this might actually be shocked by some of the stuff I've written here (yes, I DO think this way, and I'm fuckin' proud of it!), and it does, more or less, reflect a lot of the inner turmoil I've felt for the last decade.

Reading through past posts, I'm beginning to see patterns emerge; I can see when I was drunk and blogging. I can see when I was zonked on Xanax and blogging. I can see when I was in full panic mode and writing everything that entered my head in a scattershot manner, like the words were spewing from a firehouse that I couldn't control. You can see my "Life is Going to Shit" phase, and my "Hey, I'm Still Optimistic" period. Lately, I've noticed that my posts tend to not only be much more cynical than usual, but also convey a sense of intense bitterness and disappointment. And yes I'll admit it for those who haven't gotten it yet; I think everyone NOT named Me is a complete and utter Fucktard, so yeah, the tone has always been condescending and often vicious.

I can't help it; I'm surrounded by Assholes. If you were surrounded by Assholes -- Assholes who, in many cases, had the ability to affect major aspects of your life -- you'd be convinced that everyone on planet Earth was a Asshole Fucktard who was sent here specifically to disappoint you, annoy you, torment you and eventually, try your sanity. You'd be angry, too.

Well, I've finally come to the conclusion that no matter what I do, short of horrific acts of mass murder, I'm stuck with the Assholes. I've tried to reason with them, but it doesn't work. I've tried to ignore them and keep them at arm's length, but then they just manage to find other ways in which to torment me. It's like playing Asshole Whack-a-Mole; no sooner do I smack one down, than another appears in another location. Yelling at them certainly doesn't work. I think that, more than anything, was why I started this thing -- to yell at the Assholes, and to let them know they were Assholes. It hasn't been very effective.

I mean, the only thing worse than an Asshole who doesn't realize he's an Asshole, is an Asshole who doesn't listen to you when you try to tell him how big an Asshole he really is, or even worse, one who gets resentful when you finally DO manage to convince him of his colossal...umm....rectum-tude.

It doesn't matter how often or forcefully I scream from this platform, no change will ever come about. The Twenty-first Century now belongs to the Assholes. The combination of Government and Technology has made it possible for even the dumbest, slowest, laziest, dimmest Asshole in the United States to not only manage to survive, but to even prosper, without even having to try. They simply take up space. They somehow manage to breathe without mechanical assistance. They don't even require the same awareness you'd expect to find in the average amoeba. They can operate X-Boxes, iPods, and DTV's, but the overwhelming majority know nothing of Churchill, Paracelsus, Goethe, Ovid, Copernicus, or Herodotus. Most couldn't find their own asses with both hands and a road map, and yet they manage to decide the course of nations and history,

I wouldn't trust most people as having the intelligence not to stick hatpins in their own eyes without a great big red warning sticker on 'em. Yet, somehow, these are the people that everyone wants, in fact, NEEDS to exist; advertisers and governments spend billions to reach them. Politicians pander to them. The Pharmaceutical industry creates expensive, often toxic, drugs to treat their every ache, pain and minor discomfort. The Educational Establishment has dumbed down every curriculum for them. Political correctness infects every layer of society, depriving them of the ability to exercise judgement, or free speech, and in many cases, even robbing them of the ability to THINK at all. They are simply a population of protoplasm with legs; obsessed with their abs, the size of their Plasma tv's (more colors and detail available than your eyes can even see!) , their cars, sports, The Real Housewives and American Idol, the Lottery and Brangelina. It's a population that continues to believe in Global Warming while it's great Guru purchases beachfront property he insists will be underwater in a decade, it was desperate enough to swallow "Yes We Can".

It's a population so obsessed with the erection and incontinence that it turns what seems a quarter of it's broadcast day over to adverts for Little Blue Pills and adult diapers. That's when the time hasn't been devoted to the freshest douche, the best toilet cleaner or toilet paper, vaginal dryness, leaky bladders, constipation, and hemorrhoids. There's a direct correlation between the apparent obsessions of the Average American Asshole, and the truism that "Pissing, Shitting and Fucking all take place within Three Inches of One Another", only you can add "Thinking" to that list, as well, apparently. The Walking Protoplasm is obsessed with it's Nether Regions and what goes in, or comes out, of them. It's all mindless. It's no matter the world is like it is; look who it's been created for!

So, I'm not going to yell at them anymore. You might as well scream at an anthill for all the good it does. I will still continue to point out that this planet is infected by Assholes, and to point to the more obvious examples of Homo Assholus, but I shan't be yelling anymore. It simply doesn't work for lack of enough people with any brainpower.

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